CH 1

CHAPTER 1

[I’m gonna turn my preference into reality.] Napoleon Hill said.

[Reality is far more creative than a novel] Bailon said.

Has everyone ever tried it at least once?

Trying to cast magic spells to see if they have magical powers, or trying to move things without touching them just in case they hold super powers.

Look, look, did you try it?

It is said that this world is made up of 11 dimensions.

That this place is the only one he recognizes. (?) ((Possibly talking about the god of the world))

You don’t understand a thing, right? You don’t care about a single thing, right?

Just what is right and what is wrong doesn’t matter, since I have nothing to do with it.

Because this is a world that uses magic.

There are parts that are the same, though.

I’m a trickster, and so are you.

Now~ Let’s fly to the world of dreams!

But be careful… Even if it has nothing to do with me and nothing to do with you, that world does exist.

To you who’s reflected in the mirror, there’s no need to ask anymore.

You are who you are.

But please don’t forget… everyone is reflected in their own mirror, there isn’t only one.

Hee~ey, Trickster.

You must never forget, you are both good and evil at the same time.

◆◆◆◆◆◆

{The Trickster Dreams Within the Mirror}

◆◆◆◆◆◆

As my body felt like it’s being torn, and my insides felt like it’s being grilled, I saw a lamp.

Within the picture, there is a clown that’s singing and dancing.

Brilliant sceneries that I shouldn’t have seen, unknown memories that I don’t remember came rushing to my head—

[*Coughs*… Ghu..] (TN: They’re groans, I guess.)

I spit out blood.

It seems that the inflamed lungs and throat were hurt from the violent coughing.

What was that just now? I have my doubts, but with the short intermissions of pain washing over me, I don’t have the time to deal with it.

My back stiffened and my hand subconsciously extended towards somewhere.

My hand was suddenly enveloped by something warm.

[Sheryl! Sheryl!… Mother is just right here!]

I hear a voice.

I was wondering whose voice it was, but with the pain invading my head, I could not identify just “who” that was.

Pain. It’s just pain.

Just by moving my fingertips causes the pain to shoot up, causing me to let go of my consciousness.

To the dark, dark abyss I sink.

This is the first time I’ve experienced sinking down on my side.

The floating sensation of my feet and arms feels so pleasant.

When I was finally placed down, my body’s movements were regained so I looked around my surroundings.

Is this inside my dream?

If so, then were those memories I saw from before also a dream?

When I remembered, I felt like my head was gonna split.

My understanding tells me that those weren’t a dream.

Moreover, it’s telling me something.

This is the world of an Otome Game, it said.

Upon the sudden flood of information, all I could do was be dazed.

I shook my head and looked around myself.

There’s nothing there but darkness.

However, when I look overhead, I can see light falling down.

As if at the bottom of the ocean.

…Even though I have no idea what an ocean is.

It’s the same with my sickness, I don’t know that the inflammation of my throat was due to hemoptysis.

But I know of it.

{REINCARNATION}, {PREVIOUS LIFE}, {OTHER WORLD}, {INCARNATION/TRIP}

Various keywords pop up then disappears.

Those belonged to someone else’s life.

It seems I’m being flooded with somebody else’s memories.

He had a sister.

Aside from my older brother, I have no other siblings.

His younger sister loved games, and she seemed to like playing something called otome game the most.

She told him the contents of the game, the one’s she especially liked, and she let him play, too.

One of them was where a clown dances at the beginning, “Trickster Dreams In The Mirror”.

It’s a story of a female main character whose magic power went out of control, so she enrolls in the magic academy, and there she will foster her relationships with fellow classmates, upperclassmen, and teachers.

The little sister’s favorite character was the fellow classmate and First Prince of the country, while his favorite was an upperclassman.

It seems that he also unexpectedly liked it.

And the senior student who was his favorite was… my older brother.

The appearance might be similar to my brother when he grows up, but the surrounding atmosphere is completely different.

I got curious as to why was that so, therefore I searched through the memory, then I regretted it.

The reason why my brother turned out to become like that, was me.

I, Sheryl Bashrawl, suffered from the “Dreaming Illness” and lost my life, or so it seemed.

…Am I going to die?

It’s something I understand, but when I think about it again, my heart hurts, all the more if my death casts a shadow on my older brother’s future.

Moreover, my life in the next two years…

Eh?! No, no, wait, isn’t that too quick?!

The “Dreaming Illness” indeed shortens life, but is it that short?!… I unconsciously crouched down and held my head.

{DREAMING ILLNESS}

There are congenital and acquired types, and apparently, I’m the former type of patient.

In the congenital case, the symptoms worsen after the third year of activation, furthermore, if the illness still advances, then the patient will no longer be able to leave the bed.

Because they die as they are, the patients became known as ones who forever dreams, thus the name “Dream Illness” came to be known.

It seems it doesn’t exist in his world, but magic exists here.

To practice magic, you must first be able to use Mana.

When it comes to Dreaming Illness, that mana is not discharged from the body and it continues to accumulate.

And it seems that if one accumulates more Mana than necessary, it harms the body.

Even though I do not know the pain that occurs daily, I realize it, that I’m gonna die at this rate.

Preferably, I’d like to die a painless death, and how many times have I thought of it… but because it saddens the people around me, I was not able to say it.

But that, too, is a lie.

If I were given a chance, I would love to live.

I do not want to be separated from my loving family.

However, what must be done?

The “Dreaming Illness” has no cure.

Even if I search for memories, there is no such information that therapy has been established in the game.

But at this rate, if I die, Nii-sama will end up changing!

For my gentle brother to speak such words, to show such expressions… just what should I do?

— Oppose it.

Do not abandon life. Resist death.

I felt like that’s what he told me.

Quickly, I dig through those memories again.

That’s right, he knows of this world. Even if it’s a game, even if it’s just made up, I’m living here.

I’m still alive.

I sank to the bottom of the memories, looking for anything that could keep my life longer.

(PART 2)

Contains  a bit of NSFW contents.

◆◆◆◆◆◆

[Ahaahn…　Nicole, there, so good~　More, push there more~]

[…This slut.]

Dishiveled hair and flying sweat.

Heat was emitted from the overlapping bodies.

Perverse sounds could be heard from the junction, with occational panting sounds following after.

[Aah, aah,… that’s because… Nicole’s is awesome..]

[Lower your voice. What if the madam hears you?]

As I said it quickly, I took off the stained apron and forced it in his mouth.

[N, ngh]

I was just using him to relieve myself.

I merely opened the front of my pants, but the young man who came out from the kitchen was crawling in all fours with his ass facing towards me while being fucked.

This bitch.

When I repeatedly pushed on his prostate, the young man covered his mouth, as if he was about to let out a cry.

Even though there’s a person here who’s dying.

I might be cursed at, but those who perpetrated it are also guilty.

The thought of wanting to turn your eyes away from the miserable body that is only bone and skin, even trivial things will not be an excuse.

Doing such terrible things just to avoid seeing that miserable body that’s only skin and bones is just unacceptable.

…Recently, he’s been vomiting blood continuosly.

Sheryl-sama won’t survive for long.

Nobody was saying it, but that’s an undeniable fact.

The name of the disease diagnosed three months after birth is not unknown in this country, it is a difficult intractable disease which has no treatment as of the present.

Both his parents and older brother, and also all the servants working in this house all knew about this.

That’s why, when my grandfather appointed me as his servant, I felt nothing but anger.

Just why wasn’t I apponted to the healthy big brother, but to the little brother who’s only waiting or his death.

However, I was not allowed to refuse, so even though I was completely against it, I still did my duties properly, though it probably shows on my face.

Because we were left alone, I was able to make time for my current activity.

[Ngh, nhh, nn]

[How unproductive.]

Both the me right now, and him who’s lying on the bed.

While bearing my weight, I gripped his waist and proceeded on to the last spurt.

He was saying “No no” at first.

While maintaining his pose, our skins touch each other, I can feel his bod’s temperature.

Even without knowing how much longer he can live, he’s still experiencing what living means.

As he was losing consciusness, a smile slightly appeared on his mouth. Even while being eroded with pain, it’s a laughable act.

There are no words, even when his body stiffens from time to time due to his illness, he’s still able to manage a smile.

Everytime, I become aware of it.

Of my own helplessness.

[Nguu, nghu, nn~!]

[U,uu]

I thrust in up to the hilt, then released my semen insde.

As I was squeezed between the undulating inner wall, I breathed out deeply after finishing my business…

The act after that was quick.

I wiped myself of the remaining semen stuck on myself after pulling out, and placed the used cloth on his pcket.

All that’s left is to close my pants. The sweat will probably dry by itself.

I opened the the windows which were closed to prevent the sound from leaking, and ventilated the room with wind magic.

When I took a glance at the young man who’s ass is still up in the air, I clicked my tongue.

[Hurry up and return to the kitchen, you idiot.]

[….How mean..]

I was thinking of kicking the young man who was looking at me with teary eyes, when I noticed something unbelievable.

[Sheryl-sama?]

The moment he heard my words, the young man panickly gathered his clothes and fled from the room without dressing up properly.

I wanted to say that he shouldn’t have been here in the first place, but I’m guilty of the same offense so I put that at the back of my head.

「…………」

[Sheryl-sama’s movements stopped after that.]

His fingertip seemed to have moved, but that does not probably mean that he’s awake.

Just how much longer will I be able to see him open his eyes again, I wonder.

My body might feel refreshed, but my heart still feels heavy.

I hid the gloomy feelings inside my heart and gazed at my master.

Hollowed cheeks and sunken eyesockets. There’s not even a shadow of his mother’s beauty that he’s inheritted.

Even his red hair which, just like his older brother, he’s taken from his father couldn’t stand the illness’s attack and has turned white.

There’re no wrinkles on his face, but with his appearance, it’s hard to tell the difference.

[Sheryl-sama…]

Just how many times did I call out his name, even I have lost count.

No matter how opposed I was before, this name has now become the name of my one and only master.

Withered from pain and when I try to wake him up, he could only groan, however, I still want to keep on serving him for a long time, even if it sounds cruel. (TN: Yeah, when he’s suffering so much and you don’t know what he’s thinking about… that finding is indeed unavoidable.)

◆◆◆◆◆◆

Hmmm, this guy… is probably Nicole, on this scene..

I don’t recognize the other one, though. Is it just a hallucination created by my brain? I think so.

In the memory, terms such as “BL” or “homo” exists, but the me rigt now is having a hard time digesting it.

Even though I had no idea what they’re doing while overlapping each other, it’s annoying for the memory to give me an answer, and also irritating. (TN: The MC’s eyes have now been tainted.. tsk)

At that moment, in the space where the darkness spreads, I was hit by the feeling that the sparks were scattered.

Within my illness’s memory lane(?), I discovered something what the “Chinese” called “Qi”, I wonder if it can be used against illnesses.

I return my attention to the memory.

It’s the driving force for daily life activities. It gathers in the lower abdomen and extends to the distal end via meridian.

I imagined that flow as if it’s Mana.

I started imagining the Mana circulating my body, then discharging it through my fingertips.

Before I noticed it, I was able to percieve my surrounding.

Sonar, fishfinder… Can discharged mana also be used like that?

I can’t percieve sounds or color, but I can see the shape just fine.

More than objects, I can easily detect living things better, is it because of the mana regulating within them?

Even if I think any more than this, I don’t think I can find an answer.

While I am within the sea of memories, the pain does not affect me and I have a lot of fun.

I’m also happy that I’m able to observe everything around me.

To think that Nicole would do something like that in my room…… No, let’s forget about it, even Nicole should want me to forget about it.

As if sparks are lighting up again, my consciousness started to rise.

[Sheryl-sama!]

With Nicole’s surprised expression, I can tell that I’ve woken up.

There’re a few stinging pain, but I can’t seem to move my body.

If I forcefully move myself, I have a feeling that tha pain would come crashing at me.

[Ah…]

[I’m soaking a clean cloth with water, please bear with it.]

Even if the cloth was placed on my lips, my mouth won’t open as I want it to.

I tried to tell him without using words.

[Please, excuse me.]

He probably undertood that I couldn’t move, so Nicole inserted the end of the cloth in my mouth.

The moisture that I was sucking with all my strength leaked out.

However, maybe because I was trying use my tongue to lick it, the cloth fell down.

Nicole persistently placed the cloth in my mouth everytime it drops.

[Are you able to digest anything?]

「…………」

I closed my eyelids to answer “no”.

Nicole seemed to have understood what I meant with just that gesture.

While in this condition, just sucking on that cloth already tired me out.

[Well then… I will moisten a new cloth with fruit juice.]

He would probably like to give me some nourishments.

Nicole drenched another clean cloth with fruit juice.

He did such tasks flawlessly.

That’s right, I looked at Nicole.

[Sheryl-sama? Is there something?]

When Nicole noticed my gaze, I gave him a smile that I managed to bring out with my strength.

It’s okay! No matter what Nicole’s sexual preferrence is, I will not deny you!

Because there will be a lot of problems that will come up because they’re both men, I can only cheer him on.

However, please stop doing it in my room, okay? I added that wish at the last minute.

[Sheryl-sama…]

Suddenly, tears came streaming down Nicole’s eyes. (TN: D’aww… if only you didn’t do it in his room, that would’ve been perfect…)

A’re..?

[P, please forgive me.]

Even though I wanted to encourage him, I ended up making him cry.

Could it be that he found out that I’ve been watching?!

However, I found out that it’s not the case with his next words.

[Sheryl-sama, I… For being able to serve you, I’m so happy.]

Was my encouragement able to reach him properly?

Nicole wiped the tears off his eyes and contentedly smiled.

I became embarrassed though I was the recepient, but I wasn’t able to do anything other than that.

[This is the juice from the kuku fruit.]

A cloth dyed in red with fruit juice is inserted into the mouth.

The sweetness with a tinge of a sour flavore reminded me of citrus fruits.

I licked it again and cloth fell, I licked and the cloth fell……It’s not on purpose!

Contrary to when I was inside my consciousness, I’ve been releasing Mana from my fingertips but it seems I still can’t move even for a bit.

My muscles ahve probably deteriorated from being bedridden for so long.

It seems that the rehabilitation would be hard.

But since I’ve woken up, I’ve probably passed the critical state.

If that’s so, then there’s hope.

Everytime Nicole inserts the fallen cloth into my mouth, his hand would sligtly tremble.

I wonder what wrong?

[Sheryl-sama, next is milk…]

[Sheryl!!! You’re awake!]

My mother who opened the door with a “BANG* came rushing on to me.

Actually, she just went up to the edge of the bed, but that’s how it felt like.

Fluffy and swinging blond hair and bright voice were indicative of Mother’s activity, but fatigue is emerging on the face we saw. It must be because she was nursing me with all her might.

[Madam, it would cause trouble if you hurry that much.]

[I’m sorry, it’s because I heard that he’s awake. Sheryl, how are you feeling? Not bad?]

Placing her hands on both my cheeks, the tears which have pooled in her eyes started falling.

Aah, I’ve caused her to worry, was what I realised right then.

Mother’s tears was overflowing as it spilled down ……”Mother, Mother” I kept calling her existence inside my heart.

[Hiku, uwe~, *sniff*]

[Aa, Sheryl, everything will be fine… Mother is just right here..]

While being held as if I’m about to be swallowed, it was that time when she was hugging me in her chest…

[Sheryyll~!!! Are you okay~?!]

A loud voice reverberated throughout the entire room.

PART 3

[SHERYL’S POV]

[Honey, could you please be quiet?]

[Master, too much noise will be harmful to Sheryl-sama’s health.]

Nicole sure doesn’t show any mercy towards father’s loud voice. Though he certainly was noisy.

As he got scolded by the two of them while entering the room, Father got smaller.

[O, oh… that… How are you doing?]

[He has just woken up and was about to finish his fruit juice.]

[I see. Sheryl, it’s your father. Can you tell?]

A big hand clumsily pets my head.

Just by that, I felt like my tears are gonna flow down again.

There’s no way I’ll make a mistake with such a eye-piercing red head of yours, Father.

He must have hurried over from work as he’s still his Magic Knight’s uniform.

[After hearing that you’ve awaken, Jule will probably come home from the dormitory tomorrow. Please show that healthy appearance to your brother, as well.]

Judging by how quieck they’ve returned,it seems that I was in a pretty dangerous condition.

I hope that when Nii-sama comes home tomorrow, that the pain would have subsided.

I don’t want to experience again such pain as if my body is being torn apart. Even if it has happened a lot of times before.

I swayed my head to nod, but it’s a wonder whether it swayed vertically or not.

When I try to move too much, I start to become dizzy.

[You can’t push yourself so hard, ok? Sheryl, please rest your body in the bed. Mother will be right, okay?]

Father is here, too.]

[Honey should first get rid of your sweat first.]

[Uu, I understand.]

I am well aware that Father completely listens to Mother’s words.

Thinking back to when Nicole told him off, isn’t his standing to weak?

[Sheryl, I’ll come back right after I’ve freshen up, so you have to rest properly.]

[Master, please be quiet.]

Even so, that this is a family overflowing with love won’t change.

Including the servants, knowing that I have such gentle family was the one that’s been supporting my heart. Having seen the familiar atmosphere I’m used to, I selently closed my eyes.

[Good night, Sheryl. May you see sweet dreams.]

◆◆◆◆◆◆

The next time I opened my eyes, Nii-sama who made my father look small, was there. Right next to the sleepng me.

He’s lying inside the bedsheets.

[Oh, Sehryl, you’re awake?]

Being directed such a dazzling smile, I pretended not to see the tears which has already dried in his cheeks.

Even though we’re blood-related, our physiques were completely different.

Even though his looks is still that of a teenager, the muscles in his arms could compare to that of an adult man’s.

Must be bbecause he was training his swordsmanship, ther’es small cut visible in his cheek.

As I was observing my brother who I haven’t seen in a long time, Nicole brought in a cloth and water.

[Sheryl-sama, please hydrate yourself.]

[Ah! Me! I’ll do it.]

[Please be careful not to spill it.]

[Yeah!]

Nii-sama who’s received the cloth from Nicole helped me get up.

Despite how he looks, those hands were as gentle as the ones I’m used to.

It seems like the time he’s been stuck with me wasn’t in vain.

And that Older Brother, bears no resemblance to the one I saw in the game.

Although his eyes still look sharp, but his expression is overflowing with kindness when he looks at me that I could not find any connection to him the one in the game.

[If it’s painful then you must say so, got it?]

[Okay…]

Although there’s still pain, but it’s not to the point where I need to cry because of it.

“It’s okay” I said with my eyes as I suck on the drenched cloth.

He understood it when my lips got wet.

I tried to move my tongue to prevent spilling it, but this time, the part where I wasn’t able to prevent dripped through my chin.

Before Nicole managed to wipe it, Nii-sama leaned over and sucked it. (TN: It said “立てて吸った”. But I adlibbed a bit.)

[Sorry, there must’ve been too much water, careful.]

Un.

We’re siblings, so there’s no deeper nmeaning to it. Yep.

There was also a time when he fed me through his mouth. It looked like he was just trying to imitate what Mother would do, though.

Somehow, Nicole’s eyes look like they aren’t laughing, but that’s probably also my imagination.

It’s wrong to wrongly accuse others. Because the me from before wouldn’t have doubted him, either.

By the way, where did Mother go? Father also said that he’s be here, didn’t he?

Because my visison is being occupied by my nrother, I turn my conscousness into Mana.

The Mana that I’ve continuously released seems to have finally reached up until the edge of the room, and it showed me the wall where my parents are standing together nearby.

And before them is a person who is facing the canvas.

[I’m sorry, Young Master Jule, to be able to see Young Master Sheryl better……Thank you very much.]

Why is a painter here?

Also, it seems we’ll be modelling for it.

Just what on earth happened while I was asleep?

Maybe he’s read my thought, my brother told me the answer while laughing.

[ Although we heard that you’re in a terrible condition, but when we came back, you seemed better as always, so Father and Mother decided  to capture it in a painting.]

I don’t know the passage of time, probably around half a day to the whole day must have been really bad.

Becasue of my illness, I’m also aware that I’m turning into a skeleton-look-a-like.

Can something be done abouot it with his imagination?

[I am also happy to have Sheryl’s awakening painted, just a bit impatient.]

[eh…]

I got weak after saying so.

Well, I decided to not mind being painted as it’s I’ll just forget about it.

They’re probably comparing notes as to how we should be painting as my parents seem to have a lot to say. It’s fine if it doesn’t get in the way of the painter, though.

[Sheryl, how about the fruit juice?　The fruit juice’s color was beautiful on your lips, you know?] (TN: In other words… Lipstick?

[Oh, oh, is that so, Nicole?]

[Here, please.]

Beautiful or whatnot, I’m a skeleton…… Oh, well, the fruit juice is delicious, so.

This time, Nicole gave Nii-sama a cloth dyed red.

[Can you still drink? You don’t have to force yourself, ok?]

When my brother heard me say I’ll do it in a small voice, he put the cloth on his lips before putting it to mine.

I have no problem upon being doted but, isn’t this too much?

Could it be that my brother’s change has something to do with this?

Because he loved his little brother deeply, that when he lost him, the impact is also huge.

When I learned from the memories of the past life,I increased my determination.

I will stay as far away as possible from my brother. (TN: Stay positive, Sheryl.)

And also resist death.

Even if my fate is already determined, at least, I don’t want to get my brother involved.

I will make an effort to live.

[Sorry, I spilled it again… chu.]

My Big Brother sucked the juice that was dripping on my skin.

No matter how many times Nii-sama’s lips touch my skin, I still get embarrassed after all.

Yeah, let’s stay away from him!

Perhaps, I might currently be having my  first shameful experience.