After I finished eating my food, I obediently went to wash the dishes. When I was washing the dishes, Jiang Chen came into the kitchen to pour himself water once, at that point in time my mind was in the process of fantasising about that most trite tableau - me washing the dishes, Jiang Chen encircling and hugging my waist from behind my back.
So when Jiang Chen entered I was very nervous, in order for this hug to achieve the best state, I specially took in a deep breath with great force to suck in my underbelly.
But Jiang Chen only paused for two seconds behind my back, and said a sentence, "You've put too much dishwashing liquid."
After that, he then walked out, I exhaled a large breath, and unwillingly let my underbelly off.
As I was walking towards the living room while flinging and shaking off the water on my hands, Jiang Chen who was lying horizontally on the sofa shouted, "Help me check if the water has boiled or not."
I saw that there was an electric kettle plugged in on the dining table, the kettle was emitting hot vapour. I really didn't know which tooth of the gears turning around in my brain had gotten wedged in the wrong position, I was ruminating on whether the water had boiled or not, then I readily stuck my hand onto the kettle, only to hear a sizzling sound. I shrieked in shock, but what flashed through my mind was first steak teppanyaki, after that pain then flashed through.
Jiang Chen rushed over and grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the kitchen. The way he was dragging was a little boorish, as if he was dragging a dead dog, but I forgave him for he was simply too anxious.
Water rushed onto my hands with a crashing sound, I felt that it was scorchingly painful, in order to divert my attention, I said, "I've confirmed, your water probably has boiled."
Jiang Chen's face was very sour, he let go of my hand and walked out, "Continue flushing, I'll be right back."
He came back holding an ice cube tray. He flexed (the tray) to produce a handful of ice cubes and stuffed it into my palm, saying, "Hold them."
After holding for a while, I felt that it was so icy that I was turning numb, only then did I relax my hand, Jiang Chen again held a handful of ice and pressed them on my palm.
He helped me ice (my hand) for roughly ten minutes, only then did he ask me while furrowing his brows, "Is it still painful or not?"
I was afraid that he would continue to ice me, so I promptly shook my head and said it wasn't painful.
He pulled my hand till it was before his eyes and carefully examined it for a while, only then did he put it down and say, "Not bad, it's rare*." (T/N: rare as in how a steak is rare.)
Very rarely could I encounter Jiang Chen's humour, so I seemed to be overwhelmed by this favour shown. To express that I had thoroughly comprehended his humour, I said, "Reporting, I'll strive to achieve medium-well next time."
His face clouded over, and he began to carry out a segment of criticism towards me that extended for ten minutes, its contents being nothing else but: "Do you think your hand is a thermometer?", "Why don't you simply stick your head in too to boil?" and other similar friendly comments and suggestions.
I quietly appreciated the way he blew his top, sincerely feeling that his facial features were truly pretty and good-looking, his temper was truly irritable, everything was truly very good.
He flipped out for a while, then discovered that I was very self-confident and believed that I was in the right, so he ran to the living room to sit on the sofa, panting with rage. Have pity on me, a scalded person, I dragged my unsteady footsteps and walked towards the living room, to evoke his sympathy, I even staged a scene of weakness where I stumbled with every three steps I took.
Jiang Chen watched me coldly, and said, "Did you scald your hand or scald your foot?"
Embarrassed, I walked over, just as I sat down, I heard my phone ring in my bag. I fished it out and took a look, it was my old mother.
I connected the phone call, and miserably said, "Hello, mum……"
"Xiaoxi ya, why does your voice sound like it's dying?"
"My hand was scalded."
"Aiya, how so? Are you okay now? Is it serious or not?" My mother started to make a huge fuss.
Indeed the song "In this world, only Mum is great"* wasn't without basis. (T/N: A classic Chinese children's song)
I placated her, "It's all right, it's all right, it's already been handled properly."
She said, "How did it get scalded?"
"Uh… I used my own hand to touch the boiling water kettle."
There was silence for a good few seconds on the phone, after which a word faintly travelled over: "Moron*." (T/N: The informal phrase for "moron" in Chinese is 脑残 which directly translated means disabled brain.)
I was stunned, having your own mother use such an insightful word to evaluate you, was really a wonderful experience.
My mother suddenly softened her voice and said, "Oh right, mama has something to tell you."
The bottom of my heart couldn't help but quiver, every time my mother benevolently called herself "mama", there would always be some matter ominous to me that would occur……
"That, mama's good friend has a son, he lives in the same city as you, he's a good-looking man, and has had success in his career……"
I sighed helplessly, "Mum, get to the main point."
"The main point is, her son heard that you are also in the same city, and wants to get to know you, and share about his desolation in a foreign land."
I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Do you guys nowadays all talk about blind dates in such an indirect manner?"
Jiang Chen turned his head to glance at me, I returned him a bitter smile.
My mum became tough, "Then how is it now? Are you going or not going?"
I raised my head that would rather die than submit, "Not going!"
"Say that one more time?"
"Not going!"
I was just getting stirred up, when my palm suddenly went cold. Lowering my head, I saw Jiang Chen in the process of applying medication on my palm.
My mother raised her volume and said, "Don't think that you are still a Lolita because you are a moron! You are his mother's* leftover woman, leftover woman*." (T/N: "his mother's" is Chinese profanity which normally would be translated to f***ing) (T/N: 'Leftover woman' is Chinese slang for a woman who has been "left on the shelf", i.e. of a certain age and yet still not married/single.)
I said, "This madam, I'm not going to lie to you, my mother is you, also, can I bother you to go and mop the floor or play mahjong if you have nothing to do, don't go onto Tianya* anymore!" (T/N: Tianya is one of the biggest public Internet forums in China)
"I don't care, even if you don't go, you still have to go!"
"I won't go since I said I won't go, if you have the guts, beat me to death and drag me there!"
"Don't think that I wouldn't dare to, I'll break your leg, and let him go to the hospital to visit you."
"Do you think I'm scared of you? You come then."
"I'll go and buy train tickets right away, I'll break your leg."
"You come then, I'll wait for you." "You just wait, I'll come at once."
"You come then, I'll wait for you." "You just wait, I'll come at once."
This repeated for more than ten times, Jiang Chen suddenly snatched the phone over, went straight for it and said, "Hello Auntie, I am Little Jiang."
I was startled, and subconsciously wanted to jump up and snatch the phone. Jiang Chen single-handedly grabbed both of my wrists and held them tight, after which he then continued to chat with my mother as if nothing had happened, "Yes, the Little Jiang from across, Jiang Chen."
"Mum……" I said anxiously, Jiang Chen lowered his head and glared at me fiercely, I withered at once.
"Mm, that's right, Xiaoxi and I are together now, okay, no no, it's me who's in the wrong, I didn't take note of it, I will definitely go and pay a visit to you both, yes, okay, I got it……"
Finally Jiang Chen said, "Auntie, then can Xiaoxi not go for the blind date?"
I heard two of my mum's signature forced laughs coming through the phone, after which they then mutually said their goodbyes.
Jiang Chen threw the phone to me, "Settled."
I pinched my mobile phone, wanting to cry but not having any tears*, how was I going to face that father of mine that hated the rich following this…… (T/N: A phrase that describes one having complex emotion that they cannot describe/being anxious etc)
I held my mobile phone and lifted it in front of my chest, thinking of a countermeasure for a very long time with the appearance of a young lady praying, for example, telling my dad that Jiang Chen can't not have me, I can't not have Jiang Chen; our need for each other was just like fish and water, water and fish, the people and the Chinese yuan*…… (T/N: The Chinese name for the yuan is renminbi, which directly translated means the people's currency)
Just as I was lost in deep thought, the clock struck ten times with a "ding dong" sound, I became aware of the fact that there was an even more pressing matter that I had to resolve, which was - should I propose to go home already?
I personally believed, the time at which you suggest to your boyfriend to go home is very important, and will affect the extent of harmony in the relationship between you two. The timing can't be too early, because he would suspect that you feel like a day drags past like a year when you spend time with him, and you want to escape early on; the timing also cannot be too late, because he would think that you aren't reserved enough, and are too clingy……
And based on my many years of putting it into practice and research, the most perfect time ought to be - I too didn't know, so at random, since the clock struck at ten o'clock, this was also considered to be fate, let it be ten o'clock then.
Hence I told Jiang Chen, "It's getting late too, I want to go home."
He was just carrying two cups of water, "Let's talk about this again after you finish drinking this?"
"What's that?" I stretched out my head to look.
"Iced lemon tea."
"Oh, oh." I took it, and cracked a joke without thinking, "You wouldn't have drugged it, would you?"
He drank a mouthful, tilted his head, looked at me and smiled, "I can execute you on the spot any time."
I laughed hollowly, "Hehe, I was joking."
He smiled and said, "I was joking too."
That shameless joke of mine caused me to sink into an uncomfortable circumstance as if I was sitting on pins and needles, yet Jiang Chen had an appearance of being calm and unruffled, drinking the tea and smiling eerily at me. That dimple especially, it was sinister and cunning and so deep and unmeasurable that it was like a wine cellar*. (T/N: this analogy was given because dimple in Chinese is 酒窝 which literally means "wine pit")
I raised my hands and surrendered, "I was wrong, I shouldn't have cracked jokes randomly, I shouldn't have used a joke to probe into your ethics and moral conduct, I'm vulgar."
He nodded his head to express his agreement, and still persisted unflaggingly in looking at me while smiling.
In the past, I liked his smile so much, yet currently I was itching to tear out his smile, or…… tear my own clothes, lie down and say, "Come on, the earlier I die the earlier I'll be reincarnated*……" (T/N: a commonly used phrase which means 'get it over and done with')
Of course I didn't do that, that would make me appear to be not reserved, and being reserved was one of my life rules, so I suggested again, "I've finished drinking my tea, send me home."
Jiang Chen said indifferently, "If not, stay here tonight."
I swallowed my saliva, not knowing how to reply for a moment. I could only hold my breath, wanting to hold my breath till my face turned red to express that I was extremely shy.
Jiang Chen also appeared to be a little uncomfortable, he coughed and explained, "I'm saying this so as to avoid fetching you back here tomorrow, in any case I have two rooms over here."
I let out a radiating "ah" and said, "Two rooms ah……"
He said, "You're very disappointed?"
His judgement of my tone of voice was very accurate, but I was afraid that he would become proud because of this. Our education has told us since we were young, pride causes people to fall behind. In order to not let him fall behind, I could only fervently deny it, I said, "How can that be, you're talking nonsense, I, that…… is because I didn't bring clothes to wash up and change into."
I saw that he didn't really seem to believe me, so I rushed to explain again, "Really, I've already slept together with you in the hospital, even if I had any devious intentions I would have carried it out long ago, so I really don't care about sleeping together with you."
This great country has a great common saying, called "the more you describe, the darker it gets*", I currently was deeply afflicted by this. (T/N: this saying means that the more you try to explain something, the more suspicious you appear)
In this moment, Jiang Chen appeared to be especially magnanimous, he said, "I understand."
In this moment, it was already no longer good for me to investigate what exactly he had understood, so I stubbornly pretended to be open and candid and said, "Then look for a set of pajamas for me, I want to wash up and sleep."
My thoughts were like this - being open and candid was the most effective strategy to conceal my guilty conscience.
Jiang Chen was even more open and candid than I was, he sized me up, and said, "You are so short, I can give you a t-shirt and it would be able to cover you up completely."
Translator's Corner:
Hello! We are back after the Lunar New Year 🙂 Hope it has been an enjoyable time of feasting and visiting family and friends for all who celebrate! – Amy