Li Suiâs deep black eyes were now filled with sadness. This was the first time Lu Shang clearly felt that the person sitting across from him was a manâLi Sui wasnât the little boy who could be easily deceived anymore.
âNot even a little?â Li Sui asked, trying his best to hold his tears. Li Sui was pleading with his eyes, he said with a trembling voice, âFrom beginning to end, did you treat me nicely only because of that compatibility report?â
Lu Shang answered Li Sui with silence. Li Suiâs questions were like broken pieces of glass, piercing straight into his heart, it was suffocating. Lu Shang couldnât give a reply, he also didnât know what to answer.
âI see.â Li Sui nodded his head while laughing at himself.
Lu Shang seemed to be really tired, he only stared at Li Sui, he opened his mouth a bit but ended up not saying a thing.
âOver the past year, Iâve been searching, searching for a way to heal you. I considered many options, asked many people, read many books. The only thing Iâve never thought of was that the cure for you was in me all along.â Li Sui smiled, âLu Shang, I am actually really happy. At least⌠at least you could be saved.â
From the second Li Sui saw Lu Shang entering the front gate, he had given up, he was going to give in to fate. There was a part of Li Sui which even he himself didnât want to admitâthat even if he knew Lu Shang was going to gouge his heart out, heâd willingly let him.
âStop talking.â Lu Shang cut him off, his voice was repressive, âI wonât be having a heart transplant, so just stop talking.â
âWhy?â Li Sui stared at Lu Shang with sharp, interrogating eyes.
His gaze was piercing, Lu Shang didnât want to look at him, he averted his eyes. Lu Shang was heating up, his ears were ringing, and his chest hurt, he really didnât have the strength to talk.
âWhy?â Li Sui repeated the question, his eyes were still as sharp and relentless, as if he had to see through Lu Shang or else.
Lu Shang was in so much pain that his back was covered in sweat, he couldnât take it anymore. He did his best to stand up, heading upstairs.
When Lu Shang walked past Li Sui, Li Sui grabbed hold of his arm, Li Sui asked, âAre you going to run away?â
The two of them stared into each otherâs eyes, then Lu Shang said in a small voice, âI have nothing to tell you. Youâre barely 20 years old, what do you know.â
Li Sui looked at Lu Shang, and his expression changed slightly, âDo you really think that I know nothing?â
Li Sui closed in on Lu Shang, his eyes drooped a little as he said, âWhen something happened to me in the training camp, why did you put so much effort in finding me? You even used your connections to get the military involved. On the surface, you seemed indifferent to my problems at work in Tong Yan, but then you helped me sweep all the obstacles away, why? When I kissed you while I was drunk, why didnât you refuse? Why did you react to me?â
Li Suiâs eyes darkened, he slowly pulled Lu Shang into his embrace. He said right beside Lu Shangâs ear, âLu Shang, do you know how sad I was when I saw you lying on the surgery table? Do you know how much I want to kick away all the people who annoy you when I see how much youâre suffering? Do you know how much willpower I have to use just to stop myself from assaulting you every night? I donât just love you, I also want toâŚâ
Li Sui didnât finish his sentence, but just the unfinished version was enough of a shock to Lu Shang. Lu Shang never knew that this kid had already reached this stage when it came to their relationship.
âPlease donât kick me away.â Li Sui landed a light kiss on the nape of Lu Shangâs neck, his voice was filled with aggrievement, âI love you. Please donât rob me of the right to stay by your side.â
Lu Shang subconsciously pulled his neck away a bit. Li Sui was hugging Lu Shang really tightly, as if Li Sui was afraid that Lu Shang would get away. Li Sui was holding him so tightly that Lu Shang felt his arm went numb, he couldnât help but wiggled his body for a bit, âCan you let go with your hand firstâŚâ
âIâm not letting go.â Li Sui forcefully pulled Lu Shangâs head back, raining kisses from Lu Shangâs chin down. Li Suiâs hand delved into Lu Shangâs coat, unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt one by one, âI know that you sent Uncle Yuen and Aunt Lu away so that you could talk with me alone.â
Lu Shang only felt numbness in his brain, his fever made him slow and his head was spinning, at that moment he couldnât really grasp what Li Sui was saying.
âWhat are you doing?â Lu Shang frowned, âYou⌠umm.â
Li Sui bit Lu Shangâs lips, that stuffed all the words Lu Shang was going to say back down his throat. It was definitely not a gentle kiss, both of their lips had a bit of blood when Li Sui moved away. Li Sui intentionally breathed out hot air into Lu Shangâs ear, âLu Shang, I canât hold it back anymore. I want to take you for myself.â
âYouâŚâ Lu Shang trembled uncontrollably, his breathing became unstable as well, his limbs were weak. Lu Shang only felt his body burning up, he only saw the world spinning as he opened his eyes.
Li Sui was enchanted, he sucked hard on Lu Shangâs neck, a red mark immediately formed on the otherâs pale skin. The feeling of pain from the bite was evident, Lu Shang wailed a little. The hickey was like a mark; seeing his own masterpiece, Li Sui got more excited, he lifted Lu Shang up horizontally, bringing him to the sofa.
The coat and Lu Shangâs belt fell to the ground, Li Sui pulled open Lu Shangâs shirt and prisoned his hands, suppressing the tiny struggling Lu Shang was making was just so easy. Li Sui kissed him again down from the neck, kissing his collar bones, his chest, his navel⌠As if all his shackles were gone, Li Sui ran rampant on the tender skin which he had been dreaming about for an entire year, leaving behind scores of marks that belonged to no one else but him.
The lights on the ceiling were blinding, Lu Shangâs lips fluttered open and close meekly. Lu Shang began seeing double, the suffocating feeling from the lack of air was like ink, spreading in his brain quickly, his consciousness turned blurry.
Li Sui licked and bit, exhaling burning hot breaths onto Lu Shangâs white skin. His hands greedily slid down along the otherâs flesh, caressing every spot gently until it reached Lu Shangâs behind. Li Sui hesitated for a second, his expression darkened, then he forcibly pushed his index finger inside.
The sudden pain was like an arrow flying straight towards Lu Shangâs brain. Lu Shangâs breath stopped at the pain, the last bit of consciousness left him and flew into the air.
âLu ShangâŚâ Li Sui got what he wanted, he mumbled softly beside Lu Shangâs ear, in his voice was impatience, âYour insides are so hot.â
The one being assaulted didnât reply. Li Sui froze, finally realizing that the slight struggling from the person beneath him was gone. Immediately Li Sui moved to Lu Shangâs face, âLu Shang?â
Lu Shang was lying on the sofa quietly, his pale bloodless face was limply tilting to the side, his breathing wasnât stable, and his body was slightly trembling. Li Suiâs brain began ringing in alarm, could it be that painful? As Li Sui thought that, he immediately pulled his finger out, lifting up Lu Shangâs head not knowing what to do.
âIâm sorry. I⌠did I hurt you?â
Lu Shangâs skin was burning, Li Sui didnât realize that before, as he was too engrossed. Now that Li Sui placed the back of his hand on Lu Shangâs skin, Li Sui realized not only was his skin burning up, his shoulders were also shivering as if his chest was in pain.
Li Sui looked at the person beneath him, his clothes were all messed up. Li Suiâs expression changed drastically as it suddenly dawned on him, the color on Li Suiâs face was gone, as he said with a trembling voice, âLu Shang⌠you have a fever?â
The continuous pressing force on Lu Shangâs hands was finally lifted. Lu Shang frowned as he wore a painful expression. He subconsciously curled himself up, and with how collected Lu Shang usually was, this action made him look as if he was scared.
âDonât be scared, itâs fine.â Li Sui was nervous, he immediately hugged Lu Shang tightly, âI⌠sorry, sorryâŚâ
However, the person in Li Suiâs embrace still had his lips tightened, Lu Shang didnât open his eyes either, his complexion was nothing like that of a healthy person.
Li Sui was almost going to cry, as he didnât get any replies even after calling out to Lu Shang repeatedly. Li Sui clumsily put Lu Shangâs clothes back on, then lifted him up from the sofa, bringing him down to the car garage, âLetâs go to the hospital. Iâm sorry. I didnât really want to hurt you, I only want to force the truth out of you. Iâm so sorry⌠I didnât know you were sickâŚâ
Li Sui brought Lu Shang straight to the hospital, Leung ZiRui happened to be on duty because of the burglary case earlier in the day. Leung ZiRui saw Li Sui bringing Lu Shang in, the corners of Li Suiâs eyes were all red, and he was also mumbling something the entire time. Leung ZiRui froze in worry, he thought something big had happened.
Leung ZiRui brought Lu Shang into the emergency room, he was only reassured after doing a preliminary examination. Leung ZiRui found it odd, Lu Shangâs health condition was poor in recent days, so having a fever or two wasnât such a big deal, he was wondering why the kid was overreacting so much.
That doubt only lasted for a while, as he understood everything when the nurses came to hook Lu Shang up to the medical instruments. Leung ZiRui opened Lu Shangâs shirt to find the terrifying hickeys on his neck and chest, Leung ZiRui was so shocked that he almost fell to the ground.
He didnât say a thing and directly rushed out to give Li Sui a punch. Leung ZiRui was so angry that the words were lodged in his throat, after a long time of silence, he said, âDonât you know he has coronary diseases?â
Li Sui didnât dodge the punch, he took it head on. After Li Sui steadied himself, he apologized with his head slumping, his eyes had self-hatred written all over them.
Seeing Li Suiâs expression, Leung ZiRui felt his headache intensified, he pointed at him, âGood job, brat, you⌠you dare use brute force on him.â
Li Suiâs hands were balled into fists, his fingertips were whitened from the strength. Li Sui didnât give a reply, he was biting on his own lips, his head lowered. The sadness on his face angered Leung ZiRui but at the same time shocked him.
With how things escalated, Li Sui was out of options. If only he was less intelligent and trusted Lu Shangâs nonsense, obediently going abroad to study as Lu Shang asked. Either that, or he shouldâve never fallen in love with him. Of course, Li Sui would be devastated, having to suffer from unrequited love. Worse still, even when he was actually loved, it was still somehow unattainable.
After the injection, Lu Shangâs condition stabilized. Lu Shangâs fever finally went down when morning came, but Leung ZiRui quickly found a small problem with Lu Shangâs heart, so after discussing with Uncle Yuen, Leung ZiRui decided to do a small operation.
The nurses and the assistant surgeon were busily preparing for the operation instruments. After checking the anaesthetic, Leung ZiRui glanced at Li Sui who was sitting in the corner of the room, âAre you going to stay here?â
Li Sui looked at the unconscious Lu Shang on the operation table, âCan I?â
âYou can.â Leung ZiRui wore a pair of gloves, then froze for a bit, âBut I suggest that you refrain from looking.â
Seeing that Li Sui was staring at him, Leung ZiRui explained, âThe image of an ongoing operation is intense, people who havenât gone through professional training wonât be able to handle it. I donât want to see you vomiting in here.â
Li Sui slightly trembled, then he asked, âAm I affecting you?â
âYou are not affecting me.â Leung ZiRui continued working on the things in his hands, âYou are affecting my assistant.â
Li Suiâs gaze moved to the female surgeon standing beside Leung ZiRui, with a surgical mask covering her face, she turned her head to the side shyly. Li Sui stood up and walked to Lu Shangâs side, he held Lu Shangâs hand for a while, âI will wait for you outside.â
The hand had zero warmth, and it did not reacted to Li Sui. Li Sui held Lu Shangâs hand tighter, only feeling pain in his heart.
It was only a small operation, so it didnât take long, Lu Shang was pushed out of the room before noon. Compared to last time, Li Sui was more accustomed to the protocols of the hospital. Li Sui wore the sterilized gown and waited patiently in the care unit Lu Shang was in. When he saw Lu Shangâs eyes moving meekly, he called the doctors to remove the tubes.
Lu Shang was too weak, he was still unconscious when he was transferred to the normal hospital rooms. Li Sui used a straw to feed Lu Shang some water.
Lu Shangâs eyes opened a little while Li Sui was doing that. Quickly, his eyelids fell down againâbut Lu Shang was half-conscious the entire time.
At night, Leung ZiRui went to Lu Shangâs room to check up on him, he saw that Li Sui was still sitting beside the bed wide awake with empty eyes, that made his heart soften, âYou should go get some food, he should be awake soon.â
Li Suiâs gaze was stuck on Lu Shang, hearing what Leung ZiRui said, Li Sui gently placed Lu Shangâs hand back under the blanket, the action was filled with affection and reluctance to leave.
Lu Shang woke up after about two hours, only Leung ZiRui was beside him.
âStop searching, heâs not here.â Leung ZiRui saw that Lu Shang was looking around the room, so he stopped him.
Lu Shang raised his hand to pull the respiration mask off his face. It took him some time to get used to it, then he turned his head to look at Leung ZiRui. The later had a weird look on his face, and there was anger in is voice, âDidnât I warn you before about the dangers of raising a tiger?â
âYou like him, right?â His tone was pretty sure.
Lu Shang turned his head away.
âDonât try to lie. I know very well how serious your disease is, I know that you arenât so weak that you couldnât even handle a brat. You might be able to fool the kid, but you canât fool me. If you didnât have any feelings towards him, you definitely wouldnât let him do that to you.â
Shockingly, Lu Shang didnât deny.
âDo you know that you are basically playing with your life here?â Leung ZiRui wore a pained expression.
Lu Shang lowered his eyelids. He was prepared to endure through Leung ZiRuiâs anger. Unexpectedly, Leung ZiRui just gave a long sigh, he sounded pleased, âLu Shang, I never thought thereâd be a day when youâd be in love.â
âBefore, I used to say that you lacked personality and your life was too plain. When I tried to put myself in your shoes, though, I imagine that I couldnât do any better than you. Endless checkups, endless number of surgeries. Every night when you close your eyes, you arenât even sure if you could wake up the other day. Just thinking about that kind of a grey, colorless life makes me feel gloomy.â
Lu Shang stared at him, there was shock in his eyes.
âThis is pretty good, really. You got to try out all sorts of emotions and experiences, makes being alive and all the suffering worth it.â
Lu Shang couldnât help but ask, âYou donât object?â
âWhy would I object? Iâm your friend, but Iâm also a doctor, saving people is my job.â Leung ZiRui continued after a short pause, âI was actually pretty torn myself as well, I was always trying to find a way to save you but also not hurt him. I have to admit, there was one thing that I lied to you about. I asked you to wait, but it wasnât so that you could wait for a new type of rejection suppressant (i), itâs so that I could find another way. I donât want you to lose hope in living, but I didnât want to take his life, either.â
T/N: (i) In chapter 2, Leung ZiRui talked about a new type of cyclosporine he was developing. That thing was a kind of immunity suppressant, usually administered after organ transplant to reduce the chance of rejection of the foreign cells.
The two of them rarely got time to talk and clear things up, Lu Shang fell into silence for a while; his gaze moved to the window on his side, â⌠at the beginning I really only wanted his heart, but I didnât want to feel too guilty about it, so I selfishly wanted him to be willing himself. When it actually comes to it now, Iâm somehow really reluctant.â
Leung ZiRui said hopelessly, âTalk about pathetic, you didnât get his heart, instead your own heart caved in; Lu Lao Ban, that doesnât seem like a bargain.â
Lu Shang wiggled his stiff legs a little, then asked, âWhere is he now?â
Leung ZiRui scratched the back of his head, and he said in embarrassment, âWell, about that. I was a little too angry just now, so I gave him a hard punch. I guess heâs still depressed about it. Yeah, my bad. Help me apologize and smooth things over with him, would you?â