Ch135 - One Hundred Questions

Mentions of past rape (no details, just flippancy overall) that may offend some readers. Also questions into the couple’s s*x life (blame the readers lol).

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Gallant Outlaw: As my new book was well-received and many readers were deeply touched by the Master’s sacrifice to save his disciple by the end, the Main System sent me to interview the original prototypes of my characters. Next, please give a warm welcome to Idol Xie and his disciple Mu He into the System hall.

(Applause and cheers)

Xie Zhiwei (sneering): Stop screwing with me. Don’t think I’m unaware that the Main System thought my answers were too perfunctory and sent you here to dig up info. Disciple, let’s go.

Mu He: Disciple obeys!

Gallant Outlaw: Don’t, don’t! Idol, you know this is the Main System’s request too, so you might as well answer. Otherwise, it might change its tune and pit you guys instead.

Xie Zhiwei: …dammit. Fine, but don’t be too outrageous in front of all these people, ah.

Gallant Outlaw: Okay. First is a question about both of your feelings. Idol, when did you start thinking…those kinds of thoughts about Boss Mu He?

Xie Zhiwei (knitting eyebrows): What the hell?

Mu He (quietly): Shizun, disciple wants to know too.

Gallant Outlaw: Just say it, Idol. See that look of anticipation in your disciple’s eyes. Just when did your heart move for him?

Xie Zhiwei: This is a mystery for the ages..disciple, don’t look at me, Master still isn’t sure even now how I ended up together with you.

Gallant Outlaw: With enough work, even straight men can bend into paperclips. That’s the power of boiling a frog in warm water! Then Idol, you should’ve sensed when something felt off right? What were your internal thoughts after you sensed your heart moved for your disciple?

Xie Zhiwei: Mm…not bad? I didn’t even want my life back then, so why would I bother about those details.

Mu He (face red): Disciple was very happy!

Gallant Outlaw: Happy, right? Then may Boss Mu He answer a couple questions too.

Mu He (indifferent): Mm.

Gallant Outlaw: As expected of the domineering protagonist beneath my pen, he’s only enthusiastic towards Idol alone. How about comparing your first impressions towards each other?

Xie Zhiwei: No need to say it. A dangerous entity, I have to be cautious, gain his favor, maintain my distance.

Mu He: The shizun in the previous timeline looked kindly, but was quite distant. When we met again after my rebirth, I discovered that shizun is actually a very cordial person.

Gallant Outlaw: Then when did Boss Mu He’s heart move for your shizun?

Mu He: Probably around that time at Ashen Cloud Mountain. I was afflicted with Black Wolf Blood and saw shizun bathing, so I really wanted to—

Xie Zhiwei: Watch your words, there’s a lot of people here.

Mu He: Yes. Disciple will only tell shizun alone after we go back!

Gallant Outlaw: I can’t stand you two making eyes at each other like this…cough, Idol, when did your disciple’s actions touch you the most?

Xie Zhiwei: I was rarely touched, I was more distressed…I wasn’t this softhearted in the past. But when he confessed to me, his earnest self really wasn’t bad.

Gallant Outlaw: Then Idol, what made you have a change of heart?

Xie Zhiwei: Probably that time after the three days and three nights, his words poked me quite a bit, mhm.

Gallant Outlaw: How was your mental journey from an ironclad straight man who curved into a mosquito coil?

Xie Zhiwei: I think it was like…at first I felt he was pretty pathetic like this, so I might as well treat him better. Then it was “Oh crap, he likes me, better keep my distance,” but he was still sickly, so I decided to leave after he got better. After that it was “Oh crap, he likes me so I should stay away, but I can’t stop wanting to see him.” In the end it became, “If he likes me then he likes me, whatever makes him happy, in any case I like him too.”

Mu He (eyes watering): Shizun put it so well.

Gallant Outlaw: Boss Mu He, are you willing to let your shizun top? Have him do you instead?

Xie Zhiwei: I want to know too. You’re always on top, wanna switch?

Mu He (pitifully): Does it hurt a lot…for shizun?

Xie Zhiwei: Forget it. My skills aren’t as good as his. If I hurt him then I have to coax him in the end.

Gallant Outlaw: There’s no limit to you spoiling the disciple ah. Speaking of pain, how did your first time feel, Idol?

Xie Zhiwei: Three days and three nights, why don’t you try it yourself?

Gallant Outlaw: Don’t don’t don’t, I’m straight ah, even if I was bent, we’d have to see if the protagonist was willing to let me try, ah.

Xie Zhiwei: …motherf**ker, you say that as if I’ve never been straight myself.

Mu He: I only want shizun, nobody else will do.

Gallant Outlaw: Still want to know how many times total you guys did it over those three days.

Xie Zhiwei: Publicly speaking, the speed of the car was quite stable. But I don’t know how many times it was later. Do you think I was in a mood to keep count back then?

Gallant Outlaw: All right. Then Idol, what about your feelings?

Xie Zhiwei: I comforted myself with the fact that I had been doggone done against my will, who knew later I’d be willingly done instead.

Mu He (indignant): From this day on, there will be no more snow civet beasts in the world.

Xie Zhiwei: ….youngster, you failed the reading comprehension question, ah.

Gallant Outlaw: What’s with the sudden heavy tastes? But it’s still pretty exciting, ah. Then let’s get a little more stimulating. Does Boss Mu He have a lot of different tricks? What kind of position do you like? Right, did you play any tricks during those three days and three nights?

Xie Zhiwei: I was flipped back and forth like a pancake. No other tricks existed.

Mu He: If shizun is dissatisfied, we could try a new position?

Gallant Outlaw: For example, prop play, S&M, etc?

Mu He: Shizun, what are those things?

Xie Zhiwei (smiling slightly): Those are illusions. Gallant Outlaw, screw off.

Gallant Outlaw: *cough* I can’t help it, the readers asked me these, ah. Next I’ll ask your disciple, what’s Boss Mu He’s usual favorite position?

Mu He: Of course it’s face to face. That way I can keep looking at shizun. Each of shizun’s expressions gets me excited.

Gallant Outlaw: This is all love, ah…then what do you prefer your partner to do when so-and-so happens?

Mu He: Shizun just needs to keep looking at me and it’s good.

Xie Zhiwei: He can do whatever he wants, I don’t care either way.

Gallant Outlaw: Hearing this, it seems like you’ve done it fairly often. Another reader wants to know, if the two of you are currently doing unspeakable things and Cheese happens to come in, what would you do?

Mu He: Shizun, what’s cheese?

Xie Zhiwei: Nothing. Gallant Outlaw, you’re trying to make things worse, aren’t you?

Gallant Outlaw: I said it was the readers! Readers! Okay, let’s quit this topic. The next question’s not bad. If Mu He turns into a girl, what would you do?

Xie Zhiwei: Who cares if he’s male or female, I don’t mind.

Gallant Outlaw: Do you want to see him dress in female clothing?

Xie Zhiwei: …forget about it. A tender little face like his isn’t suited for women’s clothing, right? I don’t want to leave a psychological shadow in bed.

Gallant Outlaw (sly smile): You’d feel like it was a girl topping you, right? Hahaha, what kind of girl would be that tall! Speaking of which, what are your heights?

Xie Zhiwei: I’m 180cm, he’s a little taller, 185cm.

Gallant Outlaw: Actually there was one more question I didn’t get to read. How long is Boss Mu He?

Xie Zhiwei: Longer than you.

Gallant Outlaw (shocked): Idol, you know mine?

Xie Zhiwei: No, but is there any suspense to this question?

Mu He: Agreed, shizun is very satisfied with me.

Gallant Outlaw: Speaking of which, I wanted to ask, which part do you like about the other?

Mu He: At first it was the collarbones and waist, then the hands, then later on everything. Shizun is the best in the world!

Xie Zhiwei: Same, I like it all.

Gallant Outlaw: Wonderful. The next question is very normal. What was the decision you regretted the most after coming here, Idol?

Xie Zhiwei: As if I need to say. Of course it was that death scene on One Step Cliff. It was just a waste of time and feelings. But it doesn’t matter now. Every step I’ve taken in this world is in the past tense, it’s pretty good.

Gallant Outlaw: Idol put it really well. If we turned back time to when you two first met, what’s the one thing you want to do most after seeing each other?

Xie Zhiwei: I used to keep regretting treating him well, but if I had to choose again, I’d still treat him well.

Mu He: Disciple too! Disciple wouldn’t hesitate to stay with shizun!

Xie Zhiwei: It’d be okay if I knew what happened afterwards, but if it was the me who first showed up without any idea of anything…I think I’d die with the System right there on the spot.

Gallant Outlaw: Of course, you were a steel-straight man back then. If Idol ended up never liking Boss Mu He for the rest of his life, what would Boss Mu He do?

Mu He: I used to think about this question every second of every moment until I almost went mad. I didn’t know what to do with shizun. But when shizun finally said he liked me, he sacrificed his life to save me, I’d…rather shizun not like me if it means shizun can be well.

Xie Zhiwei: *rubs head* Everything’s in the past now.

Gallant Outlaw: So touching. Boss Mu He, what did it feel like the first time you kissed Idol?

Mu He: I was still hallucinating then but I remember it clearly…shizun was very sweet, very soft, but for some reason my heart was nearly leaping out of my throat, I was so nervous.

Xie Zhiwei: Of course, because that was your first kiss.

Mu He (red-faced): So I was both nervous yet very happy.

Gallant Outlaw: Will you two raise a few small cubs in the future?

Xie Zhiwei: Disciple, can you give birth to children?

Mu He: Of course not.

Xie Zhiwei: Thus, we can’t. My disciple is already a child himself, so it’s enough to have him.

Mu He: Mhm! Whatever shizun says is right!

Gallant Outlaw: Will you two hold a wedding ceremony?

Xie Zhiwei: No, I don’t want to be so fussy.

Gallant Outlaw: But Idol is from the modern world. You’d still do something romantic, right?

Xie Zhiwei: Go walking with him in different areas, then return to Suihan Lodge and pass the days together.

Mu He: Disciple already can’t wait.

Gallant Outlaw: Plain yet romantic ah, not bad not bad. Boss Mu He knows your shizun transmigrated here, right?

Mu He: I don’t know and I don’t want to know. It’s enough for me to just have shizun.

Xie Zhiwei: So docile.

Gallant Outlaw: His love-addled brain is peerless. How was Boss Mu He thick-skinned enough to keep hanging around after your first rejection?

Mu He: It wasn’t anything thick-skinned. I wanted to die when I didn’t see shizun, but I was afraid to take a single step when I did meet shizun.

Gallant Outlaw: Clinging with your life, ah. Impressive. Then when Idol died during the first four years, you had an empty window period. Didn’t any girls come looking for you?

Mu He: Yes, but I avoided them one by one. Gradually they stopped showing up.

Gallant Outlaw: Then what were your thoughts after finding out you missed Idol [in disguise] multiple times?

Mu He: Of course I was happy. Shizun switched to a different way to guard by my side, working so hard just for me.

Gallant Outlaw: How do you usually coax the other when he’s mad?

Xie Zhiwei: Before we got together, he’d always get upset out of the blue. But soon enough he’d run over on his own to apologize. Now he’s never gotten mad since.

Mu He: If shizun gets angry at me, I’ll just let him curse and hit me as he pleased. It’ll help shizun vent in the meantime.

Gallant Outlaw: Indeed filial. No wonder Idol’s so nostalgic for this place. But it’s still ancient times, doesn’t Idol find things inconvenient?

Xie Zhiwei: I was a little unused to it at first, but it got better later. My only regret is the lack of Internet.

Gallant Outlaw: What do you want Internet for?

Xie Zhiwei (cold smile): So I can report you, Gallant Outlaw, for writing danmei.

Gallant Outlaw: Then thank goodness there’s no web hahaha, I’m writing under a pseudonym. That’s right Idol, any plans to go back to the modern times and look around?

Xie Zhiwei: If there’s a chance I don’t mind going to take a look. Just treat it as watching the scenery.

Gallant Outlaw: Then what happens if you run into He Zheng? What do you think of He Zheng?

Mu He: Shizun, who’s that?

Xie Zhiwei: An irrelevant passerby, I don’t even remember what he looks like anymore.

Gallant Outlaw: Idol has really moved on, ah. Then the last two questions: what can’t you stand the other doing?

Mu He: I have no objections no matter what shizun does.

Xie Zhiwei: Doing anything is fine, but doing it nonstop I can’t stand.

Mu He (low voice): Disciple will practice moderation.

Gallant Outlaw: What are you two discussing so anxiously? Finally, how about confessing your feelings to the other party?

Mu He: Disciple will always like shizun, listen to shizun’s words, and treat shizun as my sky.

Xie Zhiwei: Master will always let you like me, let you listen to me, and let you make offerings to me like the skies, for the rest of my life.

Mu He: Mm! That’s a promise!

Gallant Outlaw: You two have worked hard. Today’s interview was smooth and successful! I can hand in my work to the System now hahaha, thank you both! Eh, Idol, don’t hit me? Boss Mu He, why are you joining in too? What? You have no scruples now that the camera’s off? AhhHHHHhhh SAVE ME—

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The author has something to say: Thanks to the [reader] darlings who helped me organize and classify the submissionss. I managed to use 90% of them, thank you for actively providing questions~~

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