/
Episode 138: Here’s to the Lost Memories (I)
As soon as Rixus arrived, he grabbed my sleeve and pulled me towards him.
Johann’s eyes followed the movement.
“What are you doing here.”
“Her Majesty the Queen wanted to thank you for hosting the banquet.”
‘……I am……?’
‘I’m not really thankful for that…?’
But it was true that it was social courtesy, so I nodded my head roughly.
“Yes, well.”
“It may be a big disrespect to open one without asking.”
“This is usually called a ‘sense’ of knowing what the other person wants in advance and doing it, Your Highness the Crown Prince.”
“…….”
The eyes of the two men were strangely intertwined.
I stood in the middle, unable to say anything.
‘Suddenly, I want to go home.’
Somehow this place seemed very tiring.
Johann first picked up two glasses of champagne from the tray a servant was offering, and handed one to me.
“Thanks.”
When I accepted it, Rixus’ thick eyebrows rose dramatically.
Immediately, he grabbed my glass and sipped the champagne.
“!”
Gulp— Then he brazenly picked up a new glass and offered it to me.
Awkwardly, I raised the corners of my lips and accepted.
“…Thank you, Rixus.”
This time, Johann’s good-natured eyes darkened uncomfortably.
“By the way, Your Majesty, where is the ring I gave you?”
Ah. That ring…
I remembered the fate of the ring that had turned to dust.
I thought that sometimes there was a need for a ‘white lie’ rather than the truth, so that I wouldn’t hurt the other person’s heart.
“I’m treasuring it in my jewelry box.”
“I broke it.”
“!”
At this moment, I was startled by Rixus who suddenly cut in and revealed the truth.
‘What’s with him?’
‘How could he be this crazy…?’
Rixus twirled the glass of champagne and said without much expression.
“I applied a little force. It crumbled like a crispy pie. How cheap was it.”
“It was expensive.”
Johann responded like he was very unhappy.
‘Isn’t he nuts?’ He thought. ‘How did you break it when I have reinforcement magic on it?’
It was annoying that the crown prince used his sword master’s abilities for self-jealousy.
Johann stroked his lower lip with his long, delicate-looking finger, and whispered to himself inaudibly.
“The power of the hand is ignorantly strong…”
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything, Your Highness the Crown Prince.”
Blinking, Johann smiled.
I stood between them, and thought, while holding a glass of champagne and with eyes out of focus.
‘…I want to go home even more intensely.’
I had only been with the two men for a while, and already I felt like all my energy was sucked out.
“Hey…”
I parted my lips and uttered, but Rixus immediately asked Johann a question; I was completely ignored.
“Why did you give the ring?”
To Rixus who asked directly with cold eyes, Johann answered with a strangely firm expression.
“Is there any problem with exchanging small gifts between close friends?”
“….…”
“Sometimes, materials are needed to express deep friendships, Your Highness the Crown Prince.”
“‘Deep’?”
Greatly stimulated, Rixus’ eyes widened.
Then I intervened in a small way, saying,
“The two of you can continue talking, I will…”
Both men said at the same time.
“Don’t go.”
“Don’t go.”
I drank the champagne, feeling as though half my face had sunken.
‘I don’t know…’
At this instance.
The song for the first dance was played, announcing the full-fledged start of the banquet.
Immediately, Johann bowed his back and held out his hand to me.
“Traditionally, the first dance is with the host of the banquet.”
“The first dance, of course, is with your husband.”
Then, Rixus reached his hand out politely towards me.
I looked at the hands extended to me, a little confused.
One hand looked soft, while the other rough and scary.
‘Anyway, I have to make a choice.’
It was impossible to solve this just by standing back.
The bluish-purple eyes of Rixus stared at me passionately.
Johann smiled a little. With his hand still outstretched.
“We loved each other like it meant our lives.”
“We were passionate about each other.”
Each of the words the two men used to express their relationship with me crossed my ears.
‘…The hand that is easy to grasp now is probably Johann’s.’
It was still very traumatic and difficult to hold Rixus’ hand.
Hugging and dancing would be even more difficult.
However…
“This.”
As I placed my hand on Rixus’, Johann’s eyebrows lifted upwards in dismay.
If Johann and I were really ‘secret’, it would be safer to hold my husband’s hand in public.
But above all…
‘I just want to do this.’
I wanted to choose Rixus. Even if it was scary and difficult.
I did not know where this irrational thinking came from.
Soon after, Johann withdrew and Rixus and I stood in the middle of the banquet hall holding hands.
Rixus whispered softly.
“Are you okay?”
It was a question with many meanings.
Because he knew what condition I was in.
I squeezed his hand and lowered my eyes.
Then answered with,
“I can’t tremble when looking at my husband forever… I’ll have to try.”
“….…”
Even though his wife lost her memory, seeing her so lovely.
Even if she couldn’t remember the love she shared with him at all, seeing her make him fall in love even more like crazy.
He would probably never let go of this little hand for the rest of his life… Rixus realized once more.
“I’ll do it softly.”
“……Okay.”
“Tell me if you can’t stand it.”
In his eyes, she was very pretty as she nodded her head nervously.
The two began to move softly to the music.
As Rixus himself said, he and his large hands were cautious.
However, the hand that held my slender waist supported me so well that I could move comfortably.
A masculine body scent wafted through as we moved along with the rhythm.
My nose was close enough to his collarbone.
However, it was not only the trauma of death that I felt for Rixus.
‘……Ah, why are you doing this…….’
Badump, badump.
My heart kept beating as if it was fluttering.
Even though I was obviously afraid, it was pounding too much.
Although I couldn’t look at Rixus’ face properly, I could see that his lips rose nicely.
“It’s amazing. You haven’t forgotten how to dance.”
“……Now that you mentioned it.”
‘I can’t dance in Aktoum’s style, how am I dancing?’
I looked up at Rixus in surprise, and he smiled.
“We danced together before. At that time, you danced on my feet.”
“You’re lying.”
“Really, you were as pretty back then as you are now, and you were pushing me away just like you are now.”
“…….”
It felt quite strange to hear the story of the two of us that I myself could not remember.
Climbing onto his feet and dancing and yet pushing him away like now…
I asked, curious.
“So, how did you do it?”
Rixus replied, eyes gazing down at me tenderly.
“I just loved all on my own.”
Like now.
“…….”
I hurriedly looked away and fixed my hand.
It felt like my rational thoughts kept getting dull.
Even though I knew I was in a situation where I had to judge him coldly and not trust him easily…
Seeing those eyes made me want to believe more and more.
Had I ever felt like this before I lost my memory?
At that moment, the melody of the cello flowed softly.
It was time for the man and woman to move away, and for the woman to gently spin and be embraced.
However, it seemed that the pulling force of Rixus was a bit excessive.
Or maybe I got the step count wrong.
I widened my eyes for a second, and Rixus’ face appeared so close before my eyes. Almost, his lips almost rubbed against mine.
“!”
Breathing in, I stopped abruptly.
Feeling the air tightening with tension, I glanced up at him.
While trying to avoid his lips, our nose bridges brushed against each other.
Rixus’ eyelashes fluttered softly.
“Sorry.”
He apologized as he held me tightly in his arms.
Badump, badump.
My heart raced like crazy.
Was it because I felt afraid due to my trauma, or was I just attracted to him..?
Maybe it was both; they might be so mixed with emotions that I couldn’t tell them apart.
His strong hands touched my waist, and felt like it was going to burn.
Then, all of a sudden, I became curious.
“Maybe we…”
If we were a married couple, in the past…
Rixus’ gaze moved and landed on my lips, which carefully spoke.
“Did you kiss me?”
“!”
My face turned red.
I was going to ask a lot more questions than that, and I never meant to ask about a specific touch, but…
The point I was asking was the same anyway.
“…Yes.”
Rixus’ eyes softly lingered on my lips, then he whispered as he met my eyes,
“I kissed you.”
“……I see.”
I deliberately replied offhandedly, pretending it was nothing.
It had been a long time since my face burned from shame and embarrassment.
The melody began to gently fill the hall again.
Rixus’ hand that was tightening around my waist loosened, and as the two of us spread out, I exhaled.
But that was merely for a while.
In the next movement, at the question of Rixus, who secretly narrowed the distance, my breath stopped again.
“Did I just kiss you?”