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Kazemiya Kohaku’s problems
“See you later, Kazemiya.”
“…See you later, Narumi.”
Just the two of us. A class gathering where there were only two of us.
Narumi walked me home again today from the usual family restaurant.
Passing through the flimsy, clean, and luxurious entrance, I went straight into the elevator.
An iron box climbed up the tower that looked like it was neatly wrapped. Our house was on the top floor of a building that rose as if it were soaring to the heavens.
I unlocked the door and entered. There was not a single light in the dark room. Cold darkness lies at the bottom of the belly of the glamorous exterior. My dad, mom, and sister were probably all at work today. It was rare that they were all at home, and this pitch-dark house was “normal” for me.
I put down my bag and collapsed onto the bed in my school uniform. There would be wrinkles, but I didn’t care.
It was not important. It was not about that.
“….sigh….”
I was finally able to let out the unspoken thoughts that had been building up in my chest along with my breath.
“….”
My heart was beating loudly. My body was hot. Especially my face. It was like I was in a room in the middle of summer with the windows closed and the air conditioning turned off, and the heat radiating throughout my body.
I don’t understand. Why am I like this? I have no idea.
“Why would he come…”
I could picture the face of a boy who just walked me home and was probably walking alone on the road to his house right now.
Normally, a family should be the priority. But, he came to me, even though he neglected his own family.
He must have been running so hard to get to me. His hair was a mess, he was sweating, and even his uniform was a mess.
I wonder how desperately he ran to me.
“He’s really stupid. Stupid. It’s impossible. It’s his principle not to step in. With such a desperate look on his face, he even ran to come to me…what a stupid.”
Narumi was stupid. He was a fool who couldn’t even put his priorities in order.
NARUMI was stupid. He was a fool who couldn’t even put his priorities in order.
He would never put his friends before his family.
He was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Narumi’s stupid.
“….but….I was happy.”
I shouldn’t have thought this way. I knew I shouldn’t think this way, so I desperately tried to cover it up by saying that Narumi was stupid.
“I was happy that NARUMI came. I thought I wouldn’t be able to see him, so I was happy to see him. I was happy to chat with him.”
Once I mentioned it, the rest just poured out as if a dam had been broken.
“I’m so happy that he came to me when I was hurt…I’m so happy he came to me when I was in so much pain that I was about to cry…….”
I couldn’t stop. I spoke of my joy as it overflowed from the depths of my heart.
“…I’m so happy you chose me.”
***
Yesterday. At an inopportune moment, we ran into my mom when she came home and bumped into each other downstairs.
I had told Narumi that I was having a hard time with my family. I complained about it a lot.
—I didn’t want him to see me like this.
I thought that when we parted, I didn’t want Narumi to see me like this. I didn’t know why. But I hated it so much that I wanted to cry.
I was inferior to my sister. For my mom, I was just a child who dragged her feet.
I was not needed by the family.
I didn’t want Narumi to see me as such a child.
Narumi might stop looking at me. He might not be with me anymore. I was afraid that he might leave me.
I was so scared that I couldn’t even look at Narumi’s face properly.
In the morning, when I went to school, that was all I could think about. Not being able to see Narumi after school today also depressed me.
It couldn’t be helped; Narumi had Narumi’s family. It might be uncomfortable, but a family was still family. So, it couldn’t be helped.
After Friday passes, after the Saturday and Sunday holidays, on Monday, we will see each other again. —Will it go like that?
Seeing me like that, seeing what kind of child I am, will Narumi stay with me again?
Wouldn’t that after-school time turn out to be just a pleasant dream?
Wouldn’t it turn out to be a cruel illusion that would disappear from my hand?
I was scared just thinking about it. The time at school seemed so long. I thought about not going to the family restaurant today. But my feet naturally moved, even if slowly, and I found myself sitting in my usual seat.
“Two free refill drinks.”
I realized this after placing my order. Narumi was not coming today, so I didn’t have to order two of them.
“…stupid me.”
There was no Narumi in front of me. Time just flew by.
I wonder if Narumi was at home by now. I wonder if he would be with his family. I wondered if he was no longer uncomfortable and if he was thinking that he would never come back here again.
That was all I could think about at the time.
“…..?”
A notification came into my phone.
It was from Narumi.
“Ehh…?”
I didn’t even have to open the app.
Because all the messages were displayed only in the notification banner section.
[I’m on my way.]
The text was simple. It was straightforward.
It was enough to get the message across.
It meant that he knew I would be at my usual seat at the usual restaurant today.
So that he would want me to wait for him there.
Everything was conveyed.
Could this be a dream? Am I just giving myself a convenient dream?
I doubted myself, which was quickly disproved.
“……you really came.”
Narumi was. Narumi Kouta was, approaching me here at a snail’s pace, out of breath.
“I thought today was the day you had to stay home……”
“I was planning on it.”
Across the table, Narumi sat in the chair that had become his “usual seat” over the past five days.
“Today, I decided to listen to Kazemiya complain.”
…Hey, Narumi.
“You decided to listen to my complaint……eh? Why?”
“Why, you know…complaining about school, about personal things, about—family things, and so on. We would complain about those things and listen to each other. That’s the kind of alliance we had.”
Narumi came to me, at that moment. At that time…do you know how happy I was?
“…..”
“….Say something.”
“Sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“You mean?”
I was really happy. I was so happy that Narumi came at that time.
I was so happy that I couldn’t put it into words. No matter how many words I put on top of each other or how much I tried, I don’t think I could ever express it.
“I didn’t think you’d come…..somehow. I thought I wouldn’t be able to see you today…why? I’m so confused that I don’t even know what to say…”
I was really confused. But more than that, I was happy.
I was trying so hard not to cry.
***
“…Oh no. My face is too hot.”
I couldn’t understand why just remembering the time when Narumi came to me……no. Just thinking about Narumi made my face hotter. My heart was beating faster and faster.
I don’t know. Nothing. I don’t know why this is happening.
I would like someone to tell me. About what this fever inside me was.
But at the same time, I would also like them not to tell me.
If I knew, something would change drastically.
Maybe I was running away from this, too. All I knew was that I was running away from something unidentified.
It’s okay. It will settle down. It will take time, little by little.
Fortunately, tomorrow is Saturday, and I won’t have to see Narumi.
So, I’ll do whatever I can to calm this fever down before then.
The problem was after that. What would happen from now on?
“…..What kind of face am I supposed to make when I meet Narumi?”
That was the only thing that bothered me now.
It had been a long time since I had been bothered by anything other than my family.