The western sky was undyed and dark. On the opposite side of the horizon, I could still see faint remains of sunlight. Right above me, I could see an ocean of stars. Just what time is it right now? I canât even muster up the energy to take out my smartphone and check. I stood at a T-shaped intersection, with a mirror at the corner reflecting my entire body. My expression was distorted, and I had trouble making out what kind of face I had. Then again, I had no interest in finding out either.
ââŠâŠâŠâŠWhaaaaa?â
My brain couldnât keep up. I could only utter that confused murmur after a significant amount of time passed. The abundant heat previously present inside my body had fully vanished. The cool air that had crossed into the fall season and felt like a winter breeze directly touched my body through the gaps in my uniform. It probably stole all the remaining heat from me.
âŠâŠShe did tripâŠright? I remembered the sensation of being embraced by her. Not just on my back. Passing by my arms, her slender fingertips running along my stomach and chest. Her movement felt like she was searching for something, confirming somethingâŠand that sensation was glued to my brain. Maybe everything that had just occurred was nothing but a dream. Her angelic voice saying âYou did greatâ replayed in my head over and over. Every single word she uttered packed such immense warmth, pairing up with her faint breathing hitting my back. She seemingly was surprised at that happening, because even after bumping into me, she kept on breathing so heavily.
âDid she really trip? It didnât feel like that much of an impact. It all felt like a hallucinationâŠthat her arms embraced me for three hours or more despite it only having been an instant. It was a passionate, sweet, and awfully seductive time. Thinking that the north wind stole all that precious warmth from meâŠI started to curse this season I usually enjoyed the most.
I donât get it. Since I had completely lost any grasp on time, I have no way of filtering out Natsukawaâs true feelings. Maybe time only felt like it had stopped for me, and Natsukawa actually moved away from me immediately. And her words were just wishful thinking and an illusion created by my desire to have her admit how hard Iâve worked. After all, that warmth on my back had long subsided.
I have no way to confirm my suspicions. If Natsukawa said she tripped, then that has to be it. If I had the guts to confirm the truth or lie there, I would be walking home with Natsukawa while holding hands on a daily basis. No matter how much I think about it, I wonât get any smarter, as Iâm not getting an answer all on my own.
ââŠLucky.â
At the very least, I had a great stroke of luck today, so Iâll take it.
*
My family didnât put any particular curfew on me, but that was the first time I actually came home when it was dark outside. Then again, I was working part-time illegally before, so my parents wonât get angry at me just for coming home late. Not to mention that weâre not that kind of family that would wait for each other when it comes to dinner. Iâm sure Big Sis is occupying the living room sofa, playing on her phone, or watching TV. That being said, Mom might just ask me why I ended up lateâŠUrk, I really donât want that. I made up my mind, and carefully opened the front doorâ
âHow did it go?!â
Gah, here it is. The second I stepped inside, a wild Big Sis appeared from the living room, almost giving me a heart attack. She really looks wild, thoughâŠalmost like Tarzan. Also, isnât she feeling cold right about now? I thought a girlâs fingertips and whatever get cold quicker? Does common sense not work on her? Did she get some special training or something?
ââŠWhy are you so excited?â
Itâs rare to see the listless and reserved Big Sis jumping around like that. Last time I saw her like that was when Amuro-chan appeared on the Kouhaku Uta Gassen1. It does feel like a shame now that she retired.
âIâm talking about Natsukawa-san.â
ââŠâŠ?!â
The moment I heard Natsukawaâs name pop up, my heart almost leaped out of my chest. Natsukawa shouldnât be on the list of names Big Sis knowsâŠso, why? Wait, did she see us? Alarms were ringing at max volume inside my head. At the same time, it played Choo Choo TRAIN 2 as a mental image of her dance inside my brain. Gaaah, can somebody please erase that?
âW-What might you be talking about?â
âDonât play dumb. She was waiting for you at the student council office, you know?â
âHuh?â
Natsukawa did say she was waiting for me, butâŠAt the student council office? Not at the committee office? Huh? Then how did she know I was there? Nobody should have been there when I arrived.
âDo it properly.â
âŠAh. Right, I did get that weird message from Big Sis. Because of everything thatâs happened, I never gave it much further thought, though. Was sheâŠtalking about Natsukawa?
âThe stairs next to the student council office. She was waiting there for you, but you walked away without realizing.â
âWhaâŠare you serious?â
ThatâsâŠso cute. So that means Big Sis found Natsukawa, and told her where I was headed? What a missed opportunity that I didnât even know happened! I canât believe I almost went home while making Natsukawa wait! Gaaah, I deserve the death penalty. But thank you, oh great sister!
The thing Natsukawa was so curious aboutâŠwas the reason why I got involved with the executive committee, right? I somewhat understand why she wouldnât let up back then. Clearly, she wouldnât just be satisfied with whatever random response, and Iâm unsure if that really managed to convince her or not.
âSo, how did things go? Also, I ignored it before, but are you actually on good terms? When did you get so close? Did something crazy happen?â
âWhat do you mean crazyâŠâ
âSomething happened before you came down with a cold, right? You said something totally out of the blue back then.â
âForget about that.â
Sheâs oddly intrusive for some reasonâŠNormally she wouldnât care at all if itâs related to me. Yet, sheâs awfully curious just this onceâŠDespite that, she never talks about things in the student council and all those hotties surrounding her, or back when she was still a gal.
âLot of stuff happened. Same goes for you, though.â
âHuuuh?!â
âThanks for helping Natsukawa, by the way.â
I took off my shoes, passing by her after throwing in a counter of my own, which seemed quite effective for once. I still decided to thank her, because I know how she hates having the stuff of her past being dug up. Itâs funny. Just a while ago, I never would have imagined that we could hold a conversation like this. I passed by her to enter the living room. I figured that weâd be having a Japanese-themed dinner tonight, as I could pick up the scent of soy sauce. Thatâs perfect for my cold body. Not to mention that it smells a lot moreâŠkind than usual.
âWelcome back.â
âAm home.â
Mom saw me and got up from the sofa. She seemed to be in the middle of preparing dinner. Dad was reading some documents at the dining table.
ââŠ?â
Something felt off. Leaving aside the scent of soy sauce, something in the living room doesnât match up. It feelsâŠtense. Dad would not move his mouth away from his cup of coffee, just staring at me in silence. At the same time, Mom wouldnât ask me how school was, despite beingâŠyou know, a mother? I almost responded âIt was okayâ out of habit. I mean, it wasnât just okay, but still.
ââŠHm?â
No, hold on.
âW-What?â
I looked over at Big Sis coming from the living room, who showed an awkward response. She stopped in her tracks, and immediately averted her face from me. Instead of walking over to the sofa, she now changed direction towards the kitchen. Ah, wait, this is!
âB-Big Sis!â
âHuh?! Itâs nothing!â
You damn wench! You told our parents about everything?! That makes sense why theyâve been acting weird this entire time! Even now, theyâre sending me such warm gazes, itâs unbearable! Mom! Stop taking out the azuki beans and gomasio! Thereâs nothing to celebrate here! I want some meat and potato stew or freeze-dried tofu! And Dad! These arenât your work documents! Theyâre tests I forgot to pack away! Just burn them already! Big Sis! What youâre wearing isnât short pants, they are my underwear! Where did you even take them from?!
*
The following morning after Big Sis threw my underwear back at me. I was mentally checking if I got everything for school while I was watching the horoscope of the day, when Big Sis came from the kitchen, stopping right in front of me.
ââŠWazzat?â
âMnn? AhâŠâ
While slurping on a smoothie, Big Sisâ gaze wandered towards the roughly-tied necktie around my neck. Well, it is crooked for sure. I guess I still havenât gotten past the chaos that was yesterday. What am I, a father who just got home from workâŠ? I donât even remember tying my necktie in the first place.
âLet me help.â
âAh, heyâŠâ
Damn it, she pulled me by the necktie, making me stand up just like that. She held the smoothie shaker in between her teeth, while she worked on fixing my necktie for me.
âHere.â
ââŠThanks a bunch. As expected of the vice prez.â
âYou got it.â Big Sis bluntly ignored my remark and returned to sipping on her smoothie.
After she finished it all, she swung her head and threw the empty shaker into the sink.
âHey, Kaede! No throwing stuff into the sink like that!â
âMy bad~â Big Sis apologized after being scolded by Mom.
Sheâs not reflecting on it at allâŠEventually, sheâll be a gorilla who throws ramen packages into the sink as well. Then again, this is the same exchange as usual. Iâll try my best to not get wrapped up in it and just turn away while munching on my bread. It felt like Iâd have a lot of trouble focusing only on myself for today.
â⊠Yaaaawn âŠâ
I let out a yawn, once again thinking about what happened the day prior. But, Iâve decided to stop running away from reality. On the way home yesterday, I kept telling myself that I shouldnât be too concerned with that. Upon returning home, I thought I had gotten over it, but I have this bad habit of constantly replaying scenes of the past in my head before going to sleep. Thanks to that, I was wide awake until morning.
The warmth I felt on my backâŠNatsukawa said she tripped, so that has to be it. HoweverâŠthe impact of the entire situation was too big for me to just cast it aside like it was nothing. After allâŠMan, they were soft. I could barely get a wink of sleep. I donât think Iâll ever forget this night of agonizing for hours upon hours. Rather than worrying about how awkward things were between us, wondering what kind of face I should make when running into herâŠthereâs a larger, fundamental problem for a high school boy like me, you know?
I mean, wellâŠEven if I lost myself, that soft sensation and warmth are burned into my brainâŠnot to mention that it was Natsukawaâs summer uniformâŠand the way she pressed herself onto meâŠOh, come on. Not first thing in the morning, junior. I munched on my hard bread and shook my head to rid myself of these wicked thoughts.
*
Because of what happened, Iâm not sure I can just normally greet Natsukawa today. And yet, for better or worse, our seats are practically next to each other, and I canât tell if I should be happy or notâŠNo, I am happy. Just thinking about it makes me feel good. I get so excited thinking about Natsukawa looking at the back of my head during classes. Thatâs why Iâm not making any progress during class lately. I finally got it.
âAhâŠâ
Naturally, upon reaching the classroom, Natsukawa already sat on her seat. She had classical literature documents scattered on her desk. Since we got home late yesterday, she probably didnât have time to finish her homework when Airi-chan was around. Since we have classical literature during our fifth period today, she should be able to push through it if she uses her breaksâand now that I think about it, I have to do it as well.
However, thatâs not important right now. I canât ignore Natsukawa, thatâs for sure. Nor can I make it to my seat without encountering her. We should both be feeling awkwardâŠso as the boy, I should take the lead andâ
âAh, morning, Wataru.â
SheâsâŠthe same as always? Huh? Seriously? After everything that happened? She actually wasnât conscious of me in the slightest? Thatâs actually a huge shock. If anything, her smile right now feels a lot more genuine and calming than before. Hold on, what is this? Was everything yesterday just a dream? So Iâm the only one who is feeling awkward? Letâs assume that that was a dream. Why is Natsukawa not embarrassed or anything? Ever since we ran into Haru that one time, sheâs been acting awkward around me, no? We may have worked towards the culture festival together, eaten together, went home together, talked about this and that, butâŠHmmm??? Things were still awkward between us, right?
I wonder, I feel like Iâm spending a lot of time with Natsukawa as of late. Even more so than during my stalker daysâWait, I was never a stalker. I just liked her a bit too much, so I was seeing where she went and with whom, nothing more. How do I call people like that agaiâOh.
âHey.â
âHuh?â
I was unable to react properly because of my bewilderment when Natsukawa suddenly stood in front of me. I could faintly pick up Natsukawaâs scent. That moment, everything which happened the day prior replayed inside of my head, turning on a switch inside of my body. I thinkâŠI might be done for.
âYour necktieâs messy.â
âOh, seriousâHm?â
âW-WhatâŠ?â
âAh, nah, itâs nothing.â
Natsukawa nonchalantly reached for my necktie, fixing it for me. I felt a bit embarrassed that I messed up my necktie when I realized that something was off. DidnâtâŠdidnât Big Sis already fix my crooked necktie? It seems like she didnât quite manage to fix it after all. Either that, or the wind on the way to school messed it upâŠWith the changing season, the windâs gotten pretty strong, after all. Whatever it was, thereâs no greater happiness for me here. From here on out, a rosy and flirty future awaits me. HuehuehueâŠYeah, I should stop.
ââŠHm?â
Natsukawa suddenly reached for my head.
âY-Your hair tooâŠâ
âHuh? Y-You donât have toâŠâ
I felt guilty and took a step backward. It seems like my lack of sleep completely messed up my tidy appearance. Iâm not using any wax as I did before, so I can just fix it myself. What worried me most is that Natsukawa seemingly had no restraint touching a member of the opposite sex like that. It might be fine with Airi-chan, but Iâm a ticking time bomb.
âI can do this myââ
âY-You canât even see which part is messyâŠ!â
âHuuuuh?!â
She didnât let up?! Wait, is my hairstyle looking that bad, right now? To the point I canât even fix it on my own? Or what, am I so pathetic she goes into older sister mode? I guess Iâm the only one who really feels anything during this situation. That being said, Iâm enjoying this moment very much, so Iâm not complaining.
ââMorning you two. Flirting first thing in the morning, huh?â
ââŠâŠ!â
Right as I evaded Natsukawaâs hand who reached for my hair, I heard an energetic and lively voice from behind me. At the same time, Natsukawa frantically moved away from me. Turning around, I was greeted by Ashida, who just finished her morning club practice.
âW-We werenât flirting or anythingâŠ!â Natsukawa blurted out.
âSo passionate~ Iâm glad Iâm still wearing my summer uniform, phew~â
âGeez, what are you talking aboutâŠ!â
Thatâs right, thatâs right! The hell are you saying, Ashida! Youâll only make things more awkward!âBut of course, I didnât possess the composure to throw my own complaint at her. My racing heart is going to be the death of me someday. Is it possible to die from blood pressure below twenty? This is a crime, a murder. A goddess is no joke.
âHehehe. You know, Aichi, you seemed so busy and exhausted as of late, I was a tad bit worried.â
âAhâŠâ
Ashida showed a bright smile, flashing her white teeth. Natsukawa may have been a bit angry at first, but now she seemed happy. Ashida might not look like it, but sheâs really perceptive at times, and I bet she must have caught on to Natsukawa acting weirdly.
âTime for my daily hug!â
âEeekâŠ?! H-HeyâŠ!â
Ashida, you wench! A hug?! Daily hug?! You were doing that?! Gaaah, doing it in broad daylight too, Iâm so jealousâŠ! Even on the weekend?! Are you meeting up on the weekend as well?! I was already at my limit with just that one yesterdayâŠGaaaaaaaaah!
âCome on, KeiâŠ!â
âHey, AshiâHuh?â
Even if itâs you, I cannot forgive youâŠor so I thought, but then I spotted Ashidaâs face appearing from Natsukawaâs shoulder. She showed me a bright grin, almost like she was teasing me about something. She may just be trying to show off, but it felt like she wanted to convey something. However, I had no idea just what that was.
â Not bad, Sajocchi.
1Â Namie Amuro, a singer / annual contest between male and female popular singers on New Yearâs Eve (sponsored and broadcast by NHK)