CH 37

Chapter 37: Clarity of Heart

March 1st, 2023

How could Wu Yimei be willing to give Fang Li to Xie Huai? Just as he was about to snatch him back—

He saw Xie Huai’s black eyes, dark and heavy as an abyss as he said word by word, “Saving him is what’s most important. Are you really going to fight with me right now?”

Wu Yimei looked at Fang Li’s weak, pale white face, then met Xie Huai’s cold, fierce eyes that held not a trace of compromise or retreat, and suddenly realized that this person wasn’t going to let go.

And right now, His Excellency was most important.

It wasn’t the time to lose his temper with Xie Huai.

Wu Yimei grit his teeth and hatefully lowered his hands.

Wu Yimei left his subordinates behind to clean up the battlefield, and the three of them quickly returned to the demonic palace.

Xie Huai held Fang Li tightly, returning to the residential palace with quick steps, and placed him down gently on the bed.

The man’s pale white face was tinged with a shallow red flush, his expression peaceful and still, looking as if he were only asleep. But Xie Huai knew that Du Meng’s poison couldn’t be simple. He carefully untied Fang Li’s black robes and exposed the wound at the side of his waist. The fresh blood on his wound appeared ashy purple, and the edges of the wound looked as though burnt……

Xie Huai’s brow furrowed tightly.

Just then, he heard Wu Yimei say in a cold voice, “It’s Dreameater poison.”

Wu Yimei could tell from a glance at Fang Li’s wound that although this Dreameater wouldn’t immediately take his life, it would cause the victim of the poison to sink into a deep sleep. If the antidote wasn’t taken, the victim would die in his sleep. The tricky part of this poison was that the catalyst for the antidote was exotic and bizarre. If the right catalyst couldn’t be found, the antidote was impossible to make.

Du Meng knew that Wu Yimei was an expert at poisons, so he’d intentionally chosen Dreameater. Even if Wu Yimei knew how to make the antidote, he had no way to find the correct catalyst in a short amount of time. This poison would then be incurable.

Xie Huai thought about it for a brief moment and also understood, his expression sinking.

He gripped Fang Li’s hand tightly, a trace of pain flickering in his eyes. I said early on that leaving Du Meng alive was inviting trouble, but you insisted on listening to no one but yourself……

After a long time, Xie Huai said slowly, “Do you have any solutions?”

Wu Yimei looked at him with hatred. If not for Xie Huai, how would His Excellency have been poisoned? He’d just known that sooner or later, His Excellency would suffer death because of Xie Huai.

But right now, resenting Xie Huai was of no use, either. Wu Yimei said coldly, “I can use a ten thousand-year frostgrass as a catalyst to create an antidote and temporarily suppress the poison, but this method only cures the symptoms, not the cause. If the right catalyst can’t be found, it can only be delayed, nothing more.”

Xie Huai said without any hesitation, “Use this method first to suppress the poison.”

Wu Yimei was also thinking the same. Regardless of anything else, they should first suppress the poison and allow His Excellency to wake up, but there was no need for Xie Huai to give the order. He gave a cold snort and said, “There’s no need for you to speak on His Excellency’s affairs. Since we’ve returned to the demonic palace, please go back, Yuyi-jun.”

He still wasn’t at ease that Xie Huai was here, and moreover…… He didn’t want Xie Huai to stay by His Excellency’s side.

Xie Huai seemed to have restored his calm. He raised his eyes, his voice slow but resolute as he said, “Seeing as he was injured in order to protect me, I won’t leave before he wakes up.”

Wu Yimei’s eyes became frigid, his fingertips twitching.

Xie Huai said impassively, “Do you want His Excellency to know that you raised a hand against me as soon as he wakes up?”

Wu Yimei: “……”

Wu Yimei was infuriated to the point that his chest heaved. After a long time, he took a deep breath and looked at Xie Huai maliciously, saying in a frigid voice, “If you dare to harm a hair on His Excellency’s head, I definitely won’t let you leave Hollow Ridge alive!”

Saying that, he left with a fling of his sleeves. Creating the antidote was the most pressing matter.

Xie Huai saw the door close, and only he and Fang Li were left in the room, but he didn’t feel any delight from having won against Wu Yimei. He only closed his eyes wearily.

The man’s hand was icy cold without a trace of warmth. If not for his faint breathing, one would think that he was already dead…… And this kind of awareness made Xie Huai’s chest incomparably heavy, as if weighed down by a mountain. He tightened his grip, wanting to warm Fang Li’s fingertips, but to little avail.

Xie Huai’s eyes were dim.

I hope that in the future, no matter what you encounter, you’ll protect yourself properly. I don’t need your protection……

Understand?

Xie Huai sat completely motionless by the bed, like a stone statue.

Up until the middle of the night.

Wu Yimei brought the antidote back and fed it to Fang Li.

Xie Huai said in a hoarse voice, “How long until he can wake up?”

Wu Yimei said, “He should be able to wake up in one or two days.”

As he spoke, he gave Xie Huai a fierce look. Although in his heart he wasn’t willing to admit it, Xie Huai was indeed a righteous person of honor and wouldn’t take advantage of His Excellency’s moment of crisis to harm him……

If Wu Yimei drove Xie Huai away, when His Excellency woke up, he would probably be angry at him again.

Forget it, he would just let Xie Huai stay here.

Wu Yimei also wanted very much to stand guard at Fang Li’s side, but right now, he had no way to do as he pleased. Wu Yimei had already suppressed the news that His Excellency had fallen victim to Du Meng’s scheme, because once it was revealed, it was bound to lead to turmoil in Hollow Ridge. When the time came, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to protect His Excellency, and the only thing he could do right now was to help His Excellency conceal the news and stabilize the situation until His Excellency woke up and could make further plans.

In order not to be suspected, he couldn’t not show his face. He needed to act as usual, and there were hundreds and thousands of matters for him to handle outside. Wu Yimei couldn’t stay.

Xie Huai could see his conflict and hesitation and slowly said, “You can go. I’ll watch over things here. Nothing will happen.”

Wu Yimei took in a deep breath, his dark red eyes fixed on Xie Huai. After a long time, he turned and left.

Xie Huai went back to watching over Fang Li.

Due to the poison, the man’s pale, exquisite sleeping face was suffused with a faint flush of red. Right now, he didn’t have that insolent recklessness, making him appear peaceful and lovely, and those pale lips were like petals on the verge of drying and wilting. Xie Huai didn’t know why, but he very much wanted to touch him…… But when he lifted his hand in midair, he stopped.

After a long time, his fingers curled slightly.

And fell to his side.

After a day and a night.

Xie Huai didn’t close his eyes and didn’t sleep, to the point that his line of sight never left that person’s face even once.

I definitely won’t let anything happen to you.

Du Meng will be sure to pay the price for his actions.

Time passed minute by minute……

Perhaps it was because the antidote had taken effect, but the person on the bed faintly furrowed his brow, his expression pained, like he was trapped in a dream and wanted to wake up, but couldn’t……

A trace of anxiety appeared in Xie Huai’s eyes. He clasped Fang Li’s hand tightly, watching him without blinking.

Fang Li seemed a little uneasy as he frowned, his lips faintly parting and closing, as if murmuring to himself. His hand subconsciously gripped Xie Huai’s in return, his fingertips unconsciously curling lightly against Xie Huai’s palm, like a feather brushing past his heart.

In a split second, even Xie Huai’s breathing slowed. He pressed his lips together, lowering his head toward Fang Li, wanting to hear what he was saying……

“I’m sorry, these days…… I’ve wronged you……”

“Very soon, it’ll be over……”

“I definitely, won’t let anything happen to you……”

The corners of Xie Huai’s eyes suddenly became hot.

So, even in your dreams, the one you’re worried about is still me.

So these are the true feelings that you’ve never spoken aloud.

I’ve finally heard them.

Why do you always have to act strong, why do you always have to conceal your true self, why are you unwilling to say them aloud……

If you don’t speak, how do you know I won’t believe you?

Xie Huai clenched his jaw tightly. As soon as he thought about how this person might die, his chest became so stifled that he almost couldn’t breathe. This was probably, the feeling of caring for someone……

Xie Huai softly lifted his right hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, finally rested it at the center of Fang Li’s brows, as if he wanted to smooth away his worries for him.

His expression was tender as he said in a low, hoarse voice, “I’m fine, I’m very well…… So, you must wake up.”

…………………………………

Early the next morning, Wu Yimei came by again.

Xie Huai asked in a raspy voice, “You said he would wake in one or two days. Today is already the second day.”

Wu Yimei also found it a bit unexpected and hesitated, uneasy. “Wait a little longer.”

Xie Huai said, “Alright.”

He paused, his eyes darkening slightly, and asked again, “Are there any traces of Du Meng?”

At the question, Wu Yimei’s expression took on an icy chill, and he said hatefully. “I don’t know where he’s hidden himself. He definitely won’t come back right now.”

Du Meng was a veteran schemer and cautious to the extreme. Right now, he wasn’t sure whether Fang Li had been poisoned and didn’t have a grasp on the current situation at Hollow Ridge, so he must be hiding somewhere where he couldn’t be found. There was no way he would throw himself into a trap, so the likelihood of finding Du Meng within a short span of time was beyond dismal……

Xie Huai’s heart sank.

Wu Yimei stayed there for a while, then left in a rush again.

Xie Huai stood guard alone by Fang Li’s side.

He had never felt time pass so slowly before, so slow that every minute and second was a kind of torture……

The sky slowly darkened.

The setting sun dipped into the west.

Yet another day passed by.

But Fang Li appeared to be trapped in the nightmare and showed no signs of waking.

It shouldn’t be like this……

Since Wu Yimei had spoken like that, he must have had some amount of certainty. According to reason, Fang Li should be awake by now. Then…… What exactly was the problem?

Xie Huai’s heart inexplicably felt uneasy.

The person on the bed remained deep asleep, occasionally furrowing his brow, occasionally mumbling in his sleep, his fingertips occasionally twitching, yet he remained unconscious……

Xie Huai contemplated for a moment, then put his fingers to Fang Li’s wrist and closed his eyes to listen to his pulse.

After a short while, Xie Huai creased his brow. Fang Li’s pulse was normal and showed no problem, nor did he have any hidden illnesses. Then why……

Xie Huai’s expression wavered.

After a long time, he finally seemed to come to a decision. He gathered his consciousness and sent his spiritual energy into Fang Li’s body, examining it closely.

The reason why Xie Huai hadn’t done so from the beginning was because such conduct was truly somewhat rude. Normally, one wouldn’t allow others to use their spiritual energy to examine one’s body unless they were intimate and held in absolute trust. This was equivalent to putting the entirety of oneself in another’s hands without any secrecy to be had.

If Fang Li were still awake, he wouldn’t allow him to do so.

I’m sorry……

Xie Huai’s lips were pressed tightly together.

He couldn’t go on like this anymore, not knowing anything, unable to do anything, tormented by worry and unease……

The warm spiritual energy trickled like a slow stream into his meridians, circulating through his whole body in numerous tiny threads.

After a quarter of an hour.

Xie Huai suddenly opened his eyes.

He fixed his eyes on the person on the bed, his face ghastly pale…… He knew now, he finally knew everything.

So this person, was about to die.

All of the things that he hadn’t understood before, all of the doubts and mysteries, had their answer at this moment.

He finally understood why Fang Li was clearly unwilling to kill, yet insisted on madly proclaiming in public that he was going to destroy Cinnabar gate. It was because it was completely his intention to incite the righteous sects. He didn’t want to live anymore, so he acted arrogant and reckless, turning the whole world against.

He finally understood why Fang Li knew full well that Du Meng was treacherous, yet still refused to eliminate him completely. He’d known long ago that Du Meng would betray him, but he didn’t want to live anymore, so he’d intentionally indulged Du Meng at every time, not bothering to take care of him.

All of the insane, unreasonable things that this person had done before were all just because he didn’t want to live anymore……

You know that your sins are unforgivable and have no way to forgive yourself. Now, your revenge has been settled, and you have nothing left to live for…… This is the death that you’ve chosen for yourself.

Even if you turn the whole world against you, so what?

Because even if you’re going to die, you still want to die grandly and thunderously.

You aren’t willing to explain yourself to me, and you disdain letting the world know.

Even until the very last moment.

You still want to make the world fear you.

This is your most solid, indestructible outer shell.

But why does it have to be this way?

Xie Huai let out a wretched, nearly indiscernible laugh. He stared blankly at that person, his expression mournful and powerless, with the despair of one at a dead end.

This body was a candle about to go out, his meridians heavily damaged, his life force nearly at an end.

Xie Huai couldn’t help but recall the dream in the illusion……

In order to save him, this person hadn’t hesitated to trade his life to the demon for power. Xie Huai had thought it was only a dream, and he had even rejoiced back then, thank goodness, reality wasn’t like this……

But he had been wrong.

The Great Sage’s holy treasure.

It gave you power unmatched in the world, letting you take over the demonic path and remain invincible, but it also stole away your life force and burned away your soul……

What holy treasure…… Such an evil thing shouldn’t exist in the world!

Xie Huai’s chest heaved up and down without rest. He took in a deep breath, his eyes red as he stared fixedly at the person on the bed……

But you knew full well that such an evil thing would cause your death, yet you still charged ahead without looking back, just to take revenge…… For the sake of revenge, you let yourself become like this……

Why are you so foolish?

There’s more than one way to take revenge. Why did you insist on choosing the method of taking them with you into the grave?

Why won’t you cherish yourself?

Is there really nothing else in the world that can make you want to stay?

Xie Huai gripped Fang Li’s hand so tightly that his veins protruded, as if he wished he could grasp this person tightly like this and interrogate him about why he insisted on doing this……

But even if he asked, what use was it?

Everything was already set in stone.

After a long time, Xie Huai closed his eyes in collapse, the corner of his lips pulling in self-ridicule.

When he had first arrived on Hollow Ridge.

He had once made his resolve to stop at nothing to eliminate this devil and restore peace to the world.

Now, without needing him to lift a finger, this person was about to die, but his heart didn’t have a trace of joy, only pain and unwillingness……

Hating that he couldn’t exchange his own life for his.

Were these emotions really only guilt?

They weren’t……

It turned out that at some point, when even he himself hadn’t known—he had already fallen in love with this person.

This love was like a tiny stream, or like a slow and gentle breeze, quiet and unconscious…… Yet he had been submerged in it since long ago, unable to extricate himself, yet because of their standpoints and the grievances between them, he’d ignored his feelings and denied his heart.

But…… Even if he said over and over that he had no way to return Fang Li’s feelings, even if he warned himself over and over that they didn’t walk the same path, that it was impossible……

Right now, he finally couldn’t deceive himself anymore.

He had spent his life eliminating demons to protect the Dao, once swearing to cut down all of the evil in the world with his sword, but in the end, he had fallen for an evil demon, unable to control his feelings.

Xie Huai slowly opened his eyes, his eyes decisive.

He pulled up Fang Li’s wrist, and on each of their palms, sliced open a small cut, then intertwined their fingers together, palm to palm.

He had an innate Dao physique, and normal poisons couldn’t hurt him at all. Even for an unusual poison like the Dreameater, he was about half sure that he could suppress it. Only by drawing the poison into his own body would Fang Li be able to wake up.

There must still be another path……

Don’t just give up like this……

So, wake up.

Okay?

……………………………………

The Author Has Something to Say:

Author: Uh, little Xie, do you know that there’s another way of drawing out the poison, that’s not allowed to be described? (Sincerely and earnestly

Xie “Righteous Person of Honor” Huai: ?

Author: …… That’s fine, you’ll understand in the future.