[T/N – 破釜沈舟 – Chinese idiom – Literal meaning: to break the cauldrons and sink the boats; Figurative meaning: to cut off one’s means of retreat; in this story's case: Hang Hang will make sure Liang Ze can't say no to his feeling *giggle*]
Hang Hang: I kissed you because I like you
Liang Ze: I like you too!
Hang Hang: …
Liang Ze: If I didn't like you, how could I let you kiss me so warmly!
Hang Hang: Be honest…do you know what I like you means?
Liang Ze: Of course! I like you just like we like the same song, like to stay together, like to play with each other, like to talk with each other, also… {Translator Input: I seriously think that there is no way to help Hang Hang in this, you're by yourself darling, Liang Ze is a gift from heaven with lot of error >.>}
Hang Hang: What else? (Antic.i.p.ated (☆＿☆))
Liang Ze: Sharing our experience of raising chinchillas with each other!
Hang Hang: … (Inner thought: You have "Probationary" experience)
Liang Ze: I'm telling you, Ikkyu and Long Long, like, have telepathy or something; when they're together, they bully each other; but when they're apart, they miss each other like crazy!
Hang Hang: (Gritted teeth) I like you just like Long Long likes Ikkyu.
Liang Ze: What?
Hang Hang: Get it?
Liang Ze: …you mean that…
Hang Hang: Yes.
Liang Ze: You're scared of me…
Hang Hang: @##￥%@#￥￥%
Liang Ze: You…
Hang Hang: What?
Liang Ze: You don't have alopecia areata, right?
Hang Hang: Do you believe that I'll whip your a.s.s?
Liang Ze: This…
Wasting too much time. Hang Hang was lying down on the couch staring up at the ceiling, thinking that he had never felt this defeated his whole life. How are you going to get him? How! I've used every kind of method, even directly confessed my feeling … yet he still doesn't understand! So frustrating =.= Even if he is an idiot I can still love him, except that I can't stand this kind of idiot!!
He could vaguely hear the man's cheerful voice coming out from the bathroom. Hang Hang frowned as he looked inside. Through the gla.s.s door he could make out the contours of the other man's body.
Because it was quite late at night and he was going to be coming here again tomorrow anyway, and because he also brought Ikkyu along, Liang Ze said that he would not go back home. He was ok with sleeping on the floor, he said, as long as he wouldn't have to endure the cold wind…
Hang Hang did not want him to sleep over even one bit. It was extremely dangerous. As you can see, that danger has come now: such a glorious naked body behind the frosted gla.s.s door, even humming a song! Yet, he still shamelessly looked down =.=
The biggest problem right now was where to sleep. The bed was big enough for two people, but the key point was…the two-person bed…this was like forcing Hang Hang to become a s.e.x offender or something!
Do I really have to let him sleep on the floor?
That's not good, right? He had been sick with a cold for so long, and only now just got a bit better …
The couch is not big enough, and he would have to bunch up the quilt…it won't be comfortable to sleep.
"Shuaige!"
Hang Hang was feeling dejected when he heard Liang Ze shouting from the bathroom.
"What happened?"
"I forgot my clothes!"
"What?"
"I can't come out! How about you bring them to me from out there. Could you bring them to me?"
"Okay." Hang Hang was shocked. Not good, me facing him in that way. "Hold on."
The door opened. What to call this? p.o.r.nography show?
Yup, a completely naked and thoroughly soaked body…
Droplets of water dripping down from his hair, some dripping down to his shoulder, and some slowly sliding down along the curve of his slender body. Hang Hang's eyes followed the droplets of water traveling a bit, a bit, and a bit more…down.
A human's conscience is controlled by an angel and a devil. At this moment, the angel with the pure wings shouted: Hang Hang, control yourself, don't be hasty or you won't even get a small bite of this delicious dish. But the one holding the evil trident said: Stupid, what are you waiting for? Such a delicious meal is presented right in front of you, and you are not eating it? Is there any other choice between you and this Idiot?
Would good triumph over evil, or evil overpower good?
The angelic wing and the evil trident started a life-or-death battle.
When Hang Hang pounced on Liang Ze, it was the final result of the battle; however…
"Ha ha ha ha…Shuaige! Ha ha ha…that tickles, stop it! Ha ha ha ha…you suddenly attacked me!"
The Idiot still thought that they were just playing around =.=
"Stop it, I'm so ticklish…ha ha ha…"
"Omp…"
"What the, why are you suddenly kissing me…"
"Uh…."
"I say! Let me speak…"
"Uhm…."
"Motherf.u.c.ker!"
"Uhm, Ohm, Uhm…"
"Not like this, let me breath, d.a.m.n it…uhm…"
Liang Ze still had not realized that something wasn't right, still thought that they were just playing around like two little kids, until…
"What the! Where are you touching!"
The lower part of his body being touched, instinctively Liang Ze pushed Hang Hang away with all his might.
Hang Hang did not expect such a sudden revolt from the Idiot. He was taken by surprise and, being pushed backward, unfortunately hit his head against the shower head. There was a loud thud and then hot water poured down from above…such embarra.s.sment.
But, even more embarra.s.sment…was still waiting for him ahead. Compared to that, the irrigation would be nothing.
"Shuaige…you…you are…a h.o.m.o."
This scene to Hang Hang was beyond embarra.s.sment as he faced his guest staring at him…He wondered what was going through this guest's mind, faced with someone being soaked from head to toe while he, naked with a serious face, was asking him that question =.=
Liang Ze looked at Hang Hang, his facial expression not changing one bit. Numerous flashbacks rushed through his mind, and he did not understand how to express his thinking…Everything up until now could only point to one possibility. Exactly, since he did not understand it well before, he could still be such an imbecile =.=
Hang Hang became completely still as he did not know what to say. Yet, his intellect had been urging him to say something. After a long pause, he said "put on your clothes first. Don't let yourself be cold." He shut down the shower head and grabbed a towel to dry himself, although it did not help much. It did not matter whether his body got wet or his heart just got splashed with a cold bucket of water. Liang Ze still wore that shocked expression…How to put it, it was disgust? It clearly showed on his face.
Liang Ze did not say anything. He just went out and put on the pajamas and then headed straight to the sofa.
Hang Hang was still wrapped in a towel as he pulled out a set of bedding and threw it at the Idiot. He then took a new set of clothes and headed to the bathroom.
The hot water poured down on his body the second time. This situation could be said to be beyond despair.
Liang Ze clutched the quilt. First he clutched on it, then he wrapped it around his body. The sofa was a bit narrow, but he tried to scrunch himself in. Then he buried his whole body from head to toe under the quilt.
So Stupid.
At that moment, he could only use this word to describe himself.
How he could be so stupid, how he could be so insensible…
I like you.
So it turned out it had that meaning.
Can I kiss you?
So it had that meaning.
It looked like they were just playing around, it actually had that meaning…
He…Shuaige, the shop owner, Long Long's master, Hang Hang…is a h.o.m.o.
Right, that explains why he has no girlfriend when he is that handsome; Right, if it's not like that, how would it be possible that he is still single; Right, what else…he can meticulously take care of me. Right, it makes perfect sense that last time when I was showing off that I had a hot s.e.x with a woman, he immediately hung up the phone; Right…
Countless odd questions finally came down to one unique answer.
There is such thing in the world.
Heaven has made many divine rules like he is destined to be born as a man, and she is destined to be born as a woman. Therefore, many tragic and comedic incidents appear among men and women. But, there are some people who are destined to be of a certain gender, yet they do not want to have a member of the opposite s.e.x as their life partner. They cannot suppress their feelings and cannot control their emotion, but love and have a desire for someone of the same gender. Such a thing has never been a secret and has never been anything unreasonable. Liang Ze has known about many of these people: they appear in numerous great literary works, they are found among many good artists, and they have always been in existence in this society. Liang Ze has never discriminated against them. He well understands that they are just a bit more unique than most people; it is those unique people that create so many great books, great ideas, great designs, and so on and so forth. This are not the crux of the problem. Liang Ze acknowledges the existence of these people, and he accepts them as part of the society, it is just that…f.u.c.k! He is obviously an absolute hetero! His s.e.xual preference has not once swung the other way! He likes a soft, compliant body, not a stiff, rock hard skeleton =.=
Honestly speaking, Liang Ze did not know what to say when he realized Hang Hang is gay…An experience. Yes, let's just call it an experience. Shock was obviously inevitable, but what to do with this shock? Most people would turn away in this situation, right? People do not walk on the same path if they do not share the same idea. But…this gay man is the shop owner, the very kindhearted Shuaige that always treats me well…Liang Ze, why can't you just turn around and walk away?
I like you.
Alright, no need to think about it, there was no way to get away from this.
Liang Ze was still nestling in the quilt, his mind tangled in a bundle of mess as he recalled many memories between the two of them and pondered them. There was no answer and no solution for this; he only knew that he could not turn away from it. Just thinking about turning away, he could have already decided that his relations.h.i.+p with Hang Hang would end here, He was…how to say this, it was as if he were standing unarmed in the middle of a group of soldiers. He would die if he fought, and he would still be dead if he did not fight. He was very certain that he did not want to lose Hang Hang, but he was now clear through which eyes Hang Hang was looking at him, in the end, what he really wanted.
Vaguely, he heard some movement. The sound of the door opening, the sound of walking, and the sound of water running from the faucet. And then something was placed on top of him, was that a blanket? Following that was the sound of a gla.s.s in contact with the table surface, then more footsteps, and finally the slight sound of the door closing.
Liang Ze tried to take a peek from the quilt. The light was off in the living room. Only the monkey shaped night light was still glowing. On the table was a full, warm cup of tea. Next to it were an ashtray, some cigarettes, and a lighter. A pale green blanket had been added on top of his quilt. Even the in-house slippers were placed neatly at the end of the sofa.
Liang Ze sighed and sat up. He was like a night owl as at this moment; he could not get himself to sleep, not to mention he was bothered by this word "h.o.m.os.e.xual" =.=
He lit up a cigarette, yet it was tasteless. Who would still like 0.3 Zhong Nan Hai?*Zhong Nan Hai – a popular cigarette brand in China; 0.3 stands for the level of menthol (package on the right side)
Then he remembered that Hang Hang does not like to smoke.
But Liang Ze did not bother thinking about the taste of the cigarette. He was more concerned about "how to deal with this".
People always have to pay a high price for their desire. If they want something, they must be prepared to lose something else in return.
That was the concluding sentence of the novel he had just finished writing.
Ironically, that was an apt description of Hang Hang and him.
There was no doubt about it, Liang Ze had spent too much time together with Hang Hang. They had come to naturally and simply acknowledge each other. But there was no doubt that he has absolutely no desire for men!
How could it be?
To fall in love with a man?
This is not the order of life!
He was not going to have any offspring in this lifetime?
But then again, why did it have to be a woman?
It was destined that way…like Adam and Eve, a man and a woman will join together to have offspring; therefore, a man must coax a woman…
Shuaige, why are you going against the law of nature?
d.a.m.n it! Why it is you.
Actually, it's ok that you're gay, but why must you choose me! You shouldn't like me, right? Why does it have to be me?
Taking another drag on his cigarette, Liang Ze became even more confused and troubled. All of his ideological struggles were focussed on one question — whether or not he would lose Hang Hang. Although he knew the answer, he did not want to accept it.
Generally speaking, all imbecilic people have one common characteristic, that is, just like little kids, they cannot suppress their emotions. In the end, Liang Ze could not sit still. He got up and knocked on the door to Hang Hang's room. He wanted to ask— more like he wanted to be certain — whether, between Hang Hang and himself, there was another way they could get along besides that. What were the consequences and how to behave after this, he really did not know.
***
Hang Hang was having insomnia. A kind of fear overwhelmed his mind, and that was — the Idiot will run away. The so-called no expectation no disappointment seemed to be just some wishful thinking. How could people control whether or not they expected something? From the moment his heart fell in love, how could he control its expectation? What made him even more dejected was that, after meeting Liang Ze, he had turned into a teenage boy that didn't know how to restrain himself. He was the living example of Thomas Fuller's quote — when pa.s.sion comes through the front door, wisdom exits through the back door.
The light knocks on his door gave him a palpitation that successfully pulled him back to reality. He had no reason to fantasize or a.n.a.lyze the situation. In the end it would all just be futile.
When the door opened, Liang Ze was standing outside in his pajamas wearing an anxious expression. Looking at the man wearing his favorite set of pajamas standing at his bedroom doorway, Hang Hang was a bit absent-minded.
However, Liang Ze was not aware of such thing? He immediately asked: "Shuaige! If I can't accept your love, does that mean I'll lose you?"
Hang Hang was taken by surprised for a moment, but he then looked into Liang Ze's eyes. At that moment, the angelic wing and the evil trident started to argue. The first one said hurry and tell him that you will always be by his side, your love is not that selfish. The latter one immediately chimed in, why are you hesitating? It's obvious that he doesn't want to lose you since he asked such question! Go on, make your final move, so he will have to accept you!
"…you tell me." Liang Ze waited on Hang Hang's answer, like a prisoner is awaiting the final verdict from a judge, winner takes all in one fell swoop.
"I…" Hang Hang was at loss for words.
Like a stalemate in a chess game.
Hang Hang looked down, Liang Ze also looked down, no one knew how to continue from here.
After a long pause, Hang Hang coughed and said, "Yes."
It was not that the devil had lobbied him, but rather…his reason told him that if he kept on being indecisive, he would be in trouble. He did not want everyone to be in difficult position in the future.
After hearing the answer, "yes,"Liang Ze gasped. In fact, he really wanted to see Hang Hang smile and say it's all right.
"Get some rest." Hang Hang did not want them both to be standing here in this unbreathable atmosphere, so he forced a slight smile.
"How about…" Liang Ze did not want to end the conversation like this. "That…"
"What?"
Liang Ze finally sorted out his internal conflict to come up with the greatest determination since the day he was born. It was also the biggest sacrifice he ever made, "Can…we try?" after saying this out loud, Liang Ze also faintly realized that how he treated Hang Hang was not as simple as "friend." This man had taken an important place in his heart without his knowing it.
Hang Hang was surprised. Do you know this kind of feeling? The feeling of holding on to a lottery ticket, waiting for it to open. As the numbers were called out one by one, he still could not believe it. But it was Hang Hang, not just any ordinary person, the smart and handsome shop owner, the omnipotent superman in Liang Ze's eyes, the Shuaige that can do anything in the world, it…
He only said one sentence, and that made Liang Ze's sense that sacrificing oneself for justice was in vain. "Remember when you bought the chinchilla? If you don't take good care of it, I won't take it back."
"I'm very reliable!" Liang Ze felt depressed. It was his greatest sacrifice, yet…it was being trampled on =.=
"Take it or leave it. There's no trial period," Hang Hang said in a serious tone.
"You force me~, Shuaige…" Liang Ze felt annoyed.
"You came begging to my door. You should know my intention very well.You should make up your own mind as well. We won't go over this matter again in the future."
"You!"
Looking at the embarra.s.sed Idiot, Mr. Nice Guy Hang Hang was being revived. He hugged Liang Ze's shoulders, his cheek brus.h.i.+ng against his neck, and smiled.
"What can…" Liang Ze was hesitant as his hands placed on Hang Hang's back.
"Hm?"
"Say…should I…"
"I'm listening."
"Should I give my brother a call?"
"Ah? Now? In the middle of the night?"
"Yup, I should at least call him? Tell him that he shouldn't worry about me, because I won't find a girlfriend anymore, because…I have a boyfriend now?" Right now, he must study and master the art of getting along with a gay man.
"…"
It's going to be a long and b.u.mpy road, Comrade* Hang Hang.
[Proofreader Note: This is a joke because, in China, people don't call each other comrade any more except maybe some of the old folks. Comrade, or tóngzhì, is how members of the LGBT community call each other.]