Chapter 987: Anāan, I Love You
She loved him, he knew it all along.
Every word of hers touched him, he picked up her cold hand and held it tightly.
He continued driving, looking in front as the neon lights shone across his face, littering it with color.
Though he had been surrounded by such bustle all these years, it never once belonged to him and he was never obsessed over it.
He had gone through so much all these years, overcoming so many obstacles but he was still alone. He was still that man who picked up his backpack, leaving his hometown to work hard in the city.
Lu Yanās eyes turned bloodshot, they were somewhat teary as he continued smiling and spoke with a husky voice. āIāve never been calculative throughout my journey. Iāve never been calculative over how much Iāve put in and how much I would receive in return. Though I didnāt manage to meet my father for the last time before his death, he left a note for me. It was just some simple words, his wish for me to be an upright man.
āI had my first woman when I was 18, or perhaps even earlier. It was to gain a triad bossā trust. That bossā mistress had laid her eyes on me, I didnāt reject such a shortcut that was offered to me. Why would I reject her? I was young and vigorous back then, I was going to have a woman in my life even if she didnāt come. I slept with her, pinning her underneath me in bed.
āWomen were just like marijuana. I felt really empty inside after venting all of my s.e.xual desires. The unfamiliar faces I woke up to really made me feel sick. I really disliked those dirty, s.e.xual favors but I still continued. With those shortcuts being offered to me, before every deadly encounter, during those sleepless nights, I chose to use up all of my energy on women, living a life of debauchery.
āThose days werenāt exactly good, but werenāt exactly bad either. Everything changed when I was 27 years old. That was when I brought the six year old you home.
āYou were so timid back then and you were so afraid of me. When I came over, youād run away and hide in your room but once I left, youād open the door and secretly peek at me, just like a little bunny. There was once I came back with injuries and I actually saw you secretly crying. I even scolded you, were you crying at my funeral?
āYou slowly grew up and the growing feelings caused our relations.h.i.+p to change. You started revealing your feelings for me, slowly pus.h.i.+ng me into a corner. It wasnāt because I didnāt like you, but rather, because I wasā¦ afraid.
āI was afraid that I couldnāt balance it all. On one hand was my responsibilities, while on the other was love. I was afraid that I would fail to protect my nation, but I was also afraid that I would let you down. I really wished there was a method on earth that could allow me to balance both. I was even more afraid that I would grow old so quickly. How could I even dare to tell youā¦ I love you when youāre in the prime of your youth?
āBut it all didnāt work, I fell in love with you despite trying to stop myself so hard. I fell for the warmth you provided me with, I fell for the love you had for me. After so many years of battling hard, I suddenly just wanted to stop everything. Iām tired, Iām sick of it, I feel really dejected, my heart hurts, I feel lonely, I want to just lay on a bed and sleep. And at the end of the day, I just want you to accompany me.
āI want to build a home with you, I want to tell you more about my parents, I want to ask you a serious question. Anāan, Iām not perfect, Iām 40 years old, I havenāt gone to get proper education, I have a really low self-esteem. Have you considered it properly? You must not just come around and only toy with me. This is my first time falling in love and really wanting to have a serious relations.h.i.+p.
āI actually wanted to secretly tell you this, you must forgive me for all the times I hurt you and saddened you last time. I hesitated, I deliberated and I felt so lost, thatās all because Iām too old and youāre too young. Iām not good enough but youāre really too good. And definitely too good for me. Iāve always imagined our future, Iāve always been thinking whether we can end up living a happy life together. Now Iām going to give you my heart and I only have eyes for you. Anāan, this is late, but I love you.ā
He finally said it. Anāan, this is late, but I love you.
Anāanās eyes crinkled into a radiant smile. She had finally gotten his confession and love.
Anāan slowly leaned over, resting her face on his muscular thighs. She stretched out her hand, caressing his prosthetic limb. That was the greatest kind of love he had given her.
Real heroes had flesh and blood, having weaknesses would only make them even better.
Anāan shut her eyes. āAh Yan, do you know about this? I had a dream last night, I dreamed that I was pregnant. I had a pair of twins, a boy and a girl.ā
Lu Yan smiled, raking his fingers through her silky hair. āIf we really have a pair of twins, what are the names of our daughter and son?ā
Right after he said that, there was no response.
Anāan had shut her eyes and never opened them again.
She went unconscious after all.
Lu Yan didnāt dare to lower his eyes, he didnāt dare to lower his head to check. His veins were pumping while he clutched the steering wheel. It hurt to even breathe, he felt so tormented.
He was reminded of that night many years back.
During winter, he wore just a thin s.h.i.+rt with many holes in it. He sat on a rock alone, looking at the skies over and over again.
He became alone ever since.
The world was so big, his family had disappeared. There was no one he could give his love to this lifetime.
He had to undergo such unbearable pain once, but the heavens were so brutal, he had to undergo it for the second time now.
Many years ago, his eyes were so dry, not even a single tear escaped. He hadnāt cried at all.
Clutching the steering wheel with both hands, her body was gradually losing temperature while on his lap. Tears suddenly welled up in his eyes, he could feel something pouring out of his heart.
One drop, two drops, three dropsā¦ his tears trickled down, blurring his vision.
So it turned out tears were so burning hot. It was burning his heart, he was almost going to be set on fire.
He couldnāt turn back time, he still wasnāt able to make it in time.
His shoulders started moving. He hadnāt cried before and didnāt know how men even appeared when they cried. He didnāt know how to release the pain in his heart, he bit down on his lips while clenching his fists, feeling so helpless.
The flowers were all wilting, his world had become colorless.
But he suddenly heard a weak voice. āItās your responsibility as a father to name the kids.ā
Lu Yan was stunned, he quickly lowered his head to see. Anāan hadnāt opened her eyes, but her lashes were moving.
A teardrop fell onto her face.
Anāan slowly opened her eyes, looking at him. She saw the tear-filled Lu Yan.
She was stunned, the corners of her lips instantly kicked up. She sounded so joyful as she said, āSilly, I wasnāt unconscious. Although my body really hurts, I just closed my eyes to take a little rest so it wouldnāt hurt as much. But I still didnāt lose consciousness, Iā¦ couldnāt bear toā¦ā
She then lifted her hand, running her fingers over his facial features so tenderly. āI couldnāt bear to fall unconscious. I was afraidā¦ afraid that once I really do, whatās going to happen to my Ah Yan?ā