Two days after I’d marched into Tendou house and settled the long-standing engagement issues involving both families, the summer troubles of nineteen-year-old Shino Iori, a.k.a. me, were not over yet.
It was early in the morning when the intercom of my room rang, as I was somewhat enjoying the extravagance of idly spending my days, still with no contact from Tendou.
The visitor I saw through the peephole was an angry-looking Tendou Tsukasa herself, with a traveling carry bag on her side.
As I was troubled like, ‘what to do,’ the no-tolerance barrage of ping-pong ping-pong, which is kinda inappropriate for a high class young lady, began. What’s she gonna do if I’m not here?
And what was awaiting for me after opening the door after resolving myself was a sudden, powerful slap.
Together with a—pang—dry sound, an impact echoed down to my bone.
“Whachu, whararchu, what are you! Trying to do!?”
Without regard to my dumbfounded state while holding my cheek in pain like my head could’ve been blown off, Tendou, who seemed to hide her embarrassment from fumbling with her words twice by charging herself with extra anger, glared at me.
She’s already totally completely angry, and it’s packing so much punch that I can even see a hannya mask on her, but even so, she’s still a dazzling beauty even today.
“On top of Grandmother lowering her head to me, I got told to do as I like from now on, and even though my entire family’s thinking I’m gonna reconcile with you again, you haven’t contacted me at all in these two days! My family’s also increasingly seeing me with pitying eyes, and even this morning I got an apologetic apology from Grandmother who was about to go out on a date with your grandfather!”
“Say, isn’t that partially not my fault?”
I found it to be extremely pitiful, though.
No, she sure can endure sitting on thorns like that well; isn’t her mental state too tough?
And then my grandfather, his action’s just too fast. Is that guy, for real?
“Whose fault is it but yours!”
“I’m sorry, I get it, it’s totally my fault, but just lower your voice a bit.”
Thus, Tendou’s anger got even more intense because of my thoughtless words.
If we were to have such a quarrel at the front door, other residents would wait no time to complain, or call the police.
“Keeping up appearances or me, which is more important!?”
“You’re starting to talk about something quite troublesome there…”
I guess, well yeah, it might not seem like a big deal to the invincible Tendou, who got relatively little left to lose after her dissipation got found out by her family.
But I think keeping up appearances is important, y’know?
“Le-let’s get inside for now, come on.”
I got no choice but to pull her by the arm to get her into the room. I got subtly resisted, so this is a good case to call the police, isn’t it? Let’s pray no one is watching.
But I wonder what exactly is in the carry bag that makes quite a heavy sound when put on the floor. I hope it’s not a murder weapon or torture device, though.
And, somehow or another, after much coaxing and serving her barley tea, I had her sit down on a chair, and I sat down on the bed facing her.
Today, Tendou is wearing a summer sweater and skinny jeans that’s giving off a somewhat casual and fresh feeling, and her hair, curled more strongly than usual, got tied up into one on the side.
As I admired her, ‘she sure looks totally good no matter what she’s wearing,’ Tendou opened her mouth after putting the now half-empty glass of barley tea back on the table.
“—Iori-kun, do you know why I’m angry?”
You’re starting to sound like a bothersome girlfriend, you know that? What are you? A nasty, moral-harassing company boss?
I read on the internet that if you strangely apologize, or give half-hearted reasons here, you’d get bombarded even more.
And so after being honest, a red tinge appeared on Tendou’s usually fair face.
“Of course it’s because you never contacted me!”
A surprisingly simple and understandable answer came, and I got bewildered on the contrary.
I see, so it was plainly my fault, huh…
“Wait but I sent you a message the day after going to the pool, but it didn’t get read, and there’s also no reply after that; what happened to your phone?”
“—I dropped it in the bath water and it broke.”
“Eeh… That just means you can’t be contacted then. Isn’t it unreasonable to get angry?”
“Stop logical-harassing me.”
“Far from harassing, I’m a domestic violence victim who got slapped in the face, though.”
“What? Isn’t it fine just a little bit? Didn’t you say before you wanted to try getting slapped?”
“I didn’t, I didn’t say a word about any of that.”
Please stop making things up, I just said that something like that would suit you.
“Also Iori-kun, you and I aren’t in any kind of domestic relationship.”
But I wonder why… when I got told that, it did a little bit of damage to my mental organ…
“Besides, you could’ve just called my house if you really wanted to get in touch with me, and in the first place, when you came to my house to have a talk, you got asked by Grandmother if you’d go meet me, didn’t you?”
I’ve lost my vigor, however, Tendou went to calmly ask me without being overbearing.
“—Hey, why did you, just go straight home that day?”
“Nah, I just, couldn’t get my thoughts straight on what we’ve talked… I’m sorry.”
“I see, so what about now? Have you got it straight? You think you can talk?”
And thereafter, silence fell between us just like the time on our way home from the pool.
The difference from that day was that a bus wouldn’t come to change the situation even if we continued to stay silent.
As I was thinking ‘anything, I have to say something,’ Tendou spoke up once again.
“—That, really is because of my past, isn’t it?”
“…Well, I suppose you could say that.”
Thinking it’s for Tendou, I could resolve myself to come into her home to have a talk with her grandmother.
It’s also true that I’m honestly happy to see her lively face again today.
My idle mood is also becoming a bit excited that she’s in my room.
Then, if I were to say whether or not I could make a redo of that time now, I still can’t make up my mind.
Nor letting out what has always been nagging at my chest ever since.
That’s why, it’s a natural development for Tendou Tsukasa to make a move ahead of me who’s so irritatingly troubled.
“—If, if it bothers you so much, then you can just take up like the nine-hundred one-thousandths of my sexual experience! Why can’t you just do that!”
What’s with that wild solution?
There’s just too much heavy work involved.
“It’s not about numbers, isn’t it?”
“It’s all about numbers! I mean if I had done it with one or two people only, would you have gotten so troubled!?”
“Now that you’ve put it that way, it’s certainly true, but…”
“Come on, if we do it three times a day during summer vacation, you’ll quickly forget about other men!”
“I feel like I’m gonna die from drying up due to too much sex.” Also, please wrap your words a little more nicely.
“Or what? Are you telling me to wait until you’ve done it with ninety-eight people, too?”
She’s just nonchalantly coming out about it, but it’s closer than I imagined in reaching that mark…!
“Well, I feel like I’d probably end up going all in with someone along the way if I tried that.”
If unlucky, I’d fall in love with the first person I have sex with and the challenge is over, alright?
“In that case! Right now! You should just go out with me!”
“Eeh…? No, I don’t get that at all.”
“You’ve gone on so many dates with me and even allowed kisses, so you must have feelings for me too, right!? And if you’re gonna fall in love with someone you have sex with, then just do it with me! Or what? Will you go out with me if we don’t have sex instead!?”
“I feel like I’m gonna die from being gnawed from having suspicions that I might not be satisfying you, so impossible.”
“Then what? What am I supposed to do? Will you talk to me someday if I wait? Just tell me clearly what you’re thinking. Getting dumped with half-cooked feelings like this, I, just don’t know anymore…!”
And I saw Tendou Tsukasa’s tears, one unlike any I’d seen before.
The crying face with frowned brows and quivering lips was the last thing I wanted to see, and yet this was unmistakably my fault.
“Sorry—umm, I’m just scared. If we have sex, I feel like I’m definitely gonna mind about your past even more than I do now.”
In that case, I will have to face the truth that I didn’t want to spit out, the truth that I didn’t want to put into words. Even if it disillusions her, even if she scorns me; but if that’s what she wants then.
“I’d think, ‘aah, she did this with someone other than me, she showed this face to someone other than me.’ Before long, I’d wonder where I ranked among the ninety-nine men, and look for the shadows of other men in everything you did with me—I feel like I’d definitely even start talking selfish stuffs, like ‘why you didn’t you take care of the body that was supposed to become mine?’” Because I’m a virgin—swallowing down the reason I got called a creep some time ago, I continued. “And so, if it got to that, I think I’d probably end up hitting you.”
Since it is all the past that has come to an end, the only person I can complain to is Tendou herself.
“That’s the only thing that I, don’t want to do.” Immediately I noticed—yeah, in the end it seems I’m only thinking about myself.
The reason I don’t want to hurt her is that I don’t want to admit that I’m such an unsightly, insufferable human being.
I’m sure there are people who are small-minded, and I’m sure there are also men out there who can go out with her without even caring.
But no matter what I did, no matter what I thought, that was something I couldn’t seem able to stand.
No, how can you stand it?
Why is it weird to think of wanting to have your lover all to yourself?
I know that’s already impossible, yet I can’t give up; why is that bad?
Doesn’t everyone wish to cherish the girl they love with their own hands?
Even if it can no longer be fulfilled in the perfect form, there’s nothing that can stop my mind from thinking so.
Despite knowing how selfish, self-righteous, and childish that thought was, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. That’s why, at the very least—
“Because I, don’t want to, show you my ugly side, Tsukasa-san.”
Even so, I can no longer willingly distance myself. That’s just how much I’ve been attracted to the girl named Tendou Tsukasa.
That’s why, if our relationship naturally comes to an end with the fact that the engagement matter has been dropped as the reason, even so it’s fine, I thought.
And if our relationship, neither from me nor from her, comes to an end then—it can’t be helped.
That was my sole, and utmost attempt to put up a strong front.
“—Even now? Do you actually feel that way? Do you want to complain to me about the stuff that I did?”
“No, probably, I still don’t feel that way right now. At least, not that I’m aware of.”
But I no longer even knew anymore if that’s even the truth.
“Do you think I’m dirty? That I’m a dirtied woman?”
“Do you no longer have interest in me now that I’m not your fiancée?”
“—I see. Then it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Right now you don’t feel that way about me, right? Then it’s fine. It’s no use worrying about something that hasn’t happened, and it’s also the truth that I didn’t take care of myself in the first place.”
“Besides,” Tendou continued, and moved next to the bed.
Her soft hand lay on top of my clenched fist on my lap.
Then she gently caressed my cheek with her other hand.
“You see Iori-kun, you got angry at Ogura-san at the summer festival, right? You know, I was so happy. I even thought to myself that it’s unavoidable to get called names, but I see that it’s not like that for you, that you care about me more than I do about myself. That’s why—”
Her soft lips touched the corner of my eye.
The smell of Tendou that I haven’t felt for the first time in a while filled my nostrils; the scent that has always made me feel restless whenever I was conscious of it is right now, only now is it something I found very comforting.
“Don’t cry. It’s alright, I’m sure you will always be treating me kindly from now on.”
“No, I’m not crying, what’re you talking about?”
I wasn’t crying, but it seemed to have caused a misunderstanding, so I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.
Tendou, who should’ve been the one crying, already has her expression completely back to how it always has been, even though her eyes are red. And there’s a faint hint of being an S dwelling in those eyes.
“And you know, you have never been that good looking to begin with, Iori-kun.”
I feel like crying for real.
“Also, you’ve already said plenty of horrible things to me, you know? Like, that I’m a woman who would sleep with anyone, or that I look like I’d fool around with middle schoolers.”
I can’t complain about that one since I’m aware of it and it is a genuine fact.
As I was at a loss for words, Tendou at last laughed happily.
Her soft body was coming to rest its weight on me.
Her body heat transmitted from where we touched each other was much higher than I imagined.
“And Iori-kun, how about you try following your grandfather’s example a little? He’s even accepting that kind of a woman who rejected him, married another man, and even has grandchildren, you know?”
“What a way to put your own grandmother.” That’s really not good, alright? “Also, it’s painful to get compared to another man, so I want you to stop…”
“What about you calling your own grandfather ‘another man’ then?”
“I saw a horrible subject changing.”
“I can say the same to you.”
Losing to Tendou’s gushing push, I collapsed onto my side on the bed.
Just like that, I blankly gazed at the room’s wallpaper.
“—Tsukasa-san, are you really fine with that?”
To be honest, I have no self-confidence whatsoever to be kind like she told me.
As a virgin, I am, in other words, a man who has never been chosen by anyone, never been wanted by anyone so far.
Girls have always been a distant existence, which was precisely why I was able to be kind.
No, all I knew how to do was to be kind.
I’ll put aside for a moment the fact that, from Tendou’s view, it apparently wasn’t the case.
That’s why there’s no other man who is as unbelievable as myself.
Not to mention, I can’t even imagine what I would be like after I ended up changing.
“I’m telling you it’s fine,” Tendou answered my abstract question without even the slightest hesitation.
I wonder if that strength is because she’s used to coming into contact with people, I wonder just how much she’s been hurt and hurt until now.
“Besides you know, if you start thinking of concerning things and even start putting it into words, and if I can’t put up with that then—”
“At that time I’d say ’I see, so you’re that kind of person,’ and break up with you, so don’t worry.”
As I was bewildered by her words that sounded like payback from some time ago, “It’s so simple,” Tendou said casually. “It’s certainly me paying for my own mistakes, like you know? And I’m also reflecting. Even so I don’t see any reason why I have to become a constant punching bag from now on. That’s why if you become someone who would continue blaming me like that, I’ll break up with you.”
That’s, well, only natural.
I have no objections; I love Tendou, so I might mind her past and say cruel things, but I’m not gonna say nonsense things like, ‘it can’t be helped, so just put up with it.’
In the first place it just doesn’t have to turn out that way, then it’ll be fine.
“Isn’t it kinda light in many ways…?”
“I mean, it’s something that hasn’t happened, right? It’s weird to get serious instead, you know?”
“Not ‘maybe,’ it is so. Hey, Iori-kun, if you’re still feeling you want me even if only a little, can you give your best? If you want us to continue to stay together, I will also make an effort to accept you no matter what, just as you would have done for me.”
Giving my best to accept Tendou with all her past, and Tendou will also make an effort to accept me.
When she puts it that way, it seems simple enough.
If you might get hurt and hurt, in a sense, it is wise and honorable to keep your distance.
And if both sides can agree on that, then so be it.
But if you think that you can’t accept that past, and that pains you, yet still want that person, yet you still want to be together, then the only way is probably to put in the effort.
Flop, I turned over and lay on my back. The ceiling couldn’t be seen due to Tendou immediately hanging over me.
Occupying my field of vision, she is much more radiant than the fluorescent lamp’s light behind her.
“And also, Iori-kun, Shino Iori-kun? You know, I have a good face. On top of that, I have a great figure, and my family is also rich.”
I wonder what appeal she’s trying to make at this stage.
“Also you see, I love you very, very much.”
“I do, so much that I broke my phone out of sheer shock at my invitation getting rejected after all.”
“I had no idea, like at all.”
“Right? So you know, don’t you think it’s too much of a pity to miss out on a girl this cute?”
“Tsukasa-san, I don’t think it’s that good to immediately use yourself as bait like that, you know?”
“‘Cause it makes me want to get caught without thinking.”
“That’s just what I’m trying to do.” Haah, I sighed at that happy voice of hers. “Hey, don’t sigh.”
She pinched my cheek, and I finally resolved myself.
Tendou Tsukasa is so much of a beauty she’s wasted on me, has cute smile, is actually also smart, a rich person, has an immensely great figure, is stylish, extremely pushy, has a vulgar number of people she has experience with, possesses a sense of values slightly incompatible with mine, but however—even so she certainly seems to love me so much after all.
“Me, too. I love you, too.”
“—Thank you, I’m very happy.”
I can feel that my heart, which has been repeatedly stabbed by my self-awareness’s blade that’s telling me ‘what’re you trying to pretend to be right off the bat there, you virgin?’ got recovered in the blink of an eye with a quick word from Tendou.
—Yeah, I guess I wasn’t as complicated of a person as I thought I was.
“Me, too. I love you so so so much.”
So to be accepted by someone you love is such a happy and heartening thing, huh.
“What’s with all that expression?”
“I can give you two more ‘so’ if you like, you know?”
“Nah, I got the message loud and clear.”
Neither the regrets of the past nor the worries of the future could be felt only in this present moment.
“For now, I wonder if you would go out with me again, starting from lovers.”
“—Of course, I’d be happy to.”
That smiling face of hers that’s like smiling through tears was the most charming one I have ever seen until now.
And Tendou went to hug me and place her lips on mine.
“Don’t refuse this time, okay?”
Without a time to reply, she put her tongue in without reservation, and what followed was also amazing.
Today, I got my very first ever girlfriend.
A summer day, it was indeed a hot day.