After realizing this, both of them were shocked. There was no movement on Pei Wenxuan’s face. He lowered his head and looked down at the board while twirling a playing piece in his hand, pretending to think. Li Rong brought her eyes up though and quietly sized him up while drinking tea.
Pei Wenxuan thought about Li Rong’s behavior from beginning to end. Although Li Rong seemed arrogant, she was very self-disciplined. She wouldn’t make trouble for no reason. Whenever she seemed to make trouble for others for no reason, it was often because she found a way to punish the other party. But he and Li Rong just met for the first time. Why did Li Rong find him to be an eyesore and play tricks on him like that?
However, assuming Li Rong was also reborn again like him, then it would make perfect sense.
If Li Rong was reborn, then his subordinates must have succeeded. With Li Rong’s intelligence, she must have guessed that it was his doing before she died. Faced with an enemy that killed her, the fact that she could hold back her temper and refrain from killing him was already akin to having the heart of Buddha. She was only tormenting him to vent her anger. As for whether she would marry him or not, that was still a mystery.
After all, the last life…
Pei Wenxuan’s heart sank. Li Rong and Su Rongqing certainly had feelings for one another.
Pei Wenxuan had many thoughts going through his mind, but there were no changes on the surface as if he was intently thinking about the next move.
Li Rong stole a glance at Pei Wenxuan’s face. Seeing that his expression was the same as usual, she felt slightly more apprehensive.
She remembered that when Pei Wenxuan was twenty years old, he was still a young, handsome young man at heart who had a good temperament and was self-aware. The first time he met her, his face remained calm and composed, but his eyes seemed a little flustered.
After all, when he saw his future wife, who was also a princess, he had to have some kind of reaction at least.
But the Pei Wenxuan today didn’t react at the slightest and even treated her like an old acquaintance! So he dared to stand up against her like this and plot against the other three people right under her nose.
This version of Pei Wenxuan was too strange, but if he was reborn just like her, then it couldn’t make more sense.
Suddenly, the two of them started to have doubts in their hearts, and these doubts almost became absolute certainty. It was just that the two of them were used to being cautious, so even if they had doubts, they still needed evidence. Moreover, if the other party was also reborn, then there was also the matter of whether or not to tell the other that they were also reborn.
So neither of them spoke and pretended to be calm and composed.
During the time that the two had their own thoughts, a strange silence permeated the atmosphere between them. Jing Mei and Jing Lan stood not too far away. Jing Mei whispered: “You said that the Princess doesn’t like Pei gongzi, but I see them getting along just fine.”
“The Princess’s thoughts…” Jing Lan sighed, “They are becoming harder and harder to understand.”
Halfway through the game, the two of them settled their internal states of mind. Once their emotions had returned to normal, they had to think about what to do next if the other person was reborn again.
It began to rain outside the courtyard, and the rain fell into the pond, creating ripples.
The sound of playing pieces and rain joined one another. Li Rong spoke first and slowly said: “Pei gongzi wants to marry me, so have you ever thought about what life will be like after marrying me?”
“I…” Pei Wenxuan hesitated before finally saying, “I will treat the Princess well.”
He would treat her well because that was what he did in his previous life.
He will try to get to know her, try to get closer to her and make her happy.
When Li Rong told him she liked when he wore white clothes, with the exception of his minister robes, he only wore white clothes for many years after they married. That was, until one day he heard Li Rong praise Rongqing when he was dressed in white, saying he was no different from an Immortal from the Heavens.
He learned to make all the dishes that Li Rong liked to eat. He would have her taste them time and time again and eventually became her personal cook. No one understood her tastes better than he did. That was, until one day, Su Rongqing learned how to cook.
Li Rong’s legs would get cold and hurt whenever the weather was cold out. He learned how to massage and acupuncture. Every time it rained and the weather was cold, he would massage Li Rong’s legs until she was comfortable and fell asleep. That was, until one day, they quarreled too much, and Li Rong told him that she didn’t need him anymore because she had someone else anyway.
Pei Wenxuan felt a little uncomfortable thinking of these things, but when Li Rong asked, he could only say that he would do these things a second time.
It was just that the moment he answered, he hesitated a little.
If you already know the ending, would you still give it a second try?
There wouldn’t be a good ending between them. Living together for half a lifetime, and yet it came down to a matter of either you die or I die. In that time, it did seem absurd.
Li Rong heard the uncertainty in his words and knew he was actually hesitating. She looked down at the Go board and slowly said: “I believe that gongzi will be good to me, but will gongzi like me?”
Pei Wenxuan lowered his eyes when he heard this.
Li Rong brought her eyes up to look at him and looked at him earnestly, “Will gongzi think of me as a wife or an ally?”
Pei Wenxuan didn’t say anything. The sound of rain outside continued. Li Rong looked at the intersecting lines on the board, seeming to suddenly lose interest. She threw the playing pieces into the box and leaned against the back of her chair. She looked out into the courtyard at the lotus leaves swayed by the rain and slowly said: “I used to think that if I was with gongzi in this lifetime, I would not have a husband but an ally.”
“In the Imperial family, my husband and relatives are actually not important. What is important is the power in your hands. But once people reach the top and walk a lonely road in this world, they will begin to envy those with bursting fireworks in their lives.”1
After saying that, Li Rong turned her head to look at him and softly chuckled: “You tell me, what is the difference between a widow and a lonely ghost?”
[1] bursting fireworks — ordinary people full of passion and vitality; based on the imagery of a peaceful and prosperous nights with bursting fireworks.
Pei Wenxuan didn’t speak. He understood what Li Rong said. He quietly watched Li Rong, an 18 year old girl who should be in the most beautiful time of her life yet lazily lounging around and possessing a sense of solitude and loneliness beyond her age between her actions. Like an enchanting ghost roaming the world, beautiful and alluring yet lonely. Just the sight of it was enough to make hearts ache.
Li Rong saw that Pei Wenxuan was at a loss for words and slightly chuckled. She thought that if Pei Wenxuan was reborn, he would know what she was talking about.
Pei Wenxuan knew, but he didn’t know how to respond. Jing Lan approached with an umbrella in hand and whispered to Li Rong: “Princess, it’s raining heavily now. The eunuch from the Palace said it’s no longer early either. It’s almost time to end the banquet.”
“Yes.” Li Rong nodded and then said, “Just say that I’m not feeling well, you can see him off.”
Jing Lan responded and retreated. As soon as Jing Lan left, Li Rong turned to look at Pei Wenxuan who was kneeling opposite of her and gently said: “Does Pei gongzi feel I should live a life like that after marrying you?”
She asked Pei Wenxuan in all seriousness.
Although Pei Wenxuan quarreled with her for many years and even killed her in the end, Pei Wenxuan still had one particular merit.
He never lied to her.
Whether good or bad, when it came to the question of whether or not to live a life like that, she felt that the answer Pei Wenxuan gives her would certainly be genuine.
Pei Wenxuan just looked up at her and quietly stared at her after she asked this.
Her smiling expression was an eyesore.
This look was no different than the one he saw during the few decades that they lived together in the previous life. That smile was completely different from the eighteen year old Li Rong in his memory.
Eighteen year old Li Rong was very good.
Although he didn’t want to admit it, Pei Wenxuan still remembered that at the beginning of their marriage, when he lifted Li Rong’s veil, she raised her head and looked up at him with embarrassment and curiosity. Then, when they exchanged cups of wine, she said in a frank manner: “Wenxuan, no matter how we came to be together, having become husband and wife, I still want to live with you for the rest of my life.” At that time, he also seriously thought that he would live with Li Rong, have children and live peacefully for the rest of their lives.
That was, until Li Rong found out that he liked Qin Zhenzhen.
In truth, he didn’t even know what kind of feelings there were between him and Qin Zhenzhen, whether it was love or merely responsibility. They grew up together as children, and he only had her in his heart and hoped to live with Qin Zhenzhen for the rest of his life, but he could not do so.
Later on, Qin Zhenzhen married Li Rong’s brother, Crown Prince Li Chuan.
As Crown Prince, Li Chuan was a good Crown Prince but not a good husband. He married for political reasons, so although he was just the Crown Prince at the time, he already had a Princess Consort and four concubines. Qin Zhenzhen had a mild temperament and was unfamiliar with Palace affairs. If not for the Crown Prince’s favor and Pei Wenxuan’s help, she would have been long buried in the schemes of the Eastern Palace.
He helped her. Li Rong naturally knew about it, but she didn’t mention it at first. Later on, when he secretly rescued Qin Zhenzhen at a palace banquet and almost was exposed, Li Rong could only step in and help him with arrangements.
That day, they were sitting in the carriage on their way home, and Li Rong was silent. He was a little panicked at that time and wanted to explain, but he didn’t know what to explain because he felt that no matter what Li Rong said, she would be right.
Then, Li Rong returned home and after entering the bedchambers, she walked to the table and poured tea for herself. She turned her back to him and asked: “Do you like her?”
Pei Wenxuan stood at the door. He actually intended to say no, but he felt that it would not be completely truthful, so he replied honestly: “I can’t forget her.”
“What is your relationship with her?”
Li Rong held the cup of tea and looked very calm. Pei Wenxuan still told her the truth, their engagement when they were young because they were childhood sweethearts. After his family had fallen, the Qin family annulled the engagement, and Qin Zhenzhen was forced to marry into the Eastern Palace…
“I just wanted to help her,” He said in a low voice, “No other intentions. She’s the Crown Prince’s Side Consort now. There’s nothing else I can do.”
After he had spoken, Li Rong didn’t speak for a long time. That silence became a deeply engraved impression of that night for Pei Wenxuan.
He saw that Li Rong kept drinking water, one cup after another. After a while, Li Rong seemed to calm down. She turned her head, stared at him and only asked: “Will you betray me?”
“No.” He answered immediately. He looked at her, “You’re my wife.”
“I’m not your wife.”
Li Rong looked at him with a serious expression: “I’m just your ally.”
These words stunned Pei Wenxuan. Li Rong turned and looked out the window and calmly continued: “In this marriage, you and I had no choice and only did it for power. Truthfully speaking, there’s not one bit of love between us. You have someone in your heart, and I have someone in my heart. It’s just that we didn’t make it clear before and had some misunderstandings. Now that it’s clear, it doesn’t matter.”
“It’s not a big deal either,” Li Rong laughed, her tears seemed like they could fall at any time, “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”
Pei Wenxuan stared blankly at her. He wanted to deny it, but he felt that Li Rong wasn’t wrong either. There was no such love between him and Li Rong because it was impossible for a person to truly love two people at the same time. He already had Qin Zhenzhen in his heart, so how could he make room for Li Rong?
Seeing that he still had not spoken, Li Rong lowered her head and softly said: “If you make it clear, then it won’t be a problem. We will live as we have in the future, but I hope Pei daren remembers this in his heart.”
“I’m not your wife, and you’re not my husband. I don’t care who is in your heart, and you don’t need to care about who I am with. You and I will have our own lives, and we will each have our own happiness.”
“As long as Pei daren promises me,” Li Rong looked at him, her eyes sharp as a hawk, “You and I are allies, so we must never betray one another.”
That evening, it also rained.
Just like now, the rain was pouring down.
Li Rong walked up to him and looked into his eyes: “Pei Wenxuan, speak.”
He could not speak.
Seeing him hesitate, Li Rong suddenly laughed: “Pei Wenxuan, if you don’t say anything, I will assume that you have feelings for me. But you really do have feelings for me, then everything you have done is disgusting. We should not be together. I will go and appeal to Father Emperor, no matter what,” She looked cold, “We have to reconcile.”2
Thunder rumbled. Pei Wenxuan looked at Li Rong who was looking up at him.
At that moment, he finally understood how uncompromising this woman was when it came to feelings. She wanted an untainted love, both jade and stone were burned.3
So he smiled.
[2] reconcile — euphemistic term for divorce or separation in ancient times
[3] both jade and stone burned — indiscriminate action no matter the circumstances; jade is more precious than stone, but it’s still destroyed.
“Why?” He said dazedly, “You’re right, we are allies. I have another person in my heart, and I won’t intervene in your affairs. Reconciliation will not be a good thing for you and me, how about we stay like this?”
“Husband and wife in name yet living our own lives. You and I are allies, and we will never betray one another.”
“If this oath is broken,” Pei Wenxuan said hoarsely. Li Rong laughed and finished the sentence, “We will not die in peace.”
However, they broke their oath after all and were punished for it in the end.
The author has something to say:
It hurts whenever I write about the previous life, but it hurts so good, I’m so bad.