They waited expectantly for about thirty minutes. However, not even half a figure was seen.
The colleague yawned. Bored, he began counting butterflies.
“Ah, the greenery here is pretty nice. The butterflies are really beautiful.”
Laurent was a little discouraged. “But the General said that he was going on a date, how come no woman has come around?”
“Wow, is this a swallowtail butterfly? Gosh, my sister likes this type best! I’ll have to catch one.”
“Don’t tell me the General is dating online?”
“This one! This one is quite pretty. I saw this kind as a specimen when I was in primary school. Man, this is my childhood!”
Laurent, “…”
“I thought your childhood revolved around your sister, I didn’t expect that there’d actually be anything else.”
Laurent couldn’t help but roast him.
His colleague retorted righteously, “When I was little, my sister was a tiny kid – of course I had a childhood.”
“Wait a minute, we’re not here to focus on your childhood, we’re here to…shhh!”
Laurent gave a sharp glance, fingertips pointed at the door that’d opened slightly.
The colleague slapped Laurent’s hand down, “Are you afraid you won’t be discovered fast enough?”
Aggrieved, Laurent rubbed at his hand, but still watched that slightly ajar door excitedly, awaiting the General’s following movements.
Then, he…saw a cat walk out from the door, its tail lazily curled.
After exiting, it didn’t forget to climb up and, with a paw, lock the door to its house.
“…a cat?” Laurent’s face was filled with confusion and disappointment.
“Right, a cat.” His colleague yawned again. As expected, coming out here with Laurent to do this kind of thing was the most important event of his life. “Sure enough, I just knew that we wouldn’t be able to get any answers. Obviously, the reason the General gave was something he made up to get you off his back.”
Again, Laurent felt wronged, “I’m so wholehearted and conscientious, why does the General have to treat me like this?”
The colleague couldn’t help but sigh.
“Wait a minute. Look at this cat, wasn’t it the one that…you saw Shen Zhifan holding last time?”
The colleague then took another look, “It is ah, didn’t the General say that it was his?”
“But don’t you think it’s really strange? The General doesn’t have any housekeepers and is always so busy, when would he have time to raise a cat?”
“So what you’re saying is,” The colleague frowned, “This is a dead cat?”
There actually came a day where Laurent could ridicule someone else, “Are you blind? How can it be dead? Look how happily it’s bouncing around.”
Truth be told, the cat actually took graceful, steady steps, the lines of its figure smooth and beautiful. It gave off the air of languid nobility specific to felines, completely unrelated to the word ‘bouncy’.
“I’m just following your logic,” The colleague was a little wronged, and began twisting his words, “You can’t say for sure, maybe it’s a mechanical cat. No need to feed it, the type that will be fine with a battery charge.”
Laurent paused, his face an epiphany, “So it was like this.”
Colleague, “…” So it was like this , my ass!
The colleague wanted to leave and find a beautiful lady, not stay here and be a pervert together with someone as thick as a wooden club.
It sounded extremely miserable.
“No no no, don’t you think it’s strange?”
Laurent was bound and determined that today, he absolutely had to see that demoness!
“Look, the General went in, but a cat came out.”
Colleague, “…” Even he, with such a good temper, wanted to scold him as a fucking moron.
I’m going home to spoil my sister, see you later.
No, see you never.
“Hey hey hey, just wait, just wait! What if there’s something amazing?”
Laurent gave a final struggle.
His colleague snorted disdainfully, then turned and saw something amazing.
A white kitty stood right on the wall they were squatted by, its eyes narrowed at them. Its pupils had the imposing manner of a lord overlooking all the lands under the sky.
Colleague, “…” He didn’t know why, but he was actually a little scared.
It indeed was an exceedingly pretty cat. Its eyes were like a sea of blue starlight, embedded full of diamonds; nothing more beautiful could be imagined. It was matched with perfect white fur, which seemed like a soft cloud.
Unfortunately, the cat looked to be in a rather bad mood. Lazily half-crouched over its bushy tail, it examined them indifferently.
…Holy fuck, where did a cat get such a powerful aura from?
The colleague felt a bout of terror; only Laurent was without any fear.
“Oh, the cat saw me,” Grinning, he lifted a hand to pet it, “It’s really pretty – definitely very expensive.”
The cat gave him a cold glance, then suddenly stood.
Laurent was startled, and mumbled quietly, “Hah, it’s pretty unruly.”
His colleague looked into the cat’s eyes, and felt faintly uneasy.
“Alright, we should go.”
Ordinarily, Laurent’s talent in his ability to court death was outstanding – perhaps it had been since the day he was born. Therefore, he refused to leave, looking and laughing at the cat.
“General’s kitty, come here, tell me,” Laurent stepped forward, “Who’s the beauty that bewitched our General?”
Cat, “…”
“Ah, so mean. Don’t tell me you’re really a mechanical cat?”
Laurent kept mumbling, wanting very much to go up and pet the cat. Unfortunately, the killing intent in the cat’s eyes made him a little cowardly.
“Laurent, let’s go. We can’t afford to offend the General, nor his cat.”
The colleague spoke earnestly, his intuition telling him that this wasn’t a cat they could piss off.
“I won’t.”
Laurent kept up his attitude, his grin rather impudent, “Don’t tell me that the General will know if I bully this cat? Hahaha! Then, if I swear and call the General a dumbass here, perhaps he’ll also know ah? Ahahahahaha…”
Colleague, “…” I’m begging you, it’s better if you’re not so arrogant, okay!
Laurent slapped his colleague’s shoulder, “Look at you, it’s not like you’re usually very respectful to the General anyway. Come on ah, let’s pay back our grudges!”
His colleague slapped away his death-seeking paws. Taking a step back, he gazed deeply into the cat’s eyes, “The sun and moon can both bear witness to my respect for the General.”
Laurent scoffed at him, turning, putting his hands on his hips, and shouting at the cat.
“Our General is a dumbass!”
The cat coldly lifted a paw, and it’s pretty, fluffy little face…suddenly sneered.
Although a cat’s scoff was very different from that of a human, the colleague felt that he definitely didn’t misread it.
The corners of its mouth drew back, little whiskers twitching, and its ears were pricked.
Laurent, “…”
Suddenly, he felt a bout of lingering fear.
Did I, maybe, do something wrong?
“Cough, cough,” He kept his calm, “It’s fine, it’s fine – a little cat like this, what could it possibly do to me ah? Hahaha, ha, ha…wuwu I’m scared, don’t you think the General will suddenly appear? He’s so scary.”
As he spoke, he held onto the colleague.
Said colleague had also originally thought that nothing was that miraculous, and so let him indulge in death-seeking. Now, after having seen that cat, he felt that his decision really hadn’t been the right one.
“ Look up and Yan Shuo is three feet away ,” The colleague paused, “This is what a senior told me many years ago. By all means, one must never underestimate the esteemed General.”
“No way…” Laurent’s throat went dry.
“Wait a second, what’s it doing?”
Unfinished, that gorgeous white cat continued to stroke its paw messily on the ground. However, after looking for a while, they found that those weren’t random lines.
It was actually. Writing. Characters.
“You’re. done. for.”
The colleague silently read the words. Extremely sympathetically, he glanced at Laurent, who was both stunned stupid and quite terrified.
“No, no way,” Laurent tried to convince himself, closing his eyes, “Laurent, calm down. Laurent, in this world, cats that can write don’t exist.”
Cracking open his eyes, he saw that the cat was still there, and the words were still there. This world was still a cruel world.
Laurent wanted to cry.
“Do you think it isn’t late for me to kill the cat to silence it? I don’t want to go back to logistics!” <sup>1</sup> 杀猫灭口 – “kill the cat to silence it” comes from the saying 杀人灭口 (kill the person to silence the mouth). They just changed the ‘person’ to ‘cat’ lololol.
The colleague looked at the cat that was calm and unruffled, then looked at the wooden club beside him.
“The possibility of you being silenced seems to have just increased.”
Laurent sank into terror.
“Ah…oh, how come you guys are here?”
The colleague blanched, then looked around. A handsome youth walked out from the door. Seeing the two officers crawling around the courtyard of his home, he looked somewhat at a loss.
“I, we…” The colleague was a little embarrassed.
What was more terrible than acting like a pervert, was being found out by someone who lived there.
“We’re taking a walk…”
Laurent said, also quite embarrassed. Though, as soon as he wanted to explain, his attention was snatched by the cat.
The beautiful white cat, faster than lightning but completely soundless, wiped the writing out until it was squeaky clean. Then, it let out a relieved meow and hopped down from the wall. Laurent thought that it’d come over to carry out its vendetta against him, but in the end he wasn’t even spared a glance, and was simply ignored.
Laurent turned to his colleague, “…Do I lack a presence that much?”
The colleague couldn’t bother with him as he was completely dumbstruck…watching the cat crouch lovably in front of the youth. Although it still lifted its head in that proud way, it let out such a soft meow.
Shen Zhifan blanked, but quickly gathered the kitty in his arms, “What is it, baby?”
The kitty gave a few gentle meows, its blue eyes watery and bright. Then, as if extremely wronged, it buried its head into the youth’s chest.
Colleague, “…”
Laurent, “…”
——Absolutely stupefied.
——Papapapapapapapapa. <sup>2</sup> Don’t lie, I could see y’all working those dirty minds already. “Papapa” is, of course, papapa, but is also an onomatopoeia for clapping – I’m pretty sure the author was being a little cheeky here though lol. Why else would you papapa so much?
Unanimously, the both of them applauded in their hearts.
These acting skills had really been polished to the point of perfection. In conjunction with such a devastatingly gorgeous little face, it simply would be a shame if this cat didn’t win the Film Emperor Award of the feline world.
Absolutely smitten, Shen Zhifan patted the kitty’s head. Somewhat puzzled, he looked at the two suspiciously-mannered officers, then sighed.
“These two gentlemen are both adults, no need to squabble with a little cat ah.”
“Meow~”
The cat didn’t forget to give a soft sound of agreement, then continued to lounge limply on the youth, arching its paws.
The colleague turned and whispered into Laurent’s ear.
“Since this cat’s so good at acting, you’re definitely, absolutely done for.”
Death’s notes:
The colleague regards Laurent as a wooden club – the kind that one uses to beat the washing.
1
杀猫灭口 – “kill the cat to silence it” comes from the saying 杀人灭口 (kill the person to silence the mouth). They just changed the ‘person’ to ‘cat’ lololol. 2
Don’t lie, I could see y’all working those dirty minds already. “Papapa” is, of course, papapa, but is also an onomatopoeia for clapping – I’m pretty sure the author was being a little cheeky here though lol. Why else would you papapa so much?