Liang Ze: Hey, lets say that you have been trying to call someone, but that person never picks up the call, what does that tell you?
Xie Jin Yan: That person just doesn't want to answer it.
Liang Ze: I don't think so!
Xie Jin Yan: Then what do you think it is?
Liang Ze: I think that his cell phone must be not working.
Xie Jin Yan: Oh.
Liang Ze: Maybe every time I call, he happens to be busy with something.
Xie Jin Yan: Oh.
Liang Ze: Or maybe he has lost his cell phone, right.
Xie Jin Yan: Right.
Liang Ze: Good. Now we have our answer, he doesn't answer the call.
Xie Jin Yan: What the..? Are you drunk?
Liang Ze: How would I get drunk already? Can you let me finis.h.!.+
Xie Jin Yan: I can.
Liang Ze: We know the answer now that he doesn't answer the call. Right?
Xie Jin Yan: Right.
Liang Ze: As for the reason why, I've listed out three possibilities, right?
Xie Jin Yan: Yup.
Liang Ze: However, there's a precondition that I haven't said yet!
Xie Jin Yan: Then say it.
Liang Ze: Prior to this, he told me that let's pretend we don't know each other…
Xie Jin Yan: It makes sense he doesn't want to answer the call!
Liang Ze: But there's something I don't understand!
Xie Jin Yan: Where you don't understand?
Liang Ze: He doesn't answer the call yet he doesn't hang up the call!
{Translator Input: When someone calls us, we have the option of answer or hang up. If we see someone we don't like, we would press hang up, "the red b.u.t.ton"; but in Liang Ze's case, the call is go through and it didn't get disconnected; just keep on ringing}
Xie Jin Yan: …Why didn't you tell me this before all those nonsense reasons?
Liang Ze: Eh?
Xie Jin Yan: If you had told me that earlier, I wouldn't have to listen to your nonsense, that person must have put your phone number into the refuse to answer list. {Translator Input: In US, we call it the Block list; Reject list; where that number will only reach your voicemail; your phone won't ring when that number calls ^^}
Liang Ze: What do you mean?
Xie Jin Yan: Your phone doesn't have this function?
Liang Ze: What function?
Xie Jin Yan: …I give up.
(She took out her phone, looked up Liang Ze's number, and set to "refuse to answer")
Xie Jin Yan: Try to call me.
Liang Ze: Why do I have to call you?
Xie Jin Yan: Call me!
(Liang Ze repeatedly called several times)
Liang Ze: Why your phone doesn't ring? You put it on silent?
Xie Jin Yan: That's because I've refused your number; doesn't matter how many you calls, my phone will not ring!
Liang Ze: So it's like that…
Xie Jin Yan: Hm?
Liang Ze: Before I tried to call him, I went to see him many times, but his workers said he is not home.
Xie Jin Yan: …You're certainly really drunk.
Right when stepped down from Xie Jin Yan's car, Liang Ze started to vomit right at the stairs leading to Zhao Yang bar entrance, a big gorgeous spew presented proudly at the entrance.
The waiter gave him a detest look, wanting to throw him into his spew to suffocate him.
Xie Jin Yan kept handing Liang Ze napkins to clean up, she also took out a bottle of mineral water from her bag and gave it to him.
Other people just walked in one after another, Lao Qin said mockingly to Xie Jin Yan before walked in, "This kid can't be of any good use."
Xie Jin Yan replied, "So bald like you can be of good use?"
Liang Ze threw up for some time before he could stop it, Xie Jin Yan helped him up the stairs, afraid that he might get rolled off them. Dragging this drunkard all the way to the lobby then threw him onto the sofa, Xie Jin Yan then had the time to fix her chaotic hair. If she had known he drunk himself to this stage, she would not agree with everyone's proposal for second round.
Because it was not the weekend, and it was three in the morning, there were not that many people in the lobby.
Liang Ze lied hanging on the sofa, eyes opened wide and stared into s.p.a.ce but there was no soul in them.
Xie Jin Yan flopped down, staring at his face as she really did not know how to deal with him.
Liang Ze's book officially went on sale on May 1st, because they had done a really good job on promoting the book; therefore, even though now it was just early July, the first 30,000 prints got sold out. Although Liang Ze did not seem to cooperate much, the result was just as what Xie Jin Yan expected, it got appeared on many charts. Receiving a lot of praises, such as "a very entertained reading, it has been many years for such a serious book to be published."
Today was a small celebration, the publisher was planning to have the first reprint by the end of the year. Mainly they were waiting on the "Hundred Flowers Award" result; second, they wanted to observe the market saturation deficit. This book's result had made everyone very happy, that day Director Sun had insinuated if Liang Ze wants to strike while it is still hot by having reprint right now, Liang Ze said he had no idea.
That's right, Liang Ze was in a very bad mood. Since that day, it had always been on the down side. Xie Jin Yan did not know why, because whenever they sat down to have a talk about the book or general subject, Liang Ze tended to avoid her. If it was not that he drunk himself to this state, she thought that he would never actually want to get into her car.
Xie Jin Yan could not think of what had made Liang Ze to be this sorrowful, he becomes the best-selling author at such a young age, tsk tsk, it should be the most joyful time of his life, right? But he became so miserable? Was it love? It should not be, she heard that Liang Ze does not have a girlfriend. Could it be that refuse to answer the phone thing? Was he chasing after someone? But what kind of girl would not him her attention? She must have very high standard!
{Translator Opinion: Sis Yan ah~ if it was a girl, he would not be this miserable. It is a man. And guess what? He still doesn't get why Hang Hang does not pay attention to him. I wonder if he is too dense to understand, or he is in denial. I'm guessing the later. >.> Such a jolly person would always try to look at things on a more positive side, even though it evidently shows that it is not so >.> Don't bother with him and give yourself a break, because I am taking a break from thinking in his wavelength >.>}
"I want to vomit," Liang Ze bolted up.
"Go ahead." Xie Jin Yan lighted a cigarette.
Liang Ze only walked two steps and was about to vomit, the waitress rushed to stop him, and then helped him to the bathroom. When he got in front of the toilet, alright, he violently vomited out everything.
Liang Ze spewed out everything as if there was no tomorrow, everything in his stomach one after another rushed out making a big mess.
After vomited out everything, Liang Ze felt like his body had turned into cotton. Reached out his hand to flush the toilet, he got to the sink to rinse his mouth and drank some big mouthful of water. Looked up, he was staring at the person in the mirror, such an unsightly ugly face. Due to staying up all night, the stubble appeared unevenly all over his face, only two words precisely described him — completely exhausted.
He did not want to come to today's celebration, but since the party was for him, it would not be good if he refused to come.
Recently Liang Ze felt he had become a misdemeanor youth, with bad temper and a complete mess up life. He easily got annoyed with anyone. From the aunt living next door to random bypa.s.sers b.u.mping into him on the street, no exception.
Since the start of this summer, everything had become a mess.
Liang Ze swore that he had never been like this throughout his whole life.
He seemed to not have been himself lately, he did not know what has been possessed his body and spirit.
On the last meeting with Hang Hang that day, he did not think it would have such outcome. Completely unexpected. Hang Hang sure could keep up to his words, he had completely disappeared from his life.
On May 1st, Liang Ze spent the whole day thinking about Hang Hang, about the issue in his relations.h.i.+p with Hang Hang. But those issues were like the axle, no matter how much he turned it around, it would never get out of that radius range. In another word, you like a lion, the lion likes to eat meat, but sadly you do not have meat to feed it so you give it gra.s.s instead, the lion knows your difficulty, so it quietly grazes on the gra.s.s. But a lion is after all just a lion, it still wants to eat meat. So you resolve with cutting yourself up and feed your meat to the lion. Each slice through your body, the one receiving the pain is you; yet, the lion is very happy to eat the meat; but you can no longer keep up with this, if you keep feeding it with each slice of your flesh, it is like you give yourself up as its meal. When the lion does not have meat for meal, you ask it to graze on the gra.s.s, the lion just walks away. Is the lion the b.a.s.t.a.r.d here? The lion is not the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, the lion is after all just a lion, the lion likes to eat meat, if you don't have meat, it will just walk away. After having a taste of the meat, how can the lion return to chewing on gra.s.s? Moreover, the idea of feeding gra.s.s to the lion is a very bad idea from the start.The Axle
From the lion issue to the real problem. His Hang Hang is a h.o.m.os.e.xual.
Liang Ze came up with this a.n.a.lysis:
Hang Hang is a h.o.m.os.e.xual → Hang Hang likes men → Liang Ze appears → Liang Ze likes women → Hang Hang likes Liang Ze (in a romantic way) → Liang Ze likes Hang Hang (as a friend) → Liang Ze is on good term with Hang Hang (in h.o.m.os.e.xual field) → Liang Ze gets irritated, Liang Ze does not have feeling for men → Showdown → Hang Hang tried to pursue → Liang Ze resolutely refused → Hang Hang said to pretend not knowing each other → Because Hang Hang is a h.o.m.os.e.xual → Because Liang Ze is a heteros.e.xual → Stop here.
{Translator Input: I'm having a headache reading this a.n.a.lysis, what the f.u.c.k is this thing? =.+}
No matter how much he tried to think about it, all of those logical clues had proven that it was impossible between Hang Hang and Liang Ze.
The answer was very clear and sound, but Liang Ze had furiously refused to accept such answer. Because the last item on this logical bar is always: Stop here.
Liang Ze did not want to stop here, refused to accept it at all cost.
But what use of not wanting to accept it now?
Back to the lion's problem.
The lion goes away ← have a taste of meat, don't eat gra.s.s ← cut flesh ← flesh ← the lion wants to eat meat ← the lion eats gra.s.s ← you like the lion ← the lion likes you ← You ← The lion.
After all, the main source of the problem is: lion is lion, human is human.
Looks like similar species at first, but not in the same position, so in the end, they are not the same.
Numerous logical a.n.a.lysis told Liang Ze that Hang Hang was right, to stop here. But he did not stop, could not stop. Was it because the human yearning for the warmth of the lion's mane? Was it because he, Liang Ze, could not be separated from the warmth of Hang Hang's feelings? That owner can just simply take in a new lion, feeding it with gra.s.s from the start, and telling it that lions only eat gra.s.s. Liang Ze could just go find a better friend, this time made sure that it will not cross the line. However, now the problem is that the lion is a unique one, Hang Hang is very unique to Liang Ze. In this world, there are many lions, but they are not the lion that left the owner; in this world, there are many people, but they are not Liang Ze's Hang Hang.
Every time, he would get stuck here.
Liang Ze could not think of what that lion means to the owner, just like he could not think of what Hang Hang means to him.
Liang Ze looked at the person in the mirror for a long time, he saw his forehead got solemn, his face was pale, the white s.h.i.+rt on him got all wrinkled up, and the red dragon pattern on it got all distorted.
He sat down by the sink, touched his trousers' pocket, and took out a cigarette to smoke.
Asides from the time he was still underage that Liang Ze had to hide in the school restroom to steal a smoke, this was the first time since Liang Ze was at the legal age that he stole a smoke in the public restroom.
This action brought him back to many years ago, the time he had met and encountered countless people. He had many friends surrounding him, how come not one of them could make him wanting to monopolize them like Hang Hang?
Why?
Because he could not think of an answer, in mid-May Liang Ze felt like going insane, every day he woke up in a mess, he became nauseous every time he ate, after threw up everything he did not feel like eating, he kept on vomiting every day like a pregnant woman. He consulted himself that it was for losing weight for the summer, but summer, the real summer had not yet arrived. Within half a month, he had lost more than ten pounds. Liang Ze could not stand it anymore, and he wanted to go find Hang Hang to ask, "tell me, what's wrong with me?"
However, Hang Hang was gone. He had coming back several times, but he only saw Hai Hong and Ying Ying who told him with a smile that Hang Hang has gone on a trip. Later on, he did not dare to come again, because their eyes told him that he was acting like a crazy mad man, the subtext was: how many times we have told you?
Then he started to call Hang Hang, but every time no one would answer or hang up the call.
Xie Jin Yan told him today that because the other person had put his number in refuse to answer list.
Hang Hang, he, really, acted like they do not know each other.
At that moment, he realized that he was being abandoned, Liang Ze found himself crying.
{Translator Input: No matter how much frustrated I feel towards him. But at this exact sentence, I can feel him. This almost made me cry because no matter what kind of a person you are, the moment your realize that you're no longer important to someone dear to you, it's very painful. It hurts more than a knife stabs through your heart. It's like your heart is being ripped piece by piece and the pain kept on torture you until you turn numb}
At first he noticed his eyes got blurry, and then he felt something sliding down his face, then he felt himself s.h.i.+vering, and then he heard his own cry.
Since the day his parents died until now, he had never cried. Not even once.
If saying that he bawling his eyes out for losing his parents because it was family love, then why losing Hang Hang caused him to experience the same piercing pain?
Xie Jin Yan had been waiting for a long time but did not see Liang Ze come back, her ashtray had been piling up into a thick layer of cigarette b.u.t.ts. She twisted of the cigarette in her hand, got up, and went straight to the restroom.
As she got closer, she could clearly heard a man crying.
This made her frankly walking into the men’s restroom.
She saw Liang Ze, he was like a child crying his lungs out.
Xie Jin Yan got frightened, she squatted down to take a look at Liang Ze, was this drinking to his insanity? This had completely destroyed his image.
"Liang Ze, Liang Ze!" Xie Jin Yan grabbed his shoulders and shook them violently.
Liang Ze did not look up, he would not look up no matter what she did.
"Stop crying! This is so embarra.s.sing!" Xie Jin Yan opened the faucet, taking a handful of water and poured it all over Liang Ze.
{Translator Input: d.a.m.n! She is smart! Knows exactly what to do to keep his image. After all Liang Ze is the best-selling author now, so obviously some people might recognize him. Therefore, it's not good to have them see him in this state, it might give the tabloid something to exploit on and may affect his reputation in this industry ^^}
Right at this moment, a man happened to walk in and was completely stunned at seeing a man and a woman in this state.
"What are you looking at!" Xie Jin Yan shouted out.
The man looked at her, then looked to Liang Ze, and then turned to walk out.
"You, get up!" Xie Jin Yan pulled Liang Ze up, if he did not get up, she would drag him out.
Liang Ze suddenly pulled on Xie Jin Yan's wrist, he looked up at her with his moist eyes and said: 'someone is gone…why I can't cry, why?"
"Dead?" Xie Jin Yan looked at Liang Ze.
"No. Only said to act like we have never met, and then just disappeared."
Xie Jin Yan sighed and then squatted down again, she lifted Liang Ze's face to look at her, "You really love her, right?"
Liang Ze looked at Xie Jin Yan and said honestly, "That person is a man."