Chi Yan couldn’t see it, but the moment he touched the talisman, it started to draw out wisps of black gas from his fingertips.
The old man knew he was right when he saw what was happening, yet he just shook his head and said nothing. The thing had not harmed the young man even after such a long time, it wouldn’t act rashly all of a sudden. It was better for Chi Yan to come to a realisation by himself.
Just…going by that black gas, that thing might be harder to deal with than he had expected.
—-
Chi Yan didn’t feel any different in the beginning, just a bit dazed, as if he used his brain too hard.
Tucked away in his pocket, the talisman slowly absorbed the black gas and its edges gradually curled up and turned scorched. Finally as Chi Yan stopped the car, the talisman suddenly disappeared into a puff of smoke, as if overwhelmed. The black gas that was drawn out retracted all at once back into Chi Yan’s body.
Chi Yan moaned and clutched his head as images, he didn’t know whether real or fake, flickered through his mind.
The first memory he got back was the passing of his parents. He was at the wake, his tears flowing as he looked at their funeral portraits. Many deathly pale, expressionless ‘people’ were pulling at him, he didn’t know who they were, but was innately afraid of them. He didn’t want to leave with them, and curled himself tightly into his grandma’s embrace…His grandma thought he was just inconsolable and hugged him tenderly.
Next, he was pushed from off a flight of stairs, and the fear on his grandma’s face as she saw the handprint on his back. His grandma hung the jade around his neck; then came the temples and holy shrines, him kneeling in front of countless statues of deities, yet none of them could help him…
Later a priest said to him, ‘I have an idea. Do you want to give it a go?’
The night bus, and the surrounding ghosts…he saw how he had clutched the tiny bottle dangling against his chest.
— He had brought him home personally.
He saw himself placing the black tablet reverently on the altar; he raised a glass and said to the tablet, ‘… Third Master Ye, please take of me next year.’
Third Master Ye…who is that?
Chi Yan was not fully conscious, the doubts in his mind were growing, giving him no time to think. His leaden footsteps carried him towards home, while his heart is filled with apprehension and unease.
Entering the block, the lift that he took everyday suddenly loomed like a steel, electronic beast, waiting to swallow him whole. The chilly interior of the lift reflected his pale and sweaty face, the cold sweat had dampened his entire shirt.
Chi Yan suddenly felt very cold, and hesitated to enter the lift. It was only until someone came that he went into the lift together, and pressed on the familiar number.
He already remembered Priest Zhang and how he had asked him to set up the altar for the tablet and the ashes. He’s wearing the ashes now; but what about the tablet? Where did it go? Did Yingzhi put it away? Who’s the person he’s praying to?
… and what had happened to him that he had forgotten all these?
At the thought of this, he felt a chill, recalling what happened when he was hospitalised for acute gastritis.When he had asked Yingzhi about the little bottle.
The gentle smile on his lover’s face.
He said clearly, ‘I gave it to you when we just met last year.’
I gave it to you.
It was as if another layer of fog cleared from his brain.
He finally saw the words on the tablet, ‘The spirit of Ye Yingzhi’.
Then who’s this Ye Yingzhi that had appeared in his life?
The Ye Yingzhi that he had been living with, every day, for the past months?
The man whose shoulders he slept on, whom he made love with every night?
He didn’t dare to continue his thoughts. By the time he became aware, he had already walked out of the lift and was standing right before his house.
The door opened with a click.
He didn’t dare to enter.
The man reached a hand out and led him inside. He smiled, ‘What’s wrong with you today, silly? Go change and come out for dinner.’ He said before turning back to the kitchen.
The small apartment was filled with an aroma of food. He couldn’t fathom that this tender scene was fake.
Chi Yan let out a breath, and the hands that he had held behind his back started shaking.
Quietly, he walked towards to TV shelf, and picked up the phone that he had bought Ye Yingzhi. He entered his birthday to unlock it, and turned it off. He opened the back cover – it was empty where a SIM card should have been.
What kind of person had been calling him, using a phone without a SIM card?
Unless…he wasn’t really human.
The man had started bringing the dishes out, and called out to him like usual. ‘Ah Yan, help serve the rice. Why have you not changed? Are you waiting for me to do it for you?’
‘Ok,’ Chi Yan said, and replaced the phone, turning it back on. He went to his room without a word and started changing. He reached into his bag and took out the name card with a trembling hand. He went on changing his clothes and tried to be as normal as usual. Before he went out, he thought about it and took out the jade piece from the drawer, grasping it in his hand.
Ye Yingzhi had already set the table and served the rice. He sat waiting for him at the dining table.
Chi Yan took in the familiar scene and hesitated. Gritting his teeth, he walked to the man, but instead of sitting down, he hugged Ye Yingzhi and buried his face in his chest.
Ye Yingzhi smiled and ruffled his hair, ‘What happened today? Did you miss me? Or did you get bullied?’
Chi Yan didn’t say anything.
There was no warmth, no heartbeat. Everything had just been an illusion to trick him.
The last bit of black air swirling around his heart finally dissipated.
All of the small suspicions that were ignored, suddenly magnified and brought clarity to him.
His lover with a mysterious past who appeared in his life, his lover who did not go out and refused to eat out with him, and even the lover that was only visible to him – it was just a ruse to bewitch him into falling in love.
Chi Yan’s body started to shake uncontrollably. At that instant, all he wanted to do was to struggle hysterically out of this embrace and run like hell.
However, he didn’t dare.
Ye Yingzhi suddenly frowned, but he didn’t say a word, only tightened his arms around the person in his arms.
Chi Yan carefully looked up at Ye Yingzhi’s exposed neck. While it was an unhealthy deathly white, at least there were no cadaveric spots. He thought of the glass bottle of ashes hanging from his neck – well his body was already gone.
He felt Ye Yingzhi raising his face, gently pressing a kiss onto his closed eyes.
The sweet tenderness tone of the past seemed to have changed. He shuddered, his throat working furiously, as he tried and failed to speak coherently.
‘Third Master Ye, I’m wrong…please forgive me…’ He wanted to beg, to seek absolution, yet fear had choked the words back. He was afraid that it was all over if he exposed the truth. He would rather continue to live in self-denial.
Everything had changed in just one day. He now only had a glimmer of hope in the name card lying in his pocket now.
Tomorrow… don’t panic, don’t show your hand… just get through today.
Eventually, he kept his eyes shut, and controlling the shivers, he took the kisses that were pressed onto his face and neck, like a sacrificial offering.