This pain. Even if you stay still, breathing itself is a pain.
Every day is hell enough to pass out after struggling with pain, it’s not about sleeping. I had a body that I couldn’t get out of bed, like a doll.
I could hear the sad voice of Estan, who was looking at me for a moment.
“….princess”
“I know what I understand “
“Ah..”
I want to rest. The next time I see Estan, I hope you will bring what I want.”
“I can’t do that. I will definitely make you better. First of all, I’m going to leave the medicine over here. Please eat this. It will ease the pain for a moment.”
I closed my eyes quietly.
I know he won’t do this anyway.
Just by saying I hoped he doesn’t heal me..but no matter what he’s gonna cute me
All that remains for me is death. I knew it when I felt myself sick. Because it was full in my head. The realization that this body cannot live.
I didn’t tell him more.
He was at a loss what to do with my firm words, but he took a deep breath and left.
After he went out, I covered himself with a blanket all the way to his neck.
I might due soon, just thinking of that was hard but, hearing you can’t live directly from someone else made the energy leave me. 1
Perhaps because of that, lying alone in the room, I was not comfortable even though the silence I wanted came. The pain was worse today.
I don’t know if it’s because I have it a lot of thought, but I had a hard time breathing.
“I wanna die…”
I was desperate for it. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. It’s hard to breathe if you cry.
A sticky liquid, close to solid, passed over the throat, and soon afterwards, the mind became hazy.
I thought it was not a pain relief, but a medicine that made me sleep.
My mind, which had been floating in a daze, subsided a little later, and I could sleep comfortably after a long time.
However, comfortable sleep did not last long.
The sharp voice that came into my ears opened my eyes by itself. Not like I wanted to be sensitive, but I gradually returned to my senses. 1
When I heard the murmur clearly, my face hardened again.
“Why haven’t you moved the Imperial Palace yet?”
“Ah. That’s your Majesty….”
An irritated voice came from outside the door.
“No need to talk. Well do it even if I take you “
The door was already opened when I thought he was coming in without permission.
I slept after a long time, but the emperor who met my eyes, which were dreamless because of sleeping with a medicine that was supposed to be sleeping pills, laughed as if he was embarrassed.
“Why are you still here? I offered you the Imperial Palace.”
Are you talking about it?
Take my body. Just because you decide to move doesn’t mean you can move.
“Unlike what you think, I’m not feeling well and I can’t move. So take away the palace. I don’t need it. Coughhh… Cough.”
The cough that popped out of what I said as soon as I woke up lasted for a long time. The handkerchief in my hand turned red.
As my cough died down, the emperor asked me you can’t tell weather it was a question or not in a calmer voice than before.
“…I heared from estan. That you’re gonna die “
“Did he tell you anything else?”
That I want to die.
That d9nt touch me with these feelings. I told him to tell him that. But it seemed he didn’t deliver anything.
“There was nothing else “
“……my illness. He says it’s an incurable disease.”
I sat down to talk properly.
Jane, who had been keeping a little distance from him, hurried to me.
As if she hadn’t heard that I was going to die, she helped me quickly and delicately without changing her expression. Thanks to you, it took me a long time, but I could sit on the bed without difficulty.
“There is no disease that cannot be cured.”
Because of the angry emperor the maids stepped back little by little. Out of breath, I looked at him and have him a weak nod.
“There is…”
“That is because you’re in this environment. Even if it’s hard move out tomorrow.”
“Why..”
“What do you mean why ?!”
“Why do you care about me. I’m gonna die soon anyway “
“Who’s gonna let you die “
“…..”
“You think you’re just gonna die believing in that quack like physician? You can’t die till I allow it. ‘Cause I won’t let you die. I don’t know what it was like before, but I need you now.” 4
Bad luck.
By necessity.
I should’ve known it since you called me ‘that’s. You really are a bad luck emperor.
But his words that he would not let me die made my heart ache.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to live. No, because there’s no way to live.
Because no one told you’re gonna live. Because I was telling myself I’m gonna die.
I looked at him with distrust.
“There is no way…..to live “
“Watch and you’ll see Titania, since I acknowledged you as my daughter, I, will save you “
When you didn’t care.
You didn T know about my existence till somebody told you.
A man who pretends to know, Coming late just because you’re in need, is the worst . 2
I don’t know what use I have, but at least not this body.
No attention, no kindness, no consideration.
Even if magically this body gets any better, it won’t get involved with him.
My voice for him cooled off.
”I have a misunderstanding.”
”Oh, what do you mean?”
“I don’t want to live. So you don’t have to save me. When you first saw me, you said that none of your children were like me, but now you wanna save me. It’s a hell of a contradiction.” 2
Not even funny.
The emperor, who looked a little excited, narrowed his forehead as if he didn’t understand.
“Why? You don’t want to live? Isn’t that a lie?”
“No, I mean it. Unlike you, I don’t tell lies.”
”…… ·No one wants to die.”
”Here it is.”
“Why. Is there a reason? Is it a rebellion against me since I left you alone all these years?”
“No, I’ve always thought there was no father.There’s no reason to rebel. The day you left me here, I became a child whose parents left me. No parents”
It hurts 2
If I’m sick enough to die and want to let go of my life now, the Emperor may cram medicine into my mouth.
Suddenly it occurred to me that it might be.It made me think that more because of the reddish eyes that glowed with madness as soon as I said I didn’t want to live.
So there was nothing I could do but beg for it.
“And asked. Is there a reason? Is there a reason why I don’t want to live? So, please leave it alone. Is it hard to leave this life alone when it doesn’t take long to die?”
It’s hard to breathe, perhaps because I’m a little excited. I had to talk slowly, but I think I said too much without ease.
I felt as if I was running.
In the meantime,the emperor shook his head as no.
Like you don’t believe a single word of mine.
“Your eyes ask for help, why do you want to die? I don’t understand. That’s a lie.”
“No. I want to die. So, uh… eemm”
“What’s the matter “
“Wai- wait …”
At that moment my throat was clogged.
I can’t breathe, of course, to speak.
It’s because I’m so excited. a needless excitement against a needless man. (Not a happy excitement, of course 🙂 )
My heart is beating faster than usual, and I feel suffocated. To the point where I wish dying.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“……”
I should tell him not to make a fuss, but voice as well as breathing is difficult.
“Is there anyone else out there? Palace, bring court physician now!”
The face of the emperor, who had been looking at me until a moment ago, hardened. His voice rang in the room.
I couldn’t breathe so much that my mind would be filled, but his voice made me more insane.
I raised my hand at the prospect of making work at any moment.
Don’t do it. Nothing. I meant to ask you to stay still.
Because it’s harder when there is a fuss in front of you when you’re sick.
This time limited body’s abnormality happens time time without notice.
Each time, I learned only one thing.
I closed my eyes quietly and took a deep breath.
In the meantime, I could hear the door open and the voice of the emperor shouting.
“Call anyone right now!”
I raised my hand to tell him not to do anything, but the emperor in misuderstanding went outside and called.
Why is he making such a fuss?
You said it was necessary. But I felt as if someone heard his voice.
I felt the anger .
Not long after, there was a deep breath with a small wind, as if someone had come by.
“Hoo-oo”
Opened my eyes.
In front of me was the emperor, who was turning white as if something had happened.
It was rather a puzzled expression than a face as if he was worried about me.