<figure class="wp-caption alignnone" data-shortcode="caption" id="attachment_6593" style="width: 223px"><figcaption class="wp-caption-text">Next chapter isnât translated yet, so please be patient</figcaption></figure>
Chapter 44: The boyâs feeling.
When my consciousness start fading, I have a dream. It is memory of my past life. I will experience again what Iâve done, in the form of a dream.
The house where I was born has always produced excellent people. Exercise, science, medicine, politics, economics, education, archeology âŚâŚ Anyway anyway, a house that has always sent people to the top. That is Kuonâs family. Kuonâs family is moving the world. Recognition in the world. It is the world. Thatâs where I lived. And Kuon was a house not accept anything other than âexcellentâ. There are only two things that are âexcellentâ or âun-usableâ. It was only those âexcellentâ one are being recognized as human beings, the others were not.
And I am a member of Kuonâs family, a human being never called âexcellentâ. Whether you are âexcellentâ or âun-usableâ the family still allow you to live normal when you are still a child. Itâs not iâm bad at anything, attually Iâm quite good at it, but of course Iâm not âexcellentâ at anything. I was like that. If there is something that is superior, that was my robust body in the Kugon family who are all merely consanguineous marriage and have a weak constitution.
Move your body, sit down and learn. There is no excess and deficiency in anything.
It was early for my parents to give up on such a child like me. That last day they visited. I remember the day when my life was finished well. There were quite a lot of âcaretakersâ visited my room on that day. Not only those who are in charge of housekeeping, but also people who are about to protect my parent, came to my room. It is the elderly man who is the head of the âcaretakerâ who brought in many âcaretakersâ. His name is Haregi Haregi-san always wears a suit while other caretaker is wearing kimono. On this day as usual, he has spoken to me.
âYoung lord, can you come over here?â (ăĺăŁăĄăăž: O bĹtchama = how servant call a young lord) âDo you mind if I change clothes? As you can see, Iâm awfully sleepy, Iâm still in bed clothes.â âNo. Go as you are without holding anythingâ âOkay, I understand.â
While I felt a sense of incompetence in my bedâs temperature, I went out of there. It is a bit strange that everyone is watching me with caution, I laugh a little. I understood the meaning that they came here. So even if I do not look like that, I will not run away. I followed them, saying, âIâm all right,â to the followers who have strange faces. The surroundings are protected by strong guards, or they are blocked, and they are taken me to a room that I has never been in. Itâs like Iâm escorted by them rather than to follow them.
I knew this place. It is because it was a place that anyone could enter, anyone who was treated as âhuman beingsâ. It is my first time to step in, but I knew about this place for a long time. This is âgarbage dumping placeâ. When a Kuonâs family child reach a certain age and still âun-usableâ, they will be kept here forever.
⌠It is normal.
Underground of the mansion. That room separated by iron grates was a space that seemed to be unexpectedly comfortable. Because I had never seen it before, I thought how bad the environment is, but it is more ordinary space than I imagined. There are chairs and desks, and beds are placed. There were items that look like cooking areas in the back. Flooring is flooring, walls are white wallpaper. Perhaps this room is more comfortable than and my room. That is the evaluation I gave when I first saw the scenery behind iron grates at that time.
âIs there a bath and a toilet?â âOf course.â
Haregi-san takes out the key ring from his bosom, and opens the door of iron grates. It is not similar to the ordinary scenery that lies ahead, there was a high sound that the metal rubbed. While Iâm frowning my face with annoying sounds, Haregi-san open the door and gives me a word of encouragement.
âPlease, get in young lordâ
The size of the entrance is enough to pass without having to lower head. I enter inside as prompted.
âIf you need something, please tell usâ âYes, I understandâ â⌠Young lord, are not you wondering?â âAbout what?â âAbout the treatment that you are receiving. That is âdeadâ now, why did you still calm âŚ?â
Until I came here, Haregi-san who was doing business with expressionless face more than usual was distorted. It is not question of hate or anger that comes to the Haregi-sanâs face. On the other hand, it is easy for me to answer. It was just one word.
âBecause it is the Kuonâs familyâ ââŚâŚIs that it?â âYes, there are no people in doubt about throwing away things that you can not use?â âYou parent isnât see you off or say anything, just âkillâ you!? And you accept it without even expressing it, what kind of child are you !? Until now, there was not such a child in Kuonâs family! So I⌠this is how they ⌠!â âYou brought a lot of guards so that I can not run away?â
Everything is understood. I wonder what will become of people who can not do anything like me, what kind of reactions have been taken by people who have been here before. Everyone at the Kuonâs family did not give anything to what they would throw away.
Because I know everything, I have no surprises, anger, no sorrow. I know that resistance is in vain. I also know not to cover it. Because I know that myself, âI can not become a part of the Kuonâs familyâ. Thatâs why it seems wonderful for Haregi-san to have a doubt expression. Until now, other children has made meaningless resistance. And still, for the one who took us âdefective itemsâ here to feel strange.
âItâs all about understanding, isnât it okay to just accept it?â â⌠âŚ!â
At this time, I still remember well that the line of sight directed to me changed from me obviously. Because the fear has filled the doubt that came up to that point in an instant.
â⌠Maybe you are the most damaged one in the house of Kuon, arenât you?â âWell, I think it was because I was broken and I could not be use, so I was sent here.â âIn that sense âŚâŚ No, letâs stop it ⌠I got frightened by the young lord, in a sense, even more than the familyâs head, so I will leave it here.â
Kachan (SFX) and the door are closed and locked immediately. While listening to a lot of footsteps going away I was thinking about the future. I do not need to learn anymore, I do not need to study. Nothing to do as an obligation has disappeared. Because I am already a âdeadâ child.
â⌠for now, should I try to sleep?â
I did not come up with things to do, I decided to take a nap.
âŚâŚ Do I have any hobby?
While sinking my body in the bed, I closed my eyes considering such a thing. My consciousness of my dream is end, and my consciousness of reality comes to mind. Along with the end of my dreams, my memory went down.\n<figure class="wp-caption alignnone" data-shortcode="caption" id="attachment_6751" style="width: 233px"></figure>