Seeing the sorrow and despair in Qin Yang, He Jin felt that his heart was twisting.
Qin Yang hurriedly asked, āis it because Iāve signed the contract with the entertainment company, and it has given you pressure? Did anyone come to you and look for troubles? If you donāt like it, Iāll cancel the contract now!ā
āNo, Qin Yang, it has nothing to do with it, you donāt have to change anything for me.ā He Jin tried not to cry and he shook his head, āitās because of me, this is a very difficult path for me. Even without that kind of pressure, we wonāt be together forever. And we will certainly not be able to walk under sunshineā¦Qin Yang, letās return now. Letās break up.ā
āI donāt accept it!ā Qin Yang hurriedly started begging through the bracelet, āHe Jin, I cannot, I am going to the train station now, and I will buy the next train to Q city. You wait for me, I want to see you, I want to see youā¦ā
He Jin immediately stopped, āQin Yang, Iāve made up my mind. Be mature, and donāt do anything stupid. And donāt come look for meā¦youāve become so excellent now, you donāt have to limit yourself for me, Iām sure youāll find someone much better, and that person wonāt be meā¦I donāt deserve it.ā
He Jin tried his utmost best not to tremble. After this sentence, he hung up and switched off his bracelet.
It seemed that thereās still warmth and breath of Qin Yang from the previous night. His shoulders were shaking, he couldnāt stand still anymore. He slowly squatted and held his body. His heart was going to be torn apart.
He was convincing himself over and over again. He Jin, youāve let yourself go, youāve chased your dream. Youāve drunk, stayed up, played the tennis, skipped classes, went skiing, and had the most memorable relationshipā¦those things that youāve wanted to do, youāve tried them all, and you have no regrets now. Itās time to return to the ārightā path and bear your responsibilities.
Qin Yang couldnāt get through the phone of He Jin, he kicked the coffee table, threw the cushion on the floor and hit on the wall furiously. Then, he sat on the floor and began to think hard what he had done wrong. Why did He Jin leave him? Heās already done everything he could, and he tried so hard to be the best. Everything seemed to be going well, and he still seemed to see He Jin washing dishes in front of him at this moment. But now, heās left alone again, and heās the only one in this apartmentā¦
He tried his very best to calm down, and slowly picked up the small pieces of the letter that he had thrown on the floor. His hands were shaking, and he was trying to make them in order again. Some got under the sofa, and some got stuck in the crack of the corners of the tableā¦he couldnāt find all of them. In the end, it was an incomplete letter.
āTwo months ago, my father found me and told me that my motherās fallen sick. She has serious depression. I saw her once and sheās not in a good condition. She also doesnāt know what sheās doing. I thought that Iād fight for the freedom to be with you, yet she even refused to let me work in A City. After I mentioned it, she immediately reacted vigorously. Let alone mentioning to be with youā¦ā
āMy dad knows that I am with you and he slapped me. This is the first time he has ever slapped me, since heās really disappointed in me. I am not trying to complain to you, I am just telling you how difficult it is for us to be togetherā¦ā
āShe only gave birth to me at the age of 39. When she was 44, my brother was gone, and Iām now their only son, their only mental supportā¦theyāre over 60 now, and if I just let myself be the way I am, Iāll only make my mom suffer more, and my dad will also bear heavier pressure. Please, forgive me, I canāt be so selfish to only think of my happiness.ā
Qin Yang tightened his fist and read further with teary eyesā¦
āI might be listening to them, find a stable job at home, andā¦maybe get married, but Iām not sure if I can still like a woman, as youāve left such a deep mark in my heartā¦ā
āI donāt agree. He Jin, I donāt agree! Youāre mine, and I wonāt allow you to get married!
āQin Yang, your father once told me to never hurt you. I couldnāt keep that promise. I am so sorry, I canāt hurt my parents, and I could choose to hurt youā¦sometimes, I really envy you. Youāre so brave and confident, and youāre so positive, I feel really happy to be with youā¦Iām so jealous of you, and thatās why I left, as I wanted to let you know that the world doesnāt turn around just for you aloneā¦am I too evil? Right, I think so, Iām too bad, Iām weak and I look down on myself. So, please stop loving me.ā
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āI curse myself, so that I can bear this pain for my whole life for hurting you. And I wish you could find someone a hundred, a thousand times better than me. I hope that person wonāt leave you again and again like I did. And I hope he can stay with you forever, love, protect and cherish you forever.ā
āAh Jin, who doesnāt deserve your love.ā
āStupidā¦stupid Ah Jinā¦ā While Qin Yang was holding those torn papers, tears wouldnāt stop dropping from his eyes. Heās like a lost kid and he could no longer control his fear. He started crying loudlyā¦
He didnāt know for how long heād cried, but Qin Yang felt like some part of his body was broken. He stood up and looked around ā all of He Jinās stuff was still there. His notebook, tennis racket, the book on his desk, the game helmet, even his clothes were still all in the closetā¦these stuffs gave an illusion to Qin Yang, as if He Jin had never left. Itās like that person just went out for a while and heād return soon. The voice that once called him ālazyā would the most beautiful sound on earth now.
Qin Yang wanted to get away from the reality. He went back to bed and used the blanket to wrap himself up. He slept for the whole afternoon, and only woke up in the evening, feeling more exhausted. He really wanted to tell himself that itās just a nightmare after all. But once he opened his eyes again, his brain reminded him about the breakup. The apartment was filled with quietness, and Qin Yang held his head sorrowfully, āah ah ahāāā