Ch3 - The heroine

Minor trigger warnings for emetophobia ahead. (TL;DR, Xie Zhiwei is airsick)

It had to be said that Gallant Outlaw had lots of imagination. The made-up world in the book was now unfolding its scenes before Xie Zhiwei’s sword. Beneath their feet, clouds surged while revealing glimpses of verdant greenery from the mountains below. Looking past them, one could spot five distinctive architectural styles. At the very center was Ascension City (登天城) in all its majestic magnificence and the seat of the sect leader.

If Xie Zhiwei recalled correctly, the tens thousand-strong population of the sect had all gathered outside the city in a place called One Step Cliff (一步崖). Unlike ordinary mountain cliffs, One Step Cliff used to be a mountain. Legend had it that the founding sect master had trimmed it flat with his sword to leave a series of smooth platforms resting over a deep abyss. Ascension City was located at the summit of an adjacent peak, separated from One Step Cliff by a few dozen feet. There were no connecting bridges between the two locations. In other words, it was impossible to enter Ascension City without at least a decade of cultivation under one’s belt to cross the abyss.

The protagonist Mu He had superb innate talent. Although he had yet to start cultivating, his extraordinary eyesight allowed him to see the situation with Ascension City from a distance. He purposely widened his bright eyes and exclaimed, “Zhenren, it’s so high up. Can we get up there?”

“Guess,” Xie Zhiwei teased. Internally he praised himself. See this? That’s what we call acting! A third-rate actor ruins a role, a second-rate actor acts a role, but a first-rate actor builds character for the role! Xie Zhiwei isn’t just some paper-thin character. Look at how vivid and three-dimensional I’ve made him with these lines!

Mu He didn’t look back but felt a burst of emotion in his heart. Xie zhenren is really unpretentious. Compared to scum like Bai Jianzhu and Bai Yu, he’s a hundred times better! But he could be pretending too. Right now, I can’t trust anyone but myself.

“To zhenren it must be nothing special. It’s me who hasn’t seen enough of the world.” Mu He stuck out his tongue a few times as he gazed at Ascension City drawing closer and closer. Hidden in his sleeves, his fingers clenched. Just as he steeled himself to meet with old enemies again, the sword beneath his feet shuddered and began to descend. He turned sideways and wondered, “Zhenren, this is…”

Xie Zhiwei didn’t reply beyond hooking up his lips mysteriously.

Mu He nodded fervently. “Zhenren must have his reasons.”

Xie Zhiwei silently maintained his facade while sighing internally. Yes, I do have my reasons. I got swordsick and almost threw up…

The two of them landed by a river at the mountain base. Mu He stood beneath a tree while Xie Zhiwei turned his back to him to face the flowing water with a pensive look. In truth, he was suppressing his urge to vomit. As Xie Zhiwei’s original body had stopped eating food for a long time, all he eventually threw up was some stomach acid.

This stop lasted the length of time it took to burn two sticks of incense. They had started off late to begin with, but now Mu He saw that the sun was already shining directly over their heads. If they dawdled any longer, it wouldn’t just be an issue of arriving late, but missing the event entirely. He couldn’t stand still anymore and called out softly, “Zhenren.”

“Mm?” Xie Zhiwei replied warmly without turning around.

“…are we still going to the grand gathering?”

Xie Zhiwei didn’t budge. “Of course we are. It’s just not time yet.” Your mother! My stomach’s still flip-flopping like death. If we’re late, we’re late. Better than throwing up in public.

Mu He muttered an assent and went back to standing around obediently, but his brows were creased in anxiety. If they didn’t make the gathering, he’d lose his chance to enter the sect. Was it going to be a repeat of his last life where Xie Zhiwei handed him over to Bai Jianzhu? Then he’d be entering Pill Furnace City (丹鼎城) through the “back door” again. The others would look down on him and cause him no end of trouble. Still…unlike the past, dealing with that lot would only use a little of his time. He didn’t fear them.

Mu He looked at Xie Zhiwei standing by the water. He was dressed in daoist robes of plain crow gray identical to that of ordinary disciples. Those with any title or rank within the sect would either change the color or cloth of their robes to show how they stood out. But it was rare to find someone like Xie Zhiwei who preferred to stay low-key despite his cultivation base and status. Nonetheless, he still lent a celestial air to his simple gray robes.

Someone like him should be different from Bai Jianzhu and the rest of those trash, Mu He thought uncertainly. But why did he stop here?

Mu He continued to sound him out. “There must be something more important than the gathering here for zhenren to make other arrangements.”

Xie Zhiwei had no choice but to nod and remain lofty. I’m almost ready, what’s the rush? Even if you see the Bai duo, you can’t take revenge right now, youngster! You think the sect leader Yan Zhifei is blind? Plus you have to be drugged unconscious by Bai Yu, then rescued by the heroine. That’s the standard plot outline of these stallion novels!

Wait, the main female lead Tantai Meng is going to enter the sect too.

He was so busy being swordsick he forgot about this detail. In the original novel, Tantai Meng had gotten lost and arrived late to the gathering. But her innate talent was decent enough for them to break protocol and accept her as a disciple. Meanwhile, the reborn Mu He was sent to Bai Jianzhu by Xie Zhiwei and left the grounds late, giving him a chance to glimpse her once. Later on, she rescued him from his poisoning and remained evermore in his thoughts.

Gallant Outlaw had taken special care in describing Tantai Meng. She was outwardly cold but inwardly warm, a woman of layers who captured the hearts of countless otakus. Even Xie Zhiwei felt regretful about her broken ship with Mu He.

It’s not too late! I have to give Tantai Meng and Mu He a happy ending!

Suddenly, Mu He pointed towards the opposite shore. “Zhenren look, there’s someone there. It seems to be…a girl.”

Xie Zhiwei glanced over and thought the figure looked familiar.

“Though her white robes were stained with grime, she stood tall and slender and walked with steady steps. Her eyes were naturally charming, her aura ethereal and cool. The tresses of her unbound hair scattered over her shoulders like flowing clouds, framing a face too beautiful for the likes of mortals.”

These were the original words of the book that described Tantai Meng as she entered the sect. It completely matched the girl before their eyes.

Holy crap, Xie Zhiwei thought. Mu He’s the hero alright. With him around we can run into the heroine even while I’m looking for a place to throw up! The weight of his duty settled heavily on his shoulders. If everything happening now could happen in the book, those otakus would all be rejoicing!

“She’s the one.”

Mu He gave a start. “It couldn’t be that zhenren was waiting for this girl?”

Xie Zhiwei nodded. Youngster, your excuse for me is too smooth. I’d feel bad if I didn’t use it!

The previous Mu He had never participated in Ascension City’s grand gathering and had no impression of Tantai Meng. When he looked over again, the beautiful girl had already started crossing the bridge. While he wanted to ask more questions, he caught Xie Zhiwei staring at Tantai Meng with such relief and tenderness that it made him feel strange. Towards him, Xie zhenren was gentle and detached, yet towards this girl… Plenty of beautiful female daoists existed, but Xie zhenren was someone with a clear mind and no desires. Why would he be fixated on her good looks?

Xie Zhiwei asked, “Little friend, what do you think of this girl?” Between the lines he was saying, Youngster, if you like her, I’ll help hook you up.

But Mu He only grew guarded. “Zhenren must be joking. I came to the sect to cultivate. All things in the worldly realm are illusions, so I won’t look at girls.”

“….” said Xie Zhiwei. Why does he sound like an enlightened monk? Youngster, you’ve got the wrong script! Are you supposed to say such lines? Can’t you try something more aggressive like, “Pretty, in the future she’ll be mine” or something?

And also, why are you giving me such a stern look? You think I have designs on girls or something?

Im! Pos! Sible!

This blasted novel had ten million words. You spent 20% of it picking up girls, 40% of it powering up and fighting monsters, and the rest all on revenge ahhhhhh. You know a hundred ways to make me suffer a fate worse than death. I don’t dare provoke you! It’s more likely I’d help you out!

Xie Zhiwei was very calm. “I want to say…that this girl has very high innate talent.” Really, it’s super high! Later when you guys dual cultivated you improved so quickly it was like getting injected with chicken blood!

But Mu He understood it differently. He expressed his disappointment and said, “So it’s like that…a useless waste like me couldn’t possibly compare to her.”

“No,” Xie Zhiwei said, “Your innate talent is much higher than hers. With time you’ll be able to dominate the entire world.”

Mu He’s eyes shone. “Really?!”

Xie Zhiwei smiled. “I wouldn’t lie to you.” Youngster, you have a protagonist halo, golden finger, and countless girls in your harem. There’s no reason to feel inferior!

Mu He was once again stunned. In his last life, everyone had stomped him underfoot. Bai Jianzhu said he wasn’t suited for cultivation, while everyone else cursed him as a useless freeloader. But today this lofty daoist sage had said he could dominate the entire world. He was so firm yet gentle that he couldn’t help but recall…his mother.

Xie Zhiwei saw that Mu He was quite affected and struck while the iron was hot. “I’ve never accepted disciples, but I will make you my closed door disciple. I don’t know if this little friend is willing?”

“Really?!” Mu He’s eyes widened and filled with tears.

“I’m not lying,” Xie Zhiwei pointed at the bridge. “The same with that girl.”

Mu He quickly wiped away his tears and revealed a kindly smile to Tantai Meng. “If that’s the case, I’ll bring her over.”

“Go ahead,” Xie Zhiwei savored the moment. He basked in it even more when he saw Mu He all but running up the bridge. He’s really on the ball. This master can only help you so far, so the rest will be up to you. He could imagine those two being all secretive under his nose and going “senior brother” and “junior sister” back and forth. It wasn’t a dream to picture them getting closer through exchanging sword tips, or handkerchiefs, or blows. Tantai Meng was the kind of ice beauty that thawed quickly. Maybe he’d even…

…be able to livestream their bed scenes hahaha!

Wait.

That was thinking a bit too far ahead. With Tantai Meng’s personality, she’d have to accept him as her master first. But with the hero here that was no problem at all.

Sploosh! Splash!

What was that?

When Xie Zhiwei looked up, his hairs practically stood on end. Damn your XXX Mu He! I had you go pick up girls, why did you both fall into the river?!

…don’t sink too fast, what do I do what do I do I don’t know how to swim!

He saw the hero and heroine sink to their heads before his eyes and realized the story was going to end right there. In a flash of inspiration, Xie Zhiwei opened up the System. “Treasure sword, low altitude flight mode.”

In a flash, Xie Zhiwei streaked over the river surface and flew towards the two figures struggling in the water. He reached out both arms and said, “Hurry, grab onto me.”

The next instant both of his hands were grabbed at the same time. Then Mu He clung to Xie Zhiwei like an octopus while crying out his grievances. “Zhenren, I almost died from fright.”

Xie Zhiwei wanted to break free but didn’t dare. He could only watch as a slender figure was swept further and further downriver.

He wanted to cry but had no tears.

WTF? ? ? The heroine…

…was swept away just like that? ? ?

—

Translator’s Note: R.I.P. heroine, you’ve been swept under a bus—uh, river current. As you’ve no doubt noticed by now, I like including the original Chinese characters next to the first appearance of names and locations. It’s a good bookmark for later if/when I make a glossary, and it can be a “cheat sheet ref” for readers who decide they want to MTL ahead of the translations and look for specific terms. More power to you, peeps. 😉