Chapter 49

“Did the director treat you well?”

“Yeah, well. She was a good person. She has taken great care of me.”

There was no special affection, gratitude, or emotion detected in the voice of his partner who answered half-heartedly. He gets a little flustered at times like this. Skillfully turning the steering wheel, Tim glanced sideways at Jude. Jude had his eyes half-closed and hands folded.

“Don’t you have any good memories? Um……there.”

“Good memories? There’s nothing good or bad in particular. It was just an orphanage. I had a normal life, and everything has been good with the kids around me. I wasn’t one who started a fight. I told you, I was a lonely kid. Fortunately, I didn’t feel miserable staying in the orphanage even though I didn’t have my previous memory.”

“What, so you really haven’t been close to anyone there?”

“It’s not like there’s no one, but…”

Jude’s voice was mixed with faint difficulties. Feeling like he’s pushing his partner, Tim stopped asking. Although Jude is ostensibly lackadaisical, I was not unaware that he had a strong tendency to distinguish people. No, rather than distinguish people, the expression “not paying attention” might be right. Jude didn’t treat people with much concentration. I thought it was his inclination in a certain situation, but it was his natural personality since he was young.

“It’s just…..kids used to get along when they were young. I do remember hanging out with them, but I don’t think we were very close… well, now that I think about it, they all felt inferior to my extraordinariness?”

“Yes, yes. That’s enough, Detective Jude. So that’s it about the kids, and the teachers?”

“The teachers are so busy. There are a lot of people to take care of, but few people in the world have a generous bowl of love to pour warm affection on everyone. Mother Teresa isn’t everywhere. As it is, it’s just fine.”

“What about the director who named you?”

“Well, she… cared more about me. It’s a little burdensome.”

Having said that, Jude stopped talking for a while. To the point where it’s burdensome? I would’ve done the same if I had paid attention to you, why would it be burdensome. Does it mean that the regulations were too strict that you think it’s burdensome? As Tim tilted his head, Jude murmured in a quiet voice.

“……I think she had a good intention, a little uncomfortable though………she doesn’t have to be that close………just treat me the same way as the rest of them…”

“-Jude? What are you talking about…”

“-Oh! There, there, there, there! Did you see that? The guy with the gun ran into the alley, I saw him! It’s him, I’m sure! Black jacket and blue cap!”

As soon as he turned to Jude for a very short time, Jude shouted and leaned out in front of the car window as if he would jump out. When Tim followed his gaze, the backside of a figure was disappearing into the narrow alley in a hurry. Without any more time to think about his partner’s childhood, Tim ran out of the police car like an expert without any more discussion with Jude.

* * *

“I see………I actually thought it was a little weird. There’s a strange sign that he doesn’t get along with people. It’s okay with close friends, but he doesn’t like to get stuck in crowded places. It was always on my mind.”

At Joan’s serious and a little anxious remark, Mary nodded several times in response. The young man in front of me seemed to think of Jude sincerely. He looked well-educated and good-natured. I must have an eye for people. In a proud voice, Mary recited to herself, and she fiddled with her cup and spoke again.

“That’s not the only thing that made him unusual. There is another reason why I thought that child was really unusual. I was very worried about it.”

“Really? What else happened?”

“Maybe it’s my imagination……but he, I don’t know, how can I explain it? I don’t think he knows what fear means. I felt like he had little sense of fear.”

Joan’s eyebrows moved slightly. What does that mean? He could guess the meaning somehow, and Mary fumbled through her memory with a slight frown to explain it in more detail.

“Children are usually scared. When they see a fierce dog or animals, they quickly hide behind adults. But Jude was different. Once upon a time, there was a huge stray dog that was like a rabid dog that came into the orphanage yard. The children and the teachers were scared and everyone ran away, but Jude dropped his stuff in the yard. It was his favourite item, but I don’t remember what it was. It must have been an important thing, but…..without any time for the teachers to stop him, Jude walked out to the yard casually.”

“Oh, didn’t he get bitten?”

“We all thought our heart was going to stop. I thought Jude would definitely be attacked by the dog. The 11-year-old boy walked out into the yard showing us his back, and the world seems to be in slow motion. When the dog growled and approached Jude, a teacher screamed. But…..it’s still amazing.”

“What happened?”

Mary shrugged her shoulders and laughed. It was still unbelievable, and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing when she thought about it.

“The dog didn’t attack Jude. I guess it’s true that animals can judge those who are not afraid of them and wouldn’t attack hastily. It just growled and looked, and didn’t rush in. Rather, it even took a step back. Maybe it was amazed that Jude wasn’t afraid of it. Jude….that boy, without stopping his steps or crying, picked up his stuff and turned towards us. I was devastated by his expression. As if he couldn’t understand why we were holding our breath behind the door like this…..Yes, he just looked indifferent. He came into our midst a moment later and escaped.”

Joan’s eyes squinted as if he was sympathetic to Mary’s laughter.

* * *

“-Jude, watch out! He’s got a gun!”

Hiding behind the cover, Tim cursed inwardly. Of course, it was not his first time in charge of such a job since he became a police officer, but he could not restrain the swearing from popping out every time he had a shootout like this. Jude behind the cover not far from him clicked his tongue irritatedly once.

“Didn’t he run out of bullets? If we keep shooting like this, I think it’s about time he falls down.”

“It could be, but you can’t let your guard down.”

“Oh, put up our guard and what – let’s just catch him first. How can we find him if he hides somewhere? Oh, he’s running away! Tim, let’s go!”

When the back of the blue-capped figure began to run, Jude and Tim also ran after him. The injury was not serious, but as the old grandmother who was in the hospital wandering between life and death, the robber must be caught and put in jail. While running at full speed around the corner, the blue-capped person suddenly disappeared from Tim’s sight. For a moment, he was nervous and focused on finding his trace, but suddenly he heard an unstable voice behind his back.

“-Ooh, don’t move.”

Chuck! Tim and Jude turned around, pointing their guns at the back almost at the same time. The man with the blue cap, who stumbled in the middle road behind them, was aiming his muzzle exactly at Jude, contrary to the precarious atmosphere.

“Me, don’t follow me.”

“Hey, calm down first, and …”

“That’s ridiculous. How can you tell the cops not to chase you after a robbery?”

Jude’s half-hearted remarks distorted his face under the cap.

“No more, if you’re going to come after me, I’m really going to shoot!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t shoot people. You didn’t shoot her because you wanted to, did you? You were surprised because you suddenly heard a sign of movement, weren’t you? I know, I know, so stop and come with us.”

“No, no, I’m really going to shoot you….!”

“Forget it. If you were really going to shoot, you would’ve just shot us instead of telling us not to move. You wouldn’t have thought we wouldn’t follow you because you told us not to, right? You know you did something wrong, right? You’re scared because things got bigger than you thought, right? We all know it, so put the gun down.”

“Shut up, shut up! What do you know?”

He’s pointing at Jude with his gun as if he was about to pull the trigger which made Tim’s hand stiff. He knew well that his partner would collapse as soon as the fire broke out from that gunpoint, and he couldn’t relax for a moment. But Jude’s action the next moment left Tim stupefied.

Placing his gun in the holster at his waist, Jude raised his empty hand. “Jude, are you crazy?!” — despite Tim’s low rebuke, Jude didn’t respond much. Instead, Jude slowly began to approach the man in the blue cap one step at a time. The man tightened his grip on his gun with a fit.

“Don’t, don’t come near me! I’m gonna shoot you! Don’t come!”

“No, you won’t do that. You’re not a bad guy. Smart enough to know what happens if you shoot us now, right? You know there’s a better solution.”

Without showing any signs of nervousness, Jude went forward, casually speaking to him. Five years spent with his partner and the occasional feeling that made him ill at ease intensifies again – that was what he felt when he arrested Alvin Jones – Tim clenched his teeth and held up his gun. Did he leave his fear in his mother’s womb? Why are you doing such a frustrating thing? Whether he knew what Tim was up to, Jude was slowly moving closer to the man who burst into tears, loosening his grip on the gun.

* * *

“Haha, that’s really unusual. It’s an interesting episode. Maybe he’s truly unafraid of it?”

“Yes, it could have been. But all I was worried about wasn’t just him acting like he lost his fear. That boy, he never cried while he was in the orphanage.”

At Mary’s words, Joan tilted his head.

“He’s never cried? Isn’t it just that Jude was easy-going?”

“Oh, Joan, children do cry. Moreover, children who realize that they don’t have any flesh and blood to rely on, like Jude, will cry at least once because of loneliness or whatnot. It’s not just that, they sometimes cry while playing and arguing among them. Maybe it’s because of the pain they’ve experienced while growing up, I think children hide it in their own way but this is an orphanage. They can’t help but get caught.”

It’s a place where you can tell who fought with who, and who are close-knit with who right away. Mumbling to herself, Mary continued.

“But I’ve never seen Jude cry before. It was very peculiar, an orphan, who doesn’t even know his past, how can a child who never had anyone came to see him even if we posted a huge advertisement in the newspaper, stay in the orphanage for nearly eight years without crying.”

“Well… does that matter? He may have been a precocious child, but…”

“You’re wrong, that’s a problem.”

Steadily cutting off Joan’s words, Mary looked at him with her eyes full of the confidence of a woman who had devoted her life to caring for the orphanage children. The clear blue-grey eyes were curiously open. Looking straight into the eyes, Mary slowly threw up her words.

“-I think people who can’t cry from the bottom of their heart can’t laugh from the bottom of their heart.”

“-A person who can’t cry from the bottom of his heart can’t laugh from the bottom of his heart………that sounds like an adage.”

“Oh, I think it’s pretty credible. And……I was actually very worried about Jude because of that.”

Mary wet her mouth with a cup of coffee. Joan’s blue-grey eyes were hardly blinking and fixed on Mary. The steam that was rising from the coffee faded away little by little.

“I wasn’t worried that he would not be able to fit in with the others. Because he played well with the kids……but he didn’t seem to be having a lot of fun. As if he hated getting our attention if he was alone, so….. it did seem a bit contrived. Oh, my God. That’s too much, isn’t it?”

Seeing Mary, who was suddenly frightened – as if she was worried about Jude’s job – Joan burst into laughter as he covered his mouth with his hands. It was a bright and unobtrusive smile.

“No, it’s okay. How many times have I told you? I’m just curious about Jude’s personal story because I’m a friend of Jude. I can’t keep a record of such subjective stories, so relax.”

“Is that so…….That’s a relief.”

“Sure, would I write down something like, ‘He didn’t cry when he was a child, so he’s a dangerous person’ in his record?”

Joan laughed as if it was really funny, and Mary smiled ear to ear, lowering her hand that covered her mouth. What concern would be better to talk to this cheerful summer breeze-like young man? He has a good personality and is polite. Mary murmured inwardly as if she had made a resolve to herself.

“There was definitely something unusual about Jude. Well, it was such a subtle feeling that it wouldn’t be a problem even if you didn’t pay attention. So other teachers also thought that Jude was just a bright and nice kid who was good at getting along with his peers, but I didn’t think so.”

“Oh, what did you think?”

“He was deficient in something. I told you, right? I’ve never seen him cry. Sometimes, he acted as if he had slipped out of somewhere where he left his emotions behind. It’s definitely not a bright and cheerful place. How should I say this? It’s hard to express it in words. He’s just laughing as he was suffering……”

“He didn’t seem to feel the pain in itself?”

Mary nodded with a small exclamation at Joan’s words. This young man was not only polite but he’s also quick-witted, and she smiled at the thought of that. A parent who has a son like this must be happy.

“That’s right. Jude was never a problem child, but sometimes some kids were mean to him. As you can guess, there aren’t only children in the orphanage who are hopeful about their situation and always brighten up. Some are dissatisfied and others get upset over nothing. When they bump into such children, the reaction that we usually see is very simple. They get angry, they break down, or they get sad.”

“How was Jude?”

“He was….He didn’t seem very angry or sad. There were signs that he would be in trouble, but he was in no particular rush to fight back or confront them. It’s okay to say that he has a good personality, but I don’t know, an 11-year-old kid who was in favour of cursing at him and giving him a good punch? It was hard for me to believe.”

“Haha, but isn’t it better than fighting back, though?”

“The teachers gave him a big compliment. Children who don’t make too much trouble are welcomed here, but I was strangely anxious. I wanted Jude to get angry and being catered to by the teachers. Well, why did he do that……… it’s weird. Why was I so worried about the kid who just smiled when he was in trouble?”

The sight of that time flashed in her mind, and the grey-haired middle-aged woman looked down and picked up the white cup. The coffee that touched her lips was a little cold.

* * *

“-Jude! Jude, what the hell happened to you, huh?”

A loud voice echoed in the ears of Jude and Tim, who had been stretching for a while after catching the blue cap robber who ended up crying. Jude, who always claims to lack sleep, sat with his eyes closed on a chair with a cup of coffee in his hand, turned around and looked at the side where the voice was heard. A dazed voice popped out.

“Huh? Huh? What? Why?”

“Didn’t you hear the FBI order? You had an interrogation this morning. You must’ve heard it from Roy! I just got a phone call and I’m the one who’s been pecked! Where the hell do you leave your head that you’re forgetting orders from your superior!”

The half-bald head of the Chief was red. Thinking that it would be okay to use that as a substitute for a stove, Tim also looked back at his stiff partner in a daze. I’ve never heard or receive an official letter for that. With a face that faithfully mirroring Tim’s doubts, Jude carefully opened his mouth and spoke to the red-faced Chief.

“Eh……Sir? Well, I don’t remember hearing that.”

“What? Does that make sense? You should have taken note of the instructions that were directed to you! What the hell has been occupying your mind, do you think you’re the only cop who’s busy running around?! Gosh, out of nowhere I had to hear my superior nagging about how to take care of my subordinates this morning!”

The Chief, who poured out a torrent of anger, soon went into the inner office and muttered something like a complaint – “Why should I hear that from someone younger than me so early in the morning…” -Tim, who had been looking at his back, turned to Jude. The blond detective was scratching his cheek with a puzzled face.

“……what’s going on all of a sudden?”

“What the hell happened, huh? Did Roy really say that?”

“No, I didn’t hear that. What kind of interrogation is that? Alvin Jones again?”

“No, we should check it first. The Chief doesn’t even check it, and he just starts yelling all of a sudden…..Oh, Roy! Roy!”

Tim shouted at a young policeman with light brown hair who had just entered the police station. As he was moving his feet back irritatedly, he looked at their side with his head raised at Tim’s call. His eyebrows were narrowed nervously.

“Huh? What’s up?”

“Have you heard anything from the Chief to tell Jude? Well, I heard the FBI ordered him to come to the interrogation today?”

“……Ah.”

At Tim’s words, Roy’s disconcerted voice came out of his mouth, which had been hardened like a stone for a moment. With Tim’s suspicious eyes, Roy, who was spitting out the sound of “Oh, ah,” soon frowned, scratching his head.

“Oh, yeah, there was. Sorry, I was so busy that I forgot. You know my situation these days. It must have been this morning. Why, what did you hear?”

“You call it what? The Chief just said…..”

Tim who didn’t like Roy’s lack of a sincere apology — no matter how much work and how tired he is, he should say what he feel sorry for!– As soon as he was about to say a word in anger, Jude tapped Tim on the back. Looking back at his partner’s face, Jude shook his head briefly and turned to Roy with his unique sagging smile.

“Oh, well. I heard a little from the Chief. So, what do they need me for?”

“That’s obvious. What else could the FBI find you? It’s Alvin Jones. I guess they still have something they want to hear.”

“Really? I’m sick and tired of it.”

“Then I’ll be on my way. I’m a bit out of my mind because of the recent incident. Sorry, Jude.”

It was not until Roy, who apologized lightly, moved away to the other side that Tim looked at Jude with a little upset face. In this situation, he couldn’t understand Jude who only uttered lazy words because he didn’t want to go to the interrogation with a calm face. He knew well that Jude was not hot-tempered, but he didn’t realize that he would tolerate it this much.

“Why did you stop me? It’s his fault, and he doesn’t even feel like he’s sorry!”

“Huh? No, he’s busy. He could forget.”

“That’s true, but you’ve been criticized by the Chief so early in the morning and you’re not getting angry at him? Roy isn’t the only one who’s busy, but it doesn’t make sense to use that as an excuse. You said it before, if you’re in trouble, I should settle it for you?”

“That’s enough, Tim. Thank you for being angry, but I’m a pacifist. Let’s move on, you don’t have to ruin everyone’s mood, do you? Oh, I think you would have done well if you were a priest. I think you can give Mother Teresa a business card.”

So sly. Tim, who stared at his partner in absurdity, ended up bursting into laughter. Where on earth did his unending peace come from? Jude’s face wasn’t so bright as he chuckled and picked up his coffee cup again. The voice contained as much annoyance as the caffeine in the coffee.

“-Ah, what else do they want me to talk about? Oh, I hope it’s not Jeffrey. Alvin Jones is making my life so stressful…”

His voice wasn’t so delightful. Just as he sympathized with his partner who was distressed again, Tim reached out his hand and swept through the messy blond hair.

* * *