He Jinās father waved his hand and said to his aunt, āweāve taken the train for the whole night. And itās the midnight now. Why donāt we go to bed first? And weāll talk tomorrow. Iāll sleep with He Jin, and you can accompany your sister.ā
He Jin was lying on his bed and found it difficult to fall asleep. When his aunt mentioned about his mother, it was as if sheās referring to a psycho. Never had he realized that things have become so serious.
He quickly checked for more information on the Internet and only found out now that his knowledge about ādepressionā was way too shallow.
Depression has nothing to do with āthe inability to think positivelyā, or āhaving a bad moodā, it isnāt about being āpessimisticā or āemotionalā, itās actually about the changes in the human brain. It is the change of 'serotoninā in the brain responsible for regulating substances such as emotion, vitality and sleep. The concentrations of substances such as norepinephrine and dopamine have changed. In short, the function of managing oneās emotions has broken down.
Patients need to take medicine and that is completely normal. After taking medicine, theyāll become more comfortable. Otherwise, they would always feel anxious and hysterical, and this is the root cause of suicide. He Jinās mood suddenly became heavier.
The next day, He Jin woke up as someone was caressing him. He almost thought that heās still in the apartment in A city, he comfortably reached his hand, but he also reacted very quickly ā heās at home! When opening his eyes, he saw a horribly pale face, itās his mother.
āMomā¦ā Ā He Jin instantly stood up and called her. He couldnāt believe his eyes ā his motherās face became so wrinkled now. Also, her hair had become so grey, and it still wasnāt like that before heād left home. Apparently, she had aged so much, God knows how much pressure she had to endure within these six months.
Suddenly, He Jin felt very guilty, and he kept blaming himself. His heart was aching, he grabbed his quilt and whispered āmom, sorry, I was wrong.ā
His mother looked at him carefully and touched his face, āitās good that youāre back. I havenāt seen you for six months, Iāve missed you so much. Mom was wrong too, and I apologize to you.ā
He Jinās eyes became watery, this is exactly the understanding and respect that heās been looking for. Also, finally thereās peace. He grabbed his motherās hand and said apologetically, āmom, Iām here, and Iām good.ā
The woman was still looking at him, and she asked him details of these six months. He Jin felt worried and he dared not mention about him and Qin Yang. He only said that after leaving home, he stayed with his classmate for a few days. He also lied by saying that heād been working outside for half a year. The woman felt sorry and she kept crying. She felt guilty of having let him suffer.
He Jin didnāt know how to cover the lie, the only thing he could do was to keep lying to her. Also, he hadnāt seen any abnormalities in his mother yet, and he was still quite optimistic. His father was happy as He Jinās return seemed to work for his mother. However, his optimism didnāt last long, and very soon, he witnessed what the illness had done to his mother.
That day, they were having lunch at noon. He Jin mentioned about him doing an internship in summer, and he carefully mentioned about his intention of staying in A city to work after graduation. His mother got angry instantly. She put away her chopsticks and said, āno.ā She spoke very quickly, just like every time when she rejected He Jinās demands. No one could interrupt her at all. At the end, she started staring at one point blankly and murmuring to herself. She also started crying and yelling, āhow could you treat me like this? How could you be so cruel? Youāre such a bad son! Iām your mother! If you leave me, then whatās the meaning of me staying alive? Iād rather die!ā
He Jin didnāt know at all how to deal with such a situation. He could only promise her, against his wish, that he wouldnāt leave, and he asked his mother to stop crying. After a long time, his mother still looked like she didnāt want to live anymore. His father then made her have the medicine, and she started calming down.
He Jin started to realize that he was simply too naĆÆve and idealistic.
As he still had to go back to university, he had to leave. After solving the conflict with his mother on the surface, he took the high-speed train back, and he also promised to call them at least once a week and report to them about his life.
Everything seemed to have returned to the past.
After going back home once, He Jin felt like heād been infected by this illness too. He became utterly depressed and pessimistic. He felt like thereās no future with Qin Yang under such circumstances.
When he returned to University. He didnāt go back to the apartment, but he stayed in the dormitory.
Hou Dongyan asked him about what had happened. He Jin responded, āworse than what Iād imagined.ā He didnāt tell Qin Yang that his mother was suffering from depression, but he told Hou Dongyan, 'sheās under so much medication. Iāve checked online, thereāre many side effects of those medicines. And theyāre not good for her body. Right now, my dad is the only person taking care of her.ā
Hou Dongyan asked, āthen what are you planning to do with Qin Yang?ā
He Jin was initially very determined, but at this moment, he started hesitating, āIām not sureā¦ā
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Hou Dongyan, āwell, if you ask me, Iād suggest just keeping everything online and in the game. Itās not too realistic to maintain the relationship in reality.ā
Right, thatās what He Jin was thinking before. How could two men be together happily in reality? But after being with Qin Yang, he was under the influence of his passion and affection. He felt very happy when heās with Qin Yang, since heās always so positive and confident about everything.
āIāve read a book; it says that everything about love is only an effect of dopamine. No matter if youāre a boy or girl, all of us would lose ourselves when weāre in love. After this stage, weād find out that nobody really needs to rely on another person.ā
Hou Dongyan was only putting himself in He Jinās shoes and analyzing for He Jinās benefits. Unexpectedly, what heād said had also created a big influence to He Jin ā thatās right, since the start of the wait eight years ago, He Jin had found things to be quite unreasonable. Perhaps Qin Yang was only holding on to a thought with stubbornness, and perhaps Qin Yang hadnāt been in love with himself that much.