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Chapter 17: Unexpected Worries Part 1
Zed frowned. He asked, barely opening his mouth after thinking for a long time.
“Why?”
“Well, the rumors…..”
“I’ve ordered you to block it.”
“You know it’s not easy to stop it. It’s already spread to some extent. Rumors spread about the last time she jumped into the Imperial Palace Lake, attempted to jump from the Imperial Palace, and what happened in the mansion.”
“So, what exactly was the rumor spread?”
“Rumors are slowly spreading that Young Lady is mentally ill.”
Zed looked at Bernard as if to continue.
“The capital is probably a complicated place, so Count Aydin seems to have ordered it that way.”
“Right.”
“Would you stay on the estate until you get married?”
Zed looked out the window and nodded. Looking at the gray clouds, he tapped his index finger on the desk.
“It’s a great decision. I think so, too.”
What? This isn’t it. What does this gentle attitude mean?
Looking out the window the whole time, he quietly looked at the documents and said, as if he were trying to concentrate on his work again. Bernard panicked and didn’t notice that he was reading the same part over and over again.
“Bernard.”
After a while, Zed opened her mouth.
“Yes, sir.”
“Is the Crown Prince that attractive?”
“Yes?”
Zed had a serious expression on his face. Bernard wondered what kind of bullshit this was.
“Is he more attractive than me?”
Can madness be contagious? I don’t think it was contagious to Young Lady Aydin.
He hesitated about what to do and came up with a model answer to avoid.
“There are many young lady who adore the crown prince.”
“Then what about me?”
“The same goes for you.”
“Is the Crown Prince more popular than me?”
“The Crown Princess hasn’t been chosen yet. Every young lady dreams of becoming a future Empress.”
That said, the Crown Prince was more popular. The Crown Prince was also neat on the outside, so it was natural for women to like him.
“But you have to remember that Your Excellency has only been on the battlefield.”
“Yes.”
Zed nodded, relieved at that. Then he realized what he was asking now and quietly uttered what Bernard wanted to say, “Crazy.”
“Is the Empress such a coveted position?”
“Isn’t it the hostess of the country and the highest position a woman can have?”
Zed frowned.
“Then, does the Crown Prince have any human charm?”
At Zed’s words, Bernard pretended to vomit.
“I’m a citizen of Jansgar, but I can’t say anything nice about Your Majesty. When I was a teenager, how much information did I’ve heard about his conduct and relationships with women, so how is there a ‘human’ charm?”
Then Bernard’s face turned white. Somehow, he thought Zed’s next question would be, “Do I have a human charm?”
Same broken personality anyway. What’s the use of comparing things that have to be lined up to make a difference as much as a fingernail?
He couldn’t afford to say to his master, ‘You have a human charm.’ He has stabbed his conscience.
His master was a man who used violence on the battlefield, not on the Imperial Palace. He has never had a dirty relationship with a woman, but he was always overly neat.
In that sense, Zed’s humanity was better than the Crown Prince’s. But how can I say that there is a ‘human charm’ just because he has a less broken personality!
“But why?”
How to end this crazy conversation? Was it a mistake to talk about Young Lady Aydin?
However, Bernard, who knew that his neck could fly if he made a mistake here, kept quiet on his own. Then Zed seemed to be lost in thought again and asked.
“Is the action of the sick person sincere?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s about whether someone’s words and actions while sick are sincere.”
“That’s what you’re saying when you’re in a war zone. If a sick man is serious, why it keeps saying nonsense?”
At that, Zed furrowed his eyebrows in displeasure. The knocking on the desk was getting louder and faster.
“What if a human being gives 100 gold coins when he is sick?”
“Don’t take it.”
“There are 100 gold coins. Isn’t it natural to receive it?”
“How could a sick person make a judgment with a clear reason? Do you take it just because it given? You don’t even know what kind of money that is…. If there is such a person, he should doubt his humanity. If you say it’s right and you get it, then that person is a trash, trash.”
This time the answer was so easy that Bernard could answer neatly.
“Damn it…”
Zed banged his fist on the desk.
Bernard thought that somehow the master had been very hurt. As if he were saying to himself ‘I’m trash’. I’m not a person who misses 100 gold coins, but what the hell is going on? Bernard pondered for a very short time.
***
“It would be better to go down to the estate.”
Two days after the Duke of Heint’s visit, as soon as she got better, the Count told Lucifella.
“Why?”
“I think it’s better for you.”
A worried tone of voice and expression. However, the word “go down to the estate” meant moving from where she was staying.
Lucifella felt insecure. She hasn’t even been properly adapted to this strange country yet.
But you want me to go somewhere else? What will happen to you if you go to a province other than the capital of Jansgar?
“I do not like it.”
“Lucy.”
Said the Count sternly. Looking into the Count’s silver-blue eyes, Lucifella realized that the Count had already made his decision and that she had no power to change it. She bit her lip slightly and asked.
“Why?”
At that question, the Count gave a puzzled expression.
“If you rest away from the Capital…..”
“So, why do I have to stay away from the Capital?”
The Count dodged her gaze at a slightly persistent remark. Lucifella stared him in the eye.
“It seems that bad rumors about you are spreading.”
“What rumors?”
“You’re mentally ill.”
Lucifella bit her lip slightly at the words. All the rumors of ‘sickness’ were all on her own. It wasn’t even wrong.
Everything about her that made her exist as Estelle is gone. The body, the strength of the body, the companions.
She feels empty about Estelle who died like that, but doubts her existence. And Lucifella also wanted revenge on Khalid.
Doubts of existence and vengeance were compatible. How can she be so sane?
She has been doing all sorts of irrational things. Especially that day, Lucifella who recalled what happened with Zed in the bedroom frowned.
This is because she remembered a deep kiss that they shared, the heat by bumping into her lips into his lips, and the most sensitive parts.
His strong arms supporting her waist, his rough hands stroking her soft cheeks, and his act of sharing the sound of breath were so bizarre.
When she kissed Zed, she thought she meant it after careful calculations, but now that she thinks about it, it was completely impulsive, crazy.
She was jealous of Zed, who had everything she didn’t have, and unable to overcome her revenge, tried to seduce him, placing him under her palm, and take advantage of him.
She knew from the look on Zedd’s angry face. He had noticed it, too. That she tried to use him. He wasn’t that stupid, so he would have been able to spot such a clumsy thing.
Tempting a man to use him to achieve revenge, you’ve really gone far. Maybe I’m not really sane. Lucifella smiled bitterly inside.
“So, are you going to kick me out of the capital?”
“Lucy.”
“What do you think, father? Do you think I’m out of my mind?”
Lucifella lift the corners of her lips. My mind was on the rampage. Don’t complain to my father, as if Lucifella’s heart is protesting.
“……”
The Count did not answer. And in that silence, Lucifella read his answer.  She obviously felt distant from the Count, but it seemed like a corner of her heart was collapsing somewhere.
Lucifella sighed and smiled.
Lucifella, I feel sorry for you, too. I really felt so sorry for this man that I couldn’t stand it.
I know how much you’re loved, but it seems that you are receiving love but not having faith. It’s not easy to trust someone. She just realized it too late.
“That’s why you’re trying to leave me on the estate when I’m not sane. I’m disturbing my father.”
“……”
“I’m sorry.”
The Count bowed his head and spoke in agony.
He looked tired. But the Count’s heart did not reach Lucifella.
Although the Count loved Lucifella, from a young age, even when she was most important to him, he chose something other than Lucifella.
“I don’t want to know.”
Lucifella spoke so coldly for the first time. The Count seemed surprised by Lucifellas sharp words. It’s got to be.
Lucifella’s true self, which she remembers, was always smiling brightly, always pestering him in a cute way, and even if she got angry, she vent it to someone else, not to her father.
However, if you think about it, the Count was only showing love by words, not by action. Why did he go back to the palace or to the Duke of Idris when she got better?