The Grand Duke rose to his feet and took a step back.
Did I choose the wrong step?
Senelia felt perplexed, but she immediately tried to hide her true emotions and feigned a composed front.
āWhy would I be angry at you, Your Majesty?ā
She had already proven her dedication to Benelucia for eight years, so that there would be no better partner that could stand by his side.
I can be sure of the fact that I would be the best.
Benelucia should be proposing to me because he knows I can be the perfect smoke screen, right?
So, why is his reaction out of my expectations?
Senelia was genuinely confused.
āSally, donāt you think that your reactions shown so far are abnormal?ā
He then sighed and forcefully swallowed.
His expression conveyed his thoughts as if he was holding back his heartache, Senelia was offended.
She knew that she put up with a lot in front of him.
So, why does he make that face? Have I done something to him to be ashamed of?
āI donāt understand, Your Majesty.ā
Still, in front of her only hope, Senelia had to play the harmless young lady.
She couldnāt become a nuisance like his former lovers. She had to constantly lower her head, or she would be abandoned.
In the end, it seemed like Benelucia cracked and revealed his inner thoughts first.
āScandal. That first scandal, it was a misunderstanding at first.ā
Beneluciaās brow furrowed as must have been conflicted, but he persisted.
āBut the second and third were done on purpose.ā
His ex-lover flinched. It was involuntary.
Intentionally. That-Heā¦
The misery she felt on that day resurfaced and pierced through her once more.
āI wanted you to react to it somehow.ā
[T/N: This man deserves to be alone.]
As Senelia processed his words, her body stiffened.
It wasnāt that she didnāt want to react, but over the course of eight years together, Senelia had developed the habit of always keeping her expressions neutral.
Because of that, she never outwardly showed her pain.
Only Seneliaās heart, which she had thought to be shattered and closed-off, crumpled all over again.
It was truly amazing. For eight years, her heart was continuously falling apart, and yet, there was still some small part that survived to be broken now.
Senelia hoped that this was the end, the end of the fall, the end of the heart break. She was constantly being tossed to the ground and every timeā¦
It hurts so much.
āAre you not going to ask me why?ā
Benelucia questioned.
Her feet wanted to run; she didnāt want to hear anything more.
In the end, it was a kind of intuition that told her that she would not be able to handle his next words.
Still, the arrogant Grand Duke opened his mouth arbitrarily and spoke as he pleased.
āI wanted to make sure you still loved me.ā
Everyone had limitations, but for the Grand Duke, it was more specific.
Growing up as one of the noblest beings in the empire meant that the Grand Duke had always been loved. There was not a moment in his life where he was not loved by someone, so, how could he understand Seneliaās perspective?
āWhy? What could you possibly gain by finding the answer to that?ā
Senelia already knew the answer to that question too.
Nevertheless, the thorny words spilled from her lips.
Only then did a subtle flash of relief appear on Beneluciaās face.
Upon noticing it, Seneliaās insides churned once more, he had deliberately poked at Senelia so that he could elicit a reaction from her.
For the first time that Senelia was aware of, a sneer hung from her lips while she was in full view of the Grand Duke.
Is this what you call love?
Senelia once again adamantly denied Beneluciaās love for her.
She knew he loved Lucalina, but how was that related to love for her as well?
That man is definitely trying to take my love.
Her twisted heart whispered mockingly in her ear.
The arrogant man who had everything could barely tolerate her lack of love, so he became greedy.
Thatās right, it wasnāt love.
Itās his greed to possess everything.
āBut you wanted me to pretend I couldnāt see it, Your Majesty! You didnāt want me to bother you.ā
Her mouth couldnāt stop. It felt as if all the thorns that had grown over all those years were being spat out, hacking her insides as they left her. They were meant to hurt both of them.
āSally, there seems to be a misunderstanding, but Iāve never asked that of you-ā
āNo, I just made you feel comfortable.ā
She ruthlessly cut him off.
āIsnāt that why youāve been with me for this long?ā
Just because he hadnāt point blank confessed his plans didnāt mean that the meaning behind it remained hidden.
Beneluciaās lieutenant, Arante, hated Senelia.
He did not want to welcome a daughter from a poor Viscount family who did not suit the might and glory of the Grand Duke, his master.
So, Arante would often deliberately inform the duke of news about Lucalina in front of Senelia.
It was a clear warning and a hint for her to listen well.
At that time, all Senelia could do was pretend to be oblivious, pretend to hear and know nothing.
At first, Benelucia had initially stopped Aranteās behavior, but when he saw Senelia pretend to be unconcerned, he stopped.
He allowed Arante to continue.
Senelia, like all the other girls before her, became Beneluciaās lover, but she stood out because she seemed content with the current position he gave her and never argued when he was with other women.
āSally, Iā¦ā
Benelucia trailed off, he regretted the words he spoke.
It wasnāt because I was comfortable with it.
He had wanted to shake Seneliaās fake, casual appearance.
I did something irreversible just for that reason.
If he looked at the situation from that perspective, he really didnāt have the right to stomp his feet and throw a tantrum over her reactions.
I wanted to see the real Senelia, the one who was hidden. I was willing to dig it out of her if I had too.Ā He hadnāt cared if it would hurt her.
But now, as he watched the pain in her eyes that he caused, Benelucia realized that he really did not want to hurt her.
He blamed his own stupidity, he knew there was no way to take back his cruel words, but every time he stood before her, he became a man who was impulsive and stupid.
Even if he was aware of it, he couldnāt control himself.
āI donāt know why you wanted to know whether I love you or not, but Iāll give you that answer.ā
Senelia retorted, her voice was angry and twisted.
A sneer hung on her lips.
Truly and unruly man! How shameless, he wishes for my love after everything?
And then, like a child, he complains when he canāt have it all for himself.
āYour Majesty, Iāve never broken a promise to you.ā
For the eight years spent together, Senelia had followed every command of Beneluciaās. It devastated her that she now had to pay the price now.
This arrogant man tests me in the worst way possible. Even so, I am unable to escape Benelucia.
Her cynicism was mostly aimed at herself, it was pathetic. She hated being so helpless.
[T/N: Cynicism means the distrust of another person, like their motives and ambition.]
Unfortunately, she couldnāt be like Lucalina, Benelucia and his brother, she had to be terribly unfair to herself.
She would never have unlimited happiness, and she was alright with that. Not everyone had to be great to be happy.
The vast majority of people enjoyed mediocre happiness.
Senelia wanted the same.
Ordinary happiness was enough for her.
It made her wonder, if that was enough, how did she wander so far away from that happiness?
In the end, she couldnāt help but feel sorry for herself.
āIt will be the same in the future.ā
It was a declaration of sorts. It was a promise from Senelia to Benelucia. A reminder of their first night together, where they made a promise that will be kept forever.
I love you.
Your Majesty, I will never say these words to you again.
If you need me, Your Majesty, please call for me.
Their beginning didnāt have love. Senelia had confessed to the duke that she loved him, but they became lovers not because of her love, but because he had used her.
So, come now. Love? Does that word suit us?
āBut if you say that Your Majesty needs love as wellā¦ā
Seneliaās red eyes met the Grand Dukeās, she wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to feel what she felt.
You donāt know how much I want to hurt youā¦ I hope you will carry that pain until the day you return to dust.
[T/N: Turn to dust ā when he dies.]
āIāll do that, as Iāve promised.ā
Senelia had come to a decision, she will make Benelucia desperately need her. If necessary, she was willing to love him. But it will just be a promise, she will never give him her heart.
The Grand Dukeās expression fell, he understood what was left unsaid.
āIāll ask one more time, Sally, do you love me?ā
His hand firmly grasped onto her arm; his fingers dug into her flesh. He suddenly wanted to cling to her.
āThat question is meaningless, Your Majesty. The word āloveā can never exist between you and I.ā
Senelia remained steady.
Just like Benelucia on that day who never wavered at her confession of love.
The Grand Duke pursed his lips. Nevertheless, he couldnāt take his eyes off her, he intently searched her eyes. Hoping that maybe, he could find some truth.
His ex-lover deliberately avoided a proper answer. She didnāt agree or disagree.
Even in the midst of her rage, her head remained clear. She remembered that she couldnāt fall out completely with Benelucia.
If he coveted her love, then she would use it to tie him to her.
And Seneliaās determination proved correctā¦ Benelucia had then made it impossible for her to give him up easily.