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Tondemo Skill – 475 – The Best Thing for a Dwarf is Liquor
For a short moment, I debated with myself over whether to tell anyone about Demiurgos-sama’s oracle, but
 since God himself told me that it’s fine to take care of it in my ‘spare time’, I’ll just forget about it for now.
Anyway, I’m really busy.
Very busy, you know?
[1] I have loads of things to do like, like cooking! I have to replace my precious Magic Stove, don’t think I have forgotten about it, you damned Behemoth. Also, er, bathroom expansion! I have already made the appointment to meet the contractor, which is tomorrow, so I can’t go anywhere for the time being.
[1] Once the renovation starts, I have to be there to supervise. Yeah.
[1] In fact, I should let my gatekeepers know to let Bruno-san here when he comes.
[1] Yeah, let’s do that.
The next morning, I made sure to inform Tabitha to expect Bruno-san, before entering the kitchen to cook. [1] See? This is me busy cooking to keep my beloved familiars nice and well fed. No time for any country subjugation or whatever you call it.
After feeding my familiars, I relaxed my nerves over a cup of coffee when a knock came, followed by Tabitha’s voice, “Mukouda-san, Contractor Bruno is here.”
“Ah, yes, excellent. Coming~”
I opened the door to see three small but very muscular dwarves with bushy beards standing in a line at my front door.
At the sight of these [2] professional-looking strangers, I straightened up and gave them my best service smile, “The one who requested the job is me, Mukouda. Thank you for coming today.”
“Ou, I’m Bruno, we’re here for the job.”
“Right, thank you. This way, please. Ah, Tabitha
”
“I’ll return to my watch,”
“Ah, yes, good. Do that.” It still felt a little awkward interacting with Tabitha as an employer (slave owner), but, [2] maybe I should think of her as the head of security. Yes, it’s perfectly normal to speak to the head of security.
[3] I turned to Bruno-san and his colleagues. “Ahem, this way to the bathroom, please.”
“Ou,”
Please read this at kitchennovel dot com ~
“Ho~~ what a nice and spacious bathroom. You want to make it wider?”
Bruno-san was giving me a quizzical look, but I countered that with a professional smile, “That’s right.”
Indeed, this is normal. It’s perfectly normal to want a huge bathroom.
[4] “Ahem, I want a larger bathroom partly because of my familiars,” I said as I lead the group of three Dwarves to my living room. “They would be sharing the bathroom with me.”
“Expanding a bathroom for your familiars, now that’s S-class level of extravagance,” Bruno-san muttered.
[4] “Ahaha,” well, they are my main income earners after all. It’s thanks to them that I am so rich now. So, I can’t mistreat them. “I’d like a bathtub large enough to accommodate my Fenrir and my, ah, Ancient Dragon.”
[4a] Honestly, I feel like a Chuunibyou just uttering those words, eww. But it’s all true though.
[4] Next, came the actual discussion on how to practically expand the bathroom.
[4b]
“Well, sir,” said Bruno-san, “do you want to just expand the bathroom or the bathtub and bathroom? Will you be adding another tub or replacing the tub?”
“Well, I’d like a bigger bathtub if possible, maybe even a sunken tub so that it is easier to get into. A larger bathroom would be good too
”
“Hmm, for the bathroom, it’s best to just knock down some walls and expand the room inward into the building than to construct an extension. For the tubs, I’m sure you know this, but we don’t make those. The technique is very specialised, closer to pottery making than construction. That one is outside our field of expertise.”
“I see,” well, I could always purchase a tub from that place Lambert-san introduced to me last time. What was the name again? Nevermind, I’m sure I can find it again. Anyway, “I’m fine with taking down the walls, the rooms next to the bathroom don’t get much use anyway.”
“That would also reduce the construction time,” said Bruno-san as he made a note. “You say you want a sunken tub? You want it fully sunken or partially sunken? Here are the following options
”
[4b]
The talk went on quite a bit as we discussed the details. Finally, once the bathroom talk wrapped up, I said, “I’d like to have more servants’ quarters built, if you would come this way
”
I led the Dwarves to the servants’ quarters outside of the mansion. Behind these buildings were some trees.
[4b]
“If possible, I’d like to clear those trees and add a few more buildings for servants,” it still made me cringe to say ‘servant’ but that’s still miles better than saying ‘slaves’. “Is it possible to build three or four more houses here?”
“Tree felling and land clearing are not under my responsibility. I’m in construction.”
“Then
”
“I have an acquaintance for that, but he won’t be able to do it right away. I will come once the land has been cleared.”
“I see, um, well, the style of the building didn’t have to be the same as the mansion. I’d be happy if you could follow the existing types here
”
“Humm
” said Bruno-san as his team followed me into Alban’s dwelling. He gave the place a cursory look and said, “Hm, well, I’ve seen enough. For the bathroom with the necessary digging, piping and so forth, I believe it will take two months to get everything done.”
“Two months? Just for the bathroom? What about the servants’ quarters?”
“Humm, naturally I will get to that once the bathroom’s done, but only once the land’s been cleared.”
“I- I see,” I wonder if I could get Fer to help me with the tree felling? Surely he could chop the trees with a well-placed Wind Cutter? As for the land, surely I could do something with my Earth magic?
Anyway, to thank them for making the time for the inspection, I handed each Dwarf a bottle of whisky.
As soon as Bruno-san received the bottle in his hands, his eyes changed.
“A-are you the owner of the ‘Phantom Liquor Store’?”
“Hm? [5] Ah, well, that is
”
[5] Bruno-san stared at me with wide eyes for a long time before suddenly turning to his companions and said, “Go outside first, I wish to speak with Mukouda-sama privately for a moment.”
[5a] Eh? Mukouda-sama? Where did that ‘-sama’ come from?
[5a] While I was busy being stunned by the sudden polite tone, Bruno-san had already ushered his colleagues out of the room. After looking around suspiciously, Bruno-san suddenly scuttled close and whispered, “I heard that the owner of the Liquor Store is an S Ranker, but that’s about it. Could it be
”
[5]
“Ah, well, um, may I know where you heard about this liquor store from?” why am I whispering too?
“There is a rumour among the dwarves about this store. That the store has no fixed location, but more importantly, it sold ultra special unique liquors!!”
“Ahhh
” Bruno-san is looking at me with wide sparkling eyes
 I am not at all happy to be stared at like this by a bearded little man!!
S-seriously, it was starting to become unbearable.
“Hahhh
 very well, if you want something similar to this, I can make arrangements to get a few more bottles
”
“REALLY!!!??”
Ugh, Dwarves could be surprisingly loud

“Hyahoo! We’ll start construction work the day after tomorrow. I’ll give you the best super express service. Two days!”
“Eh, what? Two days? Wait, if you’re going to do a rush work and compromise on the quality-”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Dwarves will never compromise on quality!”
“Then
 fine, but, will it really be fine?”
“Of course! It’s a promise!”
Bruno-san shouted the last part at me as he ran out of the house, startling his two companions who ran after him.
“
 
” whatever, I don’t care anymore. It’s good that he wants to do this quickly. I guess I’ll be paying in liquors.
[Gumihou: Deleted the ending where Mukouda talks about how he was planning to bathe using his portable bathtub for the next two months, which kind of brings down the momentum of the chapter.]
[1] Put in text how he ‘busy’ was. Fixed the timeline too.
[2] Show some of his ‘Japanese-ness’
[3] Tabitha and Peter appeared together here, which I thought was strange. Ma’am, since you’re keeping watch at the gate, aren’t you supposed to leave one person there while the other does escort work?
It’s only later when Mukouda was wistfully watching Tabitha and Peter walking away that I finally realised why.
Eh, deleted this scene since it doesn’t serve any purpose aside from making Mukouda feel bad about being single.
[4] Adjust text so that it made sense
[4a] Add details to make it more interesting.
Because the original details are suuuuper boring
[4b] Deliver information through natural-sounding dialogues in place of Mukouda’s rambling thoughts
[5] Adjust text to reflect a more realistic dialogue re ‘Owner of Phantom Liquor Store’
[5a] Add details about Mukouda being Japanese about social titles