The lower half of a man’s body is not meant to bear pleasure, let alone such rough and raw ferocity that lacked gentle restraint. Pleasure that did not slow down its powerful force. Even though my martial arts are matchless, it still hurt as if my raw flesh were repeatedly cut open by a sharp dagger.
Piercing and unbearable.
Pain and pleasure.
That man asked me if I would give him everything he wanted. Staring at me with deep red bloodshot eyes, as if he were trying to silently endure and suppress his disgust for me for the sake of that impatient and troubling ambition of his.
I agreed, “Lian di, I will give you everything you want.”
After it was over, he hastily fled in a panic. Feeling cornered, he did not even dare to glance at me once, before he pushed open the door and ran out without looking back.
Face pale and wan, eyes filled with panic and disgust.
I lay collapsed on the bed and stared at the beams all day.
Regret? No.
I, the Invincible East, from the past till the present have never regretted anything in this life. I am a monster that is neither man nor woman after all. Out of infatuation I unreasonably demanded Lian di to be together with me. Even if I now had to use absolute power to entice him, he took the bait.
He’s together with me.
I did not regret, I only felt faintly heartbroken.
I thought that maybe he might like me a little as well.
From that one night onwards, I firmly disregarded the whole congregation’s opposition. I decreed that every cultist, from the highest to the lowest, should listen to him. Chief Steward Yang’s order was equal to the Cult Master’s order. The day I placed the cult’s authority in his hands, was the day Lian di began treating me with the courtesy of husband and wife. Rather, he convinced himself to trade a period of disgust and loathing for a lifetime of immense power and influence.
He was very gentle and considerate.
Collecting rouge and powder, buying high quality thread and cloth for embroidery, and even ordered craftsmen to construct a hidden courtyard with a beautiful garden on the back of the cliff.
Isolated from the world.
I knew he wanted to confine me.
What wasn’t I clear about? I had not ascended to the supreme seat of the cult overnight. I too had once schemed and plotted to achieve my ambitions, so I clearly knew that he wanted to make me into a mere figurehead.
That man always wanted more and more, wanted more power and influence, but I always gave him everything he wanted again and again. I handed him anything he asked for.
Time passed, I no longer paid any attention to the cult’s tedious affairs and only wished that he would accompany me. Hour after hour, I always hoped for him to spend just a little time with me. I did not begrudge exchanging all my power and wealth, all my authority, that I had amassed in this life for his company.
When he did not come, I waited for him in my chambers and quietly spent my time painting my eyebrows and powdering my cheeks. I sat beside the window, embroidering countless clothes. I made shoes and socks, outer and inner garments, and soft quilts for him. Occasionally, when I saw that strange face in the mirror, I instantly felt terribly panicked, felt sick of myself but I couldn’t control myself either.
I want to be a woman.
He thought I did not know about those women he kept under the cliff. Why wouldn’t I know? I personally made all the clothes he wore, from his hairbands to his shoes and socks, I made them all with my own hands without exception. I meticulously scented every single piece with fragrant incense. When he lay beside me with his whole body reeking of those women’s chokingly heavy scent and leisurely snored without a care, I truly wanted to raise my palm to kill him in a single strike and then commit suicide.
But I cannot bear to part with him.
I truly do not know when the decisive and cold-blooded, the murderous and merciless, Invincible East’s character turned this miserably indecisive and wretched.
But I love him.
My Lian di.
He does not know how much I truly love him.
I knew he was unwilling to be together with me, unwilling to be intimate with me. So, during those rare joyous times when we enjoyed ourselves, I always raised my hand and extinguished the burning candles with a wave of internal energy. Restraining my voice, not making a single sound, and trying every means to have him keep me company for the night. Even if I always ended up covered in cuts and bruises, I pretended as if nothing was wrong, as if it did not hurt at all.
I knew that every time he returned and was intimate with me, he went down the cliff and looked for those women of his on the day after. Every time, I waited for him on that precipice and once he noticed me he tightly furrowed his brows, lost his temper, and told me to go back. I always gazed at him and quietly wondered whether or not everything would be different if I were a woman.
That man’s power over Blackwood Cliff increased greatly as time passed. Everyone treated him respectfully, everything was firmly in his grasp. He even found a person who looked similar to me to act as a puppet. He let that person sit on the cult master’s seat to obey his every order, commanding him with a change in expression.
He came to see me less and less.
I thought that perhaps once he held complete control over the Sun Moon Holy Cult in his hands, he would never return.
One day I quietly asked him, “If I were a woman in my next life, would you marry me as your wife?” In an instant, his whole body stiffened. Remaining silent, he stood still for a long time. Slowly reaching out, he held my shoulders and softly stroked my back with his hands.
“Yes.”
I believe him.
When Ren Woxing, Ren Yingying and the others went up the cliff, for an instant I thought it would be great if I died together with him. In our next life, I would neither practice the Sunflower Manual nor be the Invincible East. I would simply be a woman, I would be a woman he would like. Staying by his side, weaving clothes for him, bearing and raising his children would be great.
But I heard Ren Yingying take him hostage, saw her stab him and chop off his finger.
Truly, I could not stand the sight.
How much can you love someone? I don’t know.
But the instant I knelt down on the floor before Ren Woxing and begged him to keep his life, I truly did not feel the slightest regret. If he lived, I could give up everything. Even though that man might live on without loving me or even remembering me, I still wanted him to live.
I never expected to see the deep heartache in his pitch-black eyes when he looked at me. Risking his life, he frantically shook his head and roared hoarsely in extreme grief, as if his heart were torn apart and his lungs split in two.
“Dongfang, don’t plead! Please, don’t plead.”
“I’m not in pain.”
Blue veins visible on his forehead, his whole body drenched in fresh red blood, his face pale white. Slowly crawling toward me, once he reached my side he tremblingly reached out his hand to hold mine. Smiling an ugly yet bright smile, he reassured me.
“I’m not in pain.”
Eyes bloodshot, brimming with tears.
“Look, I, your father, didn’t let you lose face.”
Even in death, I would never forget the scene before my eyes in this lifetime. I thought he loathed me, thought he merely forced himself for the sake of power and position to stay by my side. Unexpectedly, he was willing to die together with me.
Refusing to cry out in pain when Ren Yingying tortured him, neither a single sound escaped his lips when she cut off his finger nor when she stabbed his body with her dagger.
“Dongfang.”
I saw myself in his eyes.
I regretted not killing Ren Woxing with a palm strike.
Time passed, but I had not taken a good look at myself in his eyes yet, I had not asked if he ever truly loved me, I had not been able to say ‘I love you’ even once.
Until death, I had countless regrets but in the end I still died.
I died together with him.
However.
I never would have thought that God would grant me another chance and let us be reborn.
—
[dubcon, nsfw]
Affection of a past life.
As if hiding the sky and covering the earth, countless hurried and overwhelming kisses fell on Dongfang Bubai’s whole body without any principle. Yang Lianting’s eyes were vermillion red, his manner utterly drunken. He rudely and coarsely grabbed hold of Dongfang Bubai’s two arms, then forcibly pressed him on the bed. Heart and eyes filled with the flustered person in red below him, he wanted to kiss him, embrace him, entirely possess him.
Dongfang Bubai.
The heavens knew how long he had restrained himself. Ever since Dongfang Bubai had revealed his feelings for him, he had felt frightened, felt absurd. He had avoided him like snakes and scorpions, not wanting to respond positively because he thought these feelings were inconceivable.
Later, he had burst into Dongfang Bubai’s chamber while he was bathing and discovered his bare body’s secret. In an instant, he felt all his blood rush towards his head. Stunned still, his mind blank. Standing in place, not knowing what expression he should make. Throat dry and hoarse, unable to make a sound. He looked at Dongfang Bubai in disbelief, instantly noticing the man’s face paling and turn as cold as ice.
He never would have thought that the Invincible East–
Disgusted?
Yang Lianting did not know.
In that instant, he did not clearly know the feelings within his heart and mind. He only felt as if his heart was seized in a strong grip, felt such raw pain and unbearable sorrow that he could not help but want to take a step forward and tightly hold Dongfang’s hand in his own. But his feet seemed to be filled with lead.
He did not know how to face him.
The one standing before him was the Invincible East, the cold and lofty Cult Master, the person he thought was the most noble and beautiful person beneath the heavens, and the one he quietly and deeply yearned for in his heart.
That person was a man, a man like him.
How can I be with a man–
In Dongfang Bubai’s eyes, that one brief instant of hesitation turned into unconcealed disdain and despisal.
Since he had been driven out, he had not seen Dongfang even once. The heavens knew how he had spent the following days of his life. His heart suffered as if it had been thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil. Day by day, he was unable to control his thoughts, he could not cease thinking about him.
Who is in charge of his meals now?
Is he eating well or not?
Is he alright?
Did his cold flare up again?
Is he happy or not?
Once these countless thoughts appeared in his mind he felt as if he had ignited an inferno. Yang Lianting did not dare to think, did not want to think, yet he couldn’t not think.
He and the Cult Master were both men.
How can two men be together?
How can they even enjoy each other?
If word gets out–
He had gone down the cliff and headed to the nearest brothel, had looked for the lithest dancers and most gorgeous courtesans to accompany him. Every day he had lived a life of debauchery, had spent his time lusting after pleasure. In the end, he could not restrain Dongfang Bubai’s face from appearing in his mind.
Dongfang Bubai.
“Master, what’re you thinking about?”
“Have another drink, ah!”
“Master, what’s on your mind to be so distracted?”
“If you don’t speak, you must drink three cups as a forfeit!”
The woman’s face brimmed with the charm of spring scenery as she looked at Yang Lianting. She wore a loose unlined garment that revealed her skin and curves beneath. Wanting to tempt him, to seduce him, she lifted her hand with nails painted a scarlet red and was about to pull apart his robes.
Looking at her face, he could not help but to wave her away. Jumping to his feet and stumbling forward to leave regardless of everything with a pair of bloodshot eyes.
I want to see him.
But once he returned to Blackwood Cliff, he hesitated again. Falling in love with a man meant carrying the burden of defying moral law[1] and traditional kinship. He had finally obtained power and risen in status, he still aimed to call the wind and rain. If one day word got out, what would happen to his great ambitions?
Staggering and stumbling back in a daze, as if he had lost his mind, he returned to his room, but never would he have expected that Dongfang Bubai came to see him. Drunkenly gazing at him, Yang Lianting forgot everything in an instant.
Only the one before him.
Red robe, thin figure.
He lost weight again.
Yang Lianting swallowed dryly, he wanted to speak but was unable to utter a sound. Before he had time to think, he abruptly pulled the man looking into his eyes towards himself and pressed him down on the bed. Taking advantage of his own drunkenness, he deeply kissed him.
Dongfang Bubai wanted to resist.
His martial arts skill was more than enough to take the man’s life, who was wantonly and frivolously taking advantage of him, with a single strike of his palm.
Unable to tell apart his feelings at this moment, he only gazed at the face in front of his own for ages. Dongfang Bubai might’ve felt angry, aggrieved or even slightly happy. In the end he slowly shut his pair of black eyes, quietly lay below Yang Lianting’s body and passively bore his kisses.
Yang Lianting had emptied enough wine jugs to end up drunk, his manner outrageously coarse and crude, but the blood flowing through his entire body was boiling. It was late into the night and Dongfang Bubai only wore a thin unlined garment.
From his cheeks to his eyelids, to his lips, to his slender neck. Yang Lianting went mad, his heart set afire, he did as he pleased on top of Dongfang Bubai’s body.
Kiss after kiss fell on him, leaving red marks in their wake.
His garment half-open, his body half-naked.
Dongfang Bubai’s skin was so white it could be seen through, the black strands of silky hair caught beneath his back contrasted beautifully against his pale skin.
The banished immortal’s face was tainted with lust.
Dongfang Bubai knit his brows and closed his eyes half-way.
He didn’t stop Yang Lianting’s actions at all.
Thin figure, ambiguous red marks.
Eyes crimson, hands firmly holding onto him, Yang Lianting could not wait to vigorously insert himself into Dongfang Bubai.
For days and nights on end, he had been tormented by confusion, indecision and hollowness. In this moment all the torment faded, he desired to fill the body of the person below him to the brim. Fueled by his tipsy feeling, he only wanted more, so much more.
Until his hands groped Dongfang Bubai’s lower body.
Dongfang Bubai’s eyes suddenly opened wide.
Yang Lianting’s hands froze.
The ambiguous and intimate atmosphere in the room cooled, as if someone had pressed a pause button, the two came to a halt. Yang Lianting looked terrible, I don’t know what to do!
Dongfang is a man!
What am I even doing?
The instant of hesitation caught his eye.
Dongfang Bubai stayed silent for a moment, then a bitter and pained smile showed in his eyes. He quietly breathed out, raised his hand to gather his clothes, and tried to sit up to get out of bed. But the suffering in his eyes stabbed Yang Lianting’s heart like a sharp needle.
Yang Lianting’s chest violently heaved, he could not restrain himself from pressing down Dongfang Bubai’s shoulders to stop him. He was panting heavily, his eyes fixed on Dongfang Bubai. Taking a deep breath, he asked him in a low voice, “Cult Master, would you give me everything I want?”
“Will you give me everything I want?”
Dongfang Bubai smiled.
His smile stung Yang Lianting’s eyes, who heard him quietly reply, “Lian di, I will give you everything you want.”
Yang Lianting’s kisses then fell on Dongfang Bubai’s whole body once more, as if hiding the sky and covering the earth. Like a fierce beast he licked, sucked and kissed his lips.
He rudely tore apart the robe on the man’s body and ripped it off, leaving him completely naked. During the instant Dongfang Bubai was caught off guard, he kissed the red nipple on one side of his chest and fondled the other with his hand.
Dongfang Bubai’s whole body was flushed pink, he tilted his head back and let Yang Lianting treat him in this crude manner. Looking at the beams, his eyes were empty but content.
Lian di, this is already great–
This is all I want.
What about Yang Lianting?
He felt full of suffering and satisfaction in his heart.
The heavens knew well how terribly nervous he was when he had asked him if he would give him everything he wanted. Do I really want to make this exchange? No, never! I only thought up an excuse to placate myself.
I fell in love with a man?!
Right now, while he was doing this kind of thing with a man– Yang Lianting was set aflame with the fire of passion. In a frenzy he kissed Dongfang Bubai again and again as if his life depended on it. He crudely tore off the clothes on his own body, looked at his hardened lower half, took a deep breath and parted Dongfang Bubai’s legs.
He straightened up, then penetrated him deeply.
Did it hurt?
Of course, it hurt.
Entering him without any preparations in advance, even if he was a matchless martial arts master, caused Dongfang Bubai to shiver in severe pain from head to foot.
Yang Lianting wasn’t feeling well either.
Dongfang Bubai’s lower body was dry and rough, extremely narrow, his penis was pressed from all sides. The pain made him break out in a cold sweat. But in this instant, the pleasure he felt from their intimacy nearly made him go mad.
Dongfang Bubai, ah!
The person under his body, who let him behave as he pleased, was the Invincible East. In the past, he had looked up to the high and mighty Cult Master from a distance. At that time, Dongfang Bubai was as inviolable as a banished immortal. Never would he have imagined that one day he’d be this intimate with him.
Pain.
The corners of Yang Lianting’s mouth curved into a crooked smile. He wanted to crudely swear and curse, yet after a moment he gave in to the thrill that made his body shudder in satisfaction.
I fell in love with a man.
He straightened his back and thrust into Dongfang Bubai like crazy, he rapidly and repeatedly entered and exited his body. At the moment, Yang Lianting’s mind was entirely empty, only the pleasurable sensation that stirred his very soul remained.
He often went down the cliff to find women for company.
The last time, the heavy fragrance of rouge and powder on his body utterly enraged Dongfang Bubai, he was angry to the point that he raised his hand to kill him.
However, only Yang Lianting himself knew that he had gone down the cliff to keep down the maddening thoughts in his mind, to conceal the emotions in his heart that even he himself couldn’t confront. Every time these women accompanied him to sleep, he failed at the last step and couldn’t continue. The face that flashed through his mind countless times, was the one that lay below his body right now.
Dongfang Bubai.
Yang Lianting looked at the place the two of them connected, he nearly lost his reason. He quickly pulled out and inserted back in, after countless crazed thrusts he released everything into Dongfang Bubai’s body.
Yang Lianting gradually sobered up once he climaxed. For a moment, his line of sight fell on the hole that connected his lower half with Dongfang Bubai’s body. As far as his eyes could see–
Red.
Blood mixed with semen dyed the bed sheet bright red.
Shocking the eye, startling the heart.[2]
Yang Lianting’s heart skipped a beat, he glanced at Dongfang Bubai and noticed his face as pallid as paper. Not only did he not experience the thrill of climax that sex culminated in, his whole body was also drenched in cold sweat, he seemed to be in severe pain.
Throat hoarse.
Body stiff.
Yang Lianting wanted to say something, but before he could speak, he saw Dongfang Bubai sit up and drape his torn garment over his shoulders. He had a wan complexion, yet forced a smile as he met Yang Lianting’s eyes.
“Lian di, I’m alright.”
“Lian di, you don’t need to worry, I–”
Dongfang Bubai’s line of sight fell on the bright red blood on the bed and his face paled in fear. He pursed his lips, then raised his head to look at Yang Lianting and opened his mouth to speak. “Lian di, don’t move, I– I’ll get you fresh water so you can wash yourself…”
Bang–
He felt the blood in his body rush to his head.
Yang Lianting, look at what you’ve done, take a good look at what you’ve done!
He wanted to speak, but Dongfang Bubai preempted him.
Dongfang Bubai only thought that Yang Lianting regretted it and regarded him with disdain. He pursed his lips and softly said, “Lian di, don’t think too much. If you regret it now, I–”
“What I said before still counts, I’ll give you everything you want–”
Yang Lianting let out a dry laugh, then shook his head.
His voice sounded hoarse and unpleasant to the ear.
He didn’t look at Dongfang Bubai.
“Cult– no, Dongfang, you’re mistaken.”
“Get some rest, alright? I– I’ll take a look at the cult affairs– There’re still some matters I haven’t taken care of, I–”
Before he said all he wanted to say, Yang Lianting hastily put on his clothes, only to stagger and stumble as he ran out the door. His heart and mind were in complete chaos. He didn’t know how to face Dongfang Bubai, he didn’t know what to say or do.
However, he halted his steps once he reached the courtyard’s entrance. Before his eyes Dongfang Bubai’s lower half appeared that he had treated in such a brutal and boorish manner till it was wounded.
He swallowed dryly yet ultimately turned around and entered the kitchen. He boiled water for bathing, cooked congee and cut a few vegetables as side dishes.
Holding the basin filled with warm water and the platter with the light meal on top in both hands, he wanted to go back to him. But once he stood before the door and thought of Dongfang Bubai’s pale face, Yang Lianting took a deep breath and turned back without knowing why.
He called out to a maid.
“Help me give this to the Cult Master.”
“Just tell him… tell him… Forget it, don't tell the Cult Master that I prepared it.”