/
The flame of worries burned through the night and painted it white.
“Oh my goodness!”
The maid who was bringing the washbin became surprised and stepped back when she saw my sunken face.
“It’s me, Lucy. Don’t be scared.”
“My lady? My goodness. I was surprised that you suddenly came out of the dark. I apologize.”
“It’s all right.”
I stopped her, who bent her head and apologized, then I sunk my face in the basin full of cold water.
“Oh my! That must have been cold!”
Brbrbrbrbr.
I wondered if the old saying ‘Drink cold water and wake up was wrong’ but the cold water opened my eyes and returned my senses.
‘I’d rather just be overly self-conscious.’
I’d rather be someone who misunderstands that just because someone smiled at me, they have feelings for me, and mistake Dietrich’s feelings for something like that.
It would have been nice to think comfortably like that, but the color of the aura I saw for the first time was unusual.
“No.”
Let’s just say no. It didn’t matter whether the feelings were as light as a feather or steep as a mountain.
‘Why did it have to be now?’
The most important relic, the holy sword, was already in our hands, but we were still at a disadvantage in numbers. Moreover, winning the rose war simply means repeating history.
‘We need to take root in this society.’
Euclid and the imperial family were also their own kind of demons and monsters. They were solid enough that a scandal wouldn’t be able to touch them. I wanted to bring out Lagrange, that was struggling in the shadows, into the sun.
Because I didn’t understand why it was only us who had to spend so many years enduring this harsh land.
I wanted to take control of the Northern nobles, but because of the fiasco in darkening the holy sword, I wasted one year.
‘It was only now that I had created an opportunity for Lagrange to sneak into high society.’
I was Dietrich’s younger sister internally and externally.
Dietrich, Yuric, and Veronica were the only people in the house who knew that not a drop of Lagrange’s blood was mixed with me.
‘A grand duke who has his eyes on his sister. I don’t even want to imagine what kind of rumors will spread.’
Lagrange was a favorite topic for people who liked to talk.
It would be a delicious prey in their eyes, the inhumanity, immorality, and the unending powers of the grand duke as high as the sky.
It was not without history that there were Grand Dukes who selected their half-siblings so I wouldn’t be able to blame them if they thought it that way.
“Never.”
“Pardon? What do you mean never?”
I shook my head while wiping my dripping jaw at Lucy’s question.
“Just talking to myself. Will you help me get ready?”
“Yes. I’ll bring out your change of clothes.”
────── 〔✿〕──────
As I headed to the office in search of Dietrich, the trouble that didn’t end all night continued.
‘How should I say it?’
Since I didn’t have any experience with this kind of situation, I had no idea what kind of response was right.
I thought maybe I was really mistaken. His delusion, not mine.
After all, the only person around Dietrich whom he could exchange affection with was me.
I was the only one he sees. Like a bird that chases after someone that it saw for the first time.
‘He couldn’t have someone next to him on the battlefield.’
It was the same when he came back.
Although he was an impeccable handsome man, an average person would have felt chills just by meeting eyes with him due to his cold atmosphere, and though rumors were just rumors, even when he went to a ball or mingle with people, women just stare at him from afar.
The only woman who spoke to him without hesitation was Charlotte, who firmly believed that they were destined.
‘Should have I not paraded Yuric and showed up with Dietrich instead?’
Suddenly, I remembered how much he hated me leaving Lagrange. It was then that I realized the true nature of the sense of deja vu I sometimes felt in his remarks.
‘I thought I heard it somewhere.’
My memories were hazy now, but they were probably words he said to Charlotte in ‘The Rose Wars of Men.’
‘But their romance wasn’t lighthearted, was it?’
It took me a while to realize, but Dietrich was a man who had no qualms in revealing what was in his heart.
‘And that’s how he acted like he couldn’t even see the ruined Lagrange.’
In the end, he even dedicated his allegiance to the imperial family and Euclid for Charlotte.
The kind of words and actions he often gave to me was warm but I didn’t feel that kind of passion in them.
So I didn’t think much about Dietrich’s possessiveness that was implicitly revealed.
“I’m here.”
There was no way he couldn’t feel my presence but Dietrich didn’t take his eyes off the document in his hand. The sun shone on his long eyelashes.
“Dietrich.”
His form was thick and the contours of his face were sharp enough to feel fierce.
Now, no one could call him a boy and he wasn’t a boy either, yet there were times when he seemed immature to me.
He was someone who didn’t show his wounds even if it hurts, and didn’t know how to ask for help even if it was hard.
‘Although he’s big, he’s still a kid.’
If he finds out I’ll incur his ire, but it wasn’t a joke when I said that I ‘raised’ the children of Lagrange.
His life, which he would lose without fully blooming, was pitiful and seeing him all grown up made me feel proud although his appearance was unfamiliar.
So maybe the way that we cherished and cared for each other, he just took it in a slightly different direction.
‘Even so, that kind of mistake is still dangerous.’
Now, everything had been twisted to the point that knowing the original would be of no help.
Each step was as precarious as walking on a tight rope. From this moment forward, whatever happened in the future that never happened was the past, and the present future was something that couldn’t be imagined.
“Are you ignoring me?”
Since his head never moved when I called him, I had no choice but to call his attention by coughing loudly.
“The things you need to do should have been sent by a servant.”
“We must have missed each other. I didn’t see it.”
I answered deftly, hiding the fact that I did meet the servant in the hallway and sent them back.
“Do you have something to say?”
However, when he presented an opening, I became tongue-tied.
I had finally made up my mind and come this far but I didn’t know how I should bring it up. Dietrich had a calm face as if he had forgotten yesterday.
"Uhm...."
"?"
‘What should I say?’
I think you’re harboring designs on me and you should stop? [1]
Ah.
Just thinking about it in my head gave me goosebumps like a person with delusion disorder. [2] The face that I met was so clean that I hesitated even more.
‘Maybe I saw it wrongly?’
I did read too many people’s aura at the last ball.
In the meantime, I even danced to please people, so it wasn’t something that usually consumed my stamina.
‘The basis to manifest this ability is physical strength, after all.’
If you're not reading this at blogspot, you're probably reading from an aggregator site. Read this translation at https://notmysisteryoufool.blogspot.com/.
There weren’t one or two young bachelors who blushed at my unusual appearance, so I may have misunderstood that scarlet, radiant red that caught my eye which made my hands and feet shrivel up and misread it.
“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”
He didn’t even confess his feelings to me, but it was painting a funny picture for me to come forward first and say such an obnoxious thing that he shouldn’t like me.
“Like what?”
“......You said you’d think about it. Why you were so angry and irritated with me.”
If the light of that aura was purely my mistake, then all the worries I had until now were for nothing.
And I would be extremely embarrassed as well.
I gulped down my saliva and waited for his answer.
“I never thought I was stupid.”
Dietrich slowly opened his mouth as if observing my reaction.
“Even when I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with an answer.”
“You don’t know why you were angry?”
“That’s right.”
He let go of his pen and rubbed his temple with his wrist. He had a tired face as if he hadn’t been able to rest properly.
“There was that time you gave me poisoned cookies.”
“It wasn’t poison!”
It was just a sleeping pill that didn’t harm the body even if you took it. As I shook my head in contemplation, he grinned and continued.
“I thought it was poison when I ate it.”
“What?”
He said he thought it was poisonous. My mouth dropped open, wondering what if he knew they were cookies laced with sleeping pills, and yet he still put them in his mouth.
“But why did you eat it?”
“I don’t know. Did you know that you’re Euclid’s sister?”
“What kind of nonsense is that? Why am I that jerk’s sister–”
Stunned, my voice, instead of getting louder, broke off. My motionless mouth stammered.
“Have you ever thought that I might be a spy?”
“Momentarily.”
“.....And yet you took the cookies I gave you and ate them?”
“That’s right. I thought if you wanted me to die, then I’ll just die.”
It was an answer that left no choice for the bird feeling sorry for being suspected as a spy.
I clenched my fist, choking at Dietrich’s unhesitant remarks. Instead of biting my tongue, I closed my eyes.
“The emotions that incite my anger and those feelings are, in my opinion, two sides of the same coin.”
They were calm words. The tone was light but the message wasn’t.
“What do you think are those feelings?”
“..........”
“I don’t know, so if you’re really frustrated about it, then why don’t you think about it?”
Dietrich handed over his homework to me and brushed his hand off lightly.
Notes:
[1] harboring designs - I just softened it because it translates to indecent desires. But if that’s preferable then you now know.
[2] 도끼병 말기 환자 - A person who believes everyone has a crush on them. Delusion disorder is not the correct term, maybe erotomania would fit.