Chapter 11

*trigger warning*: mentions abuse, bullying, and suicide

At this point, Mu Qin was merely suspicious and nothing else.

But later, when Mu Qin led Qiu Zijia and Cheng Guoxu to search the church and Cheng Guoxu brought the stack of documents over to show Mu Qin, Mu Qin felt that Cheng Guoxu’s identity was worth investigating.

Because Cheng Guoxu tore out a page of the employee files.

The orphanage’s employee name list, this kind of thing, from Cheng Guoxu’s point of view, should not have any big relationship with him. Originally, he shouldn’t have had any reason to rip it up, unless the shredded sheet of paper held information that Cheng Guoxu didn’t want to let Mu Qin see. For example, that employee was someone Cheng Guoxu was well acquainted with… or it was actually Cheng Guoxu himself.

After getting the documents, he discovered it had his own name, so he hurriedly tore it up before bringing the files to Mu Qin. Using this kind of action with a guilty conscience, he wanted to prove he was absolutely not abnormal. However, Xu Fu and Han Li later showed up at the church. When he heard the words spoken between Xu Fu and Han Li, Cheng Guoxu was unable to endure it anymore, and carrying the idea of a full out fight, he acted.

“Cheng Guoxu probably heard Xu Fu interrogating Han Li about ten years ago… about the news of several children at Iris Orphanage encountering a serial killer. He realized Xu Fu was in the middle of tracking down the murderer from that time. Based off of Xu Fu’s personality and strength, as long as he discovers it’s Cheng Guoxu, Cheng Guoxu is dead without a doubt. Therefore Cheng Guoxu desperately took the risk to strike first and gain the upper hand, getting rid of Xu Fu first to protect himself.” Mu Qin reached this conclusion after analyzing.

After listening, Qiu Zijia trembled and spoke, “What you mean is, Cheng Guoxu is that serial killer from ten years ago who abused and killed children?”

“Although there’s no direct evidence, seeing him like that, it’s probably pretty close.” Mu Qin rubbed his arm and raised his head to look at the boundlessly dim and endlessly raining sky.

Qiu Zijia seemed to have difficulty digesting this sudden information. He reached out and held his head, “So to speak, we’ve always been moving around with a vicious serial killer?”

“Calling him fierce, actually he can’t really be considered so.” Mu Qin felt around in the dark and walked under the tree. He felt Han Li’s arm. Han Li’s body was faintly emitting cold, and Mu Qin touched her forehead. Sure enough, it was scalding to the touch.

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“Heh… it’s really ridiculous.” Qiu Zijia showed some signs of a nervous breakdown. He held his head and started yanking at his own hair, “So to say, indeed… every one of us has a criminal record. We’re all shameful trash beyond redemption, so that’s why we were sent here… this so-called killing game, it’s actually punishing us, right? Since we’re all already dead, then… this place is hell, right!?”

Mu Qin turned his head and looked toward Qiu Zijia’s direction, “You’ve also committed a crime before?”

“I…” Qiu Zijia paused. After a moment, he finally calmly spoke the truth, “I caused the death of my older brother.”

“Your brother?” Mu Qin also froze for a second, “The one you said earlier that your parents adopted?”

“Yes.” Qiu Zijia under pressure became calmer on the contrary, “I was the one who pressured him into committing suicide. At the time, I was only six years old.”

“Six years old?” Mu Qin didn’t dare to believe it, “And you could force your brother to die? According to your age at that time, you probably didn’t even understand what the words ‘force to death’ means, right?”

“I could. It’s honestly very simple.” Qiu Zijia said this and suddenly started laughing, that kind of self-deprecating laugh, “When I was six, I really didn’t understand what the words “force to death” meant. I was terribly innocent at the time… the kind that you’re unable to imagine… how horrible a child’s innocence is.”

“From when I had an awareness and learned how to speak, I already had some sort of simple hatred for that older brother of mine. That attitude at the time… I guess was just like thinking he snatched away my parents’ attention from me. It was a really naive mentality. Every child will use all possible efforts to obtain their parents’ care and attention. Perhaps they will throw a tantrum, or perhaps they will act spoiled. An only child is still alright, but if there’s a sibling… you can probably imagine it. An older brother or a younger brother, an older sister or a younger sister, they will all, for the sake of seizing resources and attention from their parents, try their hardest to suppress their siblings.”

“This kind of behavior is instinctive for leaving creatures. Even if it’s a nest of puppies, they will also mutually crowd and fight for the sake of grabbing the mother dog’s milk. Humans and animals also aren’t very different.”

As Qiu Zijia spoke, his voice grew increasingly lower, “THerefore, in order to fight for resources, even if I was only six at the time, I already had extremely dark thoughts. I really loathed that older brother of mine. I wished he would scram out of this household. Especially after occasionally hearing my parents mention he wasn’t blood-related, these types of thought became even more extreme.”

“But my age at the time was very young, and my methods of suppressing him were also very childish. Such as when my parents bought something for him, I would always snatch it away. The books, toys, studying tools, even clothing, shoes, etc. for my brother, all of it, as long as my parents brought it, I would snatch it away. I would either use these things myself or destroy them. After playing with it enough and not wanting it anymore, I would return it to him like I was tossing out garbage.”

“At the time, my parents also really spoiled me. This made me even more fearless with the knowledge that I had their support. In my parents’ eyes, the adopted brother most likely couldn’t compare to their child by birth, me. In addition, they didn’t show much of an attitude of love and concern towards my brother. They tacitly accepted all of my unreasonable behavior towards my brother. So under my parents’ implicit indulgence, my oppression towards my brother became increasingly intense.”

“I willfully took away my brother’s personal belongings, destroying them, or throwing them away. I ripped apart his homework and textbooks. I dumped trash onto his body, poured water, and smashed him with things, causing him to have injuries all over his body from morning till night. I didn’t want to eat with him. As long as he came to the dining table, I would cry, throw a tantrum, and smash the bowl, so later on, my brother could only eat alone in his room. Afterward, I was dissatisfied that his room was bigger than mine. Thus, my parents let me switch rooms with him. He could only live in the narrow, tiny room.”

“I even pushed him down the stairs. Even though the stairs weren’t very high, but he cracked his head, and blood flowed all over his face. When my parents wanted to send him to the hospital, I cried and screamed, throwing a tantrum. Therefore my parents could only take care of me, and so he walked by himself to the hospital to get stitches.”

Speaking till here, Qiu Zijia paused for a long time and watched Mu Qin, “It’s really horrifying, isn’t it? When I think of it, even I think the me from that time was really horrifying. How could I have been evil to that extent. Practically… practically indescribably…”

“No, it’s not you who’s terrifying. It’s your parents who are terrifying.” Mu Qin expressed his disagreement. He thought deeply, “Your parents didn’t restrict and stop you. They used tacit acceptance to increase your various unreasonable and even almost cruel behaviors. When you bullied your brother, they indulged you and even spoiled you. They unconditionally forgave you and even satisfied your every demand. This is a kind of ‘reward’.”

“Reward?” Qiu Zijia blankly looked at Mu Qin.

Mu Qin replied, “That’s right. It’s exactly a reward. At the time, you were still a child, and your behaviors were extremely easy to control. They only need to let you form an ‘as long as I bully brother I can receive a reward’ sort of concept. Implementing molding under this type of concept, your problem will then become more and more intense. Getting joy by bullying your brother, plus being under your parent’s spoiling without a bottom line, you did things that were increasingly excessive.”

“Is it really like this?” Qiu Zijia seemed incapable of believing. He looked somewhat absent-minded, “My brother died in the end. When I oppressed and even bullied him more and more, my parents made the decision to send him to live at school. But him living in the school dorms required living expenses, and every weekend, he would come back home to find my parents for living expenses. One day when he came home for the weekend, I stole a few thousand dollars from my mom’s purse and put it inside his backpack. In addition, I shifted the blame of stealing onto him. Then, my parents cursed him fiercely and took away all the money he had on him. They drove him out of the house. Outside, he seemed unable to accept the situation, and thus jumped off a building and committed suicide. He jumped from the building where we lived.”

“That was the first time a saw a badly mutilated corpse.” Qiu Zijia said, “The strange thing is I wasn’t scared at all. Even if there’s no today, the corpse we saw in the stairwell made me feel even more fear. I’ve also never had nightmares, but I always see my brother’s dead body in my dreams. He’s in my dreams, constantly lying in the place, lying there badly mangled and bloodied.”

“Mu Qin, I’m a selfish person.” Qiu Zijia laughed self-deprecatingly, “I’ve never reflected upon my self so deeply before in all these years. I thoughtlessly grew up, squandering time and money and turning a blind eye to other people’s suffering and hardships. I stepped on my brother’s corpse and blood to live until today. A person like me who seriously deserves to die… is finally receiving retribution.”

Mu Qin fixed his eyes on Qiu Zijia for a while and said, “Qiu Zijia, I think you were scared by Xu Fu earlier. Your current mental state isn’t very good. There are self-harming tendencies.”

Qiu Zijia suddenly glared at Mu Qin, “Why are you so calm?”

Mu Qin stagnated for a second, “Calm? I must keep calm under this kind of situation.”

“Don’t you think you’re overly calm?” Qiu Zijia unexpectedly started bellowing at Mu Qin. Even the sound of rainwater crashing down was unable to hide his shouting, “Since the beginning of this so-called ‘game’! From when I first saw you until now, your face has never had many expressions. From start to finish, you expressionlessly analyzed everything, unsurprised and unafraid. You…”

Qiu Zijia tremblingly watched Mu QIn, “Are you really not that killer?”

Mu Qin was silent. He attentively watched Qiu Zijia for a while before replying, “I’m a soldier. I’ve received related training. Being calm is normal behavior. If I were to be hysterical like you right now, then that would actually be the end. Moreover, the murderer should clearly be Xu Fu. Qiu Zijia, your psychological state really has an issue… also, Han Li is having a fever right now. We need to find a safe place to stay. We can’t continue getting rained on.”

“Just abandon me.” Qiu Zijia suddenly spoke astonishing words. He lowered his head, “I don’t have any usefulness at all. The meaning of my existence is to drag you down, so you just abandon me. You’re a very outstanding person. You have a higher chance of surviving than I do.”

“Do you intend to give up?” Mu Qin understood Qiu Zijia’s way of thinking because the current situation was truly extremely terrible. Two of the six people died. The killer was Xu Fu whose strength and stamina all greatly surpassed everyone present. Add on a completely useless female teacher who was having a high fever, a despairing state of mind was completely normal.

That’s why Qiu Zijia would say, “I give up.”

“After lightly forcing your brother to death, you’re also easily forcing yourself to death?” Mu Qin looked at him expressionlessly, “A cowardly person. You don’t even have the courage to survive and return to kneel in front of your brother’s grave to atone for your sins?”

Qiu Zijia raised his head and looked at Mu Qin. He couldn’t refrain from laughing, “You look like a very indifferent person… in actuality, you’re a good person.”

“I just do what’s necessary.” Mu Qin said, “Your chances of surviving are at least greater than Han Li’s. There’s no urgent need to give up.”

BunnyGod: I got pretty triggered translating the part about Qiu Zijia and his brother/parents… that’s absolutely terrible