Chapter 71

Terdeo left a message and slipped out of the reception room. Beyond the door, Harari’s despair mixed with anger could be heard. Terdeo, who had been walking with a straight back and composed posture, reached out and leaned against the wall. Then, he leaned back against it as if collapsing. He rubbed his reddened face with his palm and muttered to himself,

“...What am I seriously responding to alone? There’s a limit to how stupid one can be.”

The conversation about whether he loved her had gone smoothly enough, but the moment he heard the question, it felt as if the chains that had been constricting his heart had snapped. The monster he had barely managed to keep under control had broken out of its narrow prison. At the same time, he recalled the brief kiss in the carriage. Before he knew it, he had already let his true feelings slip out.

‘Stupid to get swept up like this.’

Terdeo clicked his tongue with a mix of regret and frustration. Perhaps this unmanageable emotion, which might be called a monster, had been planning its escape ever since he impulsively kissed Perechati on the forehead. The first time is hard, but the second is easy. That was true. After kissing him on the forehead, the urge to kiss his lips was overwhelming, making all the restraint he had shown until then seem futile and meaningless.

“Damn.”

Terdeo slammed his head against the wall he was leaning on. The more he tried to clear his mind, which was clouded by the kiss, the more vividly Perechati’s sweet breath came to mind. The unfulfilled desire burned hot, tormenting him.

“Do you have to fall apart completely to come to your senses?”

Terdeo cursed himself. This was the first time he had lost control. He had thought he could manage it, but his heart felt differently. The unfamiliar, tingling emotion was embarrassing yet made him feel as if he were floating on a cloud. He knew he shouldn’t get swept up, but it was irresistible. The emotion that had grown had turned into a monster, taking control of his body and running wild.

‘No more.’

But the conversation a moment ago had brought him back to his senses. Walking through the cotton clouds, he had returned to reality. This had to be the last time. He couldn’t create any more tragedies. As Harari had said, he couldn’t drag the person he loved into hell. She should be happy, unlike him. This was a despicable emotion that he should suppress and throw into the trash.

“...It’s severe.”

This emotion shouldn’t be allowed to grow. He knew it would become unbearable over time. It was enough that he alone suffered every day. Looking out the large window in the corridor, it was a night when everyone should be asleep. He moved towards their bedroom. Terdeo followed closely by his side, walking calmly. The dark corridor wasn’t scary.

“I can get a check-up tomorrow. After all, I’m not sick anywhere.”

“There’s no need for that. The doctor is waiting in front of the bedroom.”

“It’s so late.”

“...Ah, he said he couldn’t sleep because he had slept a lot during the day and would wait for you to return.”

Terdeo shrugged awkwardly.

“Are you not troubling the doctor too much?”

“When have I ever troubled him? He’s a professional who treats people. He feels fulfilled by treating people. What could be happier for a doctor than treating a sick patient?”

It was a reasonable statement, but if the doctor had heard it, he might have felt hurt and cried.

“I sent a letter to the viscount’s family saying I wasn’t feeling well and would return when I recovered. So, you don’t have to worry.”

Thinking about it, what was that blurry image I saw in the carriage? Was it just a hallucination because I was so tired and a lot had happened recently?

‘It’s probably best to get a check-up since the doctor is waiting.’

As I walked, recalling the incident in the carriage, I couldn’t help but think of something I shouldn’t.

“...!”

I stopped abruptly, as if my legs had turned to stone.

“Perechati?”

Terdeo, who had been walking beside me, stopped and looked at me with concern. I had momentarily forgotten about the kiss due to the appearance of Selphius’s birth mother.

‘We kissed!’

The fact that I had barely managed to forget resurfaced, making my face flush.

“Why are you like this? Your face is red. Are you feeling sick?”

“No, I’m not.”

Who brought up the carriage? Who? I had forgotten about it!

“Do you have a fever?”

Terdeo reached out to touch my forehead.

“It’s the candlelight making me feel hot!”

I hurriedly moved out of his reach and quickened my pace. No, I have to erase it from my mind. Change the subject! Think of something else!

“Ah! That woman! Why did she come?”

“Woman? Ah, Lady Ackerman.”

“Did she come to take Selphius away or...”

“No, she didn’t.”

Terdeo briefly denied it and pursed his lips. The mention of Selphius’s birth mother had cooled his hot temper. He didn’t respond as we walked through the darkness.

“Then why did she come?”

I finally lost my patience and pressed for an answer. Terdeo laughed awkwardly and shook his head.

“Just to congratulate us on our marriage.”

Just to congratulate us on our marriage? She had shown such hostility? It was almost as if she had come to curse us.

“Would she ever come to see Selphius? Maybe she wants to meet her child occasionally.”

“She didn’t even see Selphius’s face today. There’s no way she would.”

“I’m still angry about that.”

Did she not know Selphius lived in this mansion? Even if she didn’t, how could she abandon her child and then brazenly come back?

“I don’t want her to come back to this mansion. I don’t want to see her here again. ...This might be overstepping, but at least while I’m here.”

“Overstepping? She’s the one who overstepped.”

“Huh?”

“No, we both did. I don’t want to talk about her. We won’t meet her again, so don’t worry.”

That would be fortunate. But recalling Lady Ackerman’s cold and persistent gaze made me shudder. Terdeo, who had glanced at me, cleared his throat loudly.

“...Anyway, about today.”

“Yes?”

“If you felt bad, I apologize. I didn’t do it properly. After the k... no, after that incident, I didn’t get to talk to you properly.”

“...Yes?”

Is he talking about the kiss? We had managed to avoid the topic, but now we were back at square one.

“I didn’t intend to avoid responsibility or anything. No, I didn’t do it on purpose either.”

The longer he defended himself, the more my lips curled up in a strange way.

“You don’t need to defend yourself so much...”

“I didn’t do it with any ulterior motives. I hope you don’t misunderstand.”

...Huh?

“Depending on how you look at it, it was an accident, and in another way, it was a shock therapy to...”

My lips, which had been curling up, suddenly flattened. Confused, I turned to see Terdeo, who was standing stiffly, looking straight ahead as if reciting lines.

‘Did I ever get angry?’

Is that why he’s desperately defending himself and denying it? His continuous defense left me speechless.

‘No ulterior motives? That means there were no ulterior motives? And it was an accident?’

I had thought it was an accident and a kind of therapy. But seeing Terdeo so desperately defend himself made me feel trampled. I clenched my teeth, my face crumpling like paper. I no longer heard his endless defense.

“...So, I really didn’t mean to upset you with my feelings...”

“Yes, I think the same.”

I cut off his long, endless defense with a firm voice. Terdeo turned to look at me, surprised.

“Besides, we just touched lips for a moment. Who would give such a kiss any meaning? It’s practically a contact accident.”

I smiled brightly, but Terdeo’s face grew darker. The man who had been defending himself for a long time now frowned.

“In a foreign country I learned about, a kiss like that is considered a greeting. It means nothing.”

“...A greeting?”

“And nowadays, even children do such things. It’s hard to call it a kiss or a peck. It’s just a touch of the lips.”

“...A touch of the lips?”

“Surely, Theo, you didn’t think it was a kiss? Come on, we’re adults. It’s not our first kiss.”

If you’re going to defend yourself so desperately, I’ll do the same. I smiled in satisfaction at Terdeo’s darkening face. He looked as if he had been cut off mid-sentence.

‘I won.’

Just as I was about to walk past the slowed-down Terdeo with a relieved expression, he suddenly stopped and grabbed my wrist, pushing me against the wall.

“...!”

In the blink of an eye, I was trapped between his arms. His lazy, red eyes were filled with hot desire.

“Hard to call it a kiss?”

He tilted his head lazily and arrogantly. He looked dangerous, like a monster that had just been set free.

“Then this time, I’ll give you a proper kiss.”