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Speaking Out
“Ah, did she fall asleep?”
“It seems like she did, yes.”
We continued to spoil Airi-chan for another hour, with the three of us sitting on the sofa. After playing with Ashida and her seemingly endless endurance, Airi-chan was resting on Natsukawa’s lap with a cookie in hand, which now fell to the floor. Ashida’s eyes lit up, but right as she reached for it, Natsukawa already stuffed it into her mouth. What kind of rivalry am I watching here?
“S-She switched between eating and running around after all…Can’t blame her, even I would fall asleep.” Ashida spoke up.
“Fufu, you’re right.”
“She looks really happy…”
She must have found a position she was comfortable in, because she curled up on Natsukawa’s lap. At the same time, Natsukawa gently embraced Airi-chan, looking at her with a sweet gaze, like a holy maiden…Or, simply like a mother. If I had to give my opinion, I’m pretty sure she’d be doing just fine as a mother even now. I’m starting to feel sleepy just looking at her.
“Look, Sajocchi, isn’t this a wonderful scenery to observe?”
“Hm…? Oh, yeah…”
“…Sajocchi?”
I understood Ashida’s concern. Because the drowsiness was starting to get the better of me, I couldn’t even put any kind of strength into my response. Normally I’d be all over this, I bet…
“Wataru…are you tired…?”
“Ai-chan’s attacks were pretty fierce after all.”
“Ah no, I’m not tired or anything, just feeling a bit sleepy.”
“You don’t need to force yourself…Sorry about Airi hitting you.”
“It was like a massage, so no worries. It felt really good.”
“Don’t phrase it weirdly like that…”
“You’re like a pervert now, Sajocchi.”
I really didn’t want them to think of me as gross. I guess my head just isn’t working right now. I can’t really hold back in saying what I think anymore. But, staying quiet will only make me more sleepy. The two were giving me glances of ‘Can’t help it then’, and shook their heads. Being treated like some small child sure is embarrassing. I rubbed my eyes, and tried to brush away the drowsiness.
“But, you’re doing pretty great, Sajocchi, playing along with Ai-chan.”
“Eh? Isn’t that pretty normal?”
“I mean, I guess, but…”
If it’s to make Natsukawa happy, I have no problem at all, you know? Not to mention that Airi-chan is really cute. Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I can just ignore her, and it’s making things easier for Natsukawa as well.
“Say, Sajocchi. Why don’t you relax your shoulders some more? You seem pretty tense.”
“Eh…”
I mean, she isn’t wrong. Relaxing at Natsukawa’s place is just impossible for me, you know. Leaving aside Airi-chan, I don’t want to spoil their moods, not to mention that I’m terrified of making Ashida angry, and I don’t want to get in their way. But, when I found myself unable to deny that, Natsukawa gave me an anxious gaze. Aw man, this ain’t good.
“Huh? What are you on about? I was just playing with Airi-chan.”
“Well, I just felt a bit apologetic, is all.”
Hearing Ashida be kind to me hurt even more, you know. Weren’t we always frank with each other? Also, a single boy being called to a meet-up with two girls present, that’s just the kind of role I have. I came here with that intention in mind, so just don’t worry about it.
“…Well, you know? If you really feel bad, then how about we just forget about this whole ‘punishment’ thing…?”
“This is this, and that is that.”
“You demon…”
“It’s your punishment for scaring Aichi~”
“I-I wasn’t really…”
“No can do~ He needs proper punishment, Aichi.”
This is why you pure normies are just…Also, if it really was just because of that, I would have put on some random reason and not come here in the first place. Don’t want this to feel like it’s some mixer, okay.
“Well, leaving that aside, you’re probably sleepy because you had work this morning, right. Ai-chan finally calmed down, and we have some sweets, so just take a break.”
“Eh…really? I had no idea…”
“No no no, I can’t—”
“You most definitely can~”
…You wench. A faint feeling of anger rose inside my chest, but when I threw her a sharp gaze, she just waved her hands in front of her chest. It seems like she wasn’t doing this just to stir me up. Thinking about it rationally, Ashida is always much more calm about things, so I might have done something to make her panic because of my drowsiness. I don’t think it’s much different from how I react at school though.
“…This is how you’d feel as a single boy being called to a girls’ gathering.”
Ah, crap. Because of my mental exhaustion, I said something unnecessary together with a sigh. When I looked over, both Natsukawa and Ashida were staring at me in surprise. Especially Ashida, who seemed like she couldn’t accept what she just heard, her eyes shot open.
“Huh!? Being able to visit a girl’s home is absolute luxury, don’t you think!?” She aggressively pointed out.
In reality, she’s definitely scolding me. And, that makes sense. I bet she’s trying to be considerate of me, but only another man could understand how tense the air around me is right now. If I was back to my former days, I definitely wouldn’t, though.
“I-I didn’t…”
“Ah, no, don’t worry about it. This isn’t the main reason anyway. Just, something troublesome happened before Ashida invited me.”
Natsukawa will undoubtedly take this at face value. So, I hurriedly provided a follow-up, but it sounded like a weak excuse. If they kept their distance from me now out of kindness, or even asked me what happened, I will most definitely die.
“Huh, really now?” Ashida raised a voice like she didn’t expect to hear that.
She probably thought that all the fault was with them. Well, thinking about it the opposite way, as long as it’s not anything crazy, my mental health won’t suffer from it. I’m not Big Sis younger brother for nothing. Though, this something crazy which happened just had that much of an impact on me.
“Never thought that Sajocchi would be worrying about something.”
“Don’t wanna hear that from you, Ashida.”
She really has no qualms indirectly insulting me. You’re not helping me. And don’t be so angry now, I just said the same thing you did. What exactly would Ashida worry about anyway? Her grades? Probably.
“Even I have one or two things I’m worrying about.”
“For example?”
“Did something happen?”
“Eh…?”
Hold on, why are they so interested? I just wanted them to know that I’m not enough of an airhead to not worry about anything, but I also didn’t expect them to bite on this easily. I never would have assumed that they actually had such a level of interest in me or my worries, so I’m a bit stuck on words.
“W-Well? It’s not that big of a deal that I would need to tell you?”
“Is it something that you can’t tell us?”
“No, um…”
I tried to just randomly cover it up, but Natsukawa immediately shoved me into a corner. Hold on a second…I didn’t expect this to happen, you know? Not to mention that I actually only have one thing I’m worrying about, not too. Now I’m feeling embarrassed to indirectly bag for attention.
“If…if I told you, I already know you’re going to be disappointed, so…”
‘I forced my classmate to prostrate herself in front of me.’ All jokes aside, they’d definitely push me away if I said that. I bet that Natsukawa would revert back to her former self, telling me ‘Don’t get any closer to Airi!’ with a quivering voice.
I glanced over at Ashida, asking for help to get out of this situation. This is a definite taboo. So please, don’t ask for any more of this…
“Ah!” Ashida raised a voice like she figured out something.
Did she figure it out…!? Right, she must know that there are things people don’t want to say. That’s why, just calmly step down and—Hold on, why are you blushing like that? And stop fidgeting will you. Don’t tell me, did my attempt fail?
“W-Well, if Sajocchi is that adamant on not saying it, then~”
“M-Maybe we could give you some kind of advice?”
Ashida’s gaze shot towards Natsukawa, basically saying ‘A-Aichi!?’ in shock. Hold on, stop a second you two. And Ashida, what were you thinking about? Put it into proper words, will you.
“A-Aichi…you know…there are some worries that girls like us…wouldn’t understand, right…!”
“Eh…Eh!?”
“Wha, hold on a damn second!”
“Eh, am I wrong?”
“What kind of misunderstanding are you having!?” I subconsciously screamed out loud.
How could you have such a misunderstanding!? Why would you even reach that conclusion? Don’t just randomly put the focus on me being an ‘adolescent boy’, will you…If that was the case, then I’d be full of worries…
“So-So that’s not it…” Natsukawa muttered while being flustered, constantly throwing glances at me, which made it only more embarrassing.
Please, just stop. You’re going to make me get more excited.
“I-If that’s not it, then…isn’t it fine?”
“Yeah…”
“But, why though?”
Not being related to my adolescence doesn’t equal you being allowed to ask about it, or am I wrong? Why does this feel like I’m being interrogated right now? Oh well, I am guilty after all.
“T-Tell me…!”
“……!”
Natsukawa closed in on me, removing the small space between us on the sofa. How does she even move like that with Airi-chan on her lap. Yet, she looked at me with a severely serious expression……This isn’t…normal, right? Why is Natsukawa going that far…? Of course, that’s because she’s kind. That’s the main reason I fell for her after all. I’m sure she would be just as assertive with anybody else if they said they were having some troubles. Doesn’t have to be me.
‘Actions reflecting kindness and sympathy are dangerous weapons to indirectly seek compensation’ is something cool-sounding I read in a manga before, but it’s not that. The real guilt is to invoke this kindness in that person in the first place. After all, you steal their time from them.
Putting kindness into simple terms, it’s either a choice of ‘Love’ or ‘Pity’. Since I couldn’t evoke the former within Natsukawa, this right now has to be pity. Love has no compensation—and if it’s pity, then I can only offer compensation. The very fact of saying that I am worrying about something was a mistake. If I had planned on asking them for advice from the very beginning, it wouldn’t have been as bad. The fact that I said it despite not wanting to show any weakness was fatal. Ahh, so embarrassing…but, I have no way of escaping.
“Alright…I get it.”
“—Ah…”
I could only give in, and push back Natsukawa. Since she’s showing this much kindness, I can only give in. Even if they are disgusted, even if they push me away, this is already decided. I can’t run away from reality to some convenient dream.
“So, I would need some advice…”
…I’m gonna say it, okay? Are you fine with this, me? A lot of things will end with these two, you know…Ahh, so cowardly…! Then again, that was already decided when I forced Ichinose-san into a corner like that…!
“—I made a girl at my part-time job prostrate herself in front of me…”
““What are you doing!?””
Somebody, bring me some water.