âAh, I heard thereâs an egg sale today! Youâll buy one, right?â
ââŚ..Yeah, take two packs.â
After school, I was shopping with Sachi.
Of course, I didnât bring her with me. She just followed me on her own.
It is a bit far from our house, but it is a supermarket famous for its cheap prices.
Not only fresh food, but also cheap snacks and other items that can be used as a party set are inexpensive, so I saw a few students in school uniform here and there.
However, it is far from the school, so I did not see any uniforms of students from my school.
ââŚIâm sorry. I was being selfish.â
ââŚIf you know what youâre doing, go home.â
âI donât like that.â
How many times have we had this exchange in the past three days?
It seems that Sachi has her own non-negotiables and has no intention of leaving yet.
Well, she is not causing me much trouble in terms of living.
Seeing that she has been paying for her living expenses (mainly food) from her savings, probably from her New Yearâs gift and other savings, it seemed that she is quite determined to do so.
(I wonder what she wants from me, after all.)
I honestly donât have much anger towards Sachi anymore.
At least, I wonât hold Sachi responsible for that one incident.
To that extent, my coiled feeling toward Sachi had been resolved.
But that didnât stop me from wondering if I should tell her the truth about the incident. Or rather, is it correct to say âListenâ?
I would probably feel even more responsible than I do now, and that is not what I want from Sachi.
I am sure Sachi would like to hear it. Thatâs why she is using such forceful tactics.
â-But the timing is not right.
Undoubtly, she is just like her.
âAll right, Iâm almost done buying. Letâs go home.â
âYes!â
With Sachiâs cheerful reply, the shopping is over.
With no intention of making a detour, we headed straight for the exit.
ââAhâŚââ
Thatâs where our eyes meet. Ah, itâs not my lucky day.
âKitami⌠Who is that girl?â
I didnât want to see her anymore. But it seems I am doomed to not escape so easily.
âItakura and⌠youâ-â
I ran into Itakura and the guy called Kenji.
(I mean those two know each other.)
In other words, it was Itakura who told Shinohara the incident.
âLetâs go home, Sachi.â
âAh! Y-yeahâŚâ
I took Sachiâs hand and try to walk past them.
Then Kenji stopped me.
âOi, get your hands off her. Youâre cheating on that kid, too, no matter how look at it.â
Oh, yeah. These guys donât know about Sachi.
But it would be troublesome if they knew she was my sister and started messing around with her.
âNow, what should I do?
However, Itakura did not wait for me in such distress.
ââHey, donât you want to know about his past? Do you want me to tell you what heâs done?â
The trigger by malice was now pulled again.
How much does Sachi know?
Regardless of what she believes, all Sachi has known so far is that her brother bullied someone at school.
What about now? I didnât ask her, but it is possible that she and Fukumura have exchanged contact information and she may have heard a lot of things from Fukumura.
It might not be surprising that Fukumura would have told her, if she was my sister.
Anyway, Sachi would surely be interested in this story.
And from the way Itakura was talking, one could probably guess what she was talking about.
ââ-Stop it!â
I found myself interrupting Itakura as he spoke.
Aah, right. Iâm scared.
Iâm afraid that Sachiâs attitude will be changed by a third partyâs words.
â No. You hid it like that and cheated on Maika too, right?â
Itakura smiled wickedly, fishing the edges of his mouth.
As I thougth, Itakura was the one who leaked the informationâŚ..
âYes! Thatâs how you tricked Maika! You didnât even tell the girl anything real anyway!â
Kenji starts to ramble on. Ah. Thatâs right.
On the contrary, Sonoda is the only one who knows the truth.
Probably the one who hurt Fukumura, tooâŚ
âHey, donât you want to know? What kind of a man he is?â
Itakura asks Sachi.
Sachiâs answer is surely be âYES.â
Because she wonât hear it from me.
Sachi must have come to me in order to find out. She will probably accept his offer.
Finally, Sachi will make a choice.
That choice is what I fear the most.
Either she will push me away or she will stay near me.
But the ball was thrown.
In the worst way imaginable.
And SachiâŚ
âIâm not interested.â
As a matter of course, she said so.
âNot interested?â
âYes. Iâm not interested.â
Itakuraâs eyes widened as if she had heard something unbelievable.
ButâŚ
âFunn. A story about a guy who used to bully someone?â
â! ItakuraâŚâ
Not caring about her answer that she was not interested, she started talking about it.
It was as if she had intended to do so from the beginning.
âIâm not interested.â
Still, Sachi did not change her opinion.
âWha, why are you not interested? Cause that guy is an a**holeâŚâ
Perhaps this was unexpected, but Itakura seemed unable to spin the words beyond that.
âShall we go now? Shuya.â
âO-ouâ
Sachi entangled her own arm in mine. I was pulled away by Sachi.
Itakura and Kenji did not say anything to me about the scene.
âHey, I mean, why did you lie to her?â
I left the supermarket and went home.
And by the time I got into my futon now, we had barely spoken.
It was because there was an awkwardness that I couldnât explain.
But it still bothered me.
I wanted to know why she had lied and turned down the offer.
I donât talk about myself, but Iâm curious about other peopleâs situations.
âI didnât lie about anything.â
Sachi accepted my selfishness without a word.
âThe only reason I called you Shuya and pretended I wasnât your sister was because I knew you would want me to do so. If Onii-chan didnât answer that I am your sister, then so be it?â
âThatâs⌠right. That helps.â
I thank Sachi for caring.
However, thatâs not what Iâm asking.
âYou said you werenât interested. Do you really mean that?â
I bet she is, right? With that implication, I ask.
âYes. Itâs more of a bluff than a lie.
âYou were bluffing?â
You know, said Sachi as she continues.
âOf course, Iâm? Iâm willing to hear it from Onii-chanâs mouth, no? But you know what? For me, itâs means a lot to me.â
âMeans a lot?â
âYes, means a lot. To get closer to Onii-chan.â
How is that different?
âNot at all. Because the truth has nothing to do with why I want to be here.â
Sachi says she doesnât want the truth. But I donât know what that means.
Sachi continued.
âIâm not here because I know Onii-chan isnât bullying anyone.â
â..Meaning?â
âYes, even if Onii-chan had been bullying on someone, chances are youâd still be here.â
The truth of Sachiâs words began to emerge.
âOf course, I would have treated you differently. Iâm convinced now that Onii-chan didnât bully her, but if you have, I might have given you the cold shoulder.â
âBut not to face it, because this is not the same thing. I want to, you know, face it. I just donât want to repeat the same mistake I madeâ
âI want to be friends with Onii-chan like we used to be, you know? But if thatâs not possible if you isolate yourself but then Iâll have to live with that.â
âIn the end, I am aware of your complacency. Itâs a selfish wish to correct my mistakes and to start over.â
âIf Onii-chan did something wrong, I want you to pay for it. Otherwise, I donât want to leave you alone. Thatâs all. Either way, I still want to be around you.â
âOn top of that, I know Onii-chan didnât do it. Thatâs good enough for me. Beyond that, I wonât ask unless Onii-chan to tells me, and thatâs fine.â
Under the covers, hands are clasped. I wonder which one of us was the first to do that.
âCan I ask you something?â
âWhat?â
I just want to ask this one thing.
âWhy would you believe that Iâm not the bully?â
I demanded a reason. I couldnât help but ask.
âThatâs obvious.â
Becauseâ-
âOnii-chan hasnât changed for a long time.â
For that reason, though, she is ashamed of herself for having pushed her brother away.
Sachi laughed at herself as if she were mocking herself.
At that time, I thought she was talking about the image of the kind older brother she used to have when I was close to Sachi.
But it would take me a little while before I would truly know the true meaning of her words.
But on this night, my hand was never shaken off.
[Sachi PoV]
I put a little strength into the hand that held it.
As if telling myself not to let go again.
I could feel my face heating up. No matter how much I was dealing with my brother, I was so embarrassed.
(Was I being a little high and mighty?)
Thinking back to what I said earlier, everything I said was not considered for my brotherâs convenience.
From one to a hundred, it was for my own sake.
ďźI knew it, he hasnât changed)
I think again. Onii-chan is a kind man.
He could have called me his sister back then.
But I guess he thought he would get me into trouble if he did.
He prevented me from being labeled a âbad sister.â
Such kindness from Onii-chan made me happy, but it also made me feel somewhat lonely.
In other words, I cannot bear his pain and frustration.
I want to help. That is what I sincerely want to do.
Of course, I also feel guilty and obligated.
It was us who made Onii-chan like that.
But more than that, I love him and he is my beloved brother.
I am sure that even if I say so, Onii-chan will say that the reason is not good enough.
But Iâm sure Onii-chan doesnât realize it.
I canât believe there is no reason, why Onii-chan is like this.
The reason why he hid the fact that I am his sister and tried to protect me.
I am sure there is probably a reason.
Just because he is kind. Thatâs all it is to him.
I am sure Onii-chan doesnât realize how great he is.
This is completely speculative, but I am sure that not telling the truth is not for his own sake.
I think heâs afraid that by telling the truth, someone else might get hurt.
I donât care what happened or what the truth is.
I would really like to know. But I donât need to know it.
I just want to know why he is hiding the truth. Thatâs what I want to know.
I think that reason must be what is tormenting him right now.
ďźBut right nowâŚ)
This is the closest I can get.
I decided to bask in the warmth I hadnât felt in a while.