CH 64

[Itakura Pov]

Emi is an important friend to me.

That’s why I don’t want to just stand by and watch what she’s going through right now.

What happened in the past. The present. What the future holds.

I want to listen to her, talk to her, and get to know her.

That’s why.

“Emi, can you tell me the truth?”

So, first of all, let’s listen.

I want to know what my friend in front of me is thinking.

Kitami was far from the person I had imagined.

But that’s only natural. It was all a lie.

It wasn’t a coincidence; I just couldn’t see through it.

“Tomorrow, I’ll be waiting at our usual spot.”

Even though I sent a message, Emi didn’t reply.

But I was certain that Emi would come.

The usual spot. It was our meeting place. Maika should have been there too, and from there, we could go wherever we wanted.

We should have been able to go anywhere, but we made a mistake.

Kitami has changed.

I am aware that I’m being utterly ridiculous.

How can he stay so calm in front of the person who caused him trouble?

As Kitami’s junior, Sakakibara-san had said, he must have some standard that I lack.

“Emi…”

In my heart, I recall the sad expression Emi showed many times after Kitami transferred.

“It’s not a lie.”

Emi must have been in pain too. She must have been a victim as well.

Emi simply made a mistake.

“Good morning, Emi.”

“…Good morning, Mizuki.”

Let’s talk and communicate.

And then…

We should be able to do that.

Because we are friends.

[Emi PoV]

Again, I’m being questioned.

This is a turning point. It will be a decisive moment for her and me.

Why? Why do I have to be the one to choose??

Which one is it? Which one is the person in front of me?

Are you with me or—-

Mizuki remained silent, just waiting for me, as I kept my mouth shut. She was simply waiting for my decision.

I’ve known Mizuki for a long time, so I understand her personality well.

She’s the type who won’t bend her beliefs. She objectively assesses herself and then follows her intuition.

How does she feel about—–

“I’m not lying.”

That statement is not a lie either.

I didn’t lie.

I don’t know how Mizuki is hearing about that incident from Kitami, but I didn’t do such things willingly.

“I was scared.”

Yes, I was scared. Why should I be blamed for being scared of being bullied? Trying to survive, I tried to escape, and that’s how I protected myself.

“It was painful to be looked down upon, scared to experience sadness, and it was also painful to endure it all. I was scared of being alone.”

“I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea. Should I have told a teacher? Should I have made it a class problem and condemned someone? Would that have solved it? And what should I have done afterward? How should I have acted in the classroom? Why did I have to suffer like this just by being there?”

“In the end, they had no reason to target me or anyone. It just happened to be me, and it was so painful for me that I wanted to throw everything away.”

That’s why, in truth, I also…

“I felt truly relieved. Ah, I survived. I was really suffering and scared, but I managed to break free, and I was genuinely happy.”

I am grateful to him. That’s why, that’s why…

“That’s why I’ve decided…”

I made up my mind.

“That’s why I’ve decided never to go through the same experience again.”

[Itakura PoV]

“That’s why at that timeーーーー”

What Emi revealed was one step deeper than what I had heard from Kitami.

(Kitami was the one who saved Emi from bullying?)

I knew that Emi had been the one bullying Kitami. But I didn’t know the details of how it all started. However, that flow of events seemed more natural and common as a process.

But I hadn’t heard that from Kitami. In truth, there was no need for him to hide it.

But that’s why, in a way, I could understand.

Kitami, after all…

“After that, as Mizuki knows, Kitami transferred, and I moved to a different region due to my parents’ circumstances. Then… I met him again.”

“Maika noticed various things, and I also met Kitami, and that’s how it led to this point.”

If there were a God, how malicious they must be. That connection had not been severed and became a wall standing before the two of them. Whether it was for the better that they met again or not, I couldn’t say.

Especially for him.

“I’m sorry, Mizuki.”

“Emi…!”

Apology was the next word spoken.

“I’m sorry for hiding it. I was scared to tell everything because I was afraid you would hate me.”

It didn’t matter. I was about to say that, but I stopped myself. It felt like this was a necessary process for her.

Emi was probably facing her past now.

There is time. I want to listen to Emi’s words slowly.

“At that time, I could only focus on myself. I knew I was doing terrible things, but there was nothing I could do. I thought it was the fault of the people who had bullied me all along, so I had to protect myself, and I was cornered and couldn’t understand anything.”

What she said was, in a way, a common story.

A story we often hear about. It was painful, scary, and she felt cornered.

And as a result, she made the wrong choice.

So, she…

Emi is not special.

I’m happy that she shared what she had been hiding until now. At the same time, I feel frustrated that I couldn’t carry the burden together with her until now.

I want to be someone who deserves to be with her.

That’s why from now on, I’ll never let her be alone.

“Hey, Emi. Let’s apologize to Kitami together?”

I had a strong conviction.

Kitami probably doesn’t resent Emi.

[Emi PoV]

“Why?”

I couldn’t hide my question at the proposal coming from Mizuki.

Why should we do that?

“Why… why would we do that? Because we did something bad?”

I was so surprised to hear Mizuki’s question.

“What bad thing did you do?”

To confirm her intentions, I asked Mizuki.

“It’s because Emi was involved in Kitami’s bullying, and bullying is a bad thing, so…?”

Mizuki carefully chose her words and spoke slowly.

But still, I couldn’t understand.

“Why should I apologize?”

I was the one being bullied, so it’s not my fault, right?

Why should I apologize? It wasn’t something I could help, right?

I was the victim of bullying.

No matter what I thought, I had no choice, right?

“Why should I apologize? It was inevitable. It was their fault, wasn’t it? I’m a victim, too, so why do they have to make me the bad guy?”

“I-It’s not like that! I don’t want to make you the bad person!”

“Then why? I know hiding things was wrong, but I had no other choice. But I already apologized for that. What more should I apologize for?”

I couldn’t understand. Because I did nothing wrong.

The ones at fault were them.

“Besides, you know…”

There’s still the most important thing.

“Did he ask you to do that?”

[Itakura PoV]

She didn’t say it. She certainly didn’t say it.

But it’s wrong. It’s wrong, isn’t it, Emi?

“Certainly, I didn’t hear it from Kitami’s mouth.”

It’s not like that…!

“Apologizing is not something you do because the other person wants it, but because you have to…”

Trying to continue, I stumble. It’s difficult to put into words. I understand, but I can’t articulate it.

“Because if you don’t apologize, nothing will be resolved, and only unpleasant memories will remain for both of you. That’s not good. If you don’t do it, then…”

“In the end, isn’t that just self-satisfaction?”

Emi’s interjection cuts through my search for the next words.

“Self-satisfaction?”

“Yes. Because what you said just now wasn’t about me. It’s about both of us being left with unpleasant memories.”

Upon hearing her words, I realized the true nature of our misunderstanding.

The warning bells ring, urging me not to push any further, but it’s too late.

“That’s not my concern.”

“Emi!!”

“Because it’s true, right? It couldn’t be helped!! Apologizing, in the end, is just settling a score! But that score has already been settled! No, that’s not it. Such a thing never even existed in the first place!”

Emi’s words accelerate. It’s as if the dam holding back her emotions has burst.

“What’s the point of apologizing? Is Kitami happy about it? Does it make the past acceptable?! Will everything just become clear?! Of course not!”

“Even if that were the case, why me? There are others who should apologize to him, right? The ones who bullied Kitami were the same as those who bullied me! Why should I be measured with the same yardstick as them?”

“What about my feelings? Should I just accept being the bad person and pretend that suffering never happened? Do I have to go to such lengths to save him?”

Emi’s emotions pour out, her words filled with frustration and desperation.

There are worse people than me. I did it because I had no other choice. I’m a victim too.

It’s nothing but a child’s excuse, and she hasn’t realized that.

If she did, she would have listened to my story calmly.

Because my story was never about Kitami in the first place.

That’s why she can’t understand. Not even once did I try to make Emi the bad person.

“——I’m going home.”

“Emi!!”

As if she was saying she’s tired, Emi regained her composure. But it’s only on the surface; her emotions must be swirling inside.

As evidence of that, her hand, which I grabbed impulsively, was trembling.

“Let me go!!”

Her hand easily slipped out of my grasp. Maybe I couldn’t hold on tightly because it felt like I might break it, so delicate it was.

“In the end, you’re the same, Mizuki.”

“Eh, Emi?”

I wanted to block my ears. I knew what words would come next, and I didn’t want to accept them.

But it was already too late.

“I thought we were friends.”

Those words were too fatal for both of us.