Chapter 96 - First Sharing Of Secret (Part 2) | Re:Library
Ran added a correction but either way, since she believes me, sheās no different in Kaoriās eyes. Even after saying so much, Kaoriās distrust is still unrelieved. I know full well that itās not something thatās easily believable. Now how should I explain it?
āSince when have you been like that?ā
āSince the day I met you. Iāve been different ever since then. The previous Kotone, I think, died.ā
Kotoneās influence remains strong, but I donāt feel anything resembling her consciousness. If thereās any of her will remaining, she should have already lambasted me for just how much I hate her father.
āHow did you get inside her?ā
āI want to know that myself. I died three years ago. So itās a complete mystery how I got into Kotoneās body three years later. I donāt think we have any common ground.ā
Searching my memories, I canāt remember having any interaction with the Kisaragi family. Itās possible that the damn hag might have some sort of connection but I donāt think she can pass through the guard of the twelve families. Theyāre nothing short of iron walls.
āYouāve been deceiving us the whole time?
āI didnāt mean to do anything like that. I never put a false act about myself and itās not like I can simply tell this to anyone. Thatās why I decided to keep to myself until someone asked.ā
āA false act?ā
āI didnāt act out being Kotone, I only acted the way thatās true to myself. There were times that I had to act, but never in my daily life. It was during the party, since it would be bad if I were exposed.ā
I didnāt let my true glutton side show. Thatād cause a lot of rumors in the coming days. Other than that, Iām sure I never put on a false act. Rather, itās impossible for me to act like Kotone.
āTo begin with, if I acted out being Kotone, I never would have gotten close with you, right?ā
āWell, thatās true. I hate the old Kotone, after all.ā
āThatās how it is. She has her own reasons, but thereās no point talking about it.ā
From what I remember, Udzukiās the original cause and Kotoneās father just put the finishing touches. Kotone was under great pressure and finally ended up the way she was. However, for some reason when she was having a problem, I suddenly appeared.
āKotone, can I ask you one thing?ā
āWhat?ā
āIs your head okay? Having a delusion that detailed could be a major issue.ā
After a moment of silence, I was desperately holding back my laughter. Ayaka and Ran, who were listening next to us, were laughing uncontrollably. Kaori was moving her gaze between me and them. She did nothing wrong. Itās just that her reaction was funny.
āSorry, my bad. Your reaction was just so proper that itās funny. Thatās right, this is whatās normal.ā
āThinking about it, we really are not normal. What should be weird, weāve accepted as normal.ā
āStill, itās because we remember hanging out with Souji that we figured you and him are the same person. And since Kaori has no clue about him, it canāt be helped.ā
āJust as you say. Iāve been with you, Ayaka, and the others for much longer, after all. Itās because you know me, or should I say, Souji, so well that you came to that conclusion.ā
āThen itās really true?ā
I answered with a nod. There was no lie in everything Iāve said so far. I told her everything as sincerely as I could. This is the first time Iāve shared this with someone I know in the present, so I donāt feel like Iāve explained it well.
āWhich consciousness do you have right now? Male? Or female?ā
āRegarding that, itās pretty ambiguous. I still have male consciousness, but Iām influenced by Kotone a lot. Like my reaction when being seen naked, thatās definitely not a man there.ā
āRight. You were more concerned about your own nudity than my naked body. A man would normally be focused on me instead.ā
Rather, I couldnāt even bear to look at naked bodies. Itās a lot better now in my opinion. Otherwise, I wouldnāt have been able to relax in the hot spring. Back then, I would have needed a blindfold.
āItās something like that, but currently I consider myself as a woman. Iām a bit defenseless in many regards, though.ā
āPut yourself in my shoes, itās so worrying to see you sometimes.ā
āIād love to see that for myself.ā Ayaka interjected
āStop fooling around.ā
Ayaka will likely imagine the past me in place of Kotone and it scares me. Iāve gotten used to the skirt in our uniform, but I wonāt choose to wear it myself. More importantly, regular pants are more comfortable.
āAlright. I believe you. Itād be bad if this gets public, right?ā
āItād be disastrous. Especially with my current family, they should never know. It might break them.ā
āStill, the current Kotone and the old Kotone are different, so they should feel like somethingās off.ā
āRegarding that, itās because of the Kisaragi family curse. Itās not unusual for people to change completely.ā
One example is Kotoneās Grandfather. Kotone only knows of him after heās changed, so I canāt judge for sure. Itās probably because of this that people donāt find my sudden personality change unusual.
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āSomehow, Iām really getting curious about your past life Souji.ā
āHeās not a particularly unusual person. I can vouch for you that heās just a regular everyman.ā
āāThatās a complete lie.āā
I got a loud rebuttal. I personally find myself to be normal, but I guess Iām somewhat weird in the eyes of other people. If you two say that, then both of you should be lumped together with the weirdos too. I wonāt say it out loud though.
āI have pictures of Souji saved, do you want to see?
āI want to see.ā
āChoose properly, okay? Pick a relatively normal one.ā
Particularly, donāt show any of me cross dressed. Iām so different in those, even I canāt believe it. The first time I saw a mirror, I couldnāt even tell who I was looking at. The girls all loved it and the one who put makeup on me was surprised with the result.
āA normal one, right? Then how about this one?ā
Just how many pictures do you have? I only remember Ayaka taking a picture of me a few times before. She probably took some without me knowing. Similarly to my situation right now. The Photography club people have so many pictures that make you suspect that theyāre actually peepers.
āHooh, you really donāt have any similarities.ā
āHaving some would be scarier. So this is how my face looked, huh. I feel like Iāve forgotten it somehow.ā
Itās a face I should have seen everyday when I check my appearance, but I feel like Iāve forgotten about it right up until I saw the picture. And at the same time, I feel like thereās a voice echoing deep inside my head. That was probably the first sign.