That day, I was furious. My younger sister, Marie, who was only four, had a fever. But my parents said, "You must not enter the room. The doctor said she will get better if she rests, so just leave her alone."
"No way!"
While carrying a bucket of water, I shouted to myself. She's only four, she must be feeling so uncomfortable and scared, all alone with a high fever!
Next, I brought in a book that both Marie and I loved... *The Ragged Red Cat's Tale*. When I read it out loud, Marie laughed. I thought, "That's good..." at that moment.
"Anastasia, what are you doing? Don't interfere with Marie's studies!"
I was hit by Grandmother Sasha. She always favors Marie like this. She must hate me. But this was the first time I had been hit.
I didn't cry. I was just furious and ran to Mom. Mom always praises me, saying I'm cute. I thought she would be angry at Grandmother's scolding.
Sure enough, when Mom saw my swollen cheek, she became furious.
"Did Marie do this!? How could she! Even if she was delirious from the fever..."
"It wasn't Marie, it was Grandmother."
As soon as I said that, Mom's face darkened.
"Grandmother Sasha? ...S-Sorry... ...Well, there's nothing we can do..."
"...Mom?"
Why are you turning away? Why won't you comfort me and kiss me?
Just then, Father came in. Father doesn't get along well with Grandmother. I thought he would criticize her just like me...
"If Mother says so, then it must be true. Indeed, Marie quickly learns from Mother's teachings. She's a smart and excellent child."
"Wh-What about me? Father, I can read Ipus books too!"
"What did Mother say?"
"Grandmother... said that I translate things loosely and interfere with Marie's studies. She called me stupid..."
Father nodded, as if it were a matter of course, so easily.
"If Mother says so, then it must be true. Anastasia, you don't need to read any more books."
And with that, he turned his back on me.
...If it were the shy and kind Marie, she would have obediently followed. But I wasn't convinced. I just got even angrier.
--Fine. If no one will help me, I'll fight back with my own hands! I'll storm in! I stomped into Marie's room, which I had just been kicked out of, swinging my arms and legs.
As a baron's daughter, I don't have a vocabulary for insults. All I know are foreign books and the words of a scruffy stray cat. Thinking of him, I opened the door and shouted,
"You old hag, you're not a black and white cat at all!"
Suddenly, my finger was pressed firmly to my lips. It was Grandmother Sasha. Behind her shoulder, I could see Marie sleeping soundly in bed.
"She just fell asleep. Don't wake her up."
"...O-Okay..."
"It's a contagious disease. Anastasia, leave the nursing to me."
Grandmother Sasha slipped out into the corridor and closed the door quietly. Without a word, she started walking.
I chased after her. When Grandmother returned to her room, she started some paperwork. She quickly scanned through a large stack of papers and signed them. I peeked at her hands.
"...There are so many languages..."
"I'm sending them to people in different countries."
I was surprised to get a response.
"Gre, Goal... This is Father's name, right?"
"It's not a good thing, you know."
Without stopping her hands, Grandmother continued.
"While it's not illegal to write on behalf of someone in private documents, it's still disrespectful. The writer's heart is reflected in the words. It's very impolite to the recipient, the person whose name is written, and the writer who is deceiving them."
"Then why doesn't Father do it?"
"People have their strengths and weaknesses."
Her answer was both and not. She placed her hand on my tilted head.
"Siblings do too. ...Marie is a serious and honest child. She has a good memory, notices inconsistencies immediately, and improves quickly. She absorbs what she's taught and uses it efficiently."
"......Yes."
I pouted and looked down. The hand on my head moved from side to side. Did she pat me? I looked up in surprise, but Grandmother continued her one-handed work.
"Anastasia has creativity and imagination. You can create something from nothing and come up with special ways to play with what you have... A talent that neither Marie nor I have. You could become a writer."
Was this... a compliment? Her voice was as strict as always, so I couldn't tell. But I felt so embarrassed that I scrunched up my face. Even if Grandmother might dislike me... I didn't hate her.
I wanted to sit on her lap. If I suddenly climbed on, she might get angry. I waited for the right moment and wandered around her. Grandmother just continued her work silently—.
"---Cough"
Suddenly, she coughed up a blood clot.
I screamed and tried to inform my parents. My arm was grabbed from behind.
"---I-I'm fine. Don't tell them..."
"B-But!"
"I'm fine... It's too late anyway."
I didn't understand the meaning of her words, but from the grip on my hand, I understood a sad future. Grandmother continued to cough, wiped the blood with a lace handkerchief, and resumed her work as if nothing had happened, ignoring the blood on the corner of her mouth.
"In my time... noblewomen couldn't choose their lives based on their strengths and weaknesses. I hope for the next generation—both of you—use your talents and do the jobs you like."
Sasha Shaduran passed away two months later.
The doctor said it was due to a chronic illness. My parents, who didn't even know she was ill, were stunned by the sudden news.
"---What will happen to us now...!"
"---How could this happen. Lady Sasha... Lady Sasha is gone..."
Both of them said similar things. ...But. There was a slight difference between Father and Mother.
Father was sweating profusely and looked troubled.
Mother was crying and grieving.
Then both of them rushed into Marie's room.
Father asked,
"Marie, how many words did Mother teach you? Can you read Flarian?"
Mother also asked,
"Did you kill Lady Sasha? You must have infected her with your illness the other day!"
Marie, who probably didn't understand her grandmother's death yet... Poor thing, she just looked at her parents with a puzzled expression.
No matter how good her memory was, a four-year-old Marie couldn't do much. When she said she could only read and understand a few words in the kingdom's language and Ipus, and only knew a few words in Flarian, Father left in a huff.
Mother continued to blame Marie, but neither Marie nor I understood. Marie had a cold two months ago, and Lady Sasha's illness had nothing to do with it. But from that day on, Mother stopped talking to Marie.
Marie seemed quite confused. While Mother had always favored me, she didn't dislike Marie. Even while muttering that Marie's red hair should be blonde and her freckles should be gone, I think she still cared for her.
Suddenly rejected, Marie must have missed her mother's warmth and tried to get her attention. She picked flowers and gave them, drew pictures of her smiling mother, and even helped with the servants' work, doing difficult household chores... Her efforts continued for years. Still, Mother just seemed annoyed.
---Once, Mother's eyes softened.
"Mother, listen. I read a whole Flarian book by myself. Father traded it for a toy and said I could play with it."
Marie said, holding out a thick book. Mother reached out and stroked the cover of the book Marie was holding.
"...This is Lady Sasha's book."
That was all. She didn't praise or pat Marie. Still, Marie's face lit up,
"I can read it out loud too. It was a very interesting story, I'll read it to you."
She opened the book and started reading. Mother was braiding my hair. After putting in a hair accessory, changing my dress, and applying rouge, she left the room silently.
...Even after the listener was gone, Marie read the book to the end.
"Marie, don't you want to go to school?"
Father said this when Marie turned twelve.
"You can learn the basics of business management and several languages. There are also exchange events with international students. You can chat with many foreigners. Go and have fun."
Marie made a slightly reluctant face. For a shy and introverted girl, much older foreigners were just scary. But because Father spoke kindly, she nodded. Then she looked up worriedly.
"But... won't it cost a lot of money to study? ...We've already sold all the carriages and jewelry, haven't we?"
"Don't worry, I'll manage."
"But the gardener hasn't been paid for two months. Father said there's no money. Father, shouldn't we pay people before buying things we like—"
"Shut up! Don't interfere with my business!"
Startled by the sudden outburst, Marie shrank back.
"...S-Sorry..."
"I'm doing this for you. Marie, you... are not a cute girl."
Marie was speechless. She knew she wasn't favored by Mother. She probably knew that being taller than her sister made her less adorable. But being called "not cute" by Father... This was the first time.
"P-Papa...?"
I was also shocked and gave Father a reproachful look. Father looked a bit awkward. He turned his back and spat out,
"Marie is a daughter who takes after the worst traits of the family. Unlike Anastasia, you are unloved by everyone and will never get married. You'll just be laughed at in society."
"...Y-Yes..."
"That's why, at least live in the Shaduran family and help with my business. ---An ugly and insolent woman can't survive on her own. She will die. I'm doing this for you."
"Yes..."
"...Tuition... Well, it's true that I shouldn't have wasted money. I'll fire the incompetent and disloyal servants. You can do the housework."
"Huh. Y-Yes. ...Yes"
"Here's some money for now. I'll sell your clothes. You don't need them for studying. You can make do with a few cotton dresses."
"Yes"
"Understood. If you follow my instructions and don't argue, you might become a little more adorable—"
After that... Marie's life changed completely.
From early morning, she baked bread covered in soot, ran with heavy textbooks, and immediately did housework and reviewed when she got home. She was so exhausted that she could barely get any sleep. Her once lustrous red hair, the few cotton dresses, and the twelve-year-old girl... all quickly fell apart.
Still, Marie didn't run away.
She worked, studied, and kept running. This life continued for six years... Not once... did Marie complain.
"That's fine for her."
Mother said. By this time, Mother had completely stopped touching Marie.
"She's doing it because she likes it. She's not interested in pretty clothes or boys. Studying is the most important thing to her."
"...What about the housework and helping Father?"
"That's right. It's tough, but she brought it upon herself. After all, she's not cute. She's too tall and lacks charm... that red hair! She doesn't look like Lady Sasha at all."
Mother didn't touch Marie. Instead, she doted on me.
When I tried to help Marie or give her my old dresses, she got furious. She said it would ruin my beauty and that I was different from her.
Every day, she came to my room to change my clothes and brush my hair. And every day, she spoke ill of Marie. She said, "Don't be like her, Anastasia."
"What beautiful blonde hair... Your blue eyes and white skin are just like Lady Sasha. ...It's as if she's alive..."
...Mother. I'm alive.
By the time I turned fifteen, Mother and Father were desperately looking for a husband for me. They said they would find a suitable man for my beauty and locked me in my room...
I was forbidden to get a tan, and behind the closed curtains, Marie was working today. She was running around with textbooks, negotiating with merchants, helping Father with his work, and lifting heavy things like a man.
Marie had a lot to do.
I had nothing.
"...I'm envious."
I whispered through the thick curtains.
I'm envious. I want to be a sharp and dignified adult like Marie. I want to be a cool person who takes on various tasks and works.
My heart aches when I see Marie working and sweating. I gradually stopped talking to Marie.
It was a very boring life, but I found one hobby.
Making men's clothing based on my ideal woman... a noble and dignified heroine. I used fabric and buttons from old clothes, but it was gradually taking shape.
"Yep. It's beautiful."
I admired the finished product. I want to be a cool adult who can wear such clothes— I started making clothes in Marie's size.
Because I could never be like that.
Men lined up in front of me.
"It's an honor to meet you, Lady Anastasia. As I've heard, you are even more beautiful than the rumors suggest."
"Thank you."
"Please dance with me. I crossed the canal just for this."
"Welcome to the Shaduran family. Where are you from? Oh, the heir of the Southern Pearl Trade..."
They all say the same things. I keep giving the same responses while my parents repeat the same things beside me.
It was Marie's eighteenth birthday, but it didn't matter.
Today is my 'Sale' day.
I am a commodity. A daughter with only her looks and no other value, to be sold for money.
I am a doll. An artificial princess adorned by her owner's hands, with an empty heart.
...It can't be helped. I only have 'cute.'
Marie wasn't at the party. She probably found such glamorous events boring and uninteresting. ...I understand. It's nice. I'm envious.
If I could, I would run away from here right now.
I'm envious and resentful. I hate and love.
My cute little sister, Marie. Even if I am 'bought,' please, you, and only you, live as you wish.