CH 51

Having filled my stomach to the brim with takoyaki, yakisoba, crêpe, chocolate banana and fried chicken sequentially, I decided to sit on a bench in Tachibana Park and watch the fireworks. I’m so full that I don’t want to eat anymore but Kaname and Soutarou are having an additional buttered potato.

Although Tachibana Park is some distance away from the Sakaki Shrine where the fireworks are launched, it’s a sparsely-populated hidden good spot where one can easily watch the fireworks too.

“Tasty!”

“It sure is.”

“It’s amazing you can eat that. Just looking at it gives me heartburn.”

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The potato that has plenty of butter and mayonnaise on top makes me full just looking at it.

However, Soutarou and Kaname are relishing the buttered potatoes. Even though they ate the same food in the same amounts as me, it’s amazing that they can still eat this with such relish.

“Mako, here, aa~n.”

As I stare at them eating their buttered potatoes, Soutarou noticed that I’m looking at them and presses the buttered potato against my lips with his head tilted.

I turn my face away indicating that I don’t want it. However, Soutarou smiles sweetly as he looks at me so I give in and open my mouth reluctantly.

“The taste’s too strong.”

“Is it? It’s delicious though.”

The taste of butter and mayonnaise is so strong that it feels like I’m eating mayonnaise instead of potato.

It’s true that it’s delicious but this is calorie overload. What kind of metabolism does he have to own such a nice body despite eating high calorie foods like this? Gee, I’m beyond envious.

“It tastes good but my throat’s dry. I’ll go and get a drink. Do you want anything, Soutarou, Kaname?”

“I’ll go!”

“It’s fine. I can go by myself.”

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I can carry 3 PET bottles by myself. Moreover, the current me isn’t a girl. There’s no worry that I might get skirt-chased or assaulted. Though, I never had to worry about getting skirt-chased, not in the slightest, even when I was a girl.

“Mako-chan, I want coke~”

Kaname raises his hand as he chews the buttered potato at his own pace.

“Okay. What about you, Soutarou?”

“I’ll get the same thing as you, Mako.”

“Roger. I’ll be right back.”

The vending machine nearest to this bench is about 5 minutes’ walk away.

It’s a vending machine placed in a small park so there aren’t many choices. Perhaps I should just get the drinks at the convenience store which has more variety. I can also conveniently get some snacks.

As I walk while thinking whether I should go to the convenience store or the vending machine, a familiar person gets reflected at the end of my vision.

“Mitsuki and Takayanagi-senpai…? No way.”

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Mitsuki, who’s still mi dolce angel in her yukata, is walking around with Takayanagi.

Although Mitsuki’s expression is slightly tense, she’s laughing shyly as though she’s enjoying herself from the depths of her heart. I can’t see Takayanagi’s expression from my angle but I can sense a joyful atmosphere.

When I see that Mitsuki’s about to turn towards my side, I unconsciously hid in the shadow of the public toilet. Mitsuki knows I’m coming to the fireworks festival so it doesn’t really matter if she discovers me. However, I hid for some reason.

Why did I hide? I can’t go out even if I want to go out, and I can’t move even if I want to move.

I can only wait for the two to pass by. I sigh as I lean my back against the wall.

Does Takayanagi truly like Mitsuki? Does Mitsuki truly like Takayanagi?

If Mitsuki likes Takayanagi, the one who’s actually left behind is me. The one who’s distant from affection and love is me.

“The one who didn’t understand anything, was me…”

I’m embarrassed at the me who acted as though I understood everything even though I understood nothing.

It’s a quiet night. If I prick my ears, I can hear Mitsuki and Takayanagi’s speech. I didn’t intend to hear but I couldn’t help my curiosity and end up eavesdropping.

I act dishonestly while claiming it’s for the cute Mitsuki. As usual.

“I enjoyed today. Very much.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I had fun too.”

Mitsuki looks down shyly as she smiles. My heart pricks with pain.

“I was surprised because I didn’t think Takayanagi-senpai would invite me though.”

“Did I trouble you?”

“No! I was happy.”

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Prick, my heart hurts as though there’s needles poking its reverse side.

This pain in my heart isn’t jealousy or the like. It’s because I find myself too pathetic.

Be it in this world or that world, I’ve only been staring at my feet, unable to retreat or advance.

Since I’ll hurt someone anyway, since I’ll return to the other world anyway, I made numerous excuses like these, sticking a prevention line so I, myself, won’t get hurt. In the end, I’m just being selfish.

The world I live in is different from everyone. Most importantly, I’m a male even though I’m a female. I’ll return to my previous world eventually.

Still, I think I can live, being more honest with myself. Though with that said, I’ve no idea exactly how.

At that moment, I hear the sound of fireworks being launched.

Moving my gaze in the direction of the sound, I see large flowers blooming in the night sky.

“… How pretty.”

Although the fireworks are pretty, I feel very lonely.

Mitsuki and Takayanagi are moving further away with smiles on their faces. They’re people whom I know well but it’s as though I don’t know them at all. Walking blankly, I sit down on a bench that the two passed by.

If you ask why I’m so disturbed, it’s because people who’re in love are right before my eyes.

The thing called love is too raw and mature for me. Why can’t you remain as friends? Why would you try and be something like lovers? I don’t understand.

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Things like affection and love are too early for me.

“… Mako?”

“Aah, Soutarou.”

He probably came to check things out because I haven’t gone back yet.

Soutarou peers at my face.

“What’s wrong, are you feeling sick?”

“That’s not it. I’m just, … a little tired.”

“That’s why I said I’d get the drinks instead.”

The Soutarou who sits beside me seems a little angry.

“Yeah.”

Even the words of the usually cheerful Soutarou is a little annoying now.

“… Mako.”

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Although I know I’m barking up the wrong tree, I can’t hide my annoyance. Soutarou likely noticed that too.

Having my name called out in a low voice, I reflexively bend backwards in surprise. Soutarou peers at my face as though he’s trying to cover my body. The atmosphere is just like we’re about to kiss. I’ve never kissed before so I’ve no absolutely no clue if my description is accurate though.

“What are you thinking of? What are you worried about? Is it something you can’t tell me?”

“That’s my line. What’s up with you? Why are you so—”

“Because Mako’s in doubt. You had a completely different ambience just now. What are you so worried about?”

I’m considerably perplexed by the abnormally pushy Soutarou.

“Mako’s always like this. Saying you’ll do it on by yourself. Although I could tell you’ve some secret all along, I’m not saying to tell me everything but…”

Soutarou places the tip of his nose by my neck.

“But aren’t we friends? Be closer, … closer, friends with us.”

“Sou, tarou…”

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“It’s unfair that only we like Mako.”

The barrage fireworks fill up my entire vision. It’s pretty.

Soutarou, Kaname, Prince and Mitsuki. I like them all.

This feeling has never changed. However, it’s true that I’m keeping a secret. That I’m not a human from this world and that I’m female. There are also other secrets related to these.

These are secrets that I can’t tell anyone for my entire life. Not even to my close friend Soutarou.

Even then, my feelings of liking them isn’t false.

“That’s not true. I like Soutarou too.”

If I didn’t like him, the indoor-type me wouldn’t have came all the way here for just fireworks. I’m not an amiable person so I definitely would not have gone for such a troublesome gathering.

“Don’t think it’s just you who likes me. I like you too, y’know. I think I’ve always liked you since you talked to me on the first day I transferred schools. I’m not lying.”

“Mako’s…”

Red dyes his skin from his cheek to his ears and neck as he looks at me with upturned eyes. He then slowly blinks and lowers his gaze.

“Mako’s sly. You always throw me off my balance like this. How sly. What should I do?”

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Soutarou grabbed my shoulder as though he’s trying to cling onto me. Thump, it should be Soutarou’s forehead that hit my right shoulder.

I wasn’t so dense that I didn’t understand his words. Soutarou likely wants to have a relationship beyond being friends with me. Probably, in that way.

Although I’ve been thinking that things like affection and love are too early for me, Soutarou’s trying to take a step forward.

I know I’m being selfish but please wait before taking that step forth. Please wait till I understand the destination in my heart before you begin to walk.

“… Where’s Kaname?”

Not knowing how to reply, I let the first thing that came to my mind roll out of my tongue in a mumble.

“Right. … We have to get back to Kana.”

“Yeah.”

“Kana’s probably eating something again so I don’t think he’s angry.”

I feel like laughing at us, who’re having such a contrived conversation.

But what kind of words should I raise to him in this case? Feeling that whatever I say will be cruel, cold and meaningless, I can’t bring myself to say anything after all.

While sensing that something in this story has begun to move, bit by bit, I close my eyes slowly.

When I open my eyes again, I direct my gaze at Soutarou who’s walking half a step ahead. It’s the usual Soutarou.

Although I’m currently living while taking advantage of the kindness of Soutarou, Kaname, Prince, Ichigo-chan… and many others, I should consider the future properly.

Mitsuki, Subaru and I――our futures.