Huang Qishan forced himself to look at Lu Jiangyu's face. He wasn't afraid that Lu Jiangyu would be mad at him, curse him, hit him. No matter what, he would accept it. Huang Qishan was just scared that Lu Jiangyu would run away, scared that he would leave him again. His hands gripped Lu Jiangyu's arms tightly, extremely tightly, like this person would disappear if he let go.
When Lu Jiangyu heard what Huang Qishan said, his mind actually did not go blank; instead it was filled that man's face, that person's smug face looking at him, seeming to be saying, "You see! Your man likes me too." Lu Jiangyu didn't know how to face him. Other unbearable images lingered in his head. He could only attempt to struggle to free himself from Huang Qishan's grasp, but his grip got tighter in response.
"Jiangyu, Jiangyu, Lu Jiangyu… Lu Jiangyu!" Huang Qishan shouted so many times. Lu Jiangyu wouldn't look at him. He didn't want to be the jealous woman and complain, but he also didn't want to accept this. The past ten years were his fault, but why did he have to tell him this, tell him the man he so painstakingly waited for confessed to another man, and they even got together. This was not okay, not okay, not okay! What was this!
"No, no, no…" Lu Jiangyu shook his head, standing up while Huang Qishan's continued babbling. "Let go of me, first. Let go of me."
"Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave? Do you want to leave?" Huang Qishan repeated the same phrases over and over again, while pinching Lu Jiangyu's arm extremely painfully.
"Huang Qishan, you let go of me! Let go of me! Laozi won't leave!" Lu Jiangyu suddenly forcefully bit Huang Qishan's shoulder. The pain forced Huang Qishan to let go. "Jiangyu!"
Lu Jiangyu breathed heavily. He was exhausted. Not only did he have no energy, a well of anger suddenly gushed from somewhere deep in his heart. He was even angrier than when he first heard what Huang Qishan said. Lu Jiangyu quickly a.s.sembled all of the many, many words he could say that would vent his anger and also jab at Huang Qishan's sore spot in his heart. Although Lu Jiangyu looked like a gentle person on the outside and of good breeding, only Huang Qishan knew about his other side, the side that both made him love him and that drove him mad.
Lu Jiangyu's home life was very strict, particularly because of his father. He only ever got strictness and indifference from his father. And although he became the person his father expected of him, he still knew how to poke at a person till it hurt, to gain the upper hand. When Lu Jiangyu was young, Huang Qishan punished him because of his mouth many times. Many years later, he had matured greatly, but he still had the att.i.tude from his youth towards Huang Qishan. Sometimes he couldn't control himself, but his lover still forgave him. When they first reconciled and got back together, it was Huang Qishan who brought it up, and he was the one who ruthlessly rejected him and told him he didn't like him. He was scared that after so many years, his partner wouldn't like how he looked anymore. However, in the end, he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't dare say it out loud, so he could only send him a message. But that one message was enough to bring back that person whose heart he broke. Even though he had been tormented to death that day, Huang Qishan's unwillingness to part had brought him both joy and sorrow.
Just as Lu Jiangyu was about to start speaking, he caught sight of Huang Qishan's guilty and frightened look. Such a powerful, strong-willed man was now heart-wrenchingly pitiful. The storm of words instantly disappeared. Finally, he calmed down. The truth was probably not what he imagined anyway. Lu Jiangyu sat back down. Huang Qishan grabbed him again tightly when he sat down. Lu Jiangyu breathed deeply but didn't shake him off. "What really happened between you?"
"I don't remember. I was drunk that day, but when I came to, my clothes were on properly. He also said that nothing happened, but today he told me something did," said Huang Qishan angrily. He felt extremely regretful. He told this to Lu Jiangyu when obviously he could've dealt with the issue on his own without saying anything, but…
"Do you like him? Were you together for so many years without any feelings?" Lu Jiangyu's voice was very calm, but the trembling in the hand in Huang Qishan's tight grasp betrayed him.
When Huang Qishan heard this, he looked at Lu Jiangyu. Do you like him? How could he like him? Huang Qishan put Lu Jiangyu's hand on his heart. "No feelings, just something like familial affection, like he's a member of the family, a little brother. After getting rejected after saying I wanted to be together with him, I wondered if he actually did not like me, contrary to what other people said, or if what I did hurt him. But he ended up leaving the country directly, without so much as a farewell. However, when he asked me that question, I realized it. I only like you." Huang Qishan held Lu Jiangyu's hand while patting his own chest.
Huang Qishan's current appearance was enchanting, that Lu Jiangyu could not help but ask why. "Why did you want to wait for me?"
"I don't know. But there was no s.p.a.ce in my heart for anyone else," he said quietly. "When you left, I raised our son by myself. When he appeared, he treated our son very well, and Huang Yu liked him too Other people were telling me that I should stop thinking for myself and think about HUang Yu. You didn't contact me at all for so many years. But I don't know why, when I asked him whether or not he wanted to be with me, he asked me whether or not I would let go of you…"
When Huang Qishan said this, Lu Jiangyu's hand gripped Huang Qishan back even tighter. Huang Qishan hugged him comfortingly. "At that time, there were also people who said that I was just mad at you, it's not that I really liked you… I thought that since we got together we didn't undergo any trials, so this was natural. The biggest obstacle was your father. When I couldn't see you, I was in pain. I also thought, but…"
"But what?" Lu Jiangyu asked nervously.
"But I couldn't let go of you. I like you!" Huang Qishan's heartfelt feelings made the already over thirty years old Lu Jiangyu turn red.
Looking into his eyes, Lu Jiangyu reached out and hugged him back. "I like you too."
Huang Qishan's eyes widened. Right then, the s.p.a.ce in his heart suddenly filled up. He suddenly laughed out loud.
"What are you laughing about?" Lu Jiangyu asked, strangely.
"Nothing. I want to kiss you right now. Can I?"
Who would have thought that Lu Jiangyu would press forward to kiss him without a word. He lightly touched Huang Qishan's lips, just like a kid who first learned to kiss his lover. Although he was unfamiliar and overly careful and nervous, he treated him just like a treasure that he was afraid to break or lose.
Huang Qishan stroked Lu Jiangyu's back and kissed him deeper in reply. However, he wondered if he was a bad guy or not. Obviously, he could solve this problem by himself, but he told it to Lu Jiangyu for selfish reasons, made his lover angry, sad, and self-blaming…
Lu Jiangyu forgot to breathe, so he pushed away Huang Qishan with a scarlet face. He breathed in heavily.
"Sorry."
"I'm still mad." Lu Jiangyu was afraid Huang Qishan would overthink, so he quickly added, "But I forgive you."
It was then his turn to kiss Huang Qishan. His hands also did not remain still, as the b.u.t.tons of Lu Jiangyu's pajamas were unb.u.t.toned one by one…
Huang Qishan watched Lu Jiangyu who had fallen asleep to exhaustion, saying nonstop apologies to him internally. Although you are by my side, I still feel insecure. You never said that you liked me before, so it seems like you I made you sad to force you to say it…Huang Qishan lowered his lips to his forehead, and said quietly, "I won't be this willful next time. I love you."
Huang Qishan covered him with a blanket and stroked his hair before standing up and walking out the door. He went to the study to give a certain person a phone call. Jiang Yuran, you shouldn't lie to me… and that child, you shouldn't have come back to lie to me…