chapter 26

——I first met that man, Kashima Masayuki, 17 years ago .

Since I met Tsubaki, I had been able to spend every day with happiness, and my days had felt so complete . However, with Father’s referral, a university student became my private tutor out of the blue; that was Kashima . At a glance, he looked like an agreeable youth who would be popular among girls . He is the son and heir of a rapidly growing enterprise .

I had told Father that I did not need a private tutor, but Father didn’t lend me even an ear . So, that man came to supervise me a few times a week . I thought that learning under him would be bothersome at most, but Kashima would persistently tag me along anywhere I go . He would talk about trivial things while I’m studying, and he would invite me out whenever I’m on break . Naturally, I wasn’t interested in all that . I refused him, and I ignored about those matters altogether .

But that day… it’s frustrating me, as much as I hate to even to remember about it .

That man… he assaulted me .

Going against a man who was much taller than a female middle school student proved to be futile . My resistance was in vain .

I feel nausea and vertigo hitting me just by remembering it . At that time, I thought of biting off my own tongue to commit suicide .

——But, her voice rang true in my head, granting me the aspiration to keep living .

‘Hiori . ’

Along with her voice, her innocent smile played back in my head . She was slightly foolish, yet kinder than anyone . She was my most important, beloved girl . I wanted to be by her side forever, and that was the reason I refused to die, no matter how painful it was .

Tsubaki, was my everything .

That was why I was afraid that she would learn about that matter . I was scared more than anything that she would come to hate me .

That was why, I hid it from her .

I had been proficient at hiding my own feelings for a long time, and I was used to telling lies . But, she still noticed the small changes in me . She was usually obtuse, but she would always be perceptive during such moments . I hated that part of her . Lying to her awfully pained my heart, but it was still better than being hated, I thought . Thus, I endured .

……I even made a promise that I didn’t intend to fulfill . It would be all right as long as she didn’t know, that was I thought .

——But eventually, she learned about everything, and the promise was broken .

Nonetheless, she had stayed with me . Even when I told her my doubts about keeping the new life in my womb, she was by my side, supporting me . As long as she was with me, I believed that I could overcome anything .

But, I wonder how much I had let her spoil me . I wonder how much I had let her feel sad and hurt .

————And then, the punishment came .

I’m going to the garden to meet Tsubaki like always, and I find her sitting, well-hidden at the usual spot . Usually, she would notice me approaching and wave her hand . But this time, she remains looking towards the ground . Maybe she’s sleeping, yes, like the time when we first met . But, how wrong I was . As I approach her, the strange spectacle comes to my notice .

“Tsubaki…?”

I doubt my eyes . It’s like I’m watching a horrible nightmare . Her abdomen is deep red, and there are dark reddish spots all over her body . She looks ghastly pale, and her breathing is ragged . A distinctive pair of scissors, tainted with a dark red liquid, is lying next to her .

That unbelievable spectacle makes my head turn blank for a short while, before my body springs back into action as I realize the gravity of the situation .

“Tsubaki!!!!”

I rush over to her in a fluster, and I shake her body lightly . While drenching in blood, she slowly opens her eyes and looks towards me with her unfocused pupils .

“Hi…ori?”“Tsubaki! Hang in there! Tsubaki, Tsubaki, Tsubaki!!”“…I’m okay . No need to worry so much . ”“But, look at how much you’re bleeding . ”

When I hold her body, her blood sticks all over my hand . No matter how I look at it, her bleeding is severe .

“Aha… actually, it doesn’t hurt . I’m okay…”

She shows me a calm smile, so calm that it actually makes me believe in her words . I regain a bit of my composure from that .

“How did this… just what… no, I should call the ambulance first!”“Mm, please . ”“Hang on, I’ll make the call right away . My cell phone… is in my room . Geez, why today of all times?!”“Haha, the always composed Hiori can also be flustered, like this . But, it’s bad for the child in your womb . Calm down, okay?”“What are you talking about during such an emergency!!”

I think of borrowing Tsubaki’s cell phone, but apparently she left hers at home, too . So I turn around to hurry and retrieve mine .

“Hiori . ”

I hear my name being called from behind . When I look over my shoulder, I see her smiling to me . Her smile has the same gentleness as ever . Although her face has been stained, and her eyes are dim and blank, her quiet smile is still able to captivate me .

“Please . ”

“…I’ll be right back . ”

In order to call the ambulance, I hurry to my room and use my cell phone . Then, I immediately return to where she is .

Tsubaki’s eyes are closed . Perhaps, she’s sleeping due to fatigue . Sheesh… Tsubaki, she would never fail to sleep whenever she found the time . She never changed like that . I wondered what nerve she had to be able to sleep even though she was here to hang out . But, it felt comfortable for me to stay next to her while she’s sleeping so peacefully .

I liked gazing at her cute, sleeping face . When I placed her head on my lap, she was really surprised when she woke up, that was really fun . There was also a time when she wouldn’t wake up no matter what I did, and I thought of kissing her . Those small, trivial memories are my most precious treasure .

“Tsubaki . ”

She doesn’t respond when I call her name, just like always .

I position myself next to her, and I sit down .

“Wake up already . The ambulance is coming soon, you know? Do you intend to show your dumb, sleeping face to them?”

“……………”

No matter how I strike her with abusive words, she won’t even flinch . This is also, just like, always .

“Tsubaki . ”

A warm gust blows and rustles her hair, but her bangs stick to her forehead . It seems uncomfortable, so I shove it to the side . I wipe the blood that is sticking to her face with my handkerchief while I’m at it .

“…Really, you’re… such a, hopeless… girl… hh . ”

As I wipe her face, my hand starts to tremble . My strength suddenly leaves me, and I drop the handkerchief that I was holding . When I’m trying to pick it up from the ground, beads of water spill from my eyes to the ground .

“…haha, ahahaha . ”

Once it starts flowing, I can no longer stop it . They keep welling, before spilling down my cheek .

When I returned here, I already noticed .

Tsubaki, is no longer breathing .

“…Tsubakiii… hh”

I won’t admit it, I don’t want to admit it .

“AaaaAAaaaaaaAAaaaaAAAah!!!”

I scream . Like I’m trying to let my voice gush forth from my throat .

Why, why, why?! Why does she have to be the one to die?!

I’m the one who… everything is my fault! So why does it have to be her?!!

With all my strength, I hug her body which is still lingering with her warmth . Her blood sticks all over my clothes, but I couldn’t care less .

“Aaaah, ah, aaaah… . !!”

I can’t utter any words . My sight is pitch black .

She won’t be able to call my name anymore .

She won’t smile by my side anymore .

“aaAa… aa… hh!”

I, have lost, my precious one .

I accept the truth and despair . Whilst, my guilt and hatred start to swell .

“…………”

I wonder how long I have been hugging her still body .

I release her from my embrace and gently lay her down on the ground . I hate to leave her alone in such a place, but there is something that must be done . Until the ambulance arrives… please wait here in the meantime .

…I hold the scissors in my hand, and I stand up .

There’s nothing that needs deducing . Tsubaki was killed with these sharp scissors, and its owner lives in this mansion .

I move my powerless legs with my willpower, in order to find that human . When the servants see me, dyed red with Tsubaki’s blood, their faces turn stiff as they all draw back from me . Otherwise, they would only block the way, so it actually saves me the time . It seems that they’re screaming something, but I ignore them entirely . I don’t have the time to be concerned with them .

Slowly, slowly, I walk towards that human’s room .

It didn’t take long for me to arrive . It has been a long time since I last stood at the door of this room .

“…You’re here, aren’t you?”

I don’t bother knocking as I throw the door open . Perhaps she was expecting me, she is reacting to my gaze as I stand at the center of the room .

“Why, did you kill, Tsubaki?”

I ask her as calmly as I can be . Even now, I’m doing my utmost to restrain myself from stabbing the human in front of me with these scissors .

“…………”

She’s standing motionlessly in front of me, showing nary an expression . I can’t tell what’s on her mind at all . This is the human that has robbed me of my beloved person .

“Answer me!!!”

“…I’m, sorry . ”

“Do you think… do you think an apology would suffice?! Do you think it would make her return?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

An emotionless voice . She keeps apologizing in the same voice over and over again . I wonder to whom she is directing those apologies .

“You always… steal everything away from me… . Do you… do you hate me so?! What did I, what did Tsubaki ever do to you?!!”

“…………”

“Say somethiiiiing!!!”

The human standing in front of me is so aggravating, and I throw the scissors I’m carrying to the floor . Those sharp scissors are the pair that this person would often use to arrange flowers with .

“………”

No matter what I say to her, her expression remains unchanged . It’s disconcerting how we resemble each other . We both have scarce facial expressions, we always keep our thoughts to ourselves and would never tell others about it, and our faces are similar, too .

…Naturally .

Because I’m bound by blood to the one in front of me——she is my mother .

It’s a matter of course that we resemble each other .

But, that only adds more fuel to my hatred . Because, it’s like I’m looking at my own self . It’s like I’m reminded that we are of the same kind, and I despise that .

“Why, why Tsubaki… if you hate me, then I’m the one whom you should have stabbed!!”

“…That’s what I intended to do . ”

“…hh?!”

Like she’s tired of it, she starts speaking indifferently . I can’t comprehend the human in front of me, she’s frightening me .

“But… she was the one who…”

Tsubaki…?

“When blood rushed to my head, when I lost all my restraints, she was the one who stopped me…”

What is, going on?

“And I… that child……”

For the first time, her expression changes to that of grief . Mother looks at her own hands, and she slowly covers her face . There is blood sticking to her sleeve, which I assume is Tsubaki’s .

“Just, what happened between you and Tsubaki!! Why did she have to…!!”

“That’s…”

When Mother is finally going to speak the truth, I can hear the sirens of the ambulance, as well as a patrol car . I was the one who called the ambulance here, but it must have been one of the servants who called the police .

“………”

Mother looks outside the window, gazing at the vehicles that have stopped in front of the mansion .

“…………”

The woman who resembles me slowly closes her eyes, seemingly in thought . Then, she calmly heads out in silence, in order to turn herself in .

I have been left behind in this room, alone .

My feet grow weak, and I sink to my knees .

What happened? Why did it come to this?

I can’t comprehend the situation, and I have stopped wanting to . My mind is caught in a mess, and I can’t seem to sort my thoughts . I feel sick and nauseous, but I endure not to vomit .

Again, my tears start spilling .

Perhaps, it’s ironic that I actually understand one thing .

I won’t be able to meet Tsubaki again .

After that .

Mother had been arrested under suspicions of murder, and Father immediately abandoned the Kurasaka family entirely . What remained were me, Kurasaka’s assets, and the child in my womb .

And I… I barely remember anything that happened in a few months after Tsubaki passed away . It felt hollow, like I was watching a dream . I lost in touch with reality, it didn’t feel like I was alive at all during that period .

My blood relatives severed their ties with the Kurasaka family, which had dropped into the bottom of the pit, and I lost all contacts with them . When I had no one to rely on, Tsubaki’s family took me in .

I wondered what they felt when they did . I wondered why they didn’t forsake the daughter of the human who had murdered one of their beloved family members .

It’s because those people are kind .

There’s no doubt that those people didn’t despise me, and that they couldn’t bear to leave me alone .

For that, I found them pitiful . They would have been better off hating me instead .

The Sekiguchis should have been grieving for their loss, but they accepted me with smiles on their faces . There was not even a hint of hatred in their expressions . I have my utmost gratitude to them .

After a while, with the support of those kind people, I was able to deliver my child safely . Although I didn’t intend to bear her, Tsubaki had protected her life, and Tsubaki’s family strongly wished for her to be born, too .

Then, I decided to take Tsubaki’s name as my child’s . Both her parents gladly gave their consent . Thus, I named my child, so that I would never forget about her, while hoping that she would grow to be a kind person like she was .

Many things happened afterwards… but I’m still here, alive . I can’t speak well about the way I have been living, and I have caused much trouble for everyone around me .

But, Tsubaki, you’re the reason, that I’m still here alive .

——In the end, I couldn’t find the resolve to see Mother . The last time I met and talked to her face to face was during that chaos . When things finally calmed down, I thought of learning about what really happened back then . But by that time, Mother had already passed away .

I don’t know about the details myself, but she had apparently been suffering from an illness when she quietly breathed her last . When I learned about Mother’s death, it felt as if I was hearing a stranger’s death report . I didn’t feel sad at all; nor did I feel any of those emotions . I simply accepted the fact .

…I wonder what happened between Mother and Tsubaki at that time . Why did everything turn out like the way it did?

I did go to the police to ask about the whole story . But other than admitting that she had stabbed Tsubaki, it seems that Mother had kept silent . That’s why, no one knows what really happened on that day . Perhaps, no one will be able to know anymore .

——Because the people who knew the truth, had left this world for good .