Chapter 42

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<h6 class="has-text-align-center wp-block-heading" id="past">Past</h6>\nDu Jing sent him multiple texts telling him to wait outside the school gates, that he would pick him up, and the three of them would get lunch. Zhou Luoyang didn’t reply. To be honest, he had already come to a realization by then.\n

The issue was clearly a microscopic one, but Zhou Luoyang was utterly unable to move past it.\n

At 2 PM, Du Jing returned to their room.\n

Zhou Luoyang was sprawled out on his bed. He looked up at Du Jing and was just about to speak, but Du Jing cut in first. “What have you been upset with me about recently?”\n

“How was the appointment?”\n

“Get up!” Du Jing’s brows drew together. “Tell me, what did I do to you?”\n

Zhou Luoyang was tongue-tied. He was jealous, it was true, and it was because a third person had been inserted into the two-person relationship that had persisted within their dorm. Within the last few days, he’d been slightly different around Du Jing. Though he complained outwardly about Sun Xiangchen not giving him gifts, the real target of his anger was Du Jing.\n

“What are you doing?!” Zhou Luoyang finally erupted too. “What did I do to you?”\n

“I waited for you at the gates for an hour!” Du Jing shouted. “Why did you ignore my messages?”\n

“You only sent me three texts! If I don’t reply, that means I don’t want to go, don’t you get that?!”\n

Zhou Luoyang really wanted to give him a verbal thrashing. He wanted to yell things like, You asked Sun Xiangchen to go to the doctor with you, but not me, even after all this time? What did you say to him? Aren’t you two all buddy-buddy now? Just ignore me then. But it all sounded so very like something a jealous lover would say.\n

So in the end he chose not to say any of it.\n

Du Jing sat down angrily. With a frustrated grunt, he swept all the books on his desk aside. Holding himself up by the elbows, he hunched over his desk, breathing heavily. Suddenly, he picked up a stapler and started bringing it down over his own hand.\n

“Du Jing!” Zhou Luoyang cried.\n

Zhou Luoyang could tell that Du Jing was genuinely feeling unwell. This was the first time since they’d met that Zhou Luoyang had seen him violently hurting himself. He immediately wrapped his arms around him from behind and pulled him, along with his chair, away from the desk.\n

“I’m sorry!” Zhou Luoyang cried. “I’m sorry! Du Jing!” \n

Zhou Luoyang knew that he must have triggered him by accident. Or, perhaps, he knew that he was making Du Jing upset, and yet he couldn’t help but want to upset him.\n

“I was wrong,” he said. “Don’t do that! I…I…”\n

The stapler was on the floor. Du Jing was in terrible pain and breathing hard.\n

“That’s not how I really feel.” Finally, Zhou Luoyang told the truth. “That’s not how I feel, Du Jing. I was just saying that…to make you mad on purpose.”\n

Zhou Luoyang didn’t really know what to do. Finally, Du Jing began to calm down, and looked out the window, spacing out.\n

“I was upset,” Zhou Luoyang admitted. “I…”\n

Finally, he said, “I was jealous. You and Sun Xiangchen had gotten too close.”\n

“Yes,” Du Jing agreed tonelessly.\n

Zhou Luoyang put away the stapler and inspected Du Jing’s hand. Fortunately it wasn’t bleeding. He’d used the blunt end to smash the back of his hand a couple times. But in doing so, he’d used a lot of force, leaving behind a large bruise.\n

It was as if through this act of release, Du Jing had released, all at once, all of the emotions that had amassed over the past several days.\n

“I feel better now that you’ve said that,” Du Jing panted as he slowly recovered. “I felt it too. That’s why I turned him down.”\n

“What?” Zhou Luoyang asked, lost. “What did you feel?”\n

“As I drove him back, he told me everything.”\n

Zhou Luoyang still didn’t understand. “What did he say?”\n

<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nThat morning, as Du Jing was leaving the hospital, he ran into Sun Xiangchen waiting at the hospital entrance. Sun Xiangchen beamed at him. “Jing ge!”\n

Du Jing was surprised. “What are you doing here?”\n

Sun Xiangchen showed him the pill case in his hand. “I was picking up medication for a friend. Let’s head back together.”\n

Du Jing was silent on the walk back to the car. Sun Xiangchen sat in the passenger seat and asked, “You’re fine, right?”\n

Du Jing knew that he must have asked around about him and answered coldly, “Yes.”\n

“Are we going back to campus? Where’s Luoyang shixiong?” \n

Du Jing backed out of the parking spot. “I have to get something done first.”\n

“I’ll go with you,” said Sun Xiangchen. “Can we grab lunch together?”\n

Du Jing didn’t answer him. Just then, Zhou Luoyang texted, and Du Jing replied. When Sun Xiangchen spotted Zhou Luoyang’s profile picture, he went ahead and texted him too.\n

Du Jing parked in front of a cell phone store. It was the same store he and Zhou Luoyang had gone to that first time they went to buy a phone. He bought what he needed and got back in the car, shooting Zhou Luoyang a text asking him to wait at the gates.\n

Zhou Luoyang didn’t respond. Du Jing began driving back to campus.\n

“Why did you buy another one?” Sun Xiangchen asked.\n

“It’s for Luoyang.”\n

Sun Xiangchen smiled. “Was he unhappy that I gave you one and not him?”\n

Du Jing shifted gears. Succinctly, he answered, “Yes.”\n

Sun Xiangchen placed a hand over Du Jing’s on the gear stick, giving it a pat. He joked, “Next time I’ll for sure—”\n

“That won’t be necessary,” Du Jing interrupted, jerking his hand back. “Don’t buy me things anymore. I don’t like you.”\n

Sun Xiangchen stopped.\n

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry, I thought you…I didn’t know you two were…I was presumptuous.”\n

Du Jing continued harshly, “I’m not gay. I don’t like men. You’d better find someone else. But Zhou Luoyang is my wife, and you’re going to cause us to fight.”\n

Sun Xiangchen didn’t have a clue what Du Jing was saying. First Du Jing said, “I’m not gay,” and then he said, “Zhou Luoyang is my wife.” So at the end of the day, did he like men or not?\n

“That’s how it is.” Du Jing pulled up at the gates. “Thank you for the gifts you bought me. You don’t have too much spending money. I’ll pay you back. I know you bought the phone for me; it wasn’t from a raffle.”\n

Sun Xiangchen was quiet for some time. Finally, he nodded. “Jing ge, I wish you happiness.”\n

“Take the money,” Du Jing said.\n

“It’s fine, I really…Never mind. There’s no need to say all these things.” He smiled. “Jing ge, you have to…”\n

“Take the money!” Du Jing suddenly yelled.\n

The inside of the car was a small space, so Du Jing’s yelling frightened Sun Xiangchen. He pulled out his phone and accepted Du Jing’s money transfer.\n

Only then did Du Jing unlock the doors. He looked ahead, waiting for Zhou Luoyang’s familiar figure to appear, and didn’t talk to Sun Xiangchen.\n

<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nOnce Zhou Luoyang was caught up, his lips twitched. Of course Sun Xiangchen didn’t understand; even Zhou Luoyang could barely understand what Du Jing was saying.\n

“You told him you’re not gay but then said I’m your wife?” Zhou Luoyang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I’d be worried if he didn’t misunderstand!” \n

“Whatever.” Du Jing’s voice was quieter now. He turned to look at Zhou Luoyang, guilt in his eyes.\n

But Zhou Luoyang could still more or less understand what Du Jing’s words meant.\n

“I’m not gay. I don’t like men” was meant as a rejection for Sun Xiangchen, while “Zhou Luoyang is my wife” didn’t actually mean that they were dating.\n

Instead, Du Jing meant, “Zhou Luoyang and I are really good friends.” But the term “friends” truly was not strong enough to describe their relationship, and it couldn’t possibly encompass the extent of their feelings.\n

So Du Jing chose to represent their relationship in a different way—like how high schoolers sometimes messed around and straight guys called each other “wife” as a joke—in order to let Sun Xiangchen know that they weren’t just ordinary friends. Their relationship was more than just friendship now.\n

What it was, though, Du Jing couldn’t figure out, and Zhou Luoyang never tried to define it either.\n

Hearing Du Jing recount what he said, Zhou Luoyang wanted to laugh. But at the same time, he was extremely moved.\n

“I bought this for you.” Du Jing presented to him an unopened phone. “Did you give the other one back to him?”\n

“I bought one for you too.” Zhou Luoyang also took out a phone.\n

They stood in the sunlight, quiet. After a moment, Zhou Luoyang said, “I didn’t realize he…liked you like that. Uh, Xiangchen, he…really didn’t strike me as that kind of person.”\n

“Don’t talk about him anymore,” Du Jing replied. “It’s in the past.”\n

Zhou Luoyang hummed in agreement and picked up Du Jing’s medical papers. Things didn’t look too good, but they were still manageable. He would just need to stay vigilant, because for a short while, it was possible Du Jing might succumb to a depressive episode.\n

Zhou Luoyang hadn’t at all sensed that Sun Xiangchen was gay. He and Du Jing had listened to LGBT presentations before, and once, people with AIDS had stood at Hangzhou’s IN77 plaza asking for hugs, and Du Jing and Zhou Luoyang had both given them hugs. Zhou Luoyang had never been against them. In addition, he and Du Jing were so close. He always felt sympathy for lonely people, and as he hugged those men, he felt as though he was hugging another Du Jing.\n

But not even approaching the topic of topping or bottoming, Sun Xiangchen was just a carefree straight man. Zhou Luoyang hadn’t had the faintest idea he wasn’t actually straight; rather, Du Jing was the first to figure it out.\n

Since Du Jing had already turned him down, Zhou Luoyang didn’t bring it up again.\n

But reportedly, when Sun Xiangchen got back to his dorm room that evening, he got completely wasted and told his roommates what had happened. One of his roommates then spilled to the room next door. One thing led to another, and Sun Xiangchen’s entire class—and even many of the people across the department—found out. As word spread, everyone began to think that Du Jing and Zhou Luoyang were a couple and that Sun Xiangchen had failed as a homewrecker.\n

That was what led to the conversation between Zhou Luoyang and Du Jing.¹\n

<hr class="wp-block-separator">\n“Let’s go practice archery?”\n

When Du Jing seemed twitchy, the suggestion immediately popped out of Zhou Luoyang’s mouth. He didn’t let Du Jing stew in solitude. Mania and depression were different—he couldn’t leave Du Jing by himself. He had to help him find a way to release his pent up energy as soon as possible.\n

Zhou Luoyang had done copious research. He knew that while manic, Du Jing’s mind was in a state of raging turbulence. He could harm himself or break things at any moment. At present, it was like building a dam to keep a tsunami at bay, but once the dam collapsed, the consequences would be unthinkable. \n

“Or we could go boxing?” Zhou Luoyang worked hard to stay calm. “How does practicing with a heavy bag sound?”\n

Du Jing didn’t say anything. He looked up at Zhou Luoyang, and Zhou Luoyang patiently said, “You’ll get better. This is only momentary. Hang in there. We could also go jogging?”\n

Du Jing sat in the swivel chair. Zhou Luoyang got his basketball shoes, knelt down, and put them on for him. He looked up at him. Then he got Du Jing into a jacket. “Come on, let’s go.”\n

Du Jing finally spoke. “I don’t give a damn what other people have to say, but why would you say something like that?! As long as they don’t say anything to my face, I can pretend nothing ever happened!” \n

They climbed down the stairs. Zhou Luoyang didn’t offer an explanation and only said, “Sorry, I didn’t think before I spoke—”\n

“Don’t walk in front of me!” Du Jing roughly pressed down on Zhou Luoyang’s shoulder, steering him behind himself.\n

Zhou Luoyang had no choice but to follow behind him. “Du Jing…”\n

Du Jing spun around, his eyes blazing with fury. “If you’re offended by what other people are saying, then you can get lost right now! Get out of here! Change dorms!” \n

Zhou Luoyang didn’t get angry. “I’m not going to leave. I know you don’t really mean that.”\n

Du Jing and Zhou Luoyang stood quietly. Then Du Jing turned away and broke into a jog. \n

“Wait for me!” Zhou Luoyang chased after him. \n

Du Jing ran very fast, and once they were off campus, he raced through the Hangzhou Arboretum in an instant. Zhou Luoyang sprinted after him, yelling, “I can’t catch up! Slow down!” \n

In the blink of an eye, Zhou Luoyang lost sight of Du Jing. He had no idea where he was headed.\n

“Du Jing! Du Jing! Where are you?”\n

Zhou Luoyang stopped in the middle of the arboretum, gasping for breath. Du Jing ran like the wind. There was no trace of him. The path forked off in multiple directions ahead, and Zhou Luoyang just stood there dumbly.\n

“What color is he?” an auntie holding onto a golden retriever’s leash asked him. “Is he the German shepherd that was fighting with my Qiuqiu?”\n

“He’s not a dog,” Zhou Luoyang informed her, caught between laughter and tears. “He’s a person! He’s tall, wearing red athletic clothes. Do you know which direction he went in?”\n

The auntie pointed, and Zhou Luoyang headed in that direction.\n

Ten kilometers later, Zhou Luoyang couldn’t take another step. He really did feel like he was walking a big, disobedient, excitable dog.\n

“I can’t anymore…I can’t run anymore.” Zhou Luoyang was one of the most physically fit in their class, but to go ten consecutive kilometers at that pace was impossible. Plus, he hadn’t eaten lunch yet.\n

He was exhausted. He sat on a patch of flowers by the road and murmured to himself, “He can really run. How does he have so much strength?”\n

Zhou Luoyang dug his fingers into the mud. He picked up a half-dead earthworm from the cement and put it back into the soil.\n

He looked up at the sky. Dense, dark clouds stretched as far as the eye could see. It would rain soon. The air stirred, making his chest feel tight. It was dark and damp in the arboretum. The koi fish in the pond gathered at the water’s surface and mouthed at nothing, producing a continuous splashing sound.\n

“Let’s go back,” Du Jing said from behind him. He was drenched in sweat. “It’s about to rain.”\n

Zhou Luoyang turned around to face him. “Feeling better?”\n

Du Jing nodded stiffly. Zhou Luoyang gathered himself and said, “Run, let’s go, keep going! To the bank of West Lake!” \n

“Can you make it?” Du Jing asked.\n

“July winds, August rain, lowly old me loves the faraway you…” Zhou Luoyang sang, standing up. “You haven’t come yet, so how can I age? In the future, I’ll stay with you until the end²…”\n

Du Jing was speechless.\n

“Come on!” Zhou Luoyang hollered. This time, he ran in front of Du Jing.\n

Du Jing put in his earbuds and started after him. Now they ran side by side. As they traveled down Beishan Street, Du Jing slowed down, and he and Zhou Luoyang began to run laps around the lake.\n

“It’s raining!” Du Jing said to Zhou Luoyang, slowing down again.\n

The rain hammered down. Unable to escape the storm’s grasp, they were drenched in no time. The surface of West Lake curled into waves, swept up by the strong winds. The tourists had all scattered in search of shelter from the rain. Du Jing slowly took a couple steps forward, then turned around and looked at Zhou Luoyang.\n

Their eyes met, and Zhou Luoyang knew that Du Jing had come down from his mania. Du Jing’s feelings of irritation had dissipated with the changing of the weather and the arrival of the rainstorm. \n

Zhou Luoyang took Du Jing’s hand and wordlessly continued running along the edge of West Lake.\n

This time, Du Jing wasn’t stubborn, and he followed behind Zhou Luoyang. The two of them were completely soaked. By the time Zhou Luoyang finally couldn’t run any longer, they’d already arrived at Jingci Temple.\n

Zhou Luoyang collapsed into a seat at a coffee shop and tried to catch his breath. Du Jing ordered some hot tea and asked a worker to turn up the temperature a little bit. The shop was packed with tourists taking shelter from the rain, and as a result, it was as noisy as a food market.\n

There were no open seats left for Du Jing when he got back, so Zhou Luoyang scooted to one side, and they squeezed into one narrow armchair.\n

“Don’t take off your clothes. You don’t want to catch a cold,” Du Jing warned.\n

Zhou Luoyang was wet from head to toe. He made Du Jing lean forward a little bit to block his body from view before peeling off his T-shirt and putting his running jacket back on.\n

“It’s fine,” Zhou Luoyang reassured. “I’m super healthy.”\n

Du Jing put an arm around Zhou Luoyang and fed him some hot tea from the cup in his hand.\n

“The shirt I’m wearing is yours,” Du Jing told him.\n

“Oh, want to swap?”\n

They’d each bought one of those shirts together. The shirts were identical save for the size.\n

Du Jing reached a hand into his shirt pocket and accidentally felt something—a rubber band.\n

“What’s this?” he asked, surprised. “Which girl gave this to you?”\n

They both had short hair and never needed to use rubber bands.\n

“I grabbed it last time I was bundling arrows at the archery club. I wanted to give it to you to use.”\n

Du Jing’s brow wrinkled in confusion.\n

<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nFootnotes:\n

<ol>To be clear, they mean the conversation they’re having at the start of chapter 41. The dialogue after the page break picks up from where the conversation left off last chapter. [Back]He’s singing the song 遥远的你. [Back]</ol>\n<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nTranslated by beansprout. Edited by opal.\n

<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nalso\n

DJ: we are married\nZLY: aww he thinks we’re good friends\n

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