In a room with only twenty chairs lined up at a table and a peculiar two-tiered pot, a man and a woman who had just become engaged sat facing it.
The space contained nothing else. Time passed without knowing how to start a conversation. The anxiety to say something, anything, made it hard for the words to come out.
"There's nothing to talk about."
Even when told to talk about what she liked, nothing came to mind.
...His enjoyable topics. The things he liked. Could I, who knew so little of the world, entertain him?
My thoughts spun in circles, and my head felt dizzy. Then, a low voice whispered to me.
"I'm sorry. I meant to make things easier for you, but I ended up making you feel uncomfortable."
It was a calm voice, but with a hint of bitterness. Was he talking about Topo? I shook my head.
"No, Mio told me several times to choose without hesitation and to leave the rest. It was all delicious, and I couldn't choose. It's my fault for being so picky."
"...Mio also said the dress. Is there something else that's bothering you?"
"No, nothing like that. Everything is wonderful, luxurious, and more than I deserve."
"...Then, what else do you need? Tell me anything. I'm often away from the castle and don't understand women's needs."
"That's not true. It's more than enough..."
"What about Hanna and Ilza?"
At the names, my shoulders trembled for a moment, but I shook my head.
"---They are taking good care of me. They were indeed employed at the palace..."
"Yes, I hired them for Marie. I have connections there. I asked for loyal, kind, and humble maids. You are going to be a countess, and even if not, you are part of a baron's family. I thought you should be treated appropriately, like your sister."
"...Yes, I am being treated that way..."
Appropriately---I finally understood.
Those two were indeed treating me as such. As befitting a noble of high standing. And for me, as befitting my status.
A poor, old rural family. Among them, a failed, unwanted daughter.
A wife acquired through a political marriage, adorned only in borrowed finery, a hollow shell. Those two had seen through it all. Despite my tattered state, I called myself a baron's daughter, took advantage of the count's kindness, and acted as if I belonged in this castle... They were telling me that it was inappropriate. Ah---that's right.
Cyrus sighed with a wry smile at my bowed head.
"Marie's 'endurance' is quite serious."
"Huh?"
"The first time in someone else's house, you can't possibly not endure something. Everyone has likes and dislikes."
"...But, everyone has been so kind to me..."
"Being kind doesn't mean you have to be happy about it."
I felt a strong sense of discomfort and looked up.
In front of me, green gems sparkled. Cyrus's eyes narrowed and blinked.
"Trying to do good can sometimes be a burden. Even in loving families, there are limits to how much you can foresee and take care of. If you don't tell me what makes you unhappy, I won't know."
"...But... I wanted to make you happy, and if I didn't, I'd be sad..."
"You're right. But it's even sadder to realize that you've made the other person sad. ...Marie"
I'm sad now---he didn't say it out loud, but I could feel it from his gaze, and it struck me in the heart.
"I'm sorry..."
Outside my lowered vision, I sensed him sigh.
"Why do I make you apologize? Is my face that scary?"
"Wh-What!?"
Surprised, I looked up. His expression was different from what I imagined. He had furrowed brows and a thoroughly troubled look. He didn't look scary at all; rather, he looked like a scolded child, anxiously looking at me.
The contrast with his handsome features was comical. I almost laughed and quickly covered my mouth.
"Not at all! I'm sorry, I say 'I'm sorry' like a habit, oh, I'm sorry again. No, don't worry about it."
Cyrus still looked troubled. I was overwhelmed by a deep sadness. This wasn't right.
He was right. Despite my efforts, I had made him sad. I didn't want to make Cyrus or anyone in this castle feel the same way.
What should I do? ---I should have said it clearly.
What should I have said? ---It's okay, I'm fine, I can endure---that was wrong. But I couldn't find the right words.
The truth was, Topo's cooking was delicious, and all the dresses were beautiful. I didn't have likes or dislikes. I didn't understand the feeling of dislike, or even the concept of choosing what I liked.
Since I was old enough to understand, there were no 'choices' in front of me.
There were only two things: 'what I had to do' and 'what I shouldn't do.' I did my work, ate what was available, and wore what was given to me.
I thought that was enough. I believed I was a child who was given enough.
---Is that not true?
Cyrus stared at me intently. In a gentle, low voice, he repeated what he had said before.
"Tell me what you need. Marie. I'll give you everything."
---What do I need?
I knew something was missing, but I didn't want anything. I couldn't find the words... It must be something I don't know. Something I've never touched or seen.
Never in my life---I---
Cyrus didn't press me further. He leaned towards the pot, opened the lid, and peered inside. He made a casual sound.
"It's not quite ready yet. This needs to be simmered until it's astringent, then diluted to taste. This won't do. We need to wait a bit longer for a good cup of tea. What should we do?"
He was changing the topic. I felt the tension leave my body. I was genuinely grateful for his consideration.
"I want to have a fun conversation."
I said. Cyrus smiled and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms and looking up at me.
"Good. Let's do that. What do you want to know?"
"Um, well, um..."
"Then I'll start. I want to know what Marie likes. What did you do on your days off at home?"
"Um---I climbed the roof to clean the chimney. I mixed the soot with chicken droppings to make fertilizer..."
"Friends? What kind of games did you play? The Shadaran territory has many beautiful rivers. How do you play in the river?"
"The river... There are many waterwheels, and the Shadaran family is in charge of their management. I was called by the villagers to repair gears or arrange workers for grinding wheat."
I could sense Cyrus's confusion again. Ah, I scratched my head in my mind, desperately searching for a topic. Fun things, fun things. I tried to recall something enjoyable from my life in Shadaran, but nothing came to mind for years.
"---Don't push yourself, Marie. This takes time. Take your time."
I heard Cyrus's voice, but I couldn't focus on it. Hmm, hmm, fun stories, something fun in my life... I traced back through the years, digging up old memories. Wait, this can't be true! There's nothing!?
At seventeen, fifteen, twelve, ten, six---Anastasia grinned with a missing tooth. ---Marie, Marie, let's play---
I gasped.
"---Word chain! Cyrus, let's play word chain!"
After shouting, I immediately clutched my head. ---Why! Word chain! With a twenty-four-year-old duke's son and future count, a wealthy man who trades with foreign countries and has connections at the palace, word chain!
As expected, Cyrus looked bewildered.
"Word chain? The children's word game?"
Yes, that's right, I'm sorry. In my tattered life, that was all I could think of. Beside me, Cyrus, who was in despair, placed his hand on his chin and said, "Hmm..."
"That game is only fun for children with limited vocabulary. For us, who are educated, it might not be interesting."
You're right, I'm sorry...
"To enjoy it at our age, we need to add some twists. Like banning a certain sound or limiting it to words over ten letters."
...Huh?
"I think the easiest way is to set a genre, but our knowledge might be skewed. Something that balances our knowledge... How about it, Marie?"
Um... Lord Count, are you going to play word chain with me...?
I was dazed and couldn't think of anything to say.
"Something you like, Lord Cyrus..."
"Something I like. That's a good idea, let's do that."
He smiled and clapped his hands, speaking quickly.
"The 'something I like' rule. It can be animals, sweets, anything. The truth or fiction is up to your own sense of justice. Let's enjoy a fair game. I'll start."
"Ah, yes."
"Marie"
"---Don't we usually start with A!?"
When I shouted, my fiancé nodded in agreement and quickly responded with "apple pie."
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