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After the Stardust
Now that I’ve moved up to high school, will I even see dreams in this world any longer? I’m sure that, at that time, my expectations for my high school life were far greater than anybody else’s around me. Related to that, it reached a level where I had forgotten to properly look at the reality in front of me. It is something terrifying, let me tell you. I wouldn’t want the people around me to give their own evaluation of me back then, and eventually it’ll just vanish as part of my dark past.
What is most terrifying however—is that I actually woke up and faced reality during that time. That is something I can only say retrospectively.
*
Underneath the morning sun, the high school students were walking beside the roads of trees, filled with peaceful minds and feelings. Two students stood out however, as they caused a ruckus.
“Wait a second, Aika!”
“Don’t get too close to me! Leave me alone!”
It was a pair of two, consisting of a reddish-brown haired female student, running away from a brown-haired boy, his hair seeming like it was dyed not too long ago. From an outsider’s perspective, they might seem like a couple currently in a lover’s quarrel, but these two aren’t actually in this kind of relationship.
With the sunlight shining down on the girl’s hair, it made it look more red than anything. Right now, she was rushing through the groups of students with a stern expression, but outside this situation, everybody at school saw her as a beauty. Despite looking feeble and slender, she possessed enough strength to shake off the boy’s arm that tried to grab her.
At the same time, the boy did not let up. His name is Sajou Wataru. He had a faintly more stylish look than the people around him, and was the type to easily fall for a cute girl. In fact, he had been in love with the girl—Natsukawa Aika—ever since they had been attending middle school. That’s why he had confessed quickly, hoping for a chance of dating her, but…he was rejected without a shed of hope. Yet, he did not let up. Every single day, he would run towards her, approaching her over and over.
Important to note here is that Natsukawa Aika is a flawless beauty. That’s why she had decided to attend a high school fitting her intelligence, and in order to keep up with her, Wataru studied as if his life had depended on it, managing it into the same school as she did. The power of life is a terrifying thing.
“Hehe…they’re going at it again.”
“They should just get married already.”
To the other female students around, it was a heartwarming scenery. If Aika had been popular because of her looks and personality, she would have been a target of their jealousy and envy, but since the two had been acting like this since day one, they looked like a couple to everyone around them. As a matter of fact, the other boys had already accepted the fact that Wataru was that Natsukawa Aika’s boyfriend, and did not attempt anything.
Today as always, Wataru was relentlessly chasing Aika.
“Hey, when will you finally become my girlfriend!?”
“As if I would, you idiot! Get a good look at reality already!”
“Ehhh!?”
“Why are you that surprised now!?”
Now then, those of you who are watching this, do you know of the saying ‘The moment a hundred years of love cooled down’? It means that your love for someone dies because you’ve seen an unfavorable side of them.
However, things were a bit different now. Utterly entranced by this flawless beauty, the young boy continued to live in his dreams and fantasies, had his reason stolen from him, and forgot to look at the reality in front of him.
Now, let us observe the moment where he abruptly regains his senses.
“Come on, slow down a bi—”
An explosive sound like fireworks going off resounded. Something resembling stardust filled Wataru’s view. In reality, a soccer ball had shot past him and his eyes, slamming into a wall, and bounced off it again, as it rolled back to the soccer club which was currently practicing. At the same time, something that Wataru had forgotten over the years suddenly filled his head. Of course, he wasn’t injured by any means. Put in simplest terms, he had returned to reality .
“H-Hey, are you okay!?” Shocked, Aika ran towards Wataru.
After looking at him from head to toe, confirming that he wasn’t hurt, she let out a sigh, and complained.
“Listen…I know how desperate you are for my attention, but there’s no need for such an overreaction!”
“Y-Yeah…”
“For crying out loud…I wasted my time worrying about you! Stop chasing after me, will you!”
“……”
After sending Wataru a sharp scowl, Aika went on ahead. At the same time, Wataru stood stock still, merely gazing at her back. Right when she had reached a distance where his voice wouldn’t reach her, he finally opened his mouth.
“Y-Yeah…Sorry…” He finally managed to put together words again.
However, Aika’s back was no longer in sight. Despite this, Wataru didn’t move at all, standing there in a daze.
*
I returned to reality. I know that what I’m saying might sound crazy, but this is the best way to describe this situation that I’m experiencing right now. For a second, I didn’t know what was going on. A flashy and reverberating sound assaulted me, like something had ruptured, and it took me a second to realize that this was a soccer ball. Normally, it’d be nothing special of a reaction, and yet it sent tremors through my head, making it feel numb to the level I couldn’t even move anymore.
Eh, what is this?
I don’t feel off in any way. If I had to put it into words, it was like I had been reborn. Isn’t this a bit too crazy? For a second, I thought that I might have regained the memories of my previous life, but that wasn’t the case. I can perfectly remember what I did until now, what I was thinking, and with what kind of reasoning I was acting. I wasn’t possessed by a spirit. The influence of reading too many light novels? No, the last one I read was in middle school.
I don’t know why, but the scenery in front of my eyes looked all too real. Before, it had been so…I don’t know…sparkly and fluffy? What am I even saying, I can’t tell.
From the interior of the school, I could hear the chime ringing.
“Ah…gotta hurry.”
It was the same day as always, same life I had lived before. It should feel exactly the same, and yet…the scenery in front of my eyes seemed a lot different from before. Even after running towards the classroom, I kept slapping my cheeks to keep my sense of reality. If not, I probably wouldn’t have even reached the classroom at all.
By the time I reached the stairs next to the classroom, it was right before class…Weird, I feel like I came to school fairly early to meet Aika…
“Alright, one second too late.”
“Didn’t make it in time, huh.”
I leaped into the classroom, but my homeroom teacher just stepped into it as well. Seems like I barely didn’t make it in time. I think this is my first time being late ever since I started attending high school, which is pretty discouraging.
“You were busy chasing after Natsukawa-san again, weren’t you……Wait, she’s already at her seat? That’s new, alright. Did something happen?”
“Eh? No, really. I was just late.”
“Don’t be just late either, okay.”
The teacher slapped me on the head with their notes, which created a row of laughter inside the class. Sitting in the middle of this was Aika, glaring at me. I gave her a glance, to which I myself tilted my head because something felt off.
“Get to your seat already.”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
“Sheesh…”
My seat was right next to that famous beauty. Being teased and ridiculed on the way there, I glanced at Aika on a whim, but she just averted her gaze, clearly in a bad mood. It felt like I’d summon a snake out of the bucket if I said anything more than this, so I stayed silent, and instead listened to the teacher talk.
*
“Hey, you actually got hurt before, right?”
“No, I really didn’t…I think.”
“You think…?”
After the morning gathering, Aika, rarely enough, walked towards me. She had me stand up, and forced me to give her my small change for lunch—Not really, but instead looked at me from head to toe again, confirming that I really wasn’t hurt. Why is she suddenly that kind towards me…Ah!? Don’t tell me, does she actually like me…No way in hell. I got rejected like an idiot, didn’t I.
“Then, I’ll repay you the favor and—”
“Sit down.”
I wanted to confirm if Aika was hurt anywhere, but she just pushed me on the chest, down on the chair. I barely got to look at her toes…H-Huh? It feels like my eyes are flickering…Well, whatever. Will fix itself.
“I was an idiot for worrying.” Aika said as she walked away.
I watched her walk off into the distance, and waited for the stardust in my field of view to disappear.
*
Shortly after, the first period ended. I get why Modern Japanese is important for Japanese classes, but why are we learning about classical literature and Chinese classics? They’re words and terms we won’t ever be using again, so what am I supposed to do by knowing about them? Why not focus more on Modern Japanese rather than Chinese short stories? Just me?
“Phew…”
I didn’t even have time to take a breather today. I wanted to head to the toilet, when Aika appeared in front of me, one step ahead. With a shocked expression, she stared at me.
“Hey! Don’t just follow me!”
“Ah, no, I was heading to the toilet.”
“Eh…Eh?” Aika froze up.
An awkward atmosphere followed, making me want to run away immediately. Aika must have realized that she had gotten the wrong idea, as she glared up at me with flushed cheeks, raising a quivering voice.
“Then say so sooner!”
“Y-Yeah…”
I know that this might be off from my usual pattern, but I really don’t think you can ask a boy to say ‘I’m heading to the toilet’, right? I imagined that surreal scenery, and slipped past the frozen stiff Aika. When I reached the door to the toilet, Yamazaki and other peeps from my class pulled me inside.
“—Hey, did something happen between the two of you?”
“Between the two…You mean me and Aika?”
“Right. I thought that maybe you were having a lover’s quarrel or something like that.” Yamazaki asked, grinning from ear to ear.
Those eyes of his…He’s definitely thinking he found something interesting…Then again, I’d like to ask that myself.
“Isn’t this the same as always?”
“Hmm…Well, now that you say it.”
Since I returned a calm response, Yamazaki seemed to agree with me. But, the same couldn’t be said about the other guy with him. He clung to me, and closely inspected my expression. Hey now, I don’t lean that way…
“Before, Natsukawa-san would always be angry at you, and yet you’d still cling to her, right?”
“…Well, now that you say it.”
“What’s that reaction…”
He’s right, though. Even when I saw Aika being bothered by my approaches, I never once thought ‘Alright, time to give up’. Even if she was angry, I probably felt happy just knowing that her feelings were directed at me. That just shows how much I like Aika—Hm? Like?
“Hey, does it look like I have feelings for Aika?”
“Huh? The hell are you talking about? Aren’t you head over heels for her?”
“…Right. I like her. So much that I want to do some missionary work.”
“Hey now, nobody asked you to keep bragging about…—Missionary work!?”
Just as he said, I do like Natsukawa Aika. I adore how dignified she acts, and how she could be really considerate at times. That’s why I tried my hardest to make an appeal and have her look at me. However, despite me liking her, I didn’t want to run to where she was right now. It’s different from how things had been so far. I want to be with her, but it’s not that kind of passionate emotion I had felt until now. Does this mean that my feelings for Aika have disappeared? What is going on…
“Seems like you weren’t fighting at all.”
“Yeah, agreed.”
“As the person in question, I feel the same.”
“The hell are you on about?”
With this weird atmosphere going on, we split up. Recess was about to end after all, so we returned to the classroom. There, I felt Aika giving me a suspicious glance. More attention please, come on.
*
Lunch break arrived. Although the last break wasn’t too far, my stomach had been rumbling ever since the 4th period. My inner man is always burning away energy after all. Now that that’s decided, better go see Aika and—Aika? What am I planning on doing? She’s got her lunch box prepared on the desk. Well, not like it’s important what she’s doing. How did I spend my usual lunch breaks so far?
‘—Alright, let’s eat together, Aika!’
“—Ahh.”
That’s right, I’d always invite Aika out to eat. When I subconsciously glanced over at her, our eyes met. She looked at me in shock, and I was wondering if I should invite her after all, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, I felt oddly embarrassed, and my head felt dizzy.
“W-What…If you got something to say, then out with it.” She complained.
“Ah, no…Well…”
What is this awkward atmosphere? Wouldn’t I always push my desk together with hers, and enjoy my food while enjoying her face? Wow, was I always this disgusting? So embarrassing…
“……No, it’s nothing.”
“…H-Huh?”
Something’s off with me today. It feels like the view in front of me was different from usual. I’m panicking to a level I can’t even bother with Aika right now…I’ve never experienced this before.
…A-Anyway, I need to get away from here! Even she must be able to tell that something was off, so maybe I shouldn’t be around her too much right now.
“Eh…!? H-Hey!?”
I took my lunch box with me. As for the drinks, I can just buy something from the vending machines on the way. I feel like Aika said something mid-way, but I don’t have time to bother with that. Yet, I’m the one constantly clinging to her. I’m such an idiot…
The insides of my head were twisting and turning, although my field of view was clear. Because I wasn’t up to snuff, I bought green tea, only to have coke in my hand. Well, either way’s fine. I just walked as my legs carried me, when I spotted a bench on the side of the path inside the courtyard, beneath a roof. Since nobody else was using it, I took the freedom and sat down.
“……”
Around thirty seconds passed, and before I realized it, I had opened the lunch box on my lap. I did have an appetite, so I carried some of the rolled omelette to my mouth.
“…Delicious.”
It was a marvelous piece of food that filled my mouth with sweetness. It honestly felt like my heart was being healed. Is this what they call the nostalgic taste of your mom’s home cooking? The more I ate, the more fresh and clear the inside of my head felt. Before, it felt like I was watching the screen of a shattered TV screen, but now it was like always. Maybe I was just lacking some nutrients.
“…That might have been dangerous.”
Maybe I should have gone to the infirmary before eating something. Then again, with my head in a daze like that, I couldn’t arrive at a rational conclusion either way. Well…as long as everything’s fine in the end, it’s all-okay. I guess not causing a ruckus was the better choice after all.
*
5th period…Modern Japanese, huh. Alright, it’s time for my brain cells to die completely. Honestly speaking, I’d spend most of my time reading random web novels online, not spending much attention in class. Since I’m still not up to snuff because of my lack of nutrition, I guess I should just space out…
Or so I was thinking to myself, when Aika turned towards me, as she heard the sound of the chair being pulled behind her. Her gaze wandered up from my chest to my eyes. Was she looking for a name plate or something? Why does it feel like I’m waiting in line to get into a club?
“…Were you worried about me?”
“Wha…H-Huh!? Why would I have to be worried about you!?”
“I-I see.”
In the face of her explosive denial, I could only nod along. Was I always hurt this easily? I actually feel like crying right now. Guess I should lay low until her mood’s improved. Aika-san, should I give you a shoulder massage—Calm down me. Calm down. Don’t give in to your desires.
“Just that…?”
“Eh?”
“N-Nothing, you idiot!”
Alright, this one’s better. Being verbally abused is nothing short of a reward after all…! Still, it’s pretty rare for Aika to mumble like that instead of being frank with me, even with her rejection. Not like I want that though.
After that, Aika and I didn’t exchange any words. Aika was instead talking with other people, which was probably a saving grace to me. I just spend my time spacing out, hoping that I’d be back to normal soon.
*
With that, classes ended for the day. For some reason, this day felt much longer than normal. After eating lunch during lunch break, I figured I’d gotten back on track…but I still can’t shake off this feeling of discomfort.
Or, is it just my imagination? The class felt more calm than usual as well. Wasn’t it much more noisy yesterday?
“Ahh, sleepy…”
“What’s wrong Yamazaki? Lack of sleep?”
“Mm, yeah, I guess…”
I saw my neighbour to the right, Yamazaki, flop over on his desk, and yet when I called out to him, he showed me an odd reaction. What’s with him anyway, wasn’t he always brimming with energy after school ended? Oh right, he was a member of the basketball club, I remember.
When I glanced at my left, the opposite of Yamazaki, Aika was sitting still, not even preparing to head home. Should I call out to her…? Like always?
“Aika, should we head home?”
“Huh? …W-Why would I have to head home with you!”
“R-Right…I see. Then, see you tomorrow.”
“Eh……Eh?”
She’d probably just consider me a nuisance. Can’t bother people I care about. The hallways were full with students preparing to head home, and others who were heading to their clubs. Should I maybe take a detour home? There was this one manga I always bought on the way home, maybe that’s still ongoing?
Before that though, I should probably take a trip to the toilet first.
“—Hm? Eh…”
Right when I entered the boy’s toilet, I looked to the right, where they had installed sinks and a big mirror.
“—What was I doing?”
Observing myself in the mirror, I spotted a male student with fairly long brown bangs. That was myself, and I wasn’t shocked at simply that. What terrified me more was my flashy high school debut hairstyle that didn’t fit my average face at all. I’m not even that tall, nor am I necessarily talented when it comes to sports or studies.
A boring guy…might be taking it a bit too far, but was I always this normal of a boy? To a level where I could not add anything about myself other than my outer appearance? This doubt I had during this lunch break…Why did my love for Aika not change, and yet felt like the heat had disappeared? Right, it’s because I lost my confidence. Or rather than that—
‘Love makes Blind’. Isn’t that what was going on with me? That makes sense. We’re talking about Natsukawa Aika, right? She’s the unattainable flower of this school. She’s cute, got a great figure, which has a lot of guys in this school fawning over her. Still, nobody is stupid enough to actually try and go out with her. That’s right, to me, Natsukawa Aika is a first-class and popular idol, and I’m just a boring fan that happened to fall in love with her.
What if there was an idol right in front of me, participating in a photoshoot or TV show? The answer is simple. I’d keep a safe distance from her, and support her from the shadows. That is the example of a perfect fan.
I guess that’s why it felt like I returned to reality. Thinking about it rationally, this makes perfect sense. There’s no way some lame guy like me would look good next to the unparalleled genius and beauty Aika. Why did I never realize…!
“Please go out with me—My ass.”
Nobody was present in this toilet except me. I could say these words to the person in the mirror without any hesitation. Maybe I looked like a clown in the eyes of the others, attempting the impossible. Thinking about it rationally, being chased by some guy you don’t even like must be pretty discomfortable for her.
“…I’m an idiot…”
All the blood drained from my head, as I could see that even in the mirror. Because of me living in delusions, I lost so much precious time. On top of that, I bothered the person I cared for the most. Isn’t this awful…?
“………”
Sweat started to pour from my body. A cold breeze came in from the open toilet window, so I wiped my face with a towel I happened to carry on me. Oddly enough, until that endless sweat finally stopped, nobody else walked into the bathroom.
*
Why are live-action adaptations always so wicked and sinful? Because of an exam period in middle school, there was one manga series I had to refrain from reading, but to think that I’d learn of its continuation thanks to a live-action adaptation. Not to mention that it really doesn’t hit home as the manga did. Guess I’ll have to read the manga instead to cleanse my soul.
As I had these thoughts in mind, the doorbell rang. Rarely enough, it was only me at home right now. When I headed to the entrance, and opened the door, the person I expected the least stood there.
“Eh…Aika? Why are you here? Not to mention at this time.”
It was currently half past 5pm, as my idol Natsukawa Aika arrived. It seemed like she came straight after taking a bath, as her reddish-brown hair still seemed a bit sparkly from the water, and the white skin on her arms that grew from her beautiful one-piece were overflowing with alluring charm, it made my heart skip a beat. Then again, my heart is always racing with her around.
“S-Sorry to come over this late…”
“That’s fine and all, but…Why?”
“O-One of the guys that stayed late because of his club told me where you live!”
Having such a beauty walk down the street at night like this is way too dangerous. It filled me with the urge to give her a lecture driven by overflowing love. Then again, that would bring me in danger most.
Why did she even look into where I live? I can imagine just how Aika feels about me. At the very least, I wouldn’t try to approach myself. Definitely not because she particularly likes me. If anything, if I was Aika, I’d beat up a boy like me.
“I-Is there something you wanted to talk about?”
“Y-Yes…There is.”
“……”
…I see. So the time has finally come. Which will it be? Is she going to tell me to stay away from her because having me around made her feel uncomfortable, or is she pushing me away because she found someone she likes, and doesn’t want them to have the wrong idea about us? Either way, she came all the way over here to tell me, so it must be something along those lines.
“…Want to come in? Nobody’s home right now.”
“N-Nobody is home!?”
“Let me add that I don’t even know when they’ll be back.”
Better let her know so that I don’t have any bad intentions. Not like I would do anything like that to begin with. After Aika walked in with her tension up to a max, I guided her to the dining table. With a location in the corner of the living room, she should be able to relax best.
We’re in a season that has yet to reach the beginning of summer. She’ll catch a cold walking outside after having just taken a bath. I get that looking stylish is more important than being warm, but isn’t a one-piece too little? Also, why would she style herself up that much if she hates me…?
I put down some onion soup in front of her, and offered a blanket. Rarely enough, Aika accepted that without hesitation. I knew it, an idol’s physical condition is most important. When the atmosphere grew a bit awkward, Aika resolved the sparks and opened her mouth.
“Hey…did something happen?”
“I mean…was I acting weird?”
“Weird…No, not really! That’s exactly why it’s weird!”
“C-Calm down, will you.”
I can somewhat tell what she’s trying to say. Me bothering Aika on the daily basis is how she sees me, so if I don’t do that, something might seem off. And, Aika came here to ask about that? She’s telling me to explain what I experienced in the toilet before? How could I, that’s way too embarrassing.
“Even if I hit you, you don’t flinch…Like a masochist coming at me with that in hope…A-Anyway, it’s pretty disgusting, you know?”
“And you’re telling me to agree with that.”
“Y-Yet, today, you were listening to what I said, and not bothering me in the slightest! What are you plotting? Tell me!”
“……”
Normally, I’m an unreasonable adhesive man. Looking at myself, I can tell as much. Guess I can’t blame her for doubting me, assuming I would be plotting something. But, if I were to explain everything, and end up hated even more, I’d probably die. For sure.
“Um…So, Aika.”
“W-What?”
Instead of explaining everything, I should just show her. Make her realize that what I had been doing, the image I had of the both of us was wrong and that I had realized this myself. For that—
“I like you. Please go out with me.”
I’m not scared of our relationship changing.