I mumbled, unable to spit out the words that lingered in my mouth.
Caesar smirked at my reaction and gave me a look that said I understand even if you wonât say it.
âOh, when I said I like you?â
âDonât say it again!â
âIs there any reason to be ashamed? Itâs not like I liked you a day or two.â
âSince whenâŚ?â
âWell, since when? Itâs been so long I think I forgot.â
Ha. Then Caesar said again.
âMaybe even before you were born?â
How boring.
â⌠go to the garden.â
âFufu, as Master wants.â
Iâm going crazy.
Shouldnât you feel flustered before someone you like?â
Why am I the only one embarrassed?
âI donât know what kind of expression I should be making.â
The biggest hurdle of my life.
***
I need a consultation.
Sitting on the pavilion in the garden, as the north wind blew, I earnestly thought.
âWhich one do you like better, pecan pie or chocolate tart?â
â⌠Tart.â
âYour taste in desserts is really different from mine. Here, Iâll give it to you.â
Caesar took the tart and handed it to me. I frowned.
âJust give it to me. Itâs not like I broke my fingers.â
âYou canât see whatâs in front of you, so how would you know if what you eat goes into your mouth instead of your nose?â
âI pick it up with my hand and put it in my mouth. There is no way Iâd put it through my nostriâ Ahm.â
After refuting Caesarâs words, I closed my mouth to the chocolate tart that came into my mouth.
I feel like I should be angry at the sudden attack, but mm⌠Well, this tart is very delicious.
I need a consultation.
Sitting on the pavilion in the garden, as the north wind blows, I earnestly thought.
âWhich one do you like better, pecan pie or chocolate tart?â
â⌠⌠Tart.â
âMy taste in desserts is really different from mine. Come on, Iâll give it to you.â
Caesar took the tart and handed it to me. I frowned.
âJust give it to me. Itâs not like I broke my finger.â
âYou canât see, so how do you know if something goes into your mouth or your nose?â
âI pick it up with my hand and put it in my mouth, but there is no way I can put it through my nostrils⌠⌠, hey.â
As I retorted to Caesarâs words, I shut my mouth at the chocolate tart that suddenly fell into my mouth.
âIs it good?â
Itâs good.
But I kept my mouth shut because I felt like Iâd lost if I said it was delicious.
âWhy is this sweet thing so delicious? I donât understand.â
âI donât need you to understand my taste in desserts.â
Having said that, I grabbed Caesarâs hand and ate the tart in his hand.
Because if I didnât, when I opened my mouth, this guy would put it in my mouth again and it would be an embarrassing situation.
âOho.â
Perhaps he noticed my intentions, Caesar made a disapproving sound. I looked at Caesar like I was saying What would you do about it? and grinned.
âWell, it doesnât really matter if I like it or not.â
ââŚ?â
Caesar wiped my lower lip with his thumb. It seemed that tart crumbs had been smeared while I was eating in a hurry.
Caesar licked the crumbs off my fingers so casually that he continued, with a smiley voice.
âBecause Helena likes it.â
â⌠I need a consultation!â
His clever demeanor made my head burn.
Obviously, his behavior was no different than before. Perhaps I just hadnât noticed it before.
But now I could no longer think of his actions as nothing.
I need a consultation.
I desperately need it.
A consultation that will make me more determined in front of this sly snake!
***
Why are you so embarrassed? You might ask.
For the first time in my life, I heard someone confessed that he liked me.
In fact, I wish I could count it as a confession. But there hadnât been any dramatic change since then, had it? Only my mental state had changed dramatically.
âDid he make my heart flutter as a joke?â
I donât know.
Because I had no experience in this area.
â⌠Thatâs why you came to me.â
Having barely escaped Caesarâincluding several other humansâwho had been following me around like leeches, I went to see Hamilton.
Hamilton, who was withering under a pile of papers, answered me in a rather hoarse voice. I nodded.
âElder Ben is single. Agoth and Caesar are not on good terms, and Brother⌠I feel that it is not appropriate to have this conversation with him.â
âThat last one is truly a wise decision.â
âAnyway, do you have so much to report? Youâve been locked up in your room the whole time.â
âAh, the report is over, and now this is a separate report and letter to Duke Peresca.â
Well, thatâs right.
We had to tell him why we couldnât come home as planned.
â⌠Donât write in too much detail.â
I said with a little apology. Hamilton let out a stifled cry.
âDo you want to write a will first?â
âThatâs too extreme. But it might not be a bad a idea.â
II was half joking. But Hamilton squeaked Aaahh and became seriously distressed.
No matter how my father was, surely he wouldnât scold his daughter who had fought monsters and had been hurt⌠right?
âThe norm isâŚâ
As I had said before, my father in the previous life enjoyed the story of me rolling and breaking the most.
âCough, anyway⌠I see. You are now mature enough to ask me for dating advice.â
Hamilton put down his pen and turned toward me.
âFirst of all, itâs even more surprising that Princess didnât know about it until now.â
âYouâre digging in from that part first?â
Mrhm, I groaned.
Come to think of it, I also thought that I was too dull.
I had only considered his feeling as a kindness and trustworthiness of a disciple toward his master, or a childhood friend, and had never thought that it was the realm of rational love.
And to be honest, he was a very young kid. A snub-nosed dog who was afraid of becoming an emperor.
Wouldnât it be strange for someone with the mind of a thirty-year old person to think of such a feeling from that kind of kid as love?
âWell, I donât even know where my mental age is now.â
A sigh came out.
Maybe it was the influence of the environment, but at some point, I felt like I had gotten used to the emotional lines of my age. With the memory of the past life remained as it was.
âItâs a strange disharmony.â
Something was wrong with me now.
âAnyway, Iâm relieved that youâve come to know His Highnessâ heart now.â
âIs that a relief?â
âItâs better than just shoveling each other and getting lost. You must have known for sure about this. It will be comfortable once both sides know.â
â⌠I thought I was the smart one.â
âYouâve been living under a big illusion.â
How embarrassing.
I breathed a long sigh.
âSo, what part of it is so problematic that you need a consultation?â
Hamilton tilted his head and asked me.
âUmm, I donât know how to react.â
âReally? Did His Highness want an answer to his confession?â
âNo.â
âOr did he suddenly change his attitude? Avoiding PrincessâŚâ
âItâs not like that.â
âThen why donât you just treat him like usual?â
Because heâs not like usual! Thatâs the problem!
That personâs action, word, and expression are so meaningful that Iâm going crazy because of it!
âRejoice in the fact that your senses has evolved one step further, and take full advantage of his love.â
âAs an aide to His Highness, you speak quite defiantly.â
âIâve been rolling under him for ten years. How could anyone not be bad?â
Well, I have no objection to that.
I kept my mouth shut as I remembered Caesar, who used to bully Hamilton as a child.
âBut, mm. I see. Even the wise princess must be a beginner in dating. Itâs understandable that youâre unfamiliar and bewildered by the sudden realization of your feelings.â
âMy feelings? No, I want you to advise me about Caesarâs confession.â
âBut, His Highness has not changed at all before and after the confession, so what has changed is the attitude and feelings of Princess. Am I wrong?â
Is that so?
Am I being swayed and conscious of him?
But why? Is there a reason for that?
Why do I have to panic and be swayed because of others?
âIn the end, what matters is Princessâ feelings.â
Hamilton spoke again in a voice full of confidence, which was rare for him.
âHow did you feel when you found out that His Highness likes you? Did you hate it or were you afraid? Or were you nervous and happy?â
My feelingsâŚ
Helenaâs feelings toward Caesar, who had said he liked meâŚ
Was I happy?
The moment of enlightenment always came suddenly.
The question I asked myself was an interrogative one.
But at that moment, the faster pulse, the warmer body temperature, the trembling breathing and the hot face replaced the unspoken answer.
Waa, what do I do?
How could I not know my own feelings to this extent?