Oneshot

Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.

Xue Cao met Su Mo again under an old tree when she was deep in the mountains.

His white robe was dyed red with blood, his hair in disarray and his head hung low. Nonchalantly, Xue Cao moved towards him and gave him two kicks, which caused Su Mo’s body to fall, revealing his ghastly white face. He seemed like he was dead.

“So this happens to you too.” Xue Cao ridiculed.

With a turn of her head, she resumed her search in the mountains for medicinal herbs. Only in the evening when was returning home, did she noticed that Su Mo was still sitting under the tree. The blood on his face had long coagulated into patches, and he was now surrounded by all sorts of flies. When has Su Mo, a person of high standing, ever been in such a pitiful position?

Xue Cao stood beside him and thought for a while, but noticed that hidden under his messy hair, there was still a hint of smile, making it seem as though he died in good spirits.

And the thought of Su Mo dying comfortably made Xue Cao nauseous.

With the same respect given to that of a rotting corpse, she grabbed his collar and as roughly as she could, dragged Su Mo home.

All she could think about was how unfitting it was for such a person to die comfortably.

He deserved… a harsher death.

Su Mo woke up to the delightful chirps of birds and the aroma of food.

Never once did he actually believe that he would have the chance to meet Xue Cao again in this life. Was he dreaming, or was this an illusion Hell was feeding him? Then again, why would Hell have sunlight and such comfortable blankets?

He was probably dreaming.

In a good mood, Xue Cao hummed a tune as she enjoyed her food. The afternoon sun shone softly on her, making her seem especially soothing and calm. Su Mo couldn’t help but gawk at such a sight.

It felt good to be able to experience such a dream.

Xue Cao however probably felt the brunt of his stare, stopped eating, turned around and was met with his eyes. Both were startled, but Xue Cao quickly broke out of her daze, continued eating and sneered.

“You’re quite lucky.’

Su Mo was dumbfounded for quite a while after hearing Xue Cao’s voice. Mocking himself, he unconsciously clenched his fists under the blankets as he quietly chuckled.

“So it’s not a dream.”

Xue Cao took an empty bowl and filled it with rice and a few pieces of vegetables. She then pushed the chopsticks vertically into the bowl like that of an upright tombstone1 and gave it to Su Mo.

“Feed yourself if you’re awake.”

She placed the bowl beside his bed and was getting ready to leave when Su Mo called her name.

“Xue Cao.”

The way Su Mo called her used to plague her, forcing her to wake up in the dead of the night. In the nightmares, Su Mo had used the same calming, hypnotic tone to call her, “Xue Cao, I have wronged you in this life, my apologies”, and the pain she felt from it was piercingly cold. That is, till now.

Sarcastically, Xue Cao spoke. “It seems that Gentleman2 still remembers my lowly name, what an honour.”

Su Mo grinned but his long eyelashes covered his sight. “The only thing I must not and dare not forget in this life is you.”

“Oh.” Xue Cao turned around, crossed her arms and glared at Su Mo who was sitting while she stood over him.

“It’s been three years, but Gentleman’s mouth has gotten fouler. Dare I ask, for you to speak of something like this, did you not think about your capable wife?”

“She died.” Su Mo answered nonchalantly.

“What about your clan and assassins?”

“They’re all dead.”

Xue Cao stared at him for a while. She didn’t want to pursue the matter or ask any questions. This turn of events made her so happy that she smiled.

“Such great news, it makes people unable to stop smiling.”

Watching her smile made Su Mo smile too. Though it was unclear if it was because he was delighted by the news or mocking himself but Xue Cao was unwilling to see any form of laughter on Su Mo. “Su Mo, you can still smile?”

“You’re still here, I found you, isn’t that great?”

He answered naturally, almost as though she was still the dumb, naive Xue Cao that jumped at any chance to get close to him. It was almost as though he hadn’t personally pushed her off the cliff, as though her arms and legs weren’t crippled from the fall, as though the days of suffering where she lingered between life and death didn’t exist.

Xue Cao kept her smile, lowered herself, placed her hand on his injured shoulder, and forcefully pressed on it, till his blood bled out of the fabric, till she felt blood on her palm.

Su Mo’s face paled, but continued smiling. He kept his gaze on Xue Cao.

“I don’t think you get the situation. You’re only here because I want to see you cry.”

Su Mo stared quietly at Xue Cao for a while.

“I’ll try my best to satisfy you.”

Su Mo cannot cry.

Xue Cao was clearer than anyone, about the extent of Su Mo’s cold-bloodedness and how vile he was. The head of the Qing Luo Clan, the son-in-law of the current Jiang Hu’s Leader3; he controlled the entire Jiang Hu with his father-in-law. From the looks of it, the outside world has probably fallen into chaos.

No matter how pathetic Su Mo has became, Xue Cao didn’t think twice about being on guard. When the injuries on his body seemed to be getting better, Xue Cao forcibly fed Su Mo a black pill. Su Mo, a person who knew how to spit poison out even after slipping it directly into his stomach, complied obediently and swallowed the pill.

“Doesn’t taste good.” Su Mo teased.

“A pill to rid someone of their martial arts, how good can it taste?”

Even after hearing Xue Cao’s words, Su Mo didn’t do anything; he sat and fixated his eyes on Xue Cao, seemingly afraid that she would disappear if he glanced away for a moment.

Before long, Su Mo’s veins raised visibly, his breathing became erratic, as though he was in agony. He finally closed his eyes and bit his teeth tightly.

Xue Cao spared him a brief glance, clenched her fists and walked out of the room with a turn of her body.

Even after the doors were closed, the sounds of erratic breathing could still be heard audibly. Xue Cao only stared impassively at her hands and fell silent.

Without his martial arts, Su Mo was unable to regulate his inner Qi4, which made dealing his injuries much more difficult. Xue Cao however was unsympathetic. She made him carry her bamboo basket when she searched for herbs in the mountains, made him log trees for firewood, made him wash dishes etc. Su Mo’s injuries couldn’t help but worsen after a day’s of work.

Xue Cao was knowingly torturing him. She was using everything she could think of to torture him, but never once did Su Mo flare up.

Su Mo, after collecting firewood, was drenched in sweat. He sat down on the table, directly across Xue Cao with a dirty face and happily dug into the food. He was obviously famished.

Xue Cao didn’t know why, but a surge of anger overwhelmed her. She slapped away Su Mo’s chopsticks and glared icily at him, who was dazed by her actions.

“You really suit this kind of torture, don’t you?”

Su Mo paused slightly, and seemingly saw through whatever Xue Cao was thinking. He feel silent for a while before laughing softly.

“You’re still as naive. If this can be called torture, feel free to continue doing so.” He stopped, before seemingly thinking of something and smiled at Xue Cao. “This only makes me feel like we’re a normal couple…”

Xue Cao cut off his words immediately. “Gentleman thinks too highly of me. How can a lowly servant like me be comparable to Jiang Hu’s golden maiden5?”

Su Mo stared silently at Xue Cao for a while before replying firmly, “Comparable.”

…If that’s so then why did you do that three years ago?

was what Xue Cao has wanted to say, but kept within herself. She didn’t want to say her thoughts, because saying it aloud would only mean that she still cared about those events.

It would be like she lost.

“A normal couple?” Changing the topic, Xue Cao spat out her words mockingly. “Have you seen a wife that treats her husband as such?”

Su Mo sighed, lowered himself to pick up the chopsticks Xue Cao slapped away from him and replied, in a pitiful tone, “So you should treat me better, Xue Cao.”

“Oh.” Xue Cao sneered. “Don’t you want any shame?”

“To want you would be enough.”

Hearing Su Mo’s reply only served to darken Xue Cao’s face. “Your words sound like an insult.”

The water was piercingly cold, so much so that it was enough to make one despair. In the river’s ruthless currents, she struggled desperately between floating and sinking. Her flesh teared upon contact with sharp jagged rocks in the river. Like that of a useless rag, her nose and mouth filled with water, making her unable to breathe or gasp for air. The more she tried to breathe, the faster the water rushed into her stomach.

Su Mo… Su Mo..

Su Mo, who she had relied on as naturally as breathing, robbed away her right to breathe.

She was suffocating.

“Xue Cao?”

Su Mo’s voice rang beside her, and Xue Cao awoke abruptly. Su Mo sat beside her on her bed, brows frowning in worry. In a muted voice, he spoke, seemingly afraid of frightening her.

“A nightmare? “

Unable to distinguish between dreams and reality, Xue Cao sat up frantically and pushed Su Mo away defensively. In fact, the force she used was so great that Su Mo was almost knocked away. Covering her eyes, Xue Cao cowered away to the corner of her wall, her voice cracking and quivering as she shouted desperately in fear.

“Don’t come close to me!”

Su Mo froze at Xue Cao’s words. The light provided by the candle he lit up was faint, but it was enough to see Xue Cao’s scars, which started from the sole of her foot and extended all the way to her lower leg. Su Mo’s heart ached painfully, as though someone had used a knife to carved out sections of his flesh.

He knew how scars like this formed; it only happened from the shearing of the muscle away from rough, jagged edges. In fact, he could probably tell when the scars on Xue Cao formed too.

Su Mo lowered his head and clenched his fists in silence.

Only after a while, when the house was quiet enough to heard the calls of insects in the night, did Xue Cao finally speak.

“Leave.”

Su Mo turned away to leave, took two steps, and faintly apologised.

“Xue Cao. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you think it’s disgustingly pretentious to be saying this now?”

The next morning, Xue Cao woke up like normal, made breakfast and picked up her dried herbs before getting ready to leave.

Su Mo stood quietly before her and asked softly, “Where are you going?”

“To the market, so you’ll need to help me gather more herbs in the mountains, log trees for firewood and wash the clothes. If I am unable to prepare dinner, prepare dinner too. I won’t be returning in the afternoon.”

Xue Cao narrated calmly, as though nothing had happened last night.

“I’ll follow you.”

“No.” Xue Cao rejected immediately. “I don’t want to see you today.”

Su Mo fell silent. Only when Xue Cao left the yard did he smile, “I suddenly feel like I’m the wife.”

“… that’s good too.”

Xue Cao glanced at him. “It’s only a pity that I don’t have the luck to enjoy it.”

Xue Cao goes to the market every month, but always visits an old temple first. The temple was home to the poor, who couldn’t afford the money for medicine or to see a doctor. Xue Cao made it a duty to treat these people every month. Then, using the precious herbs she collected from the mountains, she would trade with the apothecary in the city for some spare change and medicine, leave the medicine for the people at the temple, buy necessities and head home.

However, due to sudden changes in the weather and time spent away from her last visit, there was an influx of patients that needed Xue Cao’s attention. When she finished treating the patients and trading her herbs for whatever she needed, the sun had long set. The city’s gates were already closed for the day. Leaving Xue Cao with no choice, she stayed in the city for a night before hurrying home the next morning.

Xue Cao was surprised to see cold food on the table, which by the looks of, was prepared yesterday. Su Mo actually prepared dinner for her? In disbelief, Xue Cao looked to the sun to check if it had rose from the west today.

That bastard of a person?

Though, he was definitely better now than how he was in the past.

By an excessively large margin.

But, where was Su Mo?

Xue Cao fruitlessly searched the house and was wondering if he had left for the mountains to gather more herbs when she suddenly caught sight of Su Mo in the yard, covered in mud, face powdered with dust, hair in disarray and a faint stubble on his chin.

“Where did you go?”“Where did you go?”

Both asked simultaneously, but with clear distinctions. Xue Cao’s question revealed only her surprise, but Su Mo’s revealed his suppressed anxiety and fear. He had been worried the entire night, worried that something might have happened to her, worried that she wouldn’t return, worried that she would leave him forever.

After all, Xue Cao’s hatred towards him was something he already knew, what more when she didn’t even bother to conceal it?

Xue Cao hadn’t expect Su Mo to be angry and froze slightly before replying, “I stayed in the city for a night.”

“If you already said that you’ll return late, why didn’t you return? If you won’t be returning home, why didn’t you send someone to notify me?” Seemingly enraged, Su Mo closed the distance between him and Xue Cao with a few steps, grabbed her collar and forced Xue Cao to look up to him. “You seemed to have learnt how to break people’s trust and still remain indifferent in just these few years!”

Xue Cao felt that it was absurd to be on the receiving end of Su Mo’s rage, but after hearing his last sentence, she laughed coldly. “Is Gentleman a man of his words too?” She removed Su Mo’s hand from her collar, “Xue Cao is not an important figure of any sort. I can’t afford to send a messenger to notify you of such trivial matters. Also, please stop using this tone to talk to me, I wouldn’t want to mistake your intentions, thinking that Gentleman is still worried about me.”

“I am worried about you.” Su Mo replied bluntly.

“Worried? On what levels are Xue Cao and Gentleman comparable? Who cares about a lowly peasant’s life?” Xue Cao sneered and turned around to return to the house.

Though Su Mo was usually unaffected by Xue Cao’s snide comments, her last statement made him frowned deeply. “I care even if you don’t.”

Xue Cao stopped short, glanced at Su Mo, and without a hint of amusement, replied. “Su Mo, this life that you care about has long been killed by you three years ago.”

Su Mo’s face paled and felt as though someone had slapped him with all their might. Though seething with anger earlier on, Su Mo could only feel regret and a sense of empty, indescribable pain flowing about in his chest now.

“I’m sorry.”

He has apologised numerously in his dreams for the past three years, but every time he woke up, there was only a sense of loneliness so unbearable that it felt chillingly cold. He had enough of it, so much so that when Xue Cao failed to return, he panicked. That’s why he couldn’t control his anger.

He was… afraid.

Xue Cao didn’t bother with responses. She entered her room and closed the door, leaving Su Mo alone.

Su Mo stood silently in the yard, before entering the house to clean the dishes he had left yesterday night.

Xue Cao had no idea that these food were prepared immediately after she left. The Su Mo who lived a life of privilege, cluelessly fumbled around with her small stove-top for an entire day before succeeding to make food that actually looked presentable. Cautiously, he treated the food like gold, making sure that it was served neatly before sitting down in wait for her. He waited and waited, till the food turned cold, but there was still no signs of her.

Su Mo hands stopped cleaning, and his eyes dulled.

So this is how it feels to have your sincerity be put down by others.

This was probably retribution.

Su Mo’s shoulder hadn’t healed and instead worsened after searching all night for Xue Cao, causing him to be unable to lift his left arm. The pain only intensified after he woke up in the morning, so he left his hair untied and rose for breakfast.

Xue Cao caught a glimpse of Su Mo’s appearance from the side.

“Go and tie your hair. You can’t gather herbs if your hair is untied.”

Su Mo smiled helplessly. “My shoulder hurts, I can’t lift them.” He then paused slightly, and suggested with faint anticipation, “Can Xue Cao help me tie my hair? Just like before.”

Xue Cao put down her chopsticks, stared straight at Su Mo, hoping that he would take the hint and start being more self-aware. However, Xue Cao has obviously underestimated how thick-skinned Su Mo was.

Su Mo moved to the back of the house, sat in front of the dressing mirror and softly called for Xue Cao.

“Can you help tie my hair up like before? I can’t seem to do it as well as you did.”

Xue Cao sat in contemplation for a while as Su Mo clenched his fists nervously in wait. She probably wouldn’t come, after all, the past was something she had wanted to forget.

And yet, Xue Cao came. She picked up the brush from the dressing table and brushed Su Mo’s hair in a boorish manner, seemingly determined to rip his head of hair off his scalp. Bitterly, Su Mo laughed. “Xue Cao, it isn’t right to exact revenge when the opportunity comes.”

“Don’t you know? I have always been such an insensitive person.” Though her words were harsh, her actions became milder. Brushing Su Mo’s hair took her back to the past, when he was still the clan’s cordial leader, she was just a servant he had picked up, and the only person allowed beside him.

Xue Cao blinked, and returned from her daze. Looking at the the hair she was brushing, she noticed a few streaks of white hair hidden between the strands of black hair.

He probably… didn’t live well these past few years.

Xue Cao pushed away her thoughts and sentiment, recklessly did Su Mo’s hair before using a random hair pin to pin his hair down.

Su Mo was slightly disappointed. “It’s not the one from before.”

“You can always re-do your hair yourself.” Xue Cao replied irritably. “If you’re done, then follow me to the mountains.”

She turned to leave, but was stopped by Su Mo. “Xue Cao’s hair is looser today, why don’t I return the favour and help you tie your hair too?”

Xue Cao had wanted to reject Su Mo, but after seeing his expressions, she didn’t know why but she couldn’t bear to be curt. But Su Mo, who always smiled and laughed heartlessly, actually seemed like he might cry should she reject him.

Xue Cao sat down and loosened her hair.

Su Mo stood behind her, slowly and carefully brushing her hair in locks, which made Xue Cao’s actions earlier on seemed as though she was killing livestock.

This was the first time Xue Cao sat in front of Su Mo while he stood behind her. Briefly, she lost herself in the thoughts of them being an actual couple, repeating days after days of normalcy while time quietly passed them by.

“Xue Cao’s hair isn’t very smooth.” Holding a lock of her hair, Su Mo complained. “It’s too yellow and dry, don’t you eat enough?”

Of course my hair isn’t comparable to that of The Great Su Gentleman…

This sentence stopped short in her mouth. It was perhaps too harsh? Xue Cao swallowed her words. “Why would I need smooth hair? Can hair be eaten for substance?”

Su Mo smiled, actually lowered himself and gently kissed Xue Cao’s hair ends. “Then can I have Xue Cao’s hair?”

Was he teasing her? It must be… right?

Xue Cao’s ears reddened in embarrassment. She stood up quickly and grabbed her hair back in one big movement before glaring at Su Mo. But to Su Mo, a lady with red cheeks staring at himself, no matter how he looked at it, it was a beautiful picture of a bashful lady. Shamelessly, Su Mo smiled again. But before the smile had a chance to grow bigger, Su Mo caught sight of Xue Cao’s nape.

An ugly brown scar rested quietly on her nape and extended into her back.

Su Mo was stunned, and unconsciously touched it. Xue Cao suddenly flipped round, immediately covered her nape with her hands and scowled chillingly at Su Mo, no longer the bashful lady from before.

Su Mo felt his throat going dry. “What… happened there?”

Xue Cao didn’t answer but instead tried to snatch away the brush in Su Mo’s hand. “I can do it myself, there’s no need to trouble you.”

“How did that scar happen?”

“Give me the brush.”

“How did you injured it?”

The two stood silently, both unwilling to back from the stalemate they had created. After a while, Xue Cao smiled, seemingly in pain and yet seemingly to mock: “How did I injure it, don’t you know?”

Su Mo’s expressions dropped and his face paled in an instant.

Closing her eyes, Xue Cao calmed herself in the dark before narrating a series of events.

“Three years ago, you followed the Jiang Hu leader’s daughter wish and personally pushed me off the cliff.” Quietly, she stared at her reflection in the bronze mirror, as though the person she spoke of wasn’t herself, “I was washed away by the current, and the scattered stones in the river took to tearing my body apart, till I flowed to a stream and a group of farmers rescued me.”

Su Mo clenched his fists tightly, speechless.

“The bones in my thighs were broken, the village’s doctor couldn’t heal it, so I broke the ligaments before attaching it back myself. My scars? The doctor didn’t want to apply medicine due to gender differences between males and females, and pushed for the farmers’ wives to do so. But they were unwilling, so I had to remove my bandages along with my flesh and muscles just to get them to apply the medicine on my injuries. For an entire year, I suffered while I lived.”

Xue Cao stared at Su Mo’s eyes in the mirror, and firmly said, “Su Mo. I didn’t struggle to live just so you could come back and treat me like trash.”

So, please stop tempting her. She had no immunity towards the thing called Su Mo in the first place.

The house grew silent, and Su Mo reached into Xue Cao’s collar again, but Xue Cao didn’t duck this time. Cycling between the scars, he asked, “Is it very painful?” Xue Cao stared stilly at Su Mo’s mirror reflection.

Su Mo didn’t want her to reply anyways, stood in silence for while before taking another lock of her hair to brush.

After he finished tying her hair, he then apologised.

“I’m sorry.”

There was nothing to explain, for the facts were such.

“It’s useless to apologise now.”

Xue Cao stood up, walked out of the house with her bamboo basket and left for the mountains. She didn’t need Su Mo’s apologies or guilt, because there was nothing he could do to make up to her for what she experienced. She thought that she had wanted to see Su Mo suffer, to see him regret deeply for pushing her, but it seems that she didn’t really care for seeing such expressions on Su Mo.

What exactly was she trying to achieve by keeping him and seeing him everyday?

Maybe even she herself didn’t know.

Time slowly passed, and as the herbs in the mountains grew better in the summer, Xue Cao found herself favouring remote parts of the mountains for rare herbs. Su Mo only followed obediently behind Xue Cao.

Slowly, Xue Cao noticed that their meals had gotten much more scrumptious, as more and more wild game appeared in their food. “Even when your martial arts are gone, one still can’t afford to drop their guard around you.” Xue Cao concluded after seeing Su Mo render a wild rabbit unconscious with just a tree branch.

Towards Xue Cao’s ridicule, Su Mo smiled faintly. “Xue Cao can afford to drop her guard around me.”

If she had heard this three years ago, she would be so delighted. But now, he was probably the most dangerous person she knew, and must not drop her guard around him. After all, the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy.

Xue Cao didn’t bother to reply. With a turn of her head, she spotted a rare mushroom, and climbed up the slope happily to pick it.

Su Mo remained behind her to watch, and suddenly saw that Xue Cao’s foot had slipped away from a clump of wet soil. Before the words ‘be careful’ could leave his mouth, Xue Cao gasped in shock, her entire body falling away from the slope. Su Mo rushed forward foolishly, and quickly brought Xue Cao into his embrace as the both of them rolled loudly down the slope.

Luckily for them, the plants and trees had grew well in the summer, cushioning their blow from the fall. Only after Su Mo’s back hit some bushes did they finally stop.

Su Mo took a while to force words out of his mouth.

“Are you injured?”

Xue Cao was protected far too well by Su Mo; she sustained no injuries at all from the fall. She quickly shifted to the side and scrutinised Su Mo. He was covered in soil all over, his face scratched by multiple plants and roots from the fall, his arm was still bleeding, and his wrist flimsy; a sure sign that it was broken. Xue Cao’s chest felt as though someone had pricked her all over, and before she could even speak, Su Mo mocked himself. “Just like you said, I sure am lucky.”

Xue Cao’s throat welled up, but heard him speak again. “But I protected you, and that’s good.”

“Su Mo, are you trying to atone for something?”

“No, I just want to treat you well.”

Xue Cao didn’t bear to be harsh when dealing with this Su Mo.

She helped him reattach his broken wrist, and then helped him up. Xue Cao stiffened at the sight of Su Mo’s back, which was all messed up from the injuries and blood, because she knew, how painful these injuries were. Su Mo only turned to face Xue Cao and chastised, “So do you still dare to pick such herbs again?”

Xue Cao froze shortly before replying, “Yes, I’ll pick it tomorrow, for me to eat.”

After treating Su Mo’s injuries, Xue Cao realised that the necessities in her house was gradually decreasing. She calculated the days, and was taken aback after realising that it has been roughly a month since she last left for the market. Being together with Su Mo had made the flow of time unnoticeable.

As she packed, Xue Cao spoke. “I’ll be going the market for a day, I won’t be returning at night, I’ll return tomorrow morning.”

Without care for his injuries, Su Mo sat upright immediately. “Again? Must you go? I’ll follow you.”

Su Mo has already accompanied her to the market several times, saying that he didn’t allow her to go alone after the first.

Xue Cao had predicted his reaction. She glanced at Su Mo and replied, “You should rest. I can go alone.”

Su Mo wanted to speak, but was cut off by Xue Cao.

“I won’t be lost if I go alone.” After which, she brought her dried herbs and left for the market.

As per usual, she visited the temple first, proceeded to trade herbs for medicine and money before finally dropping off the medicine at the temple. By the time she finished, the city gates had already closed. She then went in search for a hostel to rest for the night. Just as she was preparing to sleep, she heard a series of door knocks.

She was greeted by a bandaged Su Mo grinning at her when she opened the door. “I wanted to find you.”

Xue Cao stared at him for a while, and then heard Su Mo say, “I know you’re fine on your own. But, I’m worried about myself.” He lowered his gaze, and like a child, said, “Worried that I’ll be afraid at night.”

She didn’t know how to be angry with this Su Mo. The duo stood dumbly at the door for very long, staring at each other. The warmth given off by the candles in the room was so comforting it made Xue Cao’s gaze appear softer, which gave Su Mo the illusion that she was still the old Xue Cao, the Xue Cao who would smile at him. Tempted, he raised his hand and gently caressed Xue Cao’s cheeks.

“Xue Cao, can I hug you?”

Without waiting for a reply, he brought her into his embrace. Seemingly reunited with a treasure he had lost and later recovered, he didn’t dare to hug her tightly, but also didn’t want to let go.

Time had seemingly forgot to flow, and Xue Cao only realised what they were doing after a while. She pushed away Su Mo and awkwardly coughed a few times. “You should come in first.”

Closing her door, she tidied her bed and asked, “How did you enter the city when the gates are closed?”

“I was already in the city before the gates closed, just that I was searching for you.”

He didn’t know which hostel she was at, so in a city full of hostels, he probably went around to each hotel personally to ask. Xue Cao’s unconsciously stopped her actions of tidying her bed and turned to look at Su Mo. Perhaps the warmth given off by the candles made her too comfortable, but it prompted Xue Cao to ask the question again.

“Why are you treating me so now? Then why did……” you push me off the cliff without hesitation three years ago?

Xue Cao spoke ambiguously, but Su Mo understood her.

Three years ago, in an effort to achieve greater power to fuel his ambition, he married the Jiang Hu Leader’s daughter, Jiang Qing Qing. But she had disliked Xue Cao, and forced him to push her down a cliff. The him back then was unable to give up his desires and ambitions, and thought of giving up Xue Cao to be as easy as disposing a mere pawn. But who would have known that this pawn of his would haunt him every night in his sleep and force him to wake up abruptly in the middle of night in agony?

Only then did Su Mo learn what love and lovesickness was. He sent people to search for her body, but nothing came up. He hated himself, hated his limbs to the point of decapitation, and hated that he couldn’t reverse time to kill his past self.

But the passing of time is a constant, a fact that remains unchanged. He regretted doing so, and could only continue to regret having done so.

And now, as though the Gods have suddenly took pity on him and became benevolent, he was allowed to meet Xue Cao again. How else then, can he dare to mistreat her?

“Does Xue Cao knows what it is like to lose something and recover it?”

“I am simply afraid of losing another time.”

Xue Cao averted her eyes after seeing Su Mo in this state. There was no point in asking anything; the answer was always something she hadn’t understand then, but understood later. What else could there be to be explained about Life? Life was such; just like how she didn’t know what she was aiming for by being together with Su Mo now.

The next morning, the duo left together to purchase necessities. After they left the market and was preparing to return, Su Mo suddenly called and stopped Xue Cao.

“Your hair is loose.” He turned slightly, and raised his hands to tidy her hair.

In a second, Xue Cao felt her hair coming loose. Su Mo had already removed her wooden hair pin and shot it firmly behind her. She heard a scream, and then a darkly clothed man hiding in the trees dropped onto the floor. Xue Cao jolted, turned round, and saw that her hair pin Su Mo removed earlier, was pinned firmly between the brows of the man, already dead.

Xue Cao turned back to face him, and only saw a smiling Su Mo. “Don’t be afraid Xue Cao, it’s only assassins.” He touched Xue Cao’s hair, and spoke again. “I’ll carve another hair pin for you after this.”

He was still that vicious Qing Luo Clan’s Head, a person who killed without hesitation when needed. This Su Mo made her fearful, and she trembled slightly.

“When did you recover your martial arts?”

“It was never gone.”

Xue Cao’s hand tightened and she then asked, “Why are there assassins after your life?”

Su Mo froze and fell silent for a while. “Jiang Qing Qing died, I killed her.”

Xue Cao raised her head to stare at Su Mo as her eyes widen in disbelief. If it were so… the assassins could only be following orders of the Jiang Hu leader’s. The dissociation of the Qing Luo Clan could only be his doing. But why? He married Jiang Qing Qing, brought glory and strengthened the clan, he was obviously only a step away from being at the top of Jiang Hu, so why?

Why did he killed his wedded wife?

Su Mo didn’t say anything, only shaking his head as he held Xue Cao’s hand. “Let’s return.”

His days with Xue Cao were exchanged with luck from his next life and he didn’t want to waste any second of it on anything else.

Why Su Mo killed Jiang Qing Qing, perhaps even he himself was unclear. Before he met Xue Cao again, he lived like a terminal patient; constantly in a state of unease, had problems sleeping, and could only watch on as he fell sicker and sicker, his spirits lower and lower by the day.

After the incident that day, Xue Cao was reluctant to see Su Mo, and Su Mo didn’t force her to. After three days, Xue Cao finally spoke up during meals. “You should leave.”

Su Mo and her were after all, people from different worlds.

“You saved me in the past, and brought me to the Qing Luo Clan. I have returned the favour by saving you. The two of us no longer owe anything to one another.”

“I’m not leaving.” Su Mo ate and calmly replied.

Xue Cao thought about it, and knew she was not going to win in a fight against him. Even if he didn’t leave, what could she possibly do about it? She could only bury her head in her meal and eat.

“Su Mo. You’ll be the death of me someday.”

Su Mo smiled. “Before that happens, I’ll save you.”

Then, as though it was set up to fulfill Su Mo’s promise, about a half month later, the assassins came, but this time led by none other than the Jiang Hu’s leader, Jiang Fang, a vicious and scheming individual. For him to personally lead a group of assassins, it would seem like he was extremely confident that he could kill Su Mo.

In their group of 10, they invaded the hut, knocked over all the medicine, and ravaged the house.

Su Mo brought Xue Cao, whose fists were clenched tightly, to hide behind a stack of tall bushes.

Su Mo patted Xue Cao’s back and spoke suddenly. “Xue Cao, I don’t want to die yet.” His smile was faint, resembling the one he wore when he pushed her off the cliff three years ago. There were no emotions in his eyes.

“Their target is me. Xue Cao, can you help me to divert their attention? Even if it’s half, it’ll be easier for me to deal with.”

Xue Cao quietly stared at Su Mo, and smiled helplessly. “What did I say the last time? You’ll be the death of me someday.” She hardened her stare, her throat closing up, “Su Mo, meeting you is my life’s biggest regret.”

She couldn’t bear to give up, and yet couldn’t bear to fully distant herself. She got hurt time and again, but still ran towards him like a bumbling fool.

Xue Cao stood up and ran down the mountain’s familiar paths, never once turning back to look at Su Mo. Su Mo smiled and watch as Xue Cao’s back disappeared into the mountains.

Meeting Xue Cao was his life biggest blessing. He met her when he was 16 and picked her up, then met her again when he was 26 but this time, she picked him up.

It’s just that, the fate of their meeting and reunion weren’t that great.

The sounds Xue Cao made brushing against the bushes attracted the assassins’ attention.

“He’s there!” “Catch him!”

Two particular assassins were about to follow suit, when out of nowhere, their knees were crippled with tree branches.

Su Mo stood up and out of the bushes, his smile faint, but his eyes emotionless and cold.

Xue Cao was still too stupid and kind for her own good. She wasn’t a person that calculated favours. He saved her once, and killed her once. Xue Cao should, by right, save him once and then kill him too, but he knew, how soft-hearted Xue Cao was. She didn’t bear to kill, so he took the initiative to kill himself for her. Only then, would the two of them no longer owe anything to each other.

Seeing Su Mo, Jiang Fang raged: “You bastard!”

Su Mo threw a short glance towards the direction Xue Cao ran in, turned around and then ran away in the opposite direction.

It would be hard for him to keep his life today, so he might as well make her hate him and break her longing. Without longing, there wouldn’t be any pain.

When Xue Cao returned home the next morning, the house was empty, and only the mess left behind reminded her of what happened yesterday. Where did Su Mo go? He best had died. Xue Cao was expressionless. She began to clean the house; rearranging the furniture, reorganising and categorising the medicine.

She toiled, and only managed to return the house to how it was in the evening.

At night, Xue Cao wanted to take a proper bath. She prepared the water, and removed her clothes when suddenly, a wooden hair pin fell onto the floor. She picked up the hair pin, a hair pin of simple design, but on its tail, four intricate and beautiful letters were carved out.

苏墨雪草

Su Mo Xue Cao.

For such details to show up on such small letters, how much thought and effort must the person have invested in the hair pin?

Xue Cao froze, her mind blank, and suddenly a lot of things made sense. She suddenly understood. Su Mo was never going to return.

On the second day, as per routine, Xue Cao went to gather herbs, logged trees for firewood, prepared dinner, and out of habit, prepared two bowls of rice and set them on the table. She sat down with two pairs of chopsticks, one for her, and then passed the other pair of chopsticks, but the pair of chopsticks was never taken.

Xue Cao stared blankly into space for a very long time. When she raised her head, amidst the soft stream of light flowing into her house, there seemed to be a silhouette of a person sitting down and smiling blissfully at her, but when she blinked, the silhouette disappeared.

Like an upright tombstone, Xue Cao stuck the chopsticks vertically into the bowl of rice. She lowered her head and ate, but tasted the bitterness of tears spilled from her eyes. The sourness eventually overpowered the bitterness, and Xue Cao resented Su Mo like never before. Not even when he had personally pushed her down the cliff, did she hate him like this.

Su Mo just had the ability to leave traces of himself wherever he stayed; be it as simple as having meals, brushing hair, gathering herbs, going to the market, there was nothing in the house that she didn’t do without him. Why did they have to meet? Why must he leave behind memories in this house? If they were strangers to begin with, how great would that be?

There wouldn’t be an end without a beginning, and therefore pain wouldn’t exist.

The benevolence Gods had shown Su Mo, wasn’t that cruelty then, to Xue Cao?

A gush of cold wind blew outside her yard, and circled inside her bleak little hut before passing her by.

So, without realising, it was already autumn. Xue Cao raised her head, quietly listening to the lonely rustling of mountains and trees. Just like the yesterdays that have already died, there will be nothing to look forward to in the future passing of time.

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