âWhat did you regret most in your previous life?â
Li Rong was silent. After a while, she murmured: âI know.â
Having said that, she slowly continued: âI am well aware of my situation.â
Li Ming loved Consort Rouâs son dearly, but he was always on bad terms with Li Chuan, wary of this son whose political views differed from his. He had long thought of deposing the Crown Prince, and she was caught in the middle of everything. It was not easy to depose the Crown Prince, but it was extremely simple to depose a princess.
The Su family was now a prominent family in the imperial court, and Su Rongqing was not someone she could even dream about. Besides, she was only teasing Pei Wenxuan and didnât have any other ideas.
It was rare for her to be so quiet. Pei Wenxuan couldnât help but look over at her. Seeing her downcast eyes and pensive expression, he knew that she was thinking about her own affairs. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should speak up, but in the end, he thought it was better to keep quiet.
Things have already reached this point. Li Rong was a smart person and had her own plans.
The two sat in silence and ate fish, then they separately went to sleep, tacitly not mentioning anything about marriage.
Pei Wenxuan leaned against the small slope and closed his eyes. After a while, he had trouble falling asleep, so he reopened his eyes and looked at Li Rongâs silhouette in the distance.
The night wind made him clear-headed. Now, he had time to sort out what happened today.
He never thought that Li Rong was also reborn.
He originally thought that he would marry Li Rong in this life, just like in his previous life, forget about Qin Zhenzhen and spend a good lifetime with Li Rong, but now that he thought about it, he assumed that perhaps these goals will not be realized.
50 year old Li Rong was completely different from her 20 year old self. She was cunning and bitter, no different than a flower with thorns, indiscriminately pricking anyone she came in contact with.
Most importantly, 50 year old Li Rong had Su Rongqing in her heart.
That person had been with her for 25 years and even killed her. Perhaps his betrayal would make Li Rong resent him, but love and hate oftentimes coexisted. He could not get in between such deep feelings between them, nor could he tolerate it.
He didnât want his wife to yearn for another person in her heart. This was no different from what 20 year old Li Rong had thought of him back then.
But what can be done if it cannot be tolerated? Li Rong doesnât have a choice, and what about him?
Pei Wenxuan could not help but laugh bitterly. As soon as he brought his eyes up, he saw that Li Rongâs back was facing him. She looked rather thin and weak, curled up and tightly hugging herself as she kept her back to him. When a cold wind blew past her, she slightly shivered. Having seen that, after a few moments of hesitation, Pei Wenxuan stood up and picked up the overcoat he had taken off earlier and covered Li Rong with it. He returned to the fireside and closed his eyes.
Li Rong felt a piece of clothing being put on her, but she closed her eyes and didnât say anything. After pulling the clothes up to cover her body for a bit, she remembered that almost all of Pei Wenxuanâs clothes were essentially with her.
She hesitated for a moment, then finally spoke up, calling out to him: âPei Wenxuan.â
âShut up and sleep.â
Pei Wenxuan said decisively.
Li Rong: ââŠâŠâ
After a while, Li Rong still nursed a guilty conscience and went ahead to say: âCome over and sleep together.â
This time, Pei Wenxuan was silent.
Seeing that he ignored her, Li Rong felt that she had already done her utmost duty, so she decisively pulled his clothes over her head and closed her eyes to sleep.
After some time, she heard rustling sounds of someone coming from behind. Then, Pei Wenxuan squeezed over and laid down. Li Rong split half of the overcoat with him. She was small, so when she laid on her side, half of the overcoat was enough to cover her body. Pei Wenxuan was there behind her and used the remaining half to cover himself.
They laid with their backs to each other. The space between them was a hand width apart. The cold wind blew in between that gap. Pei Wenxuan did not move, but after enduring for a while, Li Rong took the initiative to close the distance between them and leaned against his back.
Pei Wenxuan stiffened.
Even though he was already in his fifties, he pitifully lacked experience in the affairs between men and women.
He and Li Rong were husband and wife, but Li Rong separated from him, he didnât have anyone else at that time.
He still had some principles at heart regarding these affairs. He felt a sense of responsibility towards Li Rong, but later on, when he thought about it, perhaps the moment Li Rong lifted her veil, a young man like him had been somewhat moved. It was just that he didnât change his mind and come around. Aside from Li Rong, he always thought that he would have feelings for someone else. But for 30 years of his life, it may have been that he was too focused on government affairs that he didnât meet someone who truly stirred his heart.
There were many people who sent him beauties, one after the other. Even Li Chuan felt sorry for him when he learned that Pei Wenxuan was childless and hinted that even if he married the Grand Princess, he could still consider taking in a concubine. Not that he had never thought about it, but every time he stood in front of that gaggle of beauties, he always felt that something was missing.
After so many years, the young and charming Li Rong was leaning against him, and he couldnât help but tense up like a teenager meeting someone of the opposite sex for the first time again.
Li Rong picked up on his nervousness and couldnât help but find it a little ironic but also pitiful.
She didnât have the heart to turn a blind eye to Pei Wenxuanâs embarrassment, so she casually found a topic for discussion: âIs there anything you regretted in your previous life?â
âWhy are you asking this?â
âIâm just asking,â Li Rong laughed, âBoth of us can consider this an adventure. We can start over again in this life, so shouldnât we reflect on what we regretted in the past and see if we can change it in this life?â
Pei Wenxuan was silent. Seeing that Pei Wenxuan wasnât saying anything, Li Rong immediately changed the subject and said, âIn it all, are you going to find Qin Zhenzhen?â
âDonât know.â
Pei Wenxuan knew that Li Rong was looking to make conversation. He did not refuse her and flatly said: âWill think about it in the future.â
He doesnât even know what the future holds now.
He originally wanted to marry Li Rong like before, then live a brand new life, but now that Li Rong was also reborn, his plans were put to an end.
If he doesnât marry Li Rong, then there will be another path in this life, which is with Qin ZhenzhenâŠ
At this point, he didnât know what to think past that for the time being.
Qin Zhenzhen died too early and too long ago that he didnât even have time to sort out the feelings in his heart when this person had drifted away. He could never have her, so this person became the moonlight through the wisps of clouds, forever shining high in the sky, so that others can only look up at it from afar.
After looking at the bright moon for a while, it would be difficult for him to develop intentions of pursuing her. If someone suddenly told him that he could try to reach out and capture the moon with his own hands, he would find it a little unfathomable.
Li Rong knew that his thoughts were all over the place and sighed: âBut I advise you to take care of it soon. Sheâs not suitable for the Palace and intrigues, so donât let her enter the Palace.â
âI know.â
Pei Wenxuan knew that Li Rongâs words were sincere. He paused for a while, then he slowly said, âYou rarely say these kinds of things.â
âYouâre a funny person,â Li Rong leaned against Pei Wenxuanâs back and smiled wryly, âYou donât seem to like it when I say nice things.â
âNo.â Pei Wenxuan said lightly, âJust not used to it.â
âI wouldnât want to say these things either,â Li Rong leisurely continued, âItâs just that I am someone who draws a clear line between gratitude and grievances. You came to the rescue, and while it wasnât of much help, I still acknowledge the intention.â
âPei Wenxuan,â Li Rong slowly said, âRegardless of whether we get married or not, I hope that we will not be enemies in this lifetime.â
âEn.â
Pei Wenxuan murmured.
Li Rong sensed that Pei Wenxuanâs body had relaxed. Knowing that this conversation had eased his embarrassment, she continued to wait for a while.
This was the most friendly and intimate moment between the two of them. She thought that it couldnât be more appropriate to talk about marriage now.
However, when Pei Wenxuan did not speak up after some time, Li Rong knew that Pei Wenxuan must feel hesitant about this now. She didnât want to make things difficult for him either, so she began to think about how to deal with it the next day.
The two people in the dark each had their own thoughts. Li Rong was thinking of the future while Pei Wenxuan was thinking of the past.
Li Rongâs words still echoed in his ears. She asked him if there was anything that he regretted.
This was a question that he did not dare to answer.
Because he had spent most of his life in regret. If he was asked what he regrets most in his lifetime, the first thing was to let Qin Zhenzhen enter the Palace, and the second was letting conflict break out with Li Rong because of Qin Zhenzhen.
The first time he realized his second regret was not long after they had a fight. At that time, they slept in separate beds, separated by a screen divider every day and night. He would look at Li Rong, who seemed almost within reach yet as far away as the horizon and feel pained.
He wanted to say a few nice words to her, but he was reluctant to swallow his pride. He didnât know what to say either. On one hand, he felt that Li Rong had not said anything wrong. He did have Qin Zhenzhen in his heart, so he should not provoke her. On the other hand, he subconsciously felt a bit uncomfortable but didnât know what it was.
Sudden news came from the Palace that day. Li Rong had been punished to kneel in front of the Palace gates because she had angered the Holy One.
He was still at home at that time and rushed over the moment he received the news. He remembered that it was raining so hard that day that he could not see the road very clearly. When he rushed over with an umbrella, he saw Li Rong kneeling at the Palace gates while Su Rongqing stood by her side, holding an umbrella to shield her from the wind and rain.
The two of them, one kneeling, the other standing, under one umbrella. They seemed to be completely in a world of their own.
At that moment, he suddenly understood Li Rongâs sentiments. He realized that between husband and wife, whether they were in love or not, had feelings or not, would not allow anyone else to cut into their lives.
It was just a feeling that he didnât dare to think too deeply about, so he suppressed and hid his discomfort, pretending that nothing happened.
Once he looked back on it in old age, he gradually came to realize that he still cared about Li Rong. It was just that Qin Zhenzhen had been in his heart for so long that it was difficult for him to accept the fact that he liked someone yet had also grown to like someone else in her absence.
More importantly, he was too cowardly when it came to his feelings. What he needed were unwavering feelings or something that could make him give up entirely on Qin Zhenzhen, like knowing this person does not like him, and stamp out his wishful thinking. Otherwise, he needed to be completely reassured and told that this person also likes him.
He was most afraid of someone like Li Rong. From time to time, she would make him feel that perhaps she cared about him, but the next moment, he would feel that he meant nothing to her in her eyes.
He didnât dare to open his heart. Li Rong was also decisive. After learning that he cared about Qin Zhenzhen, she immediately pulled away, dividing the bed, dividing the room, and dividing the mansion.
She didnât give him any way out.
Not only was she separated from him, she also seemed to hate him. Regardless of his goodwill and deeds, she didnât find it pleasing to the eye and would insult him. Then, he would get angry. They would quarrel, and the vicious cycle would repeat.
So he could only remain steadfast and follow the path he had chosen.
He could only keep telling himself that Qin Zhenzhen was very important to him, and since he had already told Li Rong so, he should stick to it.
Just like a gambler, since he had put in too many chips, he could only keep on betting because there was no turning back.
That was, until the Su clan was destroyed and Su Rongqing went to prison. He heard that Li Rong went to find Li Chuan, even confronting him in court, and Li Chuan had her punished by the rod.
He hurried into the Palace and saw Li Rong lying on the ground, covered in blood. When she saw him coming, she resolutely grabbed him with both hands and all ten, red tinted fingernails and hoarsely said to him: âPei Wenxuan, I want to save Su Rongqing.â
He could not describe how he felt at that time, but for a moment, he felt like a part of his heart was gouged out. Such an excruciating pain brought him back to his senses, and he became fully aware.