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Episode 131: Portraits of the Certain Pasts (II)
Then, on the screen, Rixus could see her alone in the hut.
She was alone, waiting for him, waiting, waiting…
‘You told me you left right away.’
That was definitely what she said to him…
She swept the boy’s seat in the hut, and looked forward with a face of anticipation when she heard a rustling outside.
However, eventually, she made a lonely expression towards the empty seat of the boy who did not return.
And in her life… The light slowly went out.
It was only then that Rixus found out that during the time he had spent in total darkness, she had also spent the same.
That being said, she lied about that topic out of fear that he might be worried.
‘My good wife…’
‘My dear Berylia.’
‘My girl, it wouldn’t be a waste even if I gave you my life.’
After the blue roses bloomed and the oracle descended, how did she endure the life of being killed by him?
Repeating her dreadful fate, how desperate would she have been?
How confused she must have been when he approached her in this life.
The moment that he said ‘I don’t understand’, which hurt her, flew like a dagger and stuck in him.
(PR/N: from when he told her he didn’t understand why she was behaving like that and distancing herself from him.)
Red blood flowed from his heart.
He regretted the words, like his whole body would be torn apart.
She had lived so lonely and precariously that she dared not seek understanding from anyone but herself…
Her wounded expression was still vivid, and his breath was choked.
The reason she avoided him was because the blue roses bloomed even in this life.
He now understood how anxious and difficult she must have felt by herself.
Even deeper than knowing, her feelings turned into his understanding.
After this…
He couldn’t possibly leave Berylia alone.
“… I have to go to her.”
As Rixus spoke in a subdued voice and turned around, Madame Artingus held him quietly.
[There is a past you haven’t seen yet.]
“…What is that?”
[Strictly speaking, it’s not her past, but I want to show you something special.]
Soon, the background was distorted.
Rixus didn’t even hear the explanation of the situation, but strangely, he could understand what he was seeing.
This happened in her 7th life.
But Berylia was not the protagonist of this past illusion. It was Rixus himself.
‘He’ was lying face down in the ruined temple, covered in blood.
His black helmet, which was unaware of defeat, was half-broken, soaked in his own blood, not the blood of his enemies.
Rixus’ eyebrows narrowed as he looked at the screen.
However, compared to the time when he saw Berylia dead, he had a calm attitude.
Kwak— Kiii-yak—
A flock of crows was flying over his head, predatorily watching in anticipation.
‘He’ seemed almost unconscious.
Whites dotted with blood, hazy blue-purple eyes; they flickered faintly like a lamp running out of fuel.
Rixus felt in that moment, that it was as if he was going through it now, with his soul connected with his past self.
Rixus, who was now looking into the past, had disappeared.
He only felt that he was falling and dying.
“Finally…”
His consciousness went away.
“…It’s like this.”
The defeated crown prince of the empire laughed in dismay.
There was no shame in death. His life was also a series of pain, so this death felt as peaceful as a cradle.
The moment his life was eroded by the bitter cold…
Siiii—
When his eyelids finally closed.
A ray of light flew towards him.
“What should I do? What do I do? Rixus Aktoum, you must not die…!”
The halo was like a single spirit, or a group of many spirits.
A voice that could not be guessed whether it was several voices or one voice was heard in succession.
“Why did you lose? You’re supposed to win! You can’t lose…!”
“…….”
“Yes, please wake up.”
A little spirit grabbed his eyelids and lifted them up.
Although Rixus didn’t know this spirit, somehow, he knew.
Rixus, who was finally defeated in his 7th life, did not know who the spirit was, but Rixus, who was looking into the past, knew.
For he had seen in visions of her past, the spirits who cared for her in the swamp, when Berylia was a baby.
“Everything is twisted in this life. Because of the questions you had when you killed her…”
“Question…”
Yes, ‘he’ had doubts.
Rixus recalled her dying at his hands.
“Why are you trying to kill me…?”
‘He’ said she wasn’t worth living. Because she was the one who would destroy the empire.
‘He’ answered soberly, and did not dare to question it.
However—
“I also want to live a worthy life.”
“……”
“I don’t want to live my entire life miserable and lonely, and then die as your enemy…”
The last protest she made with her dying breath.
Crushed eyes and tears of truth that flowed wretchedly.
That momentary instance pierced a very small hole of doubt in his conviction that was as strong as his armor.
He wanted to ask her what she meant, but all breath had left her.
He had been confused the whole time since then.
A certain question, an ominous assumption, did not leave his mind.
The oracle couldn’t be wrong, but… If there was anything he was missing out on.
If he had raised her sword at her too hastily.
‘He’ was unaware of it himself, but his attitude was quite different from that of the Rixus-es of his last six lives.
There was no doubt about the fact that the Queen of Spinel, who had always had a gruesome notoriety, would become a demon that would annihilate the world.
But the question that settled in his chest grew bigger and bigger like a snowball…
As a result of continuous tracking, ‘Rixus’ eventually found out that there was someone else behind Berylia.
And that she was a puppet.
She, too, was just one of the victims.
…If he tried, she could have been saved.
He was shocked to find out.
Since then, ‘Rixus’ had suffered from a deep sense of guilt.
Like a snare that always existed in his chest and suddenly bit his heart, her end kept repeating in his mind.
The guilt and sorrow accumulated each time, changed much of the story.
Even the mindset ‘he’ had in the final showdown.
“It’s a big deal. Once a question has arisen, it won’t go away. What if you do this again next time?”
The spirit sat on his shoulder and said,
“Would you like to meet Berylia?”
“…If we, if we c-can meet…”
“It’s not difficult to create an opportunity. But, your life will get harder… if you get involved with her.”
He was more comfortable dying from extreme pain in his present life.
But more pain than this awaited…
However, if he had a chance to pay off his debts to the woman who pitifully died…
‘Why did you have such lonely eyes?’
If he could ask her why she had been lonely all her life and give her a little warmth.
“I don’t care… uck…”
A bloody tear ran down Rixus’ temple.
“Okay, Rixus Aktoum.”
The spirit scattered light and soared high.
“Keep in mind. I’m just giving you a chance, the rest is entirely in your hands.”
Next.
A beam of light enveloped him.
From his past self, which was completely extinguished from the flame of life, Rixus felt his consciousness slowly disconnect.
Finally, ‘he’ died in the past and only his present self remained.
“Therefore…”
A low voice came out of Rixus.
“I met her in this life.”
The meeting at the hut was a different opportunity from his last seven lifetimes.
[Yes. You chose it.]
Madame Artingus said, raising her lips smoothly.
[Everything was your choice, Rixus. Whether you change your destiny, end up hurting her… or love her. All of them are you.]
“I haven’t done anything.”
Rixus spoke quietly, voice rising from his throat.
“She came to me, and she reached out her hand first.”
It was too much love. For a trash like me, idiot…
At least seven times.
Not knowing how to repay the deaths, Rixus bit his lips to the point of bleeding.
‘What should I do with that stupid woman?’
‘What was so pretty that you saved me?’
‘What do I say…’
How could she rescue and heal the man who killed her?
‘How can your heart be so pretty …You smiled at me like that.’
He wasn’t worth it.
“I love you, Rixus.”
The voice of her confessing her love rang in his ears. His feelings for Berylia filled his chest painfully like it would burst.
Rixus asked, weeping as if he had been mutilated by a sword.
“The one who killed her. Who was the one who played her as a puppet?”
He definitely remembered the time when he moved into the illusions of the past, but now he couldn’t remember anything.
(TL/N: wdym you can’t remember!?!?!! get your damn money back, what a rip off!!)
Madame Artingus explained.
[I can’t show you certain things for two reasons. First, it goes against the ‘causality’ of this world. Second… Some kind of ‘power’ blocks the view.]
A power that opposed a holy relic.
[The question you just asked belongs to the second one.]
“….…”
[But don’t worry. Even in their previous lives, in the end, things didn’t turn out the way they wanted them to.]
“It doesn’t matter.”
Rixus said with anger-filled eyes.
“I will definitely find them and destroy them.”
He finally removed his hand from the portrait, violently turning his body.
A small warning sounded from behind.
[Careful, Rixus…]
“….…”
[Because this time, they are desperately trying to achieve their goals…]
Rixus went looking for Berylia with a heart that was about to explode.
He searched the entire palace. Everywhere she could be.
He felt like he was going to die if he didn’t see her right away.
But, sadly, he couldn’t find her for a while.
Eventually, finally, he found her under the six-fruited tree of the Imperial Palace. He went there, just in case.
The backyard where the two of them had a modest wedding and vowed to love each other…
…There was a back view of Berylia.
When he found her in an unexpected place, his heart raced even more.
It felt like he was choking up, and his heart was about to wear out.
At last, he opened his mouth.
“Berylia.”
“….…”
She…
…She turned around slowly.