The heavy weight that settled on top of me was felt throughout my entire body. Lips that found me without any warning were as sweet as cotton candy. The lips that clung together, sticky like melted sugar that had hardened, wouldn't easily part. The violent exploration of his lips made my mind flash white, as if it had been momentarily blinded. Without realizing it, a strange sound escaped my lips. A long finger traced up my wrist roughly and intertwined with my hand. A shiver ran through the spaces between our entwined fingers.
‘I can’t breathe.’
Just when I thought he would give me a chance to breathe, Terdeo, who seemed to refuse to let me, made rational thinking impossible. It felt as if my entire body was melting. I seemed to be intoxicated by the strange scent that was spreading. The neatly arranged bedcovers, which the maids had just tidied, gradually became a mess. Just like me. I clung to his hot lips as if I were addicted to that sweetness, almost like a person hanging off a cliff. A shiver ran from the tips of my toes, and a deep breath burst from within me. For a moment, it felt as if I had been struck by lightning, and my senses snapped back to reality.
“Te, Theo… Sleep, well.”
In response to my call, Terdeo, like a starving beast, couldn’t control himself and became even more rampant. Before my reason completely snapped, I raised my hand and pushed against his chest. It was night, and this was the bedroom. The perfect time and place for instincts to take over.
“……!”
Terdeo abruptly stopped moving. His heated lips parted with a wet sound. The room was filled with the sound of heavy breathing, whose source I couldn’t identify. Terdeo, whose face was flushed, looked different from his usual self, having lost his composure. The front of his robe had come undone, revealing his bare skin. Of course, I was in a similar state. It felt as if someone had grabbed my ankle and dragged me back to reality, leaving me disoriented.
‘What… What’s happening right now…’
The image of myself, clinging to his lips just a moment ago, made my face feel like it was about to burst. In my trembling eyes, I saw the glass of wine he had set down earlier. Right, I thought.
“Um, um… Did, did you drink and get drunk?”
Although I didn’t taste alcohol during the kiss, I tried to find a reason. But Terdeo remained silent. His relaxed expression made my heart throb.
“Is that wine strong? Or, or… something….”
“Something.”
“Like when you kissed my forehead and wanted to check if something was on my lips….”
Even to me, it sounded like a ridiculous excuse. The more I spoke, the less confident I became, trailing off at the end.
“Considering that you called this a kiss, I’m relieved.”
“……!”
Was he still thinking about the time I described our lips touching as “not even a kiss”? My face turned even redder. Terdeo looked at me silently, then extended his long fingers. He gently wiped my saliva-coated lips with his thumb, as carefully and secretly as if he were picking up morning dew from a leaf. It was definitely his touch on my lips, but strangely, it made my heart tingle.
“Fereshati.”
“Yes, yes?”
He moved his hand to gently cup my face. The rough, calloused hand that usually handled me like a delicate sugar sculpture was now gentle and soft. His red eyes, burning with an unknown desire, reflected me. Terdeo unlocked the box he had hidden beneath the surface.
“I love you.”
“……!”
Terdeo showed no hesitation or doubt.
“I don’t take you lightly enough to kiss you just because I’m drunk. I don’t make excuses about poison.”
“Theo… What… You seem drunk…”
As I tried to push him away and stand up, Terdeo trapped me between his arms. His red eyes, like a volcano erupting, dripped with obsession.
“Go ahead and do what you want.”
“……What?”
“I’ve been barely holding back.”
Terdeo kissed the ends of my hair seductively.
“You told me not to hold back.”
“……!”
The dangerous beast, still not satisfied, was looking at me as if he could devour me at any moment.
“Fereshati, you told me to be greedy. This is my ugly greed.”
Terdeo, who laughed weakly, intertwined his fingers with mine again. The sight of our slowly overlapping hands made me feel as if I had been thrown into a furnace, my entire body burning.
“I want to lock you by my side, so no one can see you. I want to chain your feet in my hell and take everything from you, even a single strand of your hair.”
“Te, Theo?”
He must be drunk. The sultry words he was saying were things he would never say normally, spilling out like he had been given a truth serum. His hot breath trembled.
“Do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
Terdeo’s eyes were filled with various emotions. His rationality, trying to gather the spilled emotions, and his instincts, burning with hot desire, were in a tense tug-of-war. Terdeo closed his eyes tightly. When he opened them again, there was no hesitation.
“Right now, I want to kiss you again.”
“……!”
Only his burning desire and possessiveness were raging like an active volcano. The dam of Terdeo’s suppressed emotions burst, and my face felt like it was burning so hot it would turn to ashes.
“What do you think? Can you handle it?”
It’s dangerous. I need to run. My instincts were screaming. If I don’t run now…
‘I might be devoured.’
I will be consumed by him. But soon, all my resolve was in vain. When Terdeo smiled, I couldn’t think of anything.
‘It’s dangerous.’
I stared at Terdeo, my lips slightly parted. My heart throbbed every time our eyes met. Then, Terdeo reached out and grabbed the corner of the bedcover.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I can’t hold back.”
What? What did I do? But before I could say anything, Terdeo suddenly started wrapping me tightly in the bedcover.
“What, what are you doing?”
Ignoring my words, Terdeo focused on wrapping me in the bedcover.
“I can’t breathe! Phew!”
I’d rather suffocate in the bedcover than die from a racing heart. Surprised, Terdeo stopped and carefully pulled my face out of the bedcover. Then, he sat on the bed and lifted me onto his lap. The way he placed me on his lap, rather than sitting me down, seemed more appropriate.
“This is better.”
“But my hands can’t move.”
He had tied me so tightly that no matter how I moved, my arms wouldn’t budge.
“It feels like I’m being held hostage. Or kidnapped.”
“Actually, when people are held hostage or kidnapped, they are tied up like this to prevent them from escaping.”
What? Really? Seeing me struggling, Terdeo nodded contentedly.
“This is good too.”
“What?”
“Now you can’t stop me from doing anything.”
Terdeo, who was smoothing out my messy hair, looked satisfied.
‘…Is Theo…?’
He doesn’t seem drunk or drugged. It’s not a dream.
‘Does he really love me?’
No matter how many times I repeated it, it didn’t sink in. Terdeo was rumored to have no interest in women and had never shown any ulterior motives toward me… or had he?
‘…Had he?’
I tilted my head in thought. The kiss on my forehead and the kiss in the carriage came to mind. …Now that I think about it, he did seem to have ulterior motives, but still. It was unexpected and sudden.
“It’s not sudden.”
“Huh?”
As if reading my thoughts, Terdeo spoke firmly.
“It’s been a while, though I’m not sure when it started.”
My heart raced. After being betrayed by the person I loved and dying, I had vowed never to believe in love again. But his declaration of love made my heart strangely warm, melting like a marshmallow on a hot cup of cocoa.
“I didn’t know at all.”
“You wouldn’t have. I never intended to tell you. I tried to hold back as much as possible to keep it hidden.”
Terdeo laughed weakly. He looked relieved but also disheartened by his own reality.
“You were the first to tell me it was okay to be greedy, to not hold back.”
I didn’t mean it that way, but…
“I’ll be selfish today.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t worry. From tomorrow, I’ll hold back, endure, and try harder.”
His hand, which patted my back reassuringly, felt light yet infinitely heavy.
“I don’t dare to hope for your love.”
The only ugly greed Terdeo, who had never been greedy in his life, had was this love confession. He didn’t threaten me to accept his love or beg me to love him.
“I’ll do everything for you.”
When he said he wanted to be greedy, it was just the overflow of a heart that had been suppressed to the point of bursting.
“I’ve seen countless people get hurt because of love. Too much sweetness ultimately turns bitter.”
Terdeo laughed bitterly, running his hand through his hair.
“I never wanted to do that. I didn’t even know my heart couldn’t control itself.”
The voice whispering in my ear was strangely heartfelt. Even love, which should be sweet, was a bitter poison to Terdeo. He had taken even love as his own burden. Terdeo