I stood before him, tightly gripping my chest as I watched the former guard knight kneel and plead with tears streaming down his face.
I had never realized that Captain Curtis had been suffering so much.
I had taken the loyalty of the guard knight, no, Canopus, too lightly.
The fact that Canopus could not shield me and let me die was an event that he could not bear, an event that he could not overlook.
Canopus might have regretted it over and over again, more than I could imagine.
He might have blamed himself over and over again.
How painful it must be to regret what could not be changed, to think "if only I had done this" and be tormented by guilt until the end.
―――I had not realized this until I saw Captain Curtis's tears just now.
I should have known that Captain Curtis, no, Canopus, always suppressed his emotions and put on a calm face.
I suddenly remembered the words Captain Curtis had spoken about the islanders yesterday.
"The residents are desperate to repay the Great Saintess. If they caused her to be hurt because of their negligence, they would regret it for the rest of their lives. They would be haunted by the guilt of 'what they did not do' until the day they die. And the emotions that follow are negative. Lady Fee, such a life is a great misfortune for them."
Perhaps he was talking about himself.
Perhaps he was revealing the pain he had endured as Canopus.
Despite the clear hints, I had not realized it...
I knelt before Captain Curtis and took his hands.
"I'm sorry, Canopus. I died so selfishly. I should have known that you would suffer after I was gone..."
Tears threatened to spill as I spoke, so I bit my lip to stop them.
Crying while apologizing is cowardly.
Captain Curtis would have no choice but to forgive me.
But my tear ducts betrayed my will, and tears welled up in my eyes.
Even as I tried to hold back the tears, my insensitive former guard knight exclaimed in surprise.
"...Lady Fee, are you crying for me?"
Yes, yes, even yesterday, you made me cry.
I cried so much, what did you think those tears were for?
I glared at my still insensitive former guard knight, but the tears I had been holding back spilled over.
"These tears don't count. It's your fault for being so insensitive."
At this, Captain Curtis hung his head.
"Yes, I understand. It is not right for you to shed tears for me."
"No, that's not it! I'm apologizing to you, and crying is cowardly. If you cry, you'll have no choice but to forgive me."
But Captain Curtis seemed not to understand what I meant and tilted his head in confusion.
"Regardless of whether you cry or not, I would never deny you. To begin with, I am in the position of being forgiven by you, and you have no sins that need to be forgiven. ...Ah, no, I apologize. Perhaps you were indirectly pointing out that I was crying while apologizing?"
"Not at all! I left you behind. That was my..."
I started to say, but could not finish.
Captain Curtis, who rarely interrupts me, had cut me off.
"Lady Fee, failing to fulfill my duty as a guard is a complete sin of a guard knight, but the reverse is not true. If I regret and suffer because I failed to do my job, it is my problem. ...300 years ago, after you died alone, I trained my body to ensure that I would not make the same mistake again if I ever had the chance to serve you again. Unfortunately, this body in this life is too weak, but it will improve in a few months."
As he said this, Captain Curtis bit his lip as if in pain and squinted his eyes.
"Yesterday, in the cave, I expressed my desire to serve you without even apologizing for my failure in my previous life. It was a completely selfish act. I apologize. I should have apologized first and asked for your permission to serve you. ...Lady Fee, I am truly sorry. And please, ...please, let me protect you again."
As he said this, Captain Curtis bowed his head deeply as if in supplication.
I looked at Captain Curtis intently and tried to speak as gently as possible.
"Curtis, ...you have no sins to apologize for. If we look back at the past, we can say anything. So, if you thought it was right at the time you made the choice, it wasn't a mistake, was it? I think it's wrong to judge it as a mistake based on the result."
"But, Lady Fee...!!"
"Listen, Curtis, ...I never blamed you or hated you for a moment, even when I died as Serafina, and even now."
"......I am aware of that."
My persuasion seemed to have worked, and the former guard knight, though still in pain, finally acknowledged my words.
I seized the opportunity and pressed on with my persuasion.
"Curtis, you have been reborn. You have a new life. And I am no longer a princess, so there's no need for you to be bound to me."
I looked at Captain Curtis intently and spoke slowly, as if trying to convince myself.
Canopus has been reborn as Curtis.
His life is his own.
He should live a new life as Curtis, not as Canopus.
Despite my heartfelt words, my former guard knight seemed to be still trapped in his past life's duty and repeated the same content.
"Serving the merciful Great Saintess was my pride and joy. Could you please allow me to regain that pride?"
I swallowed hard as Captain Curtis looked at me with a serious expression.
"...Curtis, there are many enjoyable things in the world. You are so serious that you are still trapped in your past life's duty, but it's time for you to be free."
I was speaking for Curtis's benefit, but for some reason, he did not look grateful at all. Instead, he looked troubled and replied.
"...Forgive me, but why do you hide the fact that you have the power of a saintess?"
"Huh?"
Caught off guard by the sudden change of topic, I asked, and he looked back at me seriously.
"From what I have observed, you use the power of a saintess even as you try to hide it. In other words, you want to be a saintess, but there is some inconvenience that prevents you from declaring it publicly. Or perhaps you are hiding from something?"
S, sharp! Captain Curtis is incredibly sharp!
...Why are all the knights around me so sharp!?
What's scary is that they seem to be watching, listening, and noticing everything, and when the time comes, they lay it all out in front of you, even though they never say a word in everyday life!
"I, I haven't said this before! W, I have a familiar. A black dragon, one of the most powerful in the continent! The black dragon will protect me from everything."
A brilliant answer came out of my mouth, despite my fluster.
...That's right. I have Zabiria, the strongest monster!
Zabiria is strong enough to defeat a blue dragon in an instant, so he's the best guardian!
Moreover, Zabiria intends to protect me.
I nodded and looked at Captain Curtis, who began to look around curiously.
"Where is the black dragon? I don't see it."
"Ugh... It's not a lie! The black dragon just wants to become a king, so he's a bit away right now. But we're connected, so he'll appear if something happens!"
Captain Curtis smiled wryly at my words.
"The black dragon is young. Or perhaps he doesn't understand the meaning of separation. You can't take your eyes off something important for even a moment."
―――That mocking smile seemed to be directed more at himself than at Zabiria.
Thank you for always reading.
Last time, I mentioned that the first volume of the book was being reprinted, but I would like to add some information.
The first volume of the book, whether it's the first, second, or third edition, has the same content.
The "about 25,000 words (6-7 chapters of the web version) of additional content" and "Another Beginning" mentioned last time have been added to all first volumes of the book.
I received several comments saying, "The reprinted book has been revised," ...Yes, the fact that there were multiple similar comments means that my writing was misleading.
I am truly sorry for writing something that caused a misunderstanding, even though I was trying to convey information.
Perhaps the reason is that I had never mentioned the content of the book before.
...Looking back, this was the first time I had introduced the content of the first volume in detail.
I feel like I'm not doing my job properly, even though I received a wonderful book (yes, I am reflecting on myself right now).
Well, since I have your attention in the afterword, I would like to apologize and talk a bit more about the additional content in the first volume that I didn't mention last time.
In the first volume, I added "The Rud Family Meeting" along with "Another Beginning."
In the web version, there is a scene where Feea makes a black dragon her familiar, and the Rud family and the people of the knight's domain find out.
Immediately after this scene was posted on the web, I received many comments from readers saying, "The black dragon is the kingdom's guardian beast. It's strange that the father and brothers didn't report such a powerful familiar to the country!"
I thought they were right, so I added a story that would satisfy the readers.
In the end, it turned into a discussion about "who is the strongest in the Rud family," but...
...I always seem to miss the most important points.
Last time, I wrote, "Thanks to the talents of the editor, illustrator, and designer, we have a wonderful book," but I should have put "the readers" first.
The book version is an edited and revised version of the web content, and I referred to the comments from the readers. I incorporated everything that could be reflected, which is why it became a wonderful book.
I am truly grateful.
Thank you all for making this wonderful book possible. Thank you very much.
Also, if the book is not available in the store, you can order it and it will definitely be available.
I received inquiries about this, so I am answering here.
Thank you for reading to the end of this long text.