The following chapter contains topics that might be uncomfortable to people, including abortion and miscarriage.
On a weekend morning, while I was eating lunch in the arms of Choi Sung-hoon, who was not going to work, the door opened without a knock.
âPregnant Seo-yu ssi, you have a deliveryâŠâ
A familiar nurse entered the room, but when she saw our condition, she slowly shut the door. I blinked and escaped from Choi Sung-hoonâs arms.
What would the nurse think as she looked at the giant Alpha hugging his Omega?
Just imagining it made me feel better. Well, when I opened the door to the hospital room, I would like to hear from the people in the hospital that the two of us were very loving and that Alpha was holding and feeding his Omega.
Choi Sung-hoon went out and received a package from the nurse.
Choi Sung-hoon was holding was a small box.
I was excited to hear his answer, but I shut my mouth due to the discomfort I felt below. My body became cold in an instant.
Looking at Choi Sung-hoonâs confused expression, I bit my lips and went into the bathroom.
I guess this is what itâs like to fly through heaven and then fall into hell.
Contrary to my heart, which was becoming more and more inflated, the reality was cold.
It was not just a drop of blood, but rather complete downstream blood.
No, me, the doctor, and possibly even Choi Sung-hoon all expected it⊠It was such a big deal that I had to say it was unexpected, despite the fact that I expected it.
I had been bleeding before being admitted to the hospital, but this was the first time I had bled after being admitted.
The hospital turned upside down. Doctors and nurses hurriedly prepared for the examination, and Choi Sung-hoonâs face hardened as if he were about to murder someone.
After the first examination, the doctor spoke carefully.
âThe heart is not beating. The sound of the fetusâs heartâŠâ
The doctor was very concerned and cautious.
I needed to do a blood test to be sure, so they set the time right away. It took about 40 minutes to get ready, which was the longest 40 minutes of my life.
After the second examination, the doctor called only Choi Sung-hoon.
I stayed alone in the spacious hospital room, waiting for them to return.
This was not something unexpected, but it was so terrifying that I wanted to slap my cheeks.
I definitely knew. Iâm sure Iâd know more than the doctor who examined my body.
Kongkongi were probablyâŠ
Iâve definitely known it all this time, but I donât know why Iâm afraid now. I donât know why I become a coward when something that Iâm aware of was about to become a reality.
I bit my lower lip because I was afraid a sob would leak out.
The belly that didnât come out, the doctorâs words not to give it affection, and the nursesâ regretful expressions every time they saw me.
Now that I know everything, I donât have to suffer anymore.
I got up to wash my face with cold water and looked back at the sound of someone opening the door.
Choi Sung-hoon came in with a heavy face.
âWhy are you already⊠Itâs only been a while?â
âThe doctor called Choi Seong-hoon separately. Why are you already back when you just left? Do you want to hear the results together?â
Choi Sung-hoon, who was silent as he looked at me, showed me his watch.
It had been an hour since he had left.
âI donât think itâs even been five minutesâŠâ
âI said something strange. Iâm sorry⊠â
Choi Sung-hoonâs face was distorted once more as I muttered blankly at the time that disappeared in an instant. He approached me with a wide stride, his eyes full of pain as if he had been through a very painful and difficult experience.
He wrapped his arms around my back and hugged me.
I leaned against his warm arms. I was completely relaxed in his large and solid arms.
Originally, you have to pass through the hallway one floor down to hear a doctorâs diagnosis. In the hallway, there were pregnant Omega and their families who were about to give birth, laughing and chatting while stroking their bulging stomachs.
I donât know if it was because of that or because of Choi Sung-hoonâs privilege, but the doctor came directly to my room.
The doctor pronounced the words âDelayed Misscariageâ with great difficulty.
There were still Kongkongi on the ultrasound screen.
The doctor said it was not uncommon for recessive Omega. It was also stated that it was unusual for the womb and fetus to remain intact like this.
It doesnât matter whether Kongkongiâs situation was rare or not. Nothing will comfort Kongkongi.
The doctor cautiously recommended surgery, stating that it would be hard to accomplish with only drugs.
Choi Sung-hoon was holding my hand the whole time I was listening.
A date was set in a week and the doctor returned. I stared at the ultrasound screen that turned off and showed nothing.
Choi Sung-hoon seemed worried about me for not saying anything. He grabbed my shoulders and made me to look him in the eyes.
âIâm going to go to the bathroom. Wait a minute.â
I jumped up. Choi Sung-hoonâs thick and strong arms fell off.
I closed the bathroom door and took a deep breath while looking at the pale Omega in the mirror.
I knew about it. Itâs nothing.
If I take a few deep breaths while looking in the mirror, I will quickly forget the most painful things.
Kongkongi would have gone to a good place. It was just a brief transition to being born into a happier family and from a better person.
In any case, even if Kongkongi had been born, I would not have been able to properly fulfill the role of a parent. For me right now.
I turned on the water in the sink and washed my face.
As I wet my cheeks with cold water and slap them lightly with my palms, Choi Sung-hoon knocked on the door.
âSeo-yu ssi, are you okay?â
âYes, Iâm fine. Iâll just wash my face and come out.â
âPlease open the door.â
âIâm just washing my face.â
I was afraid that water would flow from my eyes, so I simply replied, but then I heard a loud noise.
And when I heard a voice very close by, I turned around and saw Choi Sung-hoon laying down the bathroom door next to him. I thought the door was made of some kind of cotton. Choi Sung-hoon looked at me, his eyes distorted with worry and anxiety.
âI washed my face, wash my face. It isnât tears, but water.â
âIâm washing my face.â
âThen you should wash your face. I thought you were doing something.â
ââŠPlease continue.â
Choi Sung-hoon then crossed his arms and stood there watching me wash my face. I felt like I was going to suffocate while I was washing my face.
When I turned off the sink faucet, he immediately wiped the water off with a soft towel and even supported me to the bed even though I wasnât very sick.
Come to think of it, I was diagnosed with pregnancy on this bed, and then I was also diagnosed with miscarriage.
Choi Sung-hoon sat in front of me with despair on his face. I spread my finger across Choi Sung-hoonâs forehead, which was stained with anxiety and worry. Choi Sung-hoon then grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, kissed it, and began talking.
âIâm sorry I didnât tell you earlier. It wasnât in good shape at first, but I was going to talk about it after I watched the progress a little longer.â
âI know. Donât apologize, Choi Sung-hoon. I discovered it as well.â
Aside from the recessive Omega case, the fetusâs heartbeat was inherently faint, so many tests are required. Thatâs why it only took another week.
And I have to apologize. Iâm the one who gave Kongkongi a hard time.
âItâs too small, thereâs no movement, and it keeps burying its face. The doctor said that it would constantly wiggle during the ultrasound, but Kongkong was so docile. So I knew.â
âKongkongi must have had a hard time. I gave it a hard time. Iâm also sorry to Choi Sung-hoon ssi. You had to go through this because of me.â
âI couldnât tell you because I was afraid this would happen.â
Choi Seong-hoon raised my face as my gaze fell to the floor. And made me look at him. Over the large scar drawn with diagonal lines, his gaze was directed at me with very human emotion.
âIâm afraid youâre blaming yourself.â
âSo I couldnât say it.â
Choi Sung-hoonâs eyes were shaking. His hands⊠shook slightly as well.
Surprisingly, he acted as if he was afraid.
I was at a loss. Iâm really fine.
I grabbed his arm and drew him to sit beside me. Choi Sung-hoon, who pulled off the bathroom door, followed me even if I put a little force. I hugged his clumsy wide back as he sat next to me.
âChoi Seong-hoon ssi, letâs not blame each other on any of us. I feel sorry for Kongkongi, but itâs not anyoneâs fault. Iâm perfectly fine. More than I thought⊠RatherâŠâ
I hesitated because I couldnât find the words to express my feelings. As I shortened my words, Choi Sung-hoon looked at my expression with eyes full of anxiety to see if there was another misunderstanding.
Iâm not sure if he realizes heâs shaking more than I am right now.
I sighed inwardly and turned my gaze to see the tip of a small box buried in the blanket.
Choi Sung-hoon reached out and took the box after noticing my gaze was fixed on it.
âThe timing is really weird. I was wondering when it would come, but todayâŠâ
I muttered as I ripped the tape off. Because my nails were too short to tear the tape properly, Choi Sung-hoon took the box. He ripped the box and tore it apart with his hand. When he saw the contents, he exhaled heavily.
Sigh⊠I wonder why does it happen to come today when our hearts are flustered.
I ordered this when Choi Sung-hoon went on a business trip a while ago. I really did pick one and only one.
It was a shoe with a white polka dot pattern on a navy blue background and a soft material teddy bear face doll on the top of the straps.
âIs it like a toy, right? Itâs really small.â
It was half the size of my palm. It was so small and cute.
It would be so cute to see a child walking around in these. How pretty would it be⊠How⊠lovely it must have been.
Choi Sung-hoon was speechless. I grabbed his clenched fist. When I tried to open it with my fingers, he relaxed and unfolded it. I put Kongkonggi shoes on his big hands.
âI just ordered one of these. I think a pair of shoes would be fine. I donât know why it came today.â
Choi Sung-hoon looked like he was revealing his complex thoughts. A slightly frowned forehead, eyes that shake with various thoughts, and a firm mouth.
I patted the tiny baby shoes on Choi Sung-hoonâs palm. I could feel his gaze following my hand.
The babyâs shoes fell on the bed.
Choi Sung-hoon clapped his lips several times while holding my hand. I didnât ask as to what hesitating words he was holding.
I could see his big shoulders shaking a little.
As I put my hand on his shoulder, Choi Sung-hoon embraced me.
âIâd rather you cry.â
No⊠Iâm not sad, Iâm fine.
âNow I realize that it was about to die a while ago. How should⊠how should I comfort you?â
His voice was too low and he was trembling with fear.
âIâm really fine⊠Itâs nothing.â
âDonât say youâre fine.â
The words that came out of his teeth sounded like an animal growl.
âLet me comfort you.â
Choi Seong-hoon, the one who said it, seemed to be the one in need of comfort.
He was feeling anxious. He was afraid.
I raised my arm and stroked his trembling back. tapped him slowly, as Choi Sung-hoon had done for me, but Choi Sung-hoonâs trembling did not stop for long.
It hadnât been long since Iâd met him, but it was his first time expressing this emotion.
It was the first time Iâd seen him, who was usually cold and restrained, so openly express his emotions.
It was really really fineâŠ
Choi Sung-hoonâs reaction was so serious that I wonder if Iâm actually fine⊠Thatâs what I thought.
Perhaps it was fine to not be fine.
I should have been fine until now⊠Choi Sung-hoon wants to comfort me while trembling like this, so I donât have to be fine just for today.
I donât want to say it was fine. Because itâs not really fine.
When I thought of that, the tears I had suppressed leaked out.
It flowed down uncontrollably and quickly soaked Choi Sung-hoonâs chest.
I grabbed his clothes and burst into tears. Choi Sung-hoon would tell me the same thing he had told me the last time I cried like this.
Itâs okay to cry. Sadness was never limited to a specific situation.
Choi Sung-hoon tightly hugged my sobbing shoulders.
In fact, as long as I have this warm and firm embrace, I could cry anytime.
If I decided to cry, I could cry before I even blink.
Because I always wanted to cry.
As long as I had these wide arms that allowed me to cry with peace of mind.