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If we kept going, they would kill me. Even if that weren’t the case, I would no longer be able to set foot on the ground like this again.\n
But that didn’t mean I was going to run away. I had no intention of going back to the demon lord’s castle.\n
Azel was… kind.\n
He would probably forgive me if I returned to his castle and talked with him instead of kicking me out.\n\n
At the same time, he was a cold person who had learned to make choices based on the words of his benefactor and would not tolerate anyone he didn’t want.\n
I saw him angry. He would block out those who bring him sorrow in self-defense.\n
Choosing people was very difficult. It was an act that wore down his mind.\n
But if he didn’t, his pure and innocent heart would be torn to shreds by the strength of his power and position.\n
For decades, he had been in disarray. He never spoke out and never broke a tear. He was an awkward demon lord whose loneliness was mistaken for solitude and ridiculed as being cowardly and heartless when his silence was just him trying to avoid hurting others.\n
Azel spoke plainly about how happy he was, but the thought of a world where he was at the top of the realm with no one beside him brought tears to my eyes.\n
The person who embraced him when he ran away, covered in wounds, was undoubtedly that precious and unique… The person from another world, whose title was the only thing I had in common with him, could not be replaced.\n
“……”\n
My chest ached, and my hands trembled.\n
There was no guarantee that he would throw me away if I went back. I had to make desperate efforts as long as there was that possibility.\n
Whenever trouble came my way, I always had to rack my brains for it and persist.\n
But—I was scared. I was scared to be told to my face that he didn’t need me.\n
Hahaha. I’m so pathetic, don’t you think? Laugh all you want. Call it foolish.\n
I know. It’s just love.\n
I knew it was trivial. But it was enough to make a grown man run away, crying in fear.\n
Yes. Nothing would change if I just dwelled on it forever. If you love someone so much that it becomes painful, go through with it.\n
I did not realize that it was not me. I had to apologize sincerely for hurting him.\n
And I could always bow my head and say, “Please let me stay with you,” and cling to them, never letting go.\n
But I… I couldn’t bear the thought of being thrown away because I was the wrong person, and I couldn’t love him anymore, and he might not even want to see me ever again.\n
I remember that day when Azel was rough with me, whom he considered his benefactor and cherished. He was crying and trembling, telling me not to hate him.\n
I was now feeling the exact same thing as he was.\n
I was running away because I was far more afraid of being hated by him than being executed back home.\n
I was so scared. I didn’t even want to see him. I didn’t want to meet him. I didn’t need words. I didn’t need anything.\n
I wanted to stop thinking that he didn’t love me anymore.\n
Please don’t make it the truth. Kill me while I have this vague dream.\n
“You’re thinking about the demon lord again, aren’t you? Hey.”\n
“Yeah…”\n
“You’re crying. Gross.”\n
I found myself with tears streaming down my face again. Luoh turned away, feeling uncomfortable, and crossed his arms.\n
I couldn’t help it. I gave my heart to him.\n
It really, really hurts when your heart is torn apart.\n
Luoh watched me repeatedly blink to stop the tears from falling, scratched his head, and sighed.\n
“I’ve been through a lot, but they treated me well in the village, and I had a lot of friends. But you… you were alone, so maybe you’re just in love with the idea of the demon lord wanting you.”\n
“…The idea…”\n
“I believe in myself. You don’t look like the villain the king says you are. Knowing that you’ve lived with that much malice makes my hatred fade away. I’ll explain your situation to them and make sure you don’t get executed. After confirming these facts, you will be absolved of your crimes. Then, you can try to live again in the human realm. You can get a new name, too.”\n
He placed his hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me.\n
He had a heart full of emotions and carried himself with a strong sense of self.\n
His words had authenticity. Just as he decided to hate me and did all this, he would let me live if he chose to.\n
But I couldn’t agree with that.\n
Maybe I was just really stuck on the idea of Azel.\n
I would wake up in the morning to a cold prison with no windows. I would have a cold meal all by myself. If I didn’t have work, I would be there all day.\n
I would study what I was provided, train my body, and then just sit in bed waiting for the time to pass.\n
Yeah, I was… really lonely.\n
I had no family in my previous world and spent my days working for a black company, so I lost all my friends.\n
Still, I was born and raised in that world. It was pretty hard for me to be treated as some sort of foreign being in a world I didn’t know about, with my appearance remaining the same.\n
So, it didn’t matter who. I just wished for someone to touch me even a little bit.\n
I once tried to talk to the soldiers on guard duty. Each one of them ignored me, but day after day of my persistence, they pointed their sword at me.\n
My instructors in swordsmanship and magic called me inexperienced and useless, but I did my best, thinking they would praise me if I worked hard enough.\n
But what I received was their contempt for me being a filthy assassin. \n
Even when I went to war, I was ordered to keep my distance from the troops and always acted as the vanguard or the rearguard.\n
There was a time when we won, and the entire army held a banquet with the spoils of war.\n
I tried to come near, thinking that I would be allowed to join in at least that day, but the superior officer on watch glared at me. I left all hunched up and went back to sleep.\n
A long time ago, I returned triumphantly to show that the hero was still alive and well.\n
When I saw the market and the people, I got carried away, saying thank you to the girl who handed me some flowers and accepted them.\n
I was summoned by the king and punished. My arms and legs bound, I desperately apologized as they struck me with a whip.\n
The flowers were gone.\n
The night felt so lonely, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want anyone to find out, so I learned how to cry without making a sound.\n
I wanted someone to hug me. I wanted someone to talk to, even if it was just by my side.\n
I had those kinds of thoughts. Anyone would have certainly been fine with me back then. That was why I was happy when he asked me to stay by his side.\n
It wasn’t because of Azel. I was just happy to hear those words. I didn’t care if it came from a demon lord or whoever.\n
I wondered if I would still love him, even if… he wasn’t the one who told me that.\n
I wondered if I chose him only because he was the only one who said those words to me.\n
If I agreed to Luoh’s terms, changed my name, made a place for myself in the human realm, and laughed with people who would accept me…\n
If they wanted me to be myself just as I was… then I would choose—