Chapter 10

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“What?” I asked back.

 

Taizen had a bitter smile after hearing my response.

 

After seeing his sad expression, it made me feel guilty. I guess what he meant earlier was he assumed I didn’t like him because I left abruptly without saying anything after our one-night stand.

 

Personally, I would not have understood Taizen’s expression or the implicit meaning behind his words if I wasn’t reprimanded by Shurin and the bartender about the common sense in this world. I should have told him before I left.

 

“ Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Everything about Taizen is good, and you didn’t have any bad points. I thought I didn’t deserve someone like that, ” I replied slowly while Taizen’s face remained expressionless. My voice became increasingly quiet, and I couldn’t say anything more. There was an awkward silence between the two of us.

 

While I was fidgeting, the waitress brought me a bottle of sake. I stared blankly at the glass in front of me, engraved with an intricate design, and unconsciously reached out and took a gulp. The strong alcohol rushed down my throat. Suddenly, I felt my head spinning. Feeling my reason’s stopper loosened, I opened my mouth and blurted out my thoughts.

 

“I didn’t want a father (to my child), but I wanted to have a child. But I had no idea you had to be in heat to conceive… I didn’t know.” With my slightly distorted vision, I noticed Taizen’s brow furrowed with a sad, pained expression. My heart ached as I wondered why he had such a sorrowful expression on his face.

 

“That’s unfortunate. It is better to have a child out of love if possible.”

 

I couldn’t say anything as I heard Taizen’s sincere words. As I stared at the nearly empty glass in my hand, an incomprehensible frustration was overflowing from my chest.

 

[What did you know about me up until now?]

 

Did he know the despair I felt when I discovered I couldn’t have children? Or the tense, awkward atmosphere I felt with my ex-girlfriend before we called off our engagement? Afterward, when I told my parents and her parents about my situation, I could only see their faces were filled with contempt mixed with sympathy.

 

I couldn’t stop myself from feeling envious of my colleagues and friends who were getting married and having children one after another. Reeling in frustration and feeling miserable, I couldn’t sleep at night.

 

In the shabby looking 1DK[1] room of the apartment I’d been living in since I started working, I spent my nights in despair, worrying about my future life and feeling hopeless. I couldn’t help but feel compelled to respond. So I raised my head and opened my mouth.

 

“But I dislike men. I’m incapable of falling in love with a man.”

 

Taizen’s eyes narrowed slightly as I spoke. “Then, what made you sleep with me?”

 

It was the same question I had posed to him the day before.

 

Taizen stared at me with deep eyes, then I was reminded of how I felt when we first met. As to why, I had no idea. However, remembering this, my chest fluttered, and the irritation I had previously felt vanished.

 

So, I continued by saying exactly what I was thinking then.

 

“It feels good to be around you… and I thought you smelled really nice.”

 

“… I thought so too.” Taizen had a complicated smile when I said this quietly. He appeared to be dejected or angry. My chest tightened once again.

 

“Why do you want a child? What do you hope to gain from it?” I looked at him, perplexed by his discreet question.

 

I couldn’t put it into words when asked why and what I expected to get. I just realized that the child I thought I couldn’t have is now within my reach, and I desperately wanted it. It was a strong emotion, almost like an impulse that came naturally.

 

“Isn’t that a natural instinct as a living being?” I said sternly, and Taizen’s face darkened.

 

I was flustered by his expression that I made up all the excuses I could think of inside my head.

 

[I found out I couldn’t have children and was going through a difficult time in Japan. After that, I was transported into another world, and was told I could have children. Isn’t it natural to want to have a child if this is the case?]

 

Taizen, silently staring at me with raised eyebrows, quietly opened his mouth. “Let us be friends.”

 

I stared into his beautiful golden eyes, my mouth agape, unsure why he would say such a thing now. But I kept my mouth shut and nodded slowly.

 

 

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We walked along a busy road filled with the aroma of various spices. Then, I came across a food stall surrounded by people and looked in the stall’s direction.

 

Is that a Beko-mochi[2]? It seems to be a popular store.” I raised and looked up at the voice from above. Taizen, with his golden eyes looked at me while smiling.

 

Even though I was used to seeing him, I was once again fascinated by his shining figure amidst the crowd. After a while, I quickly averted my gaze when I noticed that the men and women around me were also admiring this handsome man.

 

One month had already passed since we declared our friendship. We began eating out on my off days, and recently we also had dinner together. This time, he asked if I wanted to go outside. It’s been a long time since I’ve been hanging out with someone, including when I was in Japan, so I immediately nodded.

 

“Should I buy it for you,” Taizen asked. For some reason his persistent gently narrowed golden eyes made me feel nervous and I shifted my gaze to the side. Then, I noticed a crowd already gathered in front of the stall.

 

Seeing this scene, I remembered my date with my ex-girlfriend in the city where we queued in front of a famous ramen shop at my request. My ex-girlfriend was in a bad mood the entire time we were in line. Even so, when we finished our meal and left the restaurant, she told me that she didn’t like ramen. However, I had already confirmed with her before whether she was fine eating ramen and was willing to wait in line.

 

At the revelation, I sighed and shook my head, vowing to return alone the next time.

 

“These people are amazing.” I returned my gaze to him, looking regretful while he looked me in the eyes.

 

“I want to eat it too.”

 

I was overjoyed to hear his words. Taizen also smiled, seeing my gleeful reaction. “Yeah, I want to eat it too. I’ll buy it for you”.

 

When I said that with excitement, Taizen grabbed my arm. I can’t help but stare at his big, long-fingered, attractive hand.

 

“I’ll go get it for you. Kouhei-san, please wait in that corner.”, He spoke. I looked in the direction of his long fingers and discovered a shaded area with few people. In my heart, I exclaimed in admiration. I wondered if this man was also being considerate.

 

I nodded and went to that corner. After arriving, I turned away from the wall and saw Taizen joining the crown to line up in front of the stall. When he turned his head around, our eyes intertwined. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I felt a jolt of excitement.

 

I awkwardly returned the smile, then looked downward, fidgeting restlessly. While fidgeting, I examined my own fingers. Taizen sometimes treats me as if I were a woman. It bothers me when other men do it, but I don’t mind when he does it to me. Furthermore, sometimes, like right now, my chest feels tight and painful, but there are also times when I feel a rush of joy. In fact, when I think about it alone, I get a sudden epiphany moment.

 

It’s as if I’m the lead in a girl’s comic that my sister used to read. I imagined myself, an ordinary 30-year-old earthling boy, fidgeting, blushing, and sighing in love, just like the main character in a shoujo[3] manga.

 

Not long after, I was feeling a little queasy. The mysterious nature of everything made me feel so bad that my chest tightness and pangs for Taizen faded.

 

“Thank you for waiting.”

 

When I looked up, Taizen was smiling at me gently. He was holding a warm-looking bun wrapped in a cloth in his hand. My heart began to pound and throb once more.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Taizen then extended the white cloth and the steamed bun-like thing to me. “It’s still warm”.

 

“Thank you.” When I tried to take it with both hands, my fingers brushed his smooth hand. I quickly let go of my hand and touched my chest.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

While smiling at Taizen, I let out a dry laugh, “Hahaha.”

 

I knocked my hand slightly on my chest and then accepted the bun. I felt that I could calm my noisy heart if I beat it.

Note: I added a Discord per request. It’s up in the contact page. 😎

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[1]  A common term of house type in Japan. 1DK = 1 room apartment, with dining and kitchen area.

[2]  A type of traditional sticky rice cake, mainly popular in the Hokkaido region. Its colour is in a pattern of white and black and made

[3]  A romance manga catered towards women.