In the darkness beyond, the white castle was clearly visible.
From the swaying carriage window, I gazed blankly at the passing scenery.
"…I really did something terribly selfish, didn't I…"
I muttered to myself with a sigh. It seems Mio, on the driver's seat, heard it and responded.
"It's not really selfish, is it? After all, it was just a one-sided love from the start."
Her usual cool tone, but I could detect a hint of irritation in her voice.
"I'm sorry, Mio…"
"I'm just doing my job, so it's nothing."
"…But, I'm sorry. …I'm sorry."
I shouldn't just be apologizing to her.
The creaking carriage, and yet the Granado Castle, which doesn't seem to be getting any smaller.
I've caused a lot of trouble to all its residents. Thomas, Tunic, Johan, Toppo, Zeri, Wolfgang… and even Mrs. Liu Liu… I've been so ungrateful despite all the kindness they've shown me.
"Miss Marie, your hairstyle today is so cute!"
I covered my ears at the momentary hallucination. I thought it had faded, but now another voice, Cyrus's hoarse voice, seeped through.
"…If only I could be a stronger man…"
"…Why did Lord Cyrus say he was weak…?"
Even in the swaying carriage, Mio wouldn't miss my whisper.
"Because he is weak. A coward."
"Coward?"
"Disappointing, isn't it? Saying he'll definitely come to fetch you soon—if he really believed it, he would have taken you away immediately. I didn't think the master was such a coward."
This maid is always sharp, but today she's especially harsh. If she says it, it must be true…
…Coward… Courage. What kind of courage is it…?
"What was Lord Cyrus afraid of…?"
The maid answered.
"Hurting you. He chose to stop your tears now rather than your happy future."
"…Happy future over current tears…?"
"It's like being stingy with short-term investment and giving up on future market development. It's not what a businessman should do. Really, not like the master at all."
The carriage moved slowly.
The gentle vibrations were somehow comforting. I closed my eyes.
"Lord Cyrus knew… that I was lying. All those pretty words were just lies… just to hide my deep, dark jealousy of my sister. I didn't want him to dislike me… but he saw through it. He saved me when I was about to break."
Is that Lord Cyrus's weakness? He hurt himself so much, yet still tried to protect me. Is that because he is weak?
I firmly rejected that thought.
No, that's not it. I'm the weak one. I ran away from being hurt, rather than hurting others. I'm the weakest of all.
Ah, it was the right decision to leave. If I had become his wife, I would have just been a burden to him…
At that moment, Lord Cyrus's face flashed in my mind. He was whispering with a pained expression.
"I've never been so angry at my own powerlessness."
I pressed my chest.
I looked out the window, as if to escape.
There, the white walls of Granado Castle. The castle where I had spent such happy mornings… a place I would never step foot in again. It would soon disappear from view. A place I truly loved and felt at home in…
My chest and back felt frozen and painful. I clung to the window, holding onto that pain.
What kind of pain is this? What am I afraid of…?
It was never mine to begin with.
Yes, from the start, everything belonged to my sister.
When I was with the Chaderan family, I never felt jealous of my sister. She was just a distant idol, and I never thought of emulating her. I didn't want her dresses, jewels, the passionate courtship of gentlemen, or my parents' embrace. I never thought of competing with her. I had nothing I wanted or liked…
…Wait? That's strange.
I wondered.
If that's the case, why did I practice dancing so much?
By then, I was already certain my sister was alive. The greetings, the bows, the wedding preparations… if I understood that I would have to give everything up if my sister returned, why did I put in such futile effort…
"…Huh?"
Something's wrong.
Everything I say and do is wrong. I'm lying to myself.
My life… impossible, futile, so I never wished for anything for eighteen years.
I never wanted something I could never have. If I didn't hope, I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't regret losing it…
"…Huh?"
The passing scenery, a large tree momentarily blocked my view. When the white Granado Castle disappeared, I screamed and opened the window. Leaning out, I saw the castle walls in the distance. I sighed in relief and sat down.
At that moment, I understood.
My true feelings.
What I had been trying to avoid… it wasn't just a pretty thing, not a mild and cute jealousy of my sister. What I was truly afraid of, the pain I couldn't bear and wanted to run from, what I truly wanted…
"Ah!…Oh no…"
My whole body flushed rapidly. My temperature rose, and the sound of my heartbeat echoed in my ears.
No way, could I really have wished for something so grand!?
It was so presumptuous and embarrassing, too much, too much. I felt dizzy and wanted to run away, but I shook it off like a dog.
This is something I can't run from!
I stood up and knocked on the door leading to the driver's seat.
"Mio! Mio!"
"Yes?"
"Please wait, stop! Stop the carriage!"
"As you wish."
With her usual cool response, Mio manipulated the reins. The two horses neighed violently and, instead of stopping, accelerated. The carriage shook violently, and I braced myself against the wall. In the shaking carriage, I shouted.
"M-Mio, I said stop, not 'as you wish'!"
"It's fine, we're just continuing in this direction. We've been circling around Granado Castle since we left."
"What!?"
"But we're now directly opposite the castle gates. Let's close the distance quickly. It will be a bit bumpy, so be careful not to bite your tongue."
"But, there's no need to rush so much—ah! Ow, ow, ow!"
The carriage jolted and shook, and I tried to stifle my screams as I was thrown around.
Thanks to that, we returned to Granado Castle in no time.
The castle gates, which should have been firmly closed, were open just enough for one person. I jumped out of the carriage and ran into the castle, lifting the hem of my dress to avoid tripping. I moved forward, forward.
My shoes, as delicate and beautiful as glass… but they aren't made of real glass. They were tailored to fit my feet, allowing me to dance vigorously without stumbling. This time, there's no way they'll slip off.
I passed through the stone-floored lobby, crossed the empty main floor, and ran up the grand staircase. I pushed open the heavy door and ran down the long corridor. After two turns, there was his room—!
"Lord Cyrus!"
I knocked on the door. Instantly, my whole body flushed, and my throat tightened. I shook my head.
Lord Cyrus said he lacked courage. He even cried, calling himself a coward.
I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'm weak, and I've only caused him trouble. I can't bear the guilt, so I ran away. I hurt him.
I'm sorry!
If only I had been stronger.
I pounded my chest with my fist.
—Be brave!
"Lord Cyrus! I… I—can't give up after all!"
My heart felt like it was about to leap out of my mouth.
"I want you. Everything about you—this castle, the people we've met, your body and soul!
I don't want to give up. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to give you to anyone…!"
It was an outrageous desire. I had been running away from it, trying not to think about it.
Because I would regret losing it. I was afraid of losing it, so I ran from ever having it.
I was afraid of being loved.
But it's too late now. I already know Lord Cyrus's feelings, and I'm aware of my own. I've been drowning in his love and my love for him for a long time. It's impossible to let go now. So…
"I'll fight my sister. I'll work harder to become more beautiful… to keep your heart from being taken by my sister… I'll become stronger. So—!
Give everything to me!"
As soon as I said it, I felt drained. I collapsed to my knees in front of Lord Cyrus's room.
"…No matter what… I'll do anything. I want you."
From the intense running and shouting, I was short of breath. Despite that, I felt an indescribable sense of accomplishment.
"—Pant, pant, pant, pant…"
I said it, I really said it. No matter what Lord Cyrus's response is, I said it. The words were so presumptuous and embarrassing that I felt like I was dying with each word. Just the fact that I said it made my heart race, and I pressed my chest, taking deep breaths.
"Phew. Pant, pant, pant…"
—Now it's up to Lord Cyrus's response. Whether he yells at me or embraces me, I won't run away.
I sat on the floor, waiting for his response through the door. It was a quiet night. The only sound was my heavy breathing.
"Pant, pant, pant…"
…That's strange, my breathing isn't settling down? The castle is large, but I didn't run such a long distance…
…And it sounds like it's coming from the side, not from me…
I looked up and was shocked to see Lord Cyrus standing right there. He was bent over, hands on his knees, breathing heavily. I took out a handkerchief. Since I was also drenched in sweat, we wiped each other alternately as I asked.
"Lord Cyrus, why are you here? Weren't you in your room?"
"N-no… pant, pant. After you left, I chased after you."
"Chased the carriage? Ran!?"
Indeed, Mio had been driving slowly, but even so, it was a considerable distance on horseback. He chased after it!?
With wide eyes, I looked at him. He waved his hand, trying to explain.
"No, I didn't run the whole time… I jumped onto the carriage pretty early. I clung to the top of the canopy."
"Wh-what!?"
"But Mio didn't slow down at all… I almost died, pant, pant…"