When I called out to the dazed Kou, he hugged me with a crying face.
Heās laughing more now, but heās also crying more.
I also know that Kou is not in a position where he can be free from worries.
Since I also have a lot of anxieties regarding Kou.
Itās impossible to get rid of that anxiety completely.
Still, Iām now looking forward to marrying Kou.
ā¦is Kou different?
When I said weāre going home, Kou nodded and wept.
He doesnāt want to marry meā¦I canāt help but pray that itās not that.
I just want to returnā¦I also hope itās not something like that.
I donāt always understand why Kou cried.
Since I donāt know everything about Kou.
āāeven though Iām his mate.
āāāā
āā
When we got home, I sat down and put Kou on my lap.
By the time we arrived, Kou had stopped crying.
Still, he didnāt leave me and just leaned his body on me.
Those red eyes are painful.
āKou. Drink water?ā
I want to know why he cried, but I donāt want to hear it and see him cry again, so I canāt do that either.
I called out since he would have been thirsty after crying, but Kou shook his head.
(I donāt have the power to relieve Kouās anxietyā¦)
What kind of words would relieve Kou?
How can I stop him from crying?
What should I do?
ā¦I canāt think of anything, Iām sorry for being such a deplorable mate.
While I was immersed in self-loathing, Kou looked up to me.
āā¦Ryodo, worry, look, donāt, okay? Ryodo, bad, noā¦ Kou, anxious, just.ā (Donāt look so worried, okay? Itās not about youā¦Iām just as anxious as you.)
After saying that, he laughed with a slightly embarrassed face.
(Iā¦canāt get anxious?)
Is he talking about me?
I involuntarily lost my words.
Then he reached out to me.
āKou, return, no, think. Family, together, thinking. Not possible, no, thinkingā¦ but, now, Ryodo, apart from, more, donāt. Marry, want, after, return, donāt thinkā¦ Kou, Ryodo, together, always. Forever, together.ā (I havenāt thought of returning nor thought of being with my family. I know itās not possibleā¦and now, I donāt want to part from you. I want to marry you so I didnāt even think about returningā¦ we will always be together, forever.)
Those words made me sit up at once.
He said he wanted to be with me rather than going home and seeing his family.
Since weāre getting married, heās telling me that he didnāt want to go back.
He said he wanted to be with me forever.
When I held his outstretched hand, Kou shed tears again.
āā¦Ryodo, separateā¦ scary.ā
āā¦ā
Iām happy but I canāt think of any words to comfort the crying Kou.
Iām also worried that Kou will someday disappear in front of me.
Therefore, I understand Kouās feelings well.
āāI want to cry with Kou.
Losing Kou will make me less willing to live, even though Iām not that interested in the first place.
Maybe I wonāt live after losing Kou.
Before, I couldnāt understand the feelings of a person who lost or become abandoned by their mate and had committed suicide, but now, I can understand why they made that choice.
I hugged Kou powerfully.
If Kou went back, Iām happy that itās not what Kou wantedā¦
I strongly wanted to guarantee that he would stay here forever.
But he might disappear before that since his short life might not be enough.
āRyodoā¦Kou, together, hurts.ā
Those tearful eyes looked up at me.
Itās possible that Kou, whoās in my arms right now, will disappear tomorrow.
How can I keep himā¦
I wiped Kouās tears with my fingerāā
And unconsciously overlapped our lips.
Can I get rid of his anxiety that he might disappear by touching himā¦although I canāt stop it.
I wasnāt confident that I could stop once I started, so I had to endure.
Kou said heās scared, so I had to be patient.
I was wondering if he would resist or use movement magicā¦but Kou didnāt do any of them.
I was stunned and confused and when I tried to leave, his arm went around my back.
Kou also wants itā¦is it okay to think that?
Even when I changed the pecking to entangling our tongues, Kou didnāt run away from my arms.
On the contrary, he hugged me even more strongly.
ā¦then, the reason why heās trembling a little is from pleasureā¦?
Or heās scaredā¦?
I couldnāt stop if this went on, so after tasting, I finally withdrew my tongue.
The sound of his throat gulping involuntarily reached my ears when I finally saw Kou.
He looked weak maybe because of crying, but his eyes were wet and his face slightly redā¦
His thin, open mouth made me have the urge to devour again.
I impulsively reached out my hand, but he didnāt look scared.
āāare you surprised?
āāamazed?
āāor maybe confused?
āKou?ā
āā¦ā
There was no reply when I called out and he was touching his lips.
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Such anxiety came out.
Shwaaā¦his face became bright red at once.
āKou!?ā
A fever?
So suddenly?
āā¦ā
Kou, who had swimming eyes, felt like a child all at once.
ā¦but what happened?
I was confusedā¦is something wrong?
But Kou never disappeared from my arms.
He didnāt leave.
ā¦maybe itās his first kiss so heās just confused?
Despite being so fascinating, Kou said he wasnāt in contact with anyone.
Thatās good for me, and when I think about it, this suspicious behavior of Kou made him adorable.
āābut I have to listen to him properly.
āKouā¦do you not like it?ā
It didnāt look like he didnāt like it, but if so, I want to hear it from Kouās mouth.
Kou shook his head without making eye contact.
He still has a red face and his ears peeking through the gaps of his hair are also red.
Is he just shy?
Thenāā
āCan I do it again?ā
When I asked, his shoulder bounced slightly.
But when I saw him nod, I was filled with joy.
Even when I entangled his mouth again and hugged him, Kou didnāt resist.
Itās as if his arms wrapped around my back was urging me for āmoreā.
āHnā¦uuā¦ā
The voice that overflowed from that mouth made me feel feverish.
ā¦I want to embrace him just like this.
But itās still premature.
Iād be troubled if I scare Kou and be disliked.
However, Iām aware of our bodyās changes in our tight lower bodies.
Iāve been reacting for a long time, but the one hitting my belly is Kouās.
That makes me terriblyā¦happy.
āā¦haa.ā
When I let go of his mouth, Kou took a slightly painful breath.
I seemed to have been so entangled with him that it interfered with Kouās breathing.
He should have stopped crying, but tears still spilled.
ā¦is it that painful?
Orā¦is it for another reason?
Kou, who seemed weaker than before, is spilling saliva from the edge of his slightly open mouth, probably because of my greediness.
I wiped it with my finger and those blurry eyes looked at me.
āā¦ļ¼ļ¼ļ¼ļ¼ļ¼.ā
He muttered something in his own language.
But he didnāt look sad.
āāthatās because Kou kissed me.
With a biting momentum, I devoured him again.
When I let go of his mouth again, Kou was limp and weak.
This appearance is very eroticā¦
(I think Iām going insaneā¦)
I knocked down the hand that was unconsciously extending to Kou with my other hand.
It hurt a lot, butā¦it didnāt need to understand.